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Original poster

Swinging with married man

277 replies

namechangeforsexchat · 30/08/2022 21:45

Not a troll or reporter, I promise, name changed for this as it's very personal!

I am married and DH and I are considering swinging with an ex of mine. No issues with the fact that he's an ex - it was short lived - great sex but not relationship material.

I know he's into swinging and and engaged in multiple situations where he has met people for casual sex / swinging. Issue is, he's married with 2 kids and his wife doesn't know.

Would this put you off meeting him? Or would you think, he's doing this anyway, it's up to him?

Hard hat on....

OP posts:
EllieRosesMammy · 31/08/2022 11:34

Think about it this way OP, if it was the ex, his wife and your husband having sex behind your back, how would you feel?

If it's swinging then why can't you include the wife?

Christmasiscominghohoho · 31/08/2022 11:36

I’d do it.

He sounds like a perfect stepping stone to get into the swinging community and see if you enjoy it.
You know him, he’s a safe option.

It isn’t your job to keep him on the straight and narrow and if it isn’t you then it will be someone else anyway.

People on MN love to talk from their high horses on how disgusting you are but it’s not you cheating and I don’t do this whole ‘have all womens backs’ shit.

gonutkin · 31/08/2022 11:40

DarkShade · 31/08/2022 10:01

To clarify, people think you have no self respect because you are considering having sex with a woman's husband behind her back. People don't actually care what you and your husband do with single men.

👏🏼

JustLyra · 31/08/2022 11:42

Christmasiscominghohoho · 31/08/2022 11:36

I’d do it.

He sounds like a perfect stepping stone to get into the swinging community and see if you enjoy it.
You know him, he’s a safe option.

It isn’t your job to keep him on the straight and narrow and if it isn’t you then it will be someone else anyway.

People on MN love to talk from their high horses on how disgusting you are but it’s not you cheating and I don’t do this whole ‘have all womens backs’ shit.

He’s absolutely not a safe option.

he’s her ex. Exes are the single worst option to play with on the swinging scene in the vast majority of situations.

Especially for someone’s first experience.

TokidokiBarbie · 31/08/2022 11:42

I couldn't. No way Jose.

Aside from feeling scummy and horrible towards his wife, it's also just asking for drama to arrive at your doorstep.

Dogtooth · 31/08/2022 11:44

Tell his wife. If she's cool with it, it's still a bad idea to sleep with an ex. So don't do it. Just tell his wife he's shagging around.

BoviTraci · 31/08/2022 11:50

You still have unresolved feelings for this ex? Is it to get one up on his wife ?

Scurryfunge12 · 31/08/2022 11:50

Different strokes for different folks and all that, but I don’t get it to be honest. It’s Weird. There is no need to have to carry out every single fantasy that enters your head for the sake of it.

xogossipgirlxo · 31/08/2022 11:52

Nope. Deliberately hurting this woman and their children. Just no. Life isn't about sexual fantasies only.

PeasOff · 31/08/2022 11:54

People are calling you disgusting and saying you have no self-respect as you're willing to potentially hurt this man's children and wife just for you and your husband's sexual gratification.

Does getting your leg over really mean that you're willing to be a part of what this man is doing to his family?

milkyaqua · 31/08/2022 12:01

If he's a stepping stone, what does that make his wife and kids? Mud?

Original poster
namechangeforsexchat · 31/08/2022 12:16

@BoviTraci and others posting similar - I really, really don't have any unresolved feelings for the ex. It was a fling with great sex but was never going to go anywhere further (because I knew I couldn't trust him!).

I don't have any ill feeling towards his wife, but I also don't feel any responsibility towards her either.

OP posts:
fancytulip · 31/08/2022 12:32

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fancytulip · 31/08/2022 12:36

Saddest thing is this is entirely about male pleasure and cuckolding fantasy, both your hubbie and your ex, and they've gaslighted you into thinking it's a good idea to save your marriage from your wandering eye husband, so they both get off on watching you with another man, both wandering eye husbands, that have both already had you. You are an empty vessel to them and the conduit for marriage wrecking. Believe me, that is the male psyche and what they are thinking in a nutshell.

Christmasiscominghohoho · 31/08/2022 12:43

JustLyra · 31/08/2022 11:42

He’s absolutely not a safe option.

he’s her ex. Exes are the single worst option to play with on the swinging scene in the vast majority of situations.

Especially for someone’s first experience.

Show quote history

He was a short lived fling. She doesn’t have feelings for him. Her husband is aware. He is a safe option.

Christmasiscominghohoho · 31/08/2022 12:43

fancytulip · 31/08/2022 12:36

Saddest thing is this is entirely about male pleasure and cuckolding fantasy, both your hubbie and your ex, and they've gaslighted you into thinking it's a good idea to save your marriage from your wandering eye husband, so they both get off on watching you with another man, both wandering eye husbands, that have both already had you. You are an empty vessel to them and the conduit for marriage wrecking. Believe me, that is the male psyche and what they are thinking in a nutshell.

😂😂 Jesus Christ.

Scarlettpixie · 31/08/2022 12:53

Was he with his wife when you had your fling? Do you know he has had other encounters since meeting her? How do you know that he has and that she is unaware? He may have changed and have been faithful to her.

Either way, I think presenting him with this opportunity while knowing full well he has a wife and kids, and they are still together is grim tbh.

JustLyra · 31/08/2022 13:07

Christmasiscominghohoho · 31/08/2022 12:43

He was a short lived fling. She doesn’t have feelings for him. Her husband is aware. He is a safe option.

Show quote history

He isn’t a safe option as she’s fucked him before.

he mig be physically safe, in that she knows he’s not likely to turn nasty.

but as an option for a first time group play he’s the worst option possible given that many couples struggle with jealousy after their first meets and this will be massively amplified if it happens with it being her ex.

It’s bloody stupid.

Christmasiscominghohoho · 31/08/2022 13:11

JustLyra · 31/08/2022 13:07

He isn’t a safe option as she’s fucked him before.

he mig be physically safe, in that she knows he’s not likely to turn nasty.

but as an option for a first time group play he’s the worst option possible given that many couples struggle with jealousy after their first meets and this will be massively amplified if it happens with it being her ex.

It’s bloody stupid.

Show quote history

I’m sure the OP knows how her relationship works. Not all couples suffer with jealousy and normally when they go into these things it’s because they feel secure.

There’s no rule book.

JustLyra · 31/08/2022 13:27

Christmasiscominghohoho · 31/08/2022 13:11

I’m sure the OP knows how her relationship works. Not all couples suffer with jealousy and normally when they go into these things it’s because they feel secure.

There’s no rule book.

Show quote history

Everyone feels secure when they go into it. Many fall down after their first experience.

You’re entitled to your option as am I. After 20 years swinging mine is that an ex is absolutely not a safe option for a first meet. Especially a cheating ex.

it’s a bloody daft idea.

gonutkin · 31/08/2022 13:28

Anyone who doesn't feel responsibility for any unsuspecting parter whilst getting at it with their other half is a whole load of rotten. Say what you want but to not feel any guilt when your sleeping with someone's husband or wife makes you a terrible person. You clearly are not trust worthy and I would not want you around my family or want you as a friend. And your husband should also keep his wits about him, if you would happily sleep with someone's husband behind their back what else would you do.

As for the swinging, that's your decision and as long as nobody gets hurt do what you want. But you lost me at "I don't feel any responsibility towards his wife"

balalake · 31/08/2022 13:31

Just no, and even more so given it seems it is not two couples but a man cheating on his wife.

Have some personal morality. You are not bidding to be Conservative party leader.

Squirrelsnut · 31/08/2022 13:33

Ewwwwwwwwww!!

My friend swings; she attends the clubs and parties with her long-term partner and they both have a good time.

Your way sounds really grubby and complicated.

Lockheart · 31/08/2022 13:41

This is a bad idea, OP.

I understand your reasoning, but bringing an ex into this scenario is a recipe for jealousy and resentment .

Dajeeling · 31/08/2022 13:46

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