Swinging with married man

[namechangeforsexchat]

Not a troll or reporter, I promise, name changed for this as it's very personal!

I am married and DH and I are considering swinging with an ex of mine. No issues with the fact that he's an ex - it was short lived - great sex but not relationship material.

I know he's into swinging and and engaged in multiple situations where he has met people for casual sex / swinging. Issue is, he's married with 2 kids and his wife doesn't know.

Would this put you off meeting him? Or would you think, he's doing this anyway, it's up to him?

Hard hat on....

Swinging is lifestyle surely, what he is doing is just cheating

Hard no;there's nothing wrong with swinging as long as all parties involved are 100% on board and comfortable.His wife is one said party who's unwittingly involved;she doesn't know,she hasn't given him permission for an open relationship,he's not swinging but actually cheating.Not worth getting involved with.There's other men out there who are single or have permission.

Why are you asking MN for advice, you clearly know the kind of responses you will get

There are plenty of other sites out there that will cater for your sad need to seek attention

@Changenameobviousreasons thanks for your comments. I appreciate it.

Yes, I guess really it's just a threesome, although it may start off by him just watching us have sex.

And as for my husband doing it to me - we have clear boundaries. This was initially his fantasy. I'm fine with it (and into it) but he knows that it's not going to happen the other way round.

‘One time sex event’ sounds very Alan Partridge 😂

You can very very easily find a single man (or at least one you don't know is married) on Fab Swingers or other similar sites. So given you have misgivings about this guy (as you obviously do given you are posting here) don't do it.

Seriously. Create an account on Fab - it will take you about 5 minutes, and I promise you will find men up for joining you in minutes. Loads of them. You will be able to take your pick.

The risks to your personal safety aren't great in your case as your husband will be with you. And the site includes verifications from other users so you can know for sure that people are genuine.

(I have a number of friends who use it).

You are literally risking your life - HIV from a broken condom is a real thing. You are risking breaking up a family, leaving kids with a broken home. Why would you want to do that?

This is pretty <bleurgh> and I think you know it. It is quite weird to do this with an ex. The fact he is married and lying adds to the grimness. I advise a rethink.

@AnyFucker that's very judgemental, but I wouldn't expect anything less from you tbh.

I'm not seeking attention, I'm just asking for a range of views. I guess yours is one of them, but remember I am a person at the other end of your keyboard.

Tricky if his wife doesn't know. That puts a different spin on it.

I've enjoyed this lifestyle in the past but all parties were aware and consenting. Nothing ever took place behind a committed partners back who didn't know or agree to the situation.

Personally, I think I'd step away from this one OP. You can find plenty of other willing playmates in open relationships via fabswingers and the like.

@ShirleyJackson 🤣

He's not swinging though, is he? He's just cheating. Don't involve yourself with this man; if you are not brave enough to meet new people for consensual sex, possibly swinging isn't for you.

You're not the one destroying a family. He is the one that's married and the one that's cheating.

It doesn't sound like a great idea. But I think you know what.

However, he is up for it and living his life this way anyway. How amazing was the sex? Worth a potential mess?
I'd probably just get to know someone new and single or in an open type relationship. There must be people out there who come with less potential for drama.

OP I dabbled in this lifestyle for a great many years, including while I was in a LTR where we would invite a male third party to join us.

I personally would steer clear of anyone married, for moral reasons. Of course that’s not foolproof, and there’s a huge number of men who are married and pretend they’re single ‘on the scene’. But at least you tried.

The it would be safer argument is weak, as on the well known sites for finding this kind of arrangement, profiles have verifications (reviews), so you can get a sense of whether they are an axe murderer or not. It’s a buyer’s market for you, honestly, there’s no need to bring a married ex into the equation.

Your kids will be so proud of you!

I don't judge singers at all. All parties consent and do whatever, great, good for them.

That's reassuring. I'm known to burst into tune in the shower on occasion 😂

Don't do this! There are so many men without ties who you could bring into your relationship for sex. Why this one? I think it is important for you to re-evaluate your connection to this man and really consider what is at play here. I am very sex positive and am all for people exploring their sexuality and enjoying all aspects of it, on the condition that it is safe, sane and consensual. This has red flags all over it.

Firstly, he is married. Is he sexual with her? You know she is in the dark. Any sex he had with her is consented to on the grounds that she believes herself to be in a monogamous relationship. He is disrespecting her boundaries and violating her consent. Is it wise to be having sex with someone who cannot respect boundaries and does not care about consent?

Secondly, what is at play for you? Why would you want to have sex with this person. His behaviour is unattractive to most people, why are you not put off? How are you not seeing any personal responsibility for this? How is the possibility of a night of fun worth the damage that could be done?

Thirdly, why is your partner ok with this? Does be have a cuckold fantasy? If so, it can be played out in emotionally safe ways. It does not have to be with your ex, who will quite possibly stir up all sorts of emotions.

I do not think you are thinking this through fully, or you would be thinking about the pitfalls, whereas you appear to be minimising the dangers.

but remember I am a person at the other end of your keyboard

His wife is a person at the other end of your “one time sex event”. Remember.

I'd keep it as a fantasy. It's not really swinging if his wife doesn't know about it... it's just him fucking around behind her back.

I don't have an issue with swinging. Not for me but your choice & if that's what works in you relationship great.

Plehrubof single men would be up for what you are proposing.

Personally, I will never be a willing participant with an man willing to cheat on or disrespect his wife. He may not have respect for it but I do. I wouldn't like it done to me so I won't do it to anyone else.

So you just want to be complicit in harming his wife and kids instead?

Putrid.

Condoms, will protect you from gonorrhoea, chlamydia, HIV but won't protect you fully against herpes/ genital warts, syphilis or monkey pox.

Kinell ,go easy. I think it's always the man that wants to 'experiment' it

Ewwww!