Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Swinging with married man

277 replies

namechangeforsexchat · 30/08/2022 21:45

Not a troll or reporter, I promise, name changed for this as it's very personal!

I am married and DH and I are considering swinging with an ex of mine. No issues with the fact that he's an ex - it was short lived - great sex but not relationship material.

I know he's into swinging and and engaged in multiple situations where he has met people for casual sex / swinging. Issue is, he's married with 2 kids and his wife doesn't know.

Would this put you off meeting him? Or would you think, he's doing this anyway, it's up to him?

Hard hat on....

OP posts:
Horological · 30/08/2022 22:27

they’re sex people Lyn

wellhelloitsme · 30/08/2022 22:29

He might be into 'swinging' but that's not what you'd be doing. You're dressing it up as something it's not by calling it that.

You'd just be shagging a married bloke you know while your husband watches and wanks, all the while this bloke's wife is at home (looking after their kids) not knowing she's being cheated on.

He might go home after shagging you and then shag his wife too. Again, without her knowing what he's done.

All a bit rank really isn't it, mate?

fancytulip · 30/08/2022 22:30

This sounds like a way to get at your ex's new wife, like you had a bad breakup, or you're not over him, or you want to give a giant 'fuck you, I still have power over him' to his poor wife. Your husband clearly has a cuckold fetish, but if he sees you enjoying yourself with an ex do not underestimate the paranoia and jealousy and comparison this creates in the male psyche even when they pretend it won't.

Completely fucking loony idea, bin it

Joelijane · 30/08/2022 22:34

No amount of compartmentalising will keep that from haunting you in some way, be it guilt for being complicit in his cheating or repercussions of getting involved with someone leading a double life, can't trust him. Stay away!

OceanbreezeSun · 30/08/2022 22:35

Terrible idea.

It is wrong on so many levels - but I think you already know that.

Hawkins001 · 30/08/2022 22:37

namechangeforsexchat · 30/08/2022 21:50

It wouldn't be an affair. It would be a one time sex event, which he would do with others regardless.

You only live once and Jesus said, love thy neighbour, and as interpretation is the flavour when it comes to interpretation of texts, then enjoy and rock and roll, op.

Redqueenheart · 30/08/2022 22:39

This would be cheating not 'swinging'': this man is married and he would be doing it without his partner's consent/knowledge.

As for STIs you can catch HPV even if your partner wears a condom as it is transmitted by skin to skin contact.

dworky · 30/08/2022 22:39

Cheating on his wife & betraying his children - definitely not, utter prick.

CPL593H · 30/08/2022 22:42

Hawkins001 · 30/08/2022 22:37

You only live once and Jesus said, love thy neighbour, and as interpretation is the flavour when it comes to interpretation of texts, then enjoy and rock and roll, op.

Show quote history

There is no possible interpretation of the text that would come to this conclusion. Actually offensive, @Hawkins001

Anyway, not sure why you posted in AIBU OP, there is a sex topic, unless you wanted a pasting.

sintrawest · 30/08/2022 22:42

wellhelloitsme · 30/08/2022 22:29

He might be into 'swinging' but that's not what you'd be doing. You're dressing it up as something it's not by calling it that.

You'd just be shagging a married bloke you know while your husband watches and wanks, all the while this bloke's wife is at home (looking after their kids) not knowing she's being cheated on.

He might go home after shagging you and then shag his wife too. Again, without her knowing what he's done.

All a bit rank really isn't it, mate?

This. Could you genuinely live with yourself knowing you’re part of this horrible betrayal? Would it make you feel good about yourself?

OrigamiOwls · 30/08/2022 22:43

I think the key issue is that he's not into swinging, he's just being unfaithful. It would only be swinging if his wife was involved as well.
If the previous sex was good I can see why your thoughts turned to him if you're looking for a 3rd to bring in. But it doesn't sound like a great idea. Join Fabswingers or Killing Kittens instead and find someone into that lifestyle who doesn't have any complications.

NomeatNoveg · 30/08/2022 22:45

namechangeforsexchat · 30/08/2022 22:09

@AnyFucker that's very judgemental, but I wouldn't expect anything less from you tbh.

I'm not seeking attention, I'm just asking for a range of views. I guess yours is one of them, but remember I am a person at the other end of your keyboard.

You know his wife is a person too? But obviously you only care about your own hurt feelings.

Cas112 · 30/08/2022 22:46

I wouldn't go near a man cheating on his wife no matter the situation

Where are your morals

HyggeandTea · 30/08/2022 22:51

Two kids, two more lives potentially f*ed up. But at least everyone gets an orgasm, so obviously worth it.

chocolatesand · 30/08/2022 22:51

AnyFucker · 30/08/2022 22:21

but remember I am a person at the other end of your keyboard

His wife is a person at the other end of your “one time sex event”. Remember.

Absolutely this!!

If you want to swing, swing! Just don’t bring another woman’s husband into it without her knowledge or consent. Find someone else.

wellhelloitsme · 30/08/2022 22:54

I'm not seeking attention, I'm just asking for a range of views. I guess yours is one of them, but remember I am a person at the other end of your keyboard.

This bloke's wife is a person at the other end of his dick.

And yet here you are, wanting to hop on it too without her knowing.

As well as being a horrible thing to be part of, it's pretty cringe to be turned on by the idea of shagging a married ex while your husband wanks and the bloke's wife is home with the kids none the wiser that she's being cheated on.

Someone will tell me I'm kink shaming but... it's a bit grim isn't it?

Changemaname1 · 30/08/2022 22:54

He’s not swinging really is he just plain old cheating

iv had married men hit on me in the past who am sure would find someone else to cheat with regardless but it won’t be with me that’s for sure

don’t be part of hurting someone else he sounds like a cunt

LemonDrop22 · 30/08/2022 22:59

I don't understand why him being a good bet not to hurt you is an issue if your husband is going to be there. Is your h going to be tied up or incapacitated or something?

Anyway - his wife doesn't know .... So no. That's not swinging.

Find someone else.

crazyplanet · 30/08/2022 23:02

I don't think it matters that you are a person at the end of your keyboard, why should you deserve any respect if your going to disrespect his wife so badly 😒

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 30/08/2022 23:06

namechangeforsexchat · 30/08/2022 22:07

@Changenameobviousreasons thanks for your comments. I appreciate it.

Yes, I guess really it's just a threesome, although it may start off by him just watching us have sex.

And as for my husband doing it to me - we have clear boundaries. This was initially his fantasy. I'm fine with it (and into it) but he knows that it's not going to happen the other way round.

🤩😭🤣😂@

Office247 · 30/08/2022 23:06

Plenty fish in the sea and all that, don’t be complicit in affairs though, no matter how you dress it up

ScarlettnotOHara · 30/08/2022 23:08

Yawn 🥱

user1473878824 · 30/08/2022 23:10

namechangeforsexchat · 30/08/2022 21:50

It wouldn't be an affair. It would be a one time sex event, which he would do with others regardless.

Well, if that’s how you have to spin it to live with it. Pretty gross though when you think about it properly though.

Sally872 · 30/08/2022 23:12

I wouldn't sleep with a married man if i was single, even if he would sleep with someone else anyway and only one time. Swinging is not relevant as his wife doesn't know.

I realise it may be easier way to try swinging but still sleeping with a married man behind his wife's back so i wouldn't do it.

FakingMemories · 30/08/2022 23:14

I don't judge singers at all

Neither do I. I leave that to Simon Crowell.

Swipe left for the next trending thread