Our cost of living crisis. The only solution is to move and uproot the children (teens) but AIBU - WWYD?

[Powerdough]

So we are in real trouble. Redundancy (Covid related). Business bankruptcy. Disability, caring responsibilities, we are self employed now, but not bringing in enough for a mortgage that was taken when we had what we thought secure business and jobs. Now it is totally unaffordable and with the insane cost of living we are going to start defaulting in a few months. We can't keep up with bills as it is. We definitely can't find an extra £700 a month for energy bills. I am anxious and I feel like this is a slow moving car crash.
We have the option to sell our house and move to a rent free property that belongs to a family member. The only problem is that it is at the other end of the country literally in the middle of nowhere (think the most remotest part of the British Isles). I would love it, DP and I can work from home. We could financially ride out this shit storm. But for our teens it would be awful. One is in the middle of his A-Level course and expected to get top grades. One is passionate about a hobby (sport) and trains competitively, wants to make it into a career, there are no facilities or opportunities where we would be moving. They would leave behind their friends.
On one hand, economic realities dictate that sometimes you have to do hard things. But I dread what it would mean for the kids. How should I talk to them? I don't want to make them anxious but I also think we need to be realistic and live according to our means even if it means moving. WWYD

I'm sure there's a lot to rent in the South West, but if OP's son is at sixth form/college in, say Truro, he can't exactly commute from Somerset, can he?

In your position I would put the house on the market and try to secure a cheap rental within reach of school and training ground. I would tell the relative that you would love to take up their rent free offer in a couple of years' time once DC have finished school, if the house is still available. You could even move most of your stuff up to the new fre ehouse and just keep the basics in a scaled down rental.
But to wrench DC from school at this critical point in their academic career would be seriously damaging. A levels matter almost more than any other exam as they are the gateway to uni or further training or a good job. And if the DC who trains towards a profession in a given sport has that opportunity taken from them, that too is a step too far. I'd rather live in a two room flat in the right area than do this to them.

OP with your recent update I don’t see how you can move at all. Provision for your third DC will likely be a huge issue and how will DP’s other DC maintain contact?

In answer to your question, yes you have to balance the needs of everyone in this decision, but I can’t see how it will benefit any of you to move. I would take the free rental out of the equation, as PPs have said energy bills/education differences/ total lifestyle change for DCs / DP’s DCs having little to no contact just make it unworkable.

The move seems tempting because it would solve what at the moment is your biggest problem ie finances, but in turn it would create so many huge new problems in its place, many of which will directly impact DC more than you or DP.

The harsh answer is that as parents your needs are less important than DCs, so your desire to be stress free about finances is not as important as your DC losing so much.

A previous PP who says you have met sounds like they have a workable solution and I really hope that they are thinking of the right person and it would be a possibility for you.

Completely understand the flexibility needed to work around a child with complex needs, but still either you or DP could look for a second income?

Are you familiar with the new location in Scotland? There is a massive difference between living in the SW of England, and living in the remote North of Scotland.

How far is your new location from the nearest high school?

There are many locations in England which would be much cheaper, and would allow you to continue in the same education system.

Moving to a remote place with free rent isn't your only option though. No reason you couldn't move further north than Cornwall, but rent or buy something else. Rent a place in Liverpool or outside Glasgow on the West Coast maybe?

Why are your lenders saying they won't approve a shift to a BTL?

How much equity do you have?

Any chance of your son lodging with family or friend and joining you in your new remote lodgings during holidays?

I moved countries for A levels. Didn't end up hating my parents. I am not suggesting you move them, but just in case you have no choice.

It's a hard situation all round.

Don't have much to offer. Having read all your posts I just don't see how the move is viable (and energy costs in the north of Scotland will be higher than the south of England). It seems like you have been offered a bit of a lottery ticket you can't cash in, but there are so many caveats to the win it would be crazy to pursue it. I'm sorry, you sound like you have a LOT going on!

MSE have a forum that has helped me out in the past with financial worries.

If this was my situation then I wouldn’t move until the kids are older and can decide if to stay or move with you. Presumably the eldest may be off to University?

I would

1. Sell the house - much more preferable to repossession. However if your credit rating is shit anyway and you are not currently in arrears then I would just stay for as long as you can. Even if you find a buyer, you can delay moving out or even come to agreement with the buyer. Is it possible that your house may be bought as an investment opportunity (ie holiday let) - if so tell the buyer that you will rent it for a year or more if you can agree a price. They may snap your hands off or at least let you stay until next Spring.
2. If the above is a non starter then Rent and pay a year up front if needs be. I accept you won’t have the money to do this initially so arrange an Airbnb or even a lodge on a holiday park. Expensive but works short term.
3. Move in a few years. Yes you won’t have as much money but if the offer for free rent is still there then you won’t need as much.

How old are you both?

This would work in my country, not sure in UK: could you sell the house (for a reduction in price) under condition that you get to live in it 12 or 24 more months? To allow kid to finish A-levels etc?

Is the free house living with family? Or is it possible they rent it out and lend/give you some cash?

I live in a fairly remote rural location. It has its own costs, heating oil is ridiculously expensive. Increased fuel costs because you have to drive miles to get anywhere. Sharing a car is more challenging due to zero public transport so many people are 2 car families. If DH has to go to a meeting or anything in the real world the cost of travel is high because it’s so far away.

Also how important is decent internet and communications for your self employment? Ours internet is pretty crap and DH wfh and despairs of it. And he’s the only one using it all day.We’re looking into satellite internet or something. We also had no mobile signal for a few weeks last winter as a mast was down. And that’s assuming you can get reception at all with your network.

Maybe make a plan to move to Scotland in a few years when it’s less critical timing for your children. It is a lovely way of life, but probably not the ideal time for you

Are there 2 teens living there all the time, 1 disabled teen living there during school holidays, and then half the time, 2 (presumably older teens/young adults) from your DH's previous relationship? Or are the 2 teens the 2 who are only there half the time?

Could the residential school provide further accommodation/care during the holidays for some of the time? Even if not the longer summer holiday, if they could help in some of the shorter holidays, then perhaps you could make the 1 bed flat or even caravan idea work. I do know someone who lived in a caravan in Cornwall for most of a year while waiting for housing to be available.

There must be cheaper places than Cornwall elsewhere in the country, though, if not in Cornwall, where you could either buy a 1-bed outright or rent something more suitable. then when the eldest is done A-levels, think again about moving to Scotland if still needed. The costs of living up there sound like they would be worse though, between energy, transport, etc.

Could the eldest start A-levels again if needed, if you could move to somewhere else suitable in England? There is usually funding for 3 years of sixth form, so you might be able to find a place that would accept him as Year 12 again next year, if you did have to move.

Would online school help with the eldest? Not ideal but might be an option to allow A levels to finish. There are several but the best known is interhigh.

What would happen if you defaulted on your mortgage and were made homeless? Is the council accommodation that might be available? Given you have 3 children, one with extra needs, you should be high on the list.

Have you thought through all the practicalities of attended hospital appointments, when the nearest town is so far away?

I am so sorry to read your post OP. Can you get financial help?

There is a property crash on its way, so def either release equity or get it sold quickly. If there's equity, it might allow you to rent something smaller near where you are for a period? If not, could you buy a cheap caravan or river/ canal boat nearby and live in that at least for most of the year?

What an awful situation :(

I'm self employed, my contract ends in Nov and I'm worried about what that means for me, so I'm planning to land a second 6-12m contract ASAP and just work like a nutter for 3 months.

My suggestion is to see if there is interim work you can do now. Blend your working hours so you can do what you currently do plus the new job. I know it'll be hard, but recessions are to be ridden out, 24m at most and I'm hoping this one is less than 12m.

Throwing a grenade onto their education condemns them to a difficult life of low paid work and poverty even more extreme than what you're facing. They will never be able to build a life living on a rock in the Outer Hebrides or wherever.

You can get a mortgage. Go to a good broker and be honest about everything.

Use Eden to buy up some of the property value so you buy a house using a share equity approach. I think you'll find you can buy a similar house etc. Good luck.

If it's two hours from a city (Wick? thurso?)then it's got to be very rural and you relative might be better letting it as an air b and b (perhaps giving you a bit of support with this profit as they must be close to offer you a free house)

Or what would your money buy elsewhere in the country that is more convenient for hobbies and hospitals?

I'm really sorry and full of empathy. This sort of happened to my parents in the 1980s (although in their case it was a business which failed, and we lived on the premises). I had left home by the time this happened, but my brother was in the middle of his O levels. It was awful for everyone but they got through it. They came out with nothing after years of hard work, and got a housing association home. My brother lived with a family friend Monday to Friday for a year, for school.

I wish you all the best.

To be honest I'd want to see them off to uni first, this could be a disastrous move for them. Could you sell up and rent for a couple years then move to this rent free property?

@NovaDeltas Yes agree this is what happened to me.

Sounds really hard op, I’m sorry for what you are going through.

Me and my siblings were moved at this sort of age, me in the middle of exam time and it really affected the two of us in the upper years doing exams, we couldn’t make friends and them this knocked on in terms of jobs and housing etc because it affected our exam results. It’s a hard choice. Our parents just did it because they wanted to though so not really the same.

Muddling through for a few years in a one bed flat is the least worst option.

You can’t move your kids to Scotland. There’s making decisions as a family and then there’s making decisions where the brunt of the negative impact is felt by the children.

Haven't read the full thread, but could you rent yours out to pay the mortgage so you don't lose the property and have to start again. Then move to the free rental? Not ideal but might give some breathing space.

I'm not sure if this has already been mentioned as I have missed one or two pages but OP, as you are in Cornwall and it's coming up for the wintertime are there any year round static caravan sites that would rent you something at least until the summer season kicks in? It would buy you some time to sell your existing house (mortgage provider may be more flexible with repayments if they know you are trying to sell to clear debts), older son could do his A levels at his current school and younger one can continue his hobby for a while longer. You won't have excessive bills to pay if your current house is empty (although no idea how utilities would be accounted for in a static van). Once house is sold you can reassess before making a final decision whether to go up north.

Would it be worth contacting www.cornwallhousing.org.uk/find-a-home/the-housing-options-service/ and seeing if they can help. They have a guide to struggling to pay the mortgage as well.