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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL

171 replies

camen · 30/08/2022 11:06

we are currently on holiday, and i've come down with some sort of allergy which i've never suffered from before. my eyes have gone extremely red and irritated and i've struggled with headaches and pain from it. we are currently staying at my in laws for a couple of days and MIL insisted she spend the night with DS so i can get a fuller night of sleep to see if it helps,

I accepted grateful for the offer until i woke up this morning and saw that she's nowhere to be found, and has taken DS with her and has not told me where she went.

am i being unreasonable to never let her stay with him again? i feel it's so wrong to take a child out the house without letting me know? especially when she left his bag here with all things he may need (nappy rash cream, sunscreen (it's almost 40 degrees here) his dummy, nappies etc. i'm fuming that she just took him and didn't tell me or DP anything.

i don't feel at ease with the fact that she tries to go against me on certain things, like buying chocolate and sweets for him when he's 7 months. and insisting that i can give him all sorts of food including those high in sugar and salt. i've massively regretted leaving him with her because i don't trust that she won't go against what i said.

how do i approach this without making a huge scene because right now i'm very ready to cause an argument.

TIA x

OP posts:
britneyisfree · 30/08/2022 11:13

How long has she been gone?? Call her and ask her to bring him back.

Original poster
camen · 30/08/2022 11:15

britneyisfree · 30/08/2022 11:13

How long has she been gone?? Call her and ask her to bring him back.

i messaged her and she said she went out for a coffee and will be coming right back now

OP posts:
DenholmElliot1 · 30/08/2022 11:15

Your DP should have got up to see to the baby this morning. Why didn't he?

lanthanum · 30/08/2022 11:16

He was probably getting noisy and she took him out for a walk rather than disturb you - it sounds as if you needed the sleep. If she's left his bag then she probably won't be long. Do you have her number to text to say "woken up now, so grateful for the extra sleep, when do you expect to be back or shall we come and join you?"

I appreciate your other concerns, but don't overreact if she's just taken him for a 20 minute walk.

abblie · 30/08/2022 11:16

Your ill and she had offered to look after your son while you slept she's hardly going to kidnap him and you won't see him again to be ho est you sound ungrateful

JubileeTissues · 30/08/2022 11:19

Crikey, she only went for a coffee. Can't do right for doing wrong

GoneWithTheWine1 · 30/08/2022 11:20

YABU.

She offered to help, and now your scolding her for helping. Can the woman do anything right?

Why didn't your husband get up and help?

Sunnyqueen · 30/08/2022 11:21

Yabu, she's doing you a favour by not wanting to wake you and letting you have a lie in. You sound like you are massively overreacting tbh, never letting her stay with him again?? Come on now, she's his grandma not some baby snatcher.

luxxlisbon · 30/08/2022 11:23

Did you wake when you posted this? If you slept in until 11 or even a few hours before that MIL was likely up for ages already with the 7 month old. I don’t think it’s that weird for her to go out on a walk or something. It’s weirder and ruder to wake you up when you weren’t well just to say she was going to the park or whatever. It’s not like she ran off with him in the middle of the night.

Original poster
camen · 30/08/2022 11:24

so you can't let someone know you're going out with DC? i do think she should've at least texted saying she was going out. she went shopping with him, out for a coffee and has been out for a while, it wasn't just for a 20 minute walk. i am grateful she stayed with him. i just think if you're going to leave the house with someone's child you should let them know

OP posts:
ZeroFuchsGiven · 30/08/2022 11:25

You slept till 11am and are annoyed that your MIL took your ds out rather than wasting half the day waiting for you to get up?

PonyTime · 30/08/2022 11:26

YABU big time

She was helping you out and wanted to let you sleep

PFB syndrome in action

yougotthelook · 30/08/2022 11:27

camen · 30/08/2022 11:24

so you can't let someone know you're going out with DC? i do think she should've at least texted saying she was going out. she went shopping with him, out for a coffee and has been out for a while, it wasn't just for a 20 minute walk. i am grateful she stayed with him. i just think if you're going to leave the house with someone's child you should let them know

You are being unreasonable and ungrateful.
If she's goneand babies gone then she's obviously took him out.
Wind your neck in on this one, she's trying to help.
She's has her mobile on her so what's the issue?

Original poster
camen · 30/08/2022 11:27

ZeroFuchsGiven · 30/08/2022 11:25

You slept till 11am and are annoyed that your MIL took your ds out rather than wasting half the day waiting for you to get up?

it's not the taking him out, it's the not warning anyone. i'd be totally fine with her taking him out if i knew where he was. the point is she didn't tell me where she was going, when they'd be back. but is then able to post pictures with him on facebook saying they're out and about?

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 30/08/2022 11:29

You're aware she reared your DP without too much of an issue, right?

This is one time that I am genuinely on the Mil's side. She brought her grandson out with her while she went shopping so he didn't disturb you while you're recovering from whatever allergies you have???

The woman can't do right for doing wrong.

Sugarplumfairy65 · 30/08/2022 11:31

camen · 30/08/2022 11:27

it's not the taking him out, it's the not warning anyone. i'd be totally fine with her taking him out if i knew where he was. the point is she didn't tell me where she was going, when they'd be back. but is then able to post pictures with him on facebook saying they're out and about?

Show quote history

She's taken him out for an hour so you could rest. Stop being such an ungrateful cow.

LookItsMeAgain · 30/08/2022 11:31

So you knew where they were (because she posted pictures on FB)?

She didn't write a note, she didn't ask permission as she was helping you out while you slept. She was looking after your son, her grandson.

I think you're trying to find an issue where there really isn't one. Don't you like her?

gingertoast · 30/08/2022 11:31

She probably thought she was doing you a favour by not waking you. Presumably if she had texted you and woke you you'd be equally incredulous

YABVU

vivainsomnia · 30/08/2022 11:31

Yes, it would have been good practice to leave a note. Are you sure there isn't one on some table?

All you need to do is say a big huge thank you and next time she helps, just ask her if she wouldn't mind leaving a note if she takes baby out.

You are massively overreacting.

Original poster
camen · 30/08/2022 11:32

so i'm being unreasonable to not appreciate knowing where my child is, especially with someone who's given him coffee before and chocolate and challenges everything i say as a parent? this isn't a one off thing she's done. i already try to calm down because i know she's his grandma and does things out of love, even though i don't trust her with him, i have allowed her to take him out before, stay with him before even though she gives him things she shouldn't and does things i say not to. i appreciated her staying with him, and even though DP insisted he would stay with DS because he too doesn't trust his mum with DC i insisted it was ok. I'm not being unreasonable i think it's just a warning wouldn't hurt, she was able to tell her niece and sister that she took DS for a while but couldn't tell the parents?

OP posts:
Original poster
camen · 30/08/2022 11:32

LookItsMeAgain · 30/08/2022 11:31

So you knew where they were (because she posted pictures on FB)?

She didn't write a note, she didn't ask permission as she was helping you out while you slept. She was looking after your son, her grandson.

I think you're trying to find an issue where there really isn't one. Don't you like her?

she posted the facebook post after i texted her

OP posts:
PonyTime · 30/08/2022 11:33

camen · 30/08/2022 11:32

so i'm being unreasonable to not appreciate knowing where my child is, especially with someone who's given him coffee before and chocolate and challenges everything i say as a parent? this isn't a one off thing she's done. i already try to calm down because i know she's his grandma and does things out of love, even though i don't trust her with him, i have allowed her to take him out before, stay with him before even though she gives him things she shouldn't and does things i say not to. i appreciated her staying with him, and even though DP insisted he would stay with DS because he too doesn't trust his mum with DC i insisted it was ok. I'm not being unreasonable i think it's just a warning wouldn't hurt, she was able to tell her niece and sister that she took DS for a while but couldn't tell the parents?

Why post if you don't think you're being unreasonable

Clearly you are

implantsandaDyson · 30/08/2022 11:33

She probably didn't want to text /ring /message you incase you were asleep and the notification woke you.

Original poster
camen · 30/08/2022 11:33

anyway she has returned and i thanked her and didn't cause an issue, except thank her for taking care of him and not waking me. regardless, i still think she could've said something.

OP posts:
gingertoast · 30/08/2022 11:33

And if you don't trust her to look after him why in earth leave him in her care overnight? You sound a right PITA