MIL

[camen]

we are currently on holiday, and i've come down with some sort of allergy which i've never suffered from before. my eyes have gone extremely red and irritated and i've struggled with headaches and pain from it. we are currently staying at my in laws for a couple of days and MIL insisted she spend the night with DS so i can get a fuller night of sleep to see if it helps,

I accepted grateful for the offer until i woke up this morning and saw that she's nowhere to be found, and has taken DS with her and has not told me where she went.

am i being unreasonable to never let her stay with him again? i feel it's so wrong to take a child out the house without letting me know? especially when she left his bag here with all things he may need (nappy rash cream, sunscreen (it's almost 40 degrees here) his dummy, nappies etc. i'm fuming that she just took him and didn't tell me or DP anything.

i don't feel at ease with the fact that she tries to go against me on certain things, like buying chocolate and sweets for him when he's 7 months. and insisting that i can give him all sorts of food including those high in sugar and salt. i've massively regretted leaving him with her because i don't trust that she won't go against what i said.

how do i approach this without making a huge scene because right now i'm very ready to cause an argument.

TIA x

My MIL used to do shit like this. She'd offer to take our then baby for a walk, be gone for hours, then say she'd got the bus into town.

Or, one time she walked him to her friends house fucking miles away. The friend had a vicious little dog and the house was filthy - not baby friendly at all.

I'd have said no to the friends house, granted, but I have no problem with her taking him out. She only had to let us know!

So your MIL used to do things that are in no way similar to the OPs situation?

i Think it’s nice she took him out, give you quiet to sleep and keep him amused! It was her decision not to take the bag so she would have got caught out. She raised her own kids, I’d fully trust grandparents with anything in exchange for a break!

feeding a 7 month old chocolate isn't okay. What effect does a one-off bit of chocolate have on a 7 month old? I know it’s poisonous for dogs, didn’t know that applied to babies too.

YABU - this wouldn't bother me at all. She hasn't kidnapped him!

And within thirty seconds you would find out by phoning. As OP did.

MILs action would have been worrying before we had mobile phones. But back then she almost certainly would have left a note.

Op I think you have been getting an unnecessary hard time here.
However I have to ask where your DH was while all this was going on as she should have run her plans past him if you were in sleeping off anti histamines.
I think she was very unreasonable
a) not to leave a note or drop you /dh a text before she went off. You woke up and neither parent knew where their baby was. Its only common courtesy and common sense to have told someone where she was going and for how long. We all have mobile phones these days so my feeling is that she didnt say anything as she didn't want the risk of being told no.
b) not to take any baby related stuff with her.

c) feeding him egg custard tart - yes its not crack cocaine but hes still quite young and I have to admit Im a bit out of touch with current weaning guidelines it feels wrong to me - But it does depend on how you have decided to wean and she should be respecting your decisions.

But I think its more than that to me - if she wont respect that you are the parent and your choices are paramount then what else wont she respect - car seats, toothbrushing etc.?

What an ungrateful person you are. Your MIL takes your child, gives you a full night sleep, cares for your child and spends time bonding, yet you berate her? You have sore eyes,maybe its reduced your vision of how lucky you are.

@PonyTime

OPs MIL didn't tell her where she had taken her son.

My MIL used to not tell me where she'd taken my son.

You're right. Not similar at all. Silly me.

This

Good Lord. It’s these threads I want to flag up when people naively ask why there is so much gender disappointment with boys. Because you end up with spiteful a DIL who will interpret everything you do and say as a work of the devil. 🙄

Your poor MIL.

You sound like ungrateful and you are unreasonable.

MN seems to have a higher proportion of these nightmare DIL, more than real life.

And did you say ‘Please don’t do that again, he isn’t to have sugar/pastry/whatever it is you don’t want him to have and oh by the way, next time you look after him, please just let me know where you are? Or did you smile awkwardly and move on?

This is YOUR child, she needs to know your boundaries, but it seems that you haven’t actually told her, so let her know!

Is this for real? Why not pass a few more patronising remarks while asking her to look after your children? Why stop there?

Op: AIBU?
Mn: YABU
OP: No I'm not!

This cracks me up😂 why bother posting if you're so sure you're right?
Your MIL did you a favour. YABVU. Poor woman.

I can't stand my MIL but honestly wouldn't be mad at this. It's sweet! I know it's too now but should have chilled and enjoyed the peace

😂😂

She didn't say something because she didn't want to disturb you. You text her when you were awake and she told you.

It's not an issue and you are being unreasonable

This reminds me of this snip of Fr Ted:

MIL did a nice thing by looking after DS whilst you were poorly, but I agree she could have left a note or sent a text to say 'just popping out for some fresh air with DGS - will be back by lunchtime' instead of you waking up to find them both gone, with no idea where they were, when they would be back, etc. It sounds like this was a one-off though, and no harm was done, so I wouldn't give it any more headspace.

Re the food, as the mother of a 5mo who is not yet weaned (current guidance is 6mo) I can't quite get my head around feeding a 7mo sweets and chocolate. I think that's a seperate issue and depending on how often you see PIL - and therefore how often this happens - is something you should address with them, gently. As PP has said, there really is no need to feed a 7mo sweets and chocolate.

If this was 1982 then maybe I would understand although you'd still be overreacting. But it's 2022 and she replied when you contacted her-mobile phones are basically the new version of leaving a note or whatever. Let's be honest you didn't wake up and think your dc had been kidnapped, it was pretty obvious that mil had taken him somewhere and as soon as you contacted her she gave an update. If she forgets some of his stuff it will be a learning experience when he shits everywhere and she needs to go and buy wetwipes or whatever.

Babies don't need sugar and it's not just custard tart there were other things.

My mil was very odd. She used to take ds's toys off him. Apparently he should be happy he was sat on her knee.
Urgh and fil used to give him keys.
And I used to take them back.
Scruffy manky things imo!!
Did my nut in both of them.

Who gives a 7 month old a custard tart?
I can’t believe the people on here making out you are a freak for minding. It’s not as if she doesn’t know your preferences in steering clear of sugary foods.

Every day’s a school day; you now know the price of a lie-in if it’s your MIL facilitating it.

I too would be unhappy with someone taking my 7 month old out without a text or note or asking. I wouldn’t dream of doing it to my daughter.