MIL

[camen]

we are currently on holiday, and i've come down with some sort of allergy which i've never suffered from before. my eyes have gone extremely red and irritated and i've struggled with headaches and pain from it. we are currently staying at my in laws for a couple of days and MIL insisted she spend the night with DS so i can get a fuller night of sleep to see if it helps,

I accepted grateful for the offer until i woke up this morning and saw that she's nowhere to be found, and has taken DS with her and has not told me where she went.

am i being unreasonable to never let her stay with him again? i feel it's so wrong to take a child out the house without letting me know? especially when she left his bag here with all things he may need (nappy rash cream, sunscreen (it's almost 40 degrees here) his dummy, nappies etc. i'm fuming that she just took him and didn't tell me or DP anything.

i don't feel at ease with the fact that she tries to go against me on certain things, like buying chocolate and sweets for him when he's 7 months. and insisting that i can give him all sorts of food including those high in sugar and salt. i've massively regretted leaving him with her because i don't trust that she won't go against what i said.

how do i approach this without making a huge scene because right now i'm very ready to cause an argument.

TIA x

Urgh and fil used to give him keys.
And I used to take them back.
Scruffy manky things imo!!

My key ring was my eldest's favorite thing. To the point that we had to make her own for her with old keys.
That's absolutely nothing wrong with giving a baby a key ring full of keys. They're super satisfying, sensorily.

Your poor PILs.

I've never known a baby not love a bunch of keys!

I've also never heard of any illness, hospitalisation or death to a baby that played with a bunch of keys!

Harsh but true

I think taking him out for a walk isn't really an issue if she's in charge of him,? But I'd be irritated she didn't take the bag and I'd be annoyed about the custard tart. Ford 7m I assume he's been weening a month? So probably still on basic veg, meat, fruit potatoes etc? I would be annoyed, tbf to op it sounds like mil ignores her parenting style and does as she wants which is irritating.

For not respecting parents wishes maybe trouble would have been a better word. She's deliberately bring provactive and challenging her authority.

If you're not being unreasonable, why are you asking?

YABU

@ZeroFuchsGiven yes keys were always a life saver when distraction was needed!

So

MIL takes DS over night because you're unwell

OP Sleeps in until 11, yet she's so concerned that MIL does things she doesn't like with DS. But sleeps peacefully until 11

OP wakes up and realises that MIL had taken DS out.

OP rings MIL and they've gone for coffee and cake.

You contacted, she answered, what's the problem?

Also why did you and Dp totally take the piss by neither of you getting up to parent your DS until 11? She'd kindly had him all night and both of you are languishing in bed until 11. Now that's CF!

It's his grandmother I think you're being massively unreasonable

@ChampagneLassie do you not think that OP and her DO we're asking for trouble? They didn't get up until 11, yet they don't trust the MIL?

Maybe one of them should've got up before then to take over? The MIL had after all had the child all night.

I get it completely OP. A lot of people here think grandparents can do whatever they like and ignore the parents boundaries and you should just be grateful they even give a crap about your child.

It was kind of her to watch your baby overnight so you could rest, but she shouldn't have left with your baby without asking. How hard is it to say that she'd like to take the baby out for a little while? That way you can make sure the change bag is ready for her and you can give your baby a quick kiss and cuddle first. Everyone's happy!

Instead you wake up to no baby and no idea where they went or how long they'd be gone. With no changing bag as well!

I would also be upset about the custard tart. Who gives sugary junk food to a just weaning baby! There's plenty of time for that stuff when they are older.

I'm so glad both grandparents of my child aren't like this. They are respectful and lovely and as a result, have built complete trust in them when it comes to my child, no pfb anxieties or anything. It's brilliant. I hope I remember this when I become a grandparent.

GPs sometimes do things DPs wouldn't. They seldom do any harm but instead build up an independent relationship with GC. One day you might be grateful that MIL is sufficiently relaxed with your child that she is willing and able to care for him when you can't. Alienate her now and you may end up without the help you may need in the future.

Your poor son had a sweet treat what would those yummy mummies think about you. Outrageous I am fuming on your behalf how dare she. 👿

Most GP don’t care about their GC. My mum told me she only has enough chairs for couple of us and not the children.

MIL is obsessed with my child which is fine, but doesn’t bother with me. When we go to see my in-laws, mil within 5 minutes takes baby into another room. She never asks how I am or anything. Before I got pregnant we only saw each other around 3/4 times a year, and during my pregnancy she messaged me once asking me how I felt. So we have never been close and she doesn’t seem like she wants a relationship with me but loves my daughter. My FIL has said a few times when you stop breastfeeding we can have her so you guys can ‘have days out alone’, is it nasty that I don’t want to leave my daughter with people who don’t bother to get to know me?

YANBU.

think the comments here are unfair, especially the one calling you an ungrateful cow. Gaslighting at its finest. You’re a mother to a baby and you’re allowed to panic if you don’t know where they are.

sure, she did you a favour as you were unwell but this if your baby. I’d be frantic if I woke and couldn’t find them. Even if with a grandma. It’s how we are wired up as parents. As a mother herself she should understand this.

A text, or a note, or a gentle word in your ear would have been easy to do. her actions were thoughtful, even if her intentions were good. I’m also not a fan of putting pics of others’ kids on social media, but that’s just me.

i think it’s good you thanked her for the help, I but think she needs to know she shouldn’t do that again. A boundary has been crossed there.

Meant to write her actions were thoughtless*

YABVU. She obviously went out to let you sleep and didn't text you to, you know, let you sleep. She went for coffee. Jeez.

Threads like this makes me dread my DS getting married, but you might be a MIL one day too, so perhaps karma will help you see this in perspective.

ZOMBIE THREAD