MIL

[camen]

we are currently on holiday, and i've come down with some sort of allergy which i've never suffered from before. my eyes have gone extremely red and irritated and i've struggled with headaches and pain from it. we are currently staying at my in laws for a couple of days and MIL insisted she spend the night with DS so i can get a fuller night of sleep to see if it helps,

I accepted grateful for the offer until i woke up this morning and saw that she's nowhere to be found, and has taken DS with her and has not told me where she went.

am i being unreasonable to never let her stay with him again? i feel it's so wrong to take a child out the house without letting me know? especially when she left his bag here with all things he may need (nappy rash cream, sunscreen (it's almost 40 degrees here) his dummy, nappies etc. i'm fuming that she just took him and didn't tell me or DP anything.

i don't feel at ease with the fact that she tries to go against me on certain things, like buying chocolate and sweets for him when he's 7 months. and insisting that i can give him all sorts of food including those high in sugar and salt. i've massively regretted leaving him with her because i don't trust that she won't go against what i said.

how do i approach this without making a huge scene because right now i'm very ready to cause an argument.

TIA x

OP - I’m having difficulty understanding what you want from this thread. You posted in “Am I being unreasonable?” and most posters thought you were being unreasonable, but you don’t agree. Fair enough - you’re entitled to have your opinion about the matter, but why post in AIBU if you only want to hear from people who agree with you?

I’m really surprised by the responses on here

I'm with pp in that it's restoring my faith. It's the little lad's granny FGS not Pol Pot. She took him out (yes she could have left a note, otoh OP was perfectly well able to call her because we live in an Age of Wonder And Mobile Telephony).

Also would like to know where DH was all this time while that monster was having a little granny time and spoiling her grandson. Which is, you know, what grannys do. The monsters.

Your a bit 2 faced lol your on mumsnet slabbering about her doing a good thing for you but said the complete opposite to her when she returned 🤣🤣🤣

If I were you and didn’t trust her then I wouldn’t allow her to sleep with him. I don’t trust my MIL and my son is 4 so if I had 7 month old, I definitely wouldn’t leave them with someone I didn’t trust.

Sorry OP - as well as an allergy you are suffering from PFB syndrome.
your MIL did you a massive favour- you can’t really have thought it superweird for her to have popped out when you didn’t get up until 11am and a custard tart is not too bad in the great scheme of granny mis steps. Where was your DH in all of this. Seems unfair to leave MIL on night, early and late morning duty. You really should catch your self on

Give it a rest I would have give my daughter milky bars or ice cream at that age and she's 13 very happy and healthy has great teeth and does well at school 🤣

You are massively over reacting, but it's ok when you have a PFB. You just need to learn to manage things to avoid falling out over non-issues.

You also need to be aware you can't have it both ways.

In this situation, a text would have been nice but my mum wouldn't text either for fear of waking me.

And as for a bit of custard tart, it won't hurt him.

Believe me, I used to wince at my mum spoiling DC1 but it was so infrequent, it's really not a bother.

Pol Pot 😂😂😂

This is your first, isn't it?

Grandparents are meant to spoil their grandchildren. As long as you don't live with them and its not all the time it's fine.

And don't go AIBU if you don't genuinely want an answer to your question.

Bloody hell, OP - you sound so very awkward. Your MIL looked after your child whilst you slept all morning (you've got an allergy and a bit of a headache, not some illness that requires you to be in bed). She wasn't gone long. She gave him some custard tart - whilst it's not what you'd have liked, it's hardly a McDonald's Happy Meal or some wine. Get things into perspective. Your MIL has had so much more experience in raising a kid than you, and your husband has turned out ok

If you're unwell and you don't like the way your MIL cases for your child, where is your husband and why isn't he looking after the child?

Thank you for this post!
I needed it today 😂 she gave him a custard tart, bring back public tarring and feathering i say 🤦🏼‍♀️

A note would have been nice but if she took her phone with her and responded when you got in touch I don't understand the issue? It's not as if you couldn't contact her, and its not fair to expect her to hang around waiting for you and your DP to get up.

Where was your DP btw? Understand you were unwell and needed a break but why didn't your DP get up for your son in the morning? Or was it agreed gran would keep him occupied then as well?

Blimey, she's his Nan , not a neighbour or random stranger. You weren't well, she tried to help out & you want to cause a fuss. Just be grateful she's hands on & cares..

I think YABU, @camen - honestly I'd be grateful, and it's not exactly a huge drama to message your MIL and say "hi, I'm up, whereabouts are you?"

I don't think your being unreasonable at all. If my DP father of child disappeared with DD without messaging me I'd wake panicked. Your partner, her son supports you in the food stuff so come down hard on this. No need to feed him crap. Just decline her help and make clear you won't give her the sweet stuff. She sounds dangerous and she's not got your sons best interests at heart

A custard tart is shortcrust pastry, eggs, milk, bit of sugar, bit if cornflour and a sprinkling of nutmeg. How is that "crap" @ChampagneLassie ?

Exactly. And let's face it, at seven months old, he'll not have eaten a whole one! He probably just had a bit of the custard on a spoon.

She sounds dangerous...

🙄😂

@PonyTime well if I ask I expect it to be respected, I've always respected the wishes of the parents of any DC I have looked after.

My dad doesn't really agree with our approach (or that of my siblings!) but follows it as time with DGC is important. MIL would not respect our wishes so we don't leave baby DC with her.

When we had a nanny she followed our plan for DC.

Who fed anyone crap?

And how is she dangerous?

For letting a baby eat some perfectly baby safe food?

Your dp also slept in till 11?? Why didn't he go check on your ds? What was he so busy doing?

What did you think she was going to do with him ?
If she'd told you where she was going she'd have had to wake you up.
Don't see a problem- she's his Nan.

OP: AIBU?
MN: YABU
OP: No I'm not!

I 100% agree with you OP. That would freak me out hugely. I like to know where my children are!