To not let DD(4.5) have her hair cut the way that she wants?

[Lem0ndrizzl3]

DD is 4.5 and about to start primary school. We have been talking about having her hair cut for a while and asked her if there was a haircut that she would like. Her answer was "I want bald hair". I tried to explain to her that shaving her head is a very big decision (her hair currently reaches her waist) and that if she didn't like it, it would take years to grow back to its current length. When I tried to ask if there was any other haircuts that she liked she said she wanted "short hair like boys hair". I again tried to explain that it's a very big change and that maybe she should wait until she's older.

I thought it would be a passing thing like most of those kind of comments but she's stayed persistent that she wants a to be bald or have very short hair. In theory I don't have any issue with cutting hair hair short but I'm more concerned about what comes along with it.

I remember when I was in school, my school had rules around hair. Boys weren't allowed hair longer than a certain length and girls weren't allowed hair shorter than a certain length - unless for religious or health reasons. There was a girl who shaved her head and she was so severely bullied for it and she was given detentions just for her haircut. I also worry about the misconceptions it opens her up to. I would hate for her to get comments about her health or her gender because it doesn't apply here. And I suppose I am worried that I'd be accused by other parents of trying to make her be a boy.

My DP doesn't see the big deal, that it's just hair and it'll grow back. And he thinks it might help with her sensory issues. But I don't think it's a good idea. Aibu?

I think you're projecting a bit.

There are plenty of fabulous short hair styles she could have. Much easier to look after. And that's what she wants. I might draw the line at bald hair though!

I would agree to a shorter cut as a gateway. She could have a pixie cut and see if she likes it, she can always go shorter later on (and by later I mean when she’s a teenager!). I wouldn’t want her to have a skinned head either.

Dress it up as you want to be sure she has a nice warm head in the classroom because you’re not sure if they have the radiators on.

Try and find a cute pixie cut that she likes? That’s a good halfway house. Following on from stranger things a shaved head is likely to become quite popular.

I probably would resist bald (for no reason I could articulate), but a short haircut would be fine.

I genuinely think children are kinder to each other these days and much more accepting of differences.

FWIW, (19yo) DS2 had a traditional short back and sides at the beginning of lockdown and hasn't had his hair cut since. It's now down to his waist. It will grow back faster than you think.

My dc have always had whatever styles they want even if I'm not keen.
Their hair their choice. But I would encourage short rather than bald.
Not an issue if they are boy or girl long or short.
Our school have rules on hair colour. But not styles.

If she has waist length hair, I’d first have it cut to just beneath shoulder length - so she goes shorter in stages.
Maybe she doesn’t like the feel of it (might be quite annoying having hair that long) and a shorter length will be enough without having to remove all her hair.

She wants it
Do it

She is only 4.5
Even if she does regret it later. It'll grow back and noone bats an eye

If she does it at age 9 it will hit different if she wants it, does it...and hates it

Stop projecting. Start cutting
Cut a pixie Cut

And tell her there isn't a boy haircut or a girl haircut. Such old-fashioned nonsense
Hair is hair.

Waist length hair sounds like a total PITA for you to look after and her to lug around. Maybe try shoulder length or a bob for a bit and see how she gets on?

I'd go through gradual shortening

So get it cut just above her shoulder

Then if she wants more cut off she can, but don't push - wait for her to ask

I'd be scared u get it cut short and she hates it and has an absolute meltdown. I'd probably meet halfway and say ok u can get it to your chin a wee job or something and after that if she's still wants it short then go for it.

Bob even!

I highly doubt the school will have rules for girls hair that specify it must be a certain length. Most schools these days will just say that hair longer than collar length will need to be tied back, and that too short a buzz cut (eg a grade 0 or 1) is not allowed, regardless of sex,. The simplest thing to do is to check the policy on your actual school's website, or if it isn't easily found there, email them and ask.

I would perhaps start with cutting her hair into a shorter style that is above collar length and see what she thinks about that. If she still wants shorter hair then go for a pixie cut next.

If any idiotic parent (or teacher) makes any comment about you "trying to make her a boy" just laugh at them for being so foolish as to think that girls can't have short hair and forget about their comments.

Have her hair cut into a bob and donate her hair to charity.

She can always go shorter next time if she wants.

You have put this in head by asking her what cut she wants. It wouldnt have been an issue if You just said 'we are going to get your hair cut'. She is 4 You are the parent and get to make the decisions.

She wants shorter hair. Hair that long probably gets in her way and I assume she's not asked for long hair at her age so it's been parental preference.

That said, going so short will be a huge change for her so I agree with going shorter in stages. Waist - shoulder - Bob - pixie as it will give her a chance to get used to shorter hair.

Ultimately, she wants independence in her own styling and it's something which will grow out if she changes her mind. It will also be easier for HER to manage. Which will be better all round.

Mine wanted very short (like her brother’s) at that age, she didn’t like the maintenance of long hair, which seemed fair enough, though I was concerned she was too little to understand how long/difficult it would be to grow so long again. We agreed we’d try a shoulder length cut first and if she still wanted it very short after that then that was fine - though I would absolutely draw the line at bald. She was actually very happy with her bob and has never asked for anything shorter - in fact a year later she’s now trying to grow it long again.

Start by cutting it to shoulder length or so and seeing what she thinks after that. But I think it’s unfair to ask her opinion and then completely ignore her answers.

As a previous poster suggests try shoulder length first or search online for a variety of shorter hairstyles and see if there's anything she fancies.

I would go for something like this
images.app.goo.gl/DHiJ5b39nXQiyzqh6

I think really long hair is a pain in the arse

You could turn it into a charitable thing by allowing her to go short and donating her hair to www.littleprincesses.org.uk/donate-hair for children who lose their hair through cancer treatment. That would also give her and you a response if anyone at school questions how short it is.

Bald is a bit far but definitely let her have it shorter. Waist lengths hair usually looks straggly and untidy and is totally impractical for school.

I was going to say YABU but I wouldn't have liked a bald cut either. DD has always been allowed to choose her hair style. When she could speak she asked for it short like her brother's I showed her some different pixie cuts and said she could choose one of those.
She had a pixie cut until she was about 6 when a girl at school helpfully told her she must be a boy because she has short hair...

If you didn't want her to have a say in her hair style, why did you bother asking her what she'd like? She's consistently said she'd like it short so go onto Pinterest or similar with her, look for pixie cuts on girls and let her choose something she likes the look of. Short hair is much easier on a small child - there's no chance it'll dangle in the loo, less chance it'll be cut by a classmate etc.

Back in the 1980s, lots of girls had short hair (me included) and it was seen for what it was; a short hair cut. More recently, one of my DDs chose to have her hair short (she was 7/8) and no one thought she was trying to be a boy, just that she wanted short hair.

Her hair. Her choice. Short hair is fine if that's what she wants. Our neighbours 4 year old got a "boy" hair cut and looks cute. She wanted to be like her little sister whose hair hasn't grown in yet properly so is very short. And my friend's little boy has very long hair and is often tied up, he doesn't want it cut so his parents aren't cutting it yet.

My mum always cut my hair ridiculously short when I was a kid and I hated it. She did she likes and I was never asked.

If your daughter ends up disliking it, then least she is working out what she likes and dislikes.

Just tell her she has to do it in stages. After the first cut shorter she’ll realise what a big change it is an probably forget about the desire to be bald!

Yabu.
Hair grows back.

I'd do it in stages so she can decide if she likes it shorter instead of going straight for the full chop.