Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let DD(4.5) have her hair cut the way that she wants?

227 replies

Lem0ndrizzl3 · 30/08/2022 10:58

DD is 4.5 and about to start primary school. We have been talking about having her hair cut for a while and asked her if there was a haircut that she would like. Her answer was "I want bald hair". I tried to explain to her that shaving her head is a very big decision (her hair currently reaches her waist) and that if she didn't like it, it would take years to grow back to its current length. When I tried to ask if there was any other haircuts that she liked she said she wanted "short hair like boys hair". I again tried to explain that it's a very big change and that maybe she should wait until she's older.

I thought it would be a passing thing like most of those kind of comments but she's stayed persistent that she wants a to be bald or have very short hair. In theory I don't have any issue with cutting hair hair short but I'm more concerned about what comes along with it.

I remember when I was in school, my school had rules around hair. Boys weren't allowed hair longer than a certain length and girls weren't allowed hair shorter than a certain length - unless for religious or health reasons. There was a girl who shaved her head and she was so severely bullied for it and she was given detentions just for her haircut. I also worry about the misconceptions it opens her up to. I would hate for her to get comments about her health or her gender because it doesn't apply here. And I suppose I am worried that I'd be accused by other parents of trying to make her be a boy.

My DP doesn't see the big deal, that it's just hair and it'll grow back. And he thinks it might help with her sensory issues. But I don't think it's a good idea. Aibu?

OP posts:
lailamaria · 30/08/2022 11:31

she doesn't want long hair on top of it being a sensory issue it's her hair and she's adamant she wants it, why should you have any more say over your husband who doesn't care or your daughter who actually has the aforementioned hair

Beamur · 30/08/2022 11:32

Misconceptions about gender?
Why not show her that she's not a girl because she has long hair. Hair is just hair.
Long hair is impractical for little girls really. Combing out knots hurts.

NellBeau · 30/08/2022 11:33

Her hair, her choice

SpiderinaWingMirror · 30/08/2022 11:33

I did this in stages with DD3 after DD2 claimed a lifetime of torture for having her hair cut short at a young age ( she refused to brush it or let me brush it).
With DD3, I made her have a short bob in the first instance (so if she wanted it long, there were no layers to grow out)
She then had a pixie cut in year 5 which she grew out to fit in at Secondary.
She looked fab with a pixie cut but instantly regretted it!

starrynight21 · 30/08/2022 11:33

I've never heard of a school having length rules for girls' hair - crazy. I'm sure it isn't a thing these days. Show her some pictures of hair styles and tell her she can pick one, then go and do it.

CoffeeWithCheese · 30/08/2022 11:34

DD1 has a jaw length bob after numerous stand offs about hair brushing - it's so much better for her and she really suits it - but she's a bit older. I'd be wary of really short hair - just because a friend's, very very adamant and clear that she's a girl, daughter has had a lot of problems with bullying because she has the most beautiful curly hair, but the curls are sooooo tight it always curls back up and looks really short - and the kids were mocking her and calling her transgender from quite young in the infants... and she has been incredibly upset about it.

scorpiogirly · 30/08/2022 11:34

ZeroFuchsGiven · 30/08/2022 11:17

You have put this in head by asking her what cut she wants. It wouldnt have been an issue if You just said 'we are going to get your hair cut'. She is 4 You are the parent and get to make the decisions.

Absolutely this.

I can't believe so many parents here are agreeing to having it cut so so short. She's 4.

My daughter has long curly hair. She is 4 also. When it needs a trim, she has a trim. That is all.

Whitney168 · 30/08/2022 11:35

Skelligsfeathers · 30/08/2022 11:21

I would go for something like this
images.app.goo.gl/DHiJ5b39nXQiyzqh6

I think really long hair is a pain in the arse

This is lovely.

I bet she just thinks long hair is a pain with the care it must take.

Donating the hair definitely the way forward too, lovely thing to do.

Shlomping1234 · 30/08/2022 11:35

My dd wanted a mohawk around that age 🤣
She settled on a Bob then complained it was too short. Gradually go shorter rather than chop it all off.

CaptainCarp · 30/08/2022 11:36

I had short hair for most of primary school. Always hated having my hair brushed & spent so much time outside it was always full of knots.
I grew it to shoulder length for high school as I thought it might not be "accepted" as much to have short hair. Think it took about 3 months.
Still bullied 🙄so chopped it all off again in year 9 to a pixie cut.

Since then I've gone between pixie & current waist length hair.
Currently hair is a PITA I'm having it trimmed at the end of this week (probably have to have a fair bit off) then plan to grow it for a few months & hopefully chop it back to a pixie cut.
I need to lose another stone or 2 though so my face isn't chubby.

CaptainCarp · 30/08/2022 11:38

I wouldn't let a child that young shave their head mind!

A bob or pixie fine. It's hair, it'll grow back.

PollyPurpose · 30/08/2022 11:38

YANBU. Do not let her choose! She will not realise the consequences and reality that her hair won’t become long overnight again.
sorru but I disagree. Children will also potentially call her out on even a pixie cut.

it’s such a shock change from longer to shorter let alone bald.
who is she looking at with bald hair and wanting to follow?

SpeckofDustUponMySoul · 30/08/2022 11:39

YABU and quite silly/old-fashioned in your thinking.
My eldest twin daughter, also 4.5, asked for a short style recently and, as it's what she wanted for her hair, it's what she got.
A few strangers have, subsequently, thought she was a boy, but this really doesn't faze me.

WaveyHair · 30/08/2022 11:41

She is probably very fed up of waist length hair, it must be hard to manage.

Do it in two stages. First shoulder\jaw length and see how she gets on. If she wants it shorter you can always get it cut again.

Whatwouldscullydo · 30/08/2022 11:42

Having having long hair in the kids if the hottest summer in years doesn't mean she has sensory issues.

Dd1(15) has really thick hair she now keeps cut to shoulder length with an under cut it means she no longer gets headaches from the weight of the pony tail and she can actually style her hair now.

I'd let your dd go for a short cut. But just make sure its one that suits her hair type and won't look fab having just been cut but will never be recreated at home.

Girls can have short hair. If she gets comments that's fir the teacher to sort out not fir her to have to have hair she hates so no one mistakes her fir a boy.

I'm.sure the huar dresser will be able to advise you on styles.

BogRollBOGOF · 30/08/2022 11:43

I'd go for cuts in stages. If she hasn't got the patience for this strategy, going very short in one fell swoop is a high risk if she doesn't like it.

It'll be good for classmates to fully grasp that she's a girl on starting school. Some children of that age group can be very rigid about male/ female stereotypes and some children can struggle and get distressed when they're wrongfully constantly "corrected" about non-stereotypical behaviours. That doesn't mean don't have pixie cuts, just that it may be easier to be secure about these things first.

IggyAce · 30/08/2022 11:45

I’d cut it in stages how about taking it upto shoulder length and donating it to Princess Trust to make wigs. If she wants it shorter get it cut to a short bob during October half term.
A completely shaved head is too far but gradually taking to a pixie is fine.

Beamur · 30/08/2022 11:45

Many years ago, I told my Mum I wouldn't go to school (about to start reception) unless I had short hair.
She reluctantly cut off my long blonde hair into a very urchin like crop. I loved it and did not regret it one bit. I hated having my hair brushed and tied back.
Roll on a few decades and I have a similar conversation with my own DD. She has her beautiful long red curly hair cut to shoulder length. Doesn't really like it. Wants it shorter. It's now very short and suits her perfectly.

CottonSock · 30/08/2022 11:46

My daughter most definitely would have regretted it. We had a similar situation aged 4 ish. Hairdresser looked terrified and asked my daughter if she was sure a trim wouldn't be better. We were only going from long to a short bob not shaved. A year later she hates me even getting it trimmed as she loves it long.

Blossomtoes · 30/08/2022 11:46

Get her to choose the cut she wants from pictures - bob or pixie cut - and get it done. Why do we fetishise long hair for girls and women? Waist length hair is so impractical for a child.

vroom321 · 30/08/2022 11:47

I'd definitely cut it but not into a boy style. Kids are mean.

She might not mean that anyway. Don't kids at 5 want a pet unicorn lol? She may not know how to express what she wants.

Or maybe at 14 she might want to dress and have hair like a boy. For now I'd just go a bit shorter.

InconvenientPeg · 30/08/2022 11:47

We did should length, then bob, then pixie over about three weeks for my dd12.

She was convinced, and I have short hair, but I know it can be a sensory shock so wanted to phase it for her. I did the first 2 cuts myself, then we went to the hairdresser for the final one.

I'd say let her go for it, it's so much easier to take care of for them.

Whatwouldscullydo · 30/08/2022 11:47

BogRollBOGOF · 30/08/2022 11:43

I'd go for cuts in stages. If she hasn't got the patience for this strategy, going very short in one fell swoop is a high risk if she doesn't like it.

It'll be good for classmates to fully grasp that she's a girl on starting school. Some children of that age group can be very rigid about male/ female stereotypes and some children can struggle and get distressed when they're wrongfully constantly "corrected" about non-stereotypical behaviours. That doesn't mean don't have pixie cuts, just that it may be easier to be secure about these things first.

What an odd post. Shes 4.5.a child.shes not responsible for the mental and emotional well being of classmates with idiot parents hung up on stereotypes.

She doesn't have to " secure" anything 🙄

SuperCamp · 30/08/2022 11:52

Let her have short hair!

So much easier for washing, drying, no tangles etc.

it doesn’t have to be shaved or a boy’s cut, if she has grown up all her life hearing adults go on about lovely long hair for girls that’s probably the only way she knows how to talk about it.

I don’t get the obsession with long long hair.

Of course primary schools allow girls to have short hair.

Show her some pics of short bobs, pixie cuts etc, and don’t create drama about cutting her long hair off.

AnotherAnxiousMess · 30/08/2022 11:52

Like others have said, do it gradually. Shoulder-length first, then if she still wants more off, go chin length, then pixie cut and then bald if she still wants to, even if it's over the course of a week. I saw a little girl recently with a pixie-cut and it was adorable! Show her some pictures on pinterest of different kids hairstyles and see what she prefers.

Swipe left for the next trending thread