To not let DD(4.5) have her hair cut the way that she wants?

[Lem0ndrizzl3]

DD is 4.5 and about to start primary school. We have been talking about having her hair cut for a while and asked her if there was a haircut that she would like. Her answer was "I want bald hair". I tried to explain to her that shaving her head is a very big decision (her hair currently reaches her waist) and that if she didn't like it, it would take years to grow back to its current length. When I tried to ask if there was any other haircuts that she liked she said she wanted "short hair like boys hair". I again tried to explain that it's a very big change and that maybe she should wait until she's older.

I thought it would be a passing thing like most of those kind of comments but she's stayed persistent that she wants a to be bald or have very short hair. In theory I don't have any issue with cutting hair hair short but I'm more concerned about what comes along with it.

I remember when I was in school, my school had rules around hair. Boys weren't allowed hair longer than a certain length and girls weren't allowed hair shorter than a certain length - unless for religious or health reasons. There was a girl who shaved her head and she was so severely bullied for it and she was given detentions just for her haircut. I also worry about the misconceptions it opens her up to. I would hate for her to get comments about her health or her gender because it doesn't apply here. And I suppose I am worried that I'd be accused by other parents of trying to make her be a boy.

My DP doesn't see the big deal, that it's just hair and it'll grow back. And he thinks it might help with her sensory issues. But I don't think it's a good idea. Aibu?

And please, not a bob. I'm sorry, but a bob is not a good hair style for a young child as unless her hair is very thick and dead straight, it will always look messy as it's unlikely she's going to spend 15 minutes blowdrying every day. Bobs take a lot of effort and maintenance to look good.

I really don't like waist length hair (on boys or girls), it never looks nicely kept and it must be such a pain for the kid.

I wouldnt allow fully bald, but I'd allow short hair. It would also look much tidier!

I grew up in the 80s and loads of girls had short hair. I highly doubt schools will apply sex to hair styles now. Let her have it cut, you're being very old fashioned. Perhaps go for a Bob first if you're really concerned she'll hate it. Donating it is a good idea :)

I honestly don't understand all the "shoulder length" first posts. Why?

Because of her age. At 4, she won't have the full understanding of how long it will take before it grows back. A 4 year old is also more likely to change her mind when she sees it than older kids who can think things through more rationally.

If let her have a shoulder length cut then a chin length Bob then go shorter as she asks, do it in stages.

Yes absolutely this.

I had bob-length hair above the shoulders all through primary. When I got to secondary, I wanted long hair and tried to grow it but every time it got to my shoulders and starts flicking out, I hated it and would cut it. Then I went pixie for many years. Tried growing it out again but it just goes to an awkward stage that I can't stand and makes me feel miserable. Personally, I wish my parents had let me have waist length hair from the start so I didn't have to go through the shite of growing it!

But, your daughter is coming at this from the other end, she does have waist length hair and wants it shorter. She is quite young though. I wouldn't do a pixie or shaved head at this age, as it's such a dramatic change from waist length.

I would start with just below the shoulders. See if she likes it and wants it any shorter for the next cut. Next time you take her , if she wants, you can do a above shoulders Bob. If she still wants shorter, then do a longer pixie cut the next time.

I'm guessing she doesn't like the feeling of it around her face so I'm not sure a bob is the way to go to be honest as logical as it might sound.

I'd either go pixie cut short or all one length (but shorter than it is now) but long enough to successfully tie back into a style that keeps it entirely out her face and has no long ponytail type loose hair or braids.

A comfortable french/dutch braid tucked into the neck and finished there might suit.

'Say yes when you can.'

Bit different but when I was little I so wanted long hair and my mum insisted it keep being cut into a really short bob. Every time I was so upset and didn't understand - it really felt like she was punishing me and I couldn't understand why. One of the many ways she made my childhood an absolute misery and made me feel like nothing I felt or thought mattered.

Bur yes, thinking about it, if it's a sensory issue then a Bob won't be the best choice imo. Long hair is actually easier to tie away from your body and face, in a braid or a high pony tail or a bun. My hair is always annoying me because it isn't long enough to tie-up so it's always around my face and sticking to my neck/forehead in the heat.

How did her hair get to waist length? I remember my Mum combing and brushing my hair when I was a child, it was so painful and mine never went below my shoulder blades. I'm not surprised that she doesn't want waist-length hair.

There is absolutely no way that the school will have any sort of rule that says girls can't have hair shorter than a certain length, except maybe a blanket rule for both sexes about no buzz cuts.

So tell her against school rules to be bald and get her a pixie instead.

I'm so glad I have a boy (who doesn't want long hair). His hair is the simplest thing about him!

If the child can't cope with the hair dressers very well then a plan that involves more trips where she will encounter the same problems she already does- pulling, brushing out tangles etc is probably gonna make it worse.

At least with a short cut despite needing more attention with trims etc it will hopefully be a start point of very little discomfort as there's not much hair ti get tangled. It will be quicker and easier.

Agree with poster who said bobs are harder work. Especially if they arent quite long enough to tie back easily. The bits falling out get realky annoying

Just stop asking her. She's giving silly answers. She would pitch a fit if you really shaved her head and social services/the school would wonder what was wrong with you.

You don't have to include toddlers in decision making processes.

It is weird how very samey girls' hair seems to be these days. All long straight hair with middle partings, which suits very few people, no individuality at all.

Loads of girls on my town have waist length. You just don't brush it so that it hurts. It's easy.

As the parent you shouldn’t be letting a 4.5yo make the call or decide upon this, it doesn’t help them and their mind could change from long to bald from one week to the next.

it’s easier to agree with kids and seem like the nice one but far better for them in the long run to be their parent

DD is 13 and over the years has had a mix between mid back length hair and a number 3 on back and sides and longer on top.

She first had a pixie cut at 4, it was super easy to sort out in the morning, no issues with knots etc. She got a few comments about being a boys hair cut and then grew it to shoulder length. At 8 she decided she didnt care about what the other children said, she didnt like the feel of hair on the back of her neck and she went short to a pixie cut. That was her standard haircut throughout Primary school.

During lockdown when we eventually managed to get to the hairdressers she went really short with the clippers, it was at the start of the summer holidays before year 6 so it could grow out if she didnt like it. She loved it, I hated it. I have no idea why but I had a really strong dislike to it, I was quite shocked by my own reaction too. She actually did look like a boy whereas with a pixie cut she didnt really. We have a deal now that she can be scissors short but not clippers, although shes into her teens and looks more womanly overall.

Its important children are allowed to make choices and are control of somethings in their lives, hair is a great one to start with because they learn about consequences of their decisions and it is always temporary.

Trim it and plait it. You will be dealing with head lice from now on anyway. As for involving a 4 year old in the decision making, don't make life more difficult than you need.

@NovaDeltas I reckon waist length is more about Mums who live a bit of hairstyling than it is in te kids' interests. My mother did not deliberately hurt me, and we tried all sorts of different brushes and detangling sprays over the years, because O actually wanted longer hair. But it was impossible. I'm yet to find a hairdresser who can brush or comb it completely painlessly now, even with a Tangle Teezer. It's very fine.

Surely giving the child short hair is the best way not to make life difficult, and deal with lice?

Of course it is.

It's likely to be sensory, maybe the weight of hair or dislike of brushing/plaiting/tied back feeling?

Depending on texture of her hair a short style or page-boy cut might be a lot easier for her and if well cut won't need tying, clipping or any more than a trim.

For most of the last century it was common for at least some women and girls (in many cultures) to have shorter hair. The current Disney princess obsession for everyone whether it suits them or not is weird. Channel Snow White.

4.5 is really not a toddler!

The OP has explained why..her daughter is autistic and relates better to being given a choice about stuff.

This