To not let DD(4.5) have her hair cut the way that she wants?

[Lem0ndrizzl3]

DD is 4.5 and about to start primary school. We have been talking about having her hair cut for a while and asked her if there was a haircut that she would like. Her answer was "I want bald hair". I tried to explain to her that shaving her head is a very big decision (her hair currently reaches her waist) and that if she didn't like it, it would take years to grow back to its current length. When I tried to ask if there was any other haircuts that she liked she said she wanted "short hair like boys hair". I again tried to explain that it's a very big change and that maybe she should wait until she's older.

I thought it would be a passing thing like most of those kind of comments but she's stayed persistent that she wants a to be bald or have very short hair. In theory I don't have any issue with cutting hair hair short but I'm more concerned about what comes along with it.

I remember when I was in school, my school had rules around hair. Boys weren't allowed hair longer than a certain length and girls weren't allowed hair shorter than a certain length - unless for religious or health reasons. There was a girl who shaved her head and she was so severely bullied for it and she was given detentions just for her haircut. I also worry about the misconceptions it opens her up to. I would hate for her to get comments about her health or her gender because it doesn't apply here. And I suppose I am worried that I'd be accused by other parents of trying to make her be a boy.

My DP doesn't see the big deal, that it's just hair and it'll grow back. And he thinks it might help with her sensory issues. But I don't think it's a good idea. Aibu?

I had short hair like a boy at age 5. Absolutely hated it. Still remember that quite clearly. So my gut reaction is to let your daughter have her hair how she wants it, as she's old enough to feel miserable if her hair isn't how she wants it. Having said that, waist length to very short is a massive change. I'd tell her it has to be done in stages, and maybe go for a shoulder or chin length bob first. Not so drastic and she'd still be able to have a ponytail/put in clasps etc if she wishes it was longer.

I'm autistic and have my hair really short (clippers out frequently) - it really bothers me when it starts growing a bit (and I'm still talking short) and I need to cut it asap at that point. At the length it's at now (furry stubble at the back, longer on top) I can't feel it and that's great. When it's longer I can feel it. If she wants it short (albeit not shaved) then let her. She's the one with sensory issues!

Let her have short hair ffs
whats the big deal?

This is her first chance for body autonomy. I'd let her of she has been persistent. I'd suggest you tell her it's fine and let her look through pictures with you and see what she chooses. She might be saying shaved but mean something different. I get it though. My girl has long hair and asked for it short and I said yes if she still wanted it by her next haircut. I was relieved when she changed her mind as I also worried about her changing her mind after the cut.

babyjellyfish

Lovely idea to donate to charity.
Doing it in stages, bob to pixie cut is a great idea.

For the record, I have spent YEARS trying to get DD to cut her hair shorter. She's got very curly, but quite fine (albeit a LOT of it) hair, and I accept that if she wants it "long" it needs the length to add enough weight (otherwise it just bounces up around her face which she hates). But it's torture to care for.

When other parents tell e how lovely her hair is and how much I must love it, I just roll my eyes.

She recently got the biggest trim she's ever had, and it looks SOOO much better and even she likes it. I'm hoping for another inch or two next time....

Waist length hair must be a nightmare for her with all the washing and brushing and the weight of it. YABU. Let her have it cut.

There are websites where you can upload a photo and 'try on' different hairstyles. Would it be worth doing that with her so that she can see the effect of different lengths?

I think waist length hair is quite hard to manage for a young child. Whats the problem with a cute Bob? Both mine have had stages of bobs and long hair. I love how tidy they look and can just wear an Alice band to school no need to put up in a bunch (which can cause sensory issues!)

Do it now while she's keen!

I would probably refuse to shave her head but a short hair cut on little girls is cute. She is probably sick of carrying all that hair around. It will grow back if she hates it.

I wouldn't allow 'bald hair' either but I am not sure why you would not let her have it much shorter with a view to going shorter still in the future if she wants.
Long hair on young girls is surely a massive faff until they are older enough to deal with it themselves anyway

I suppose the concern could be that if for example you get it cut into a short bob it might be too short to tie up which she might hate even more. So initially I would let her get it cut to just about long enough to tie up length. Give her enough time to get used to having less of it for starters .

I wouldn't give a four year old a choice on this as the time involved in waiting for it to grow is too long for them to understand.I am, however , a fan of short hair for small children as it is much easier to manage for them and i hate to see , in particular little girls, decorated like dolls.

Just give her a short pixie cut. She'll be happy, and so will you when she brings home nits from school.

Not a chance will my daughter be having bald hair. Your reasons are completely justifiable- if she was 10 or 11 then maybe ….

I think it is strange that people treat children like little adults who are completely able to make informed and well considered decisions.

it is okay to meet her half way with a compromise such as a bob and if she likes that a pixie cut.

imagine you shave it all off and for whatever reason she absolutely hates it and is reduced to tears? Test the water first ..

I've just seen this with a boy of the same age. He had super long hair. His friend was having their hair cut. He wanted his fringe cut too (it was long). Was told to pop back and ask parents. He came back saying they said yes. Naive fellow parent believes this and the fringe was cut (badly). Child was very upset later and wanted the hair back NOW. It was a whole personality change, became much more needy and unsure of himself. So no, it's not unreasonable to take it in stages.

I had a “boys” short haircut at 4. It was so practical - I remember I loved how it dried so quickly after swimming. I really wanted it and now think it was so great that my parents let me have it. At that age I also wanted to be a boy (because I thought that dolls were boring) so it was a very deliberate choice.

As an aside I am so grateful that this was in the early 90s when trans kids wasn’t a thing because i maintained I wanted to be a boy for years. I grew out of it, was a pretty girly teen and am now a very happy woman (heterosexual if it matters).

At 4.5 they need to make guided decisions rather than independent ones. Show her pictures of short and chin length and see which she likes, there's no need to include bald ones if that's something you don't want her to have. Personally I wouldn't give the option of fully shaved at that age for either sex.

When my two were small they had a no4 back and sides with a little extra length on top. Now they are in their 20s the oldest grows his long, shaves it, grows it long, shaves it on a loop, the youngest has his shaved No1 back and sides and scissor cut on top every 2-3 weeks

One word- nuts! You may find the shorter her hair the better when she starts school!!

• Nits obviously, blooming autocorrect

Take her long hair and preserve the braid. Then let her get a haircut. I would probably avoid 'bald' as well, but a nice pixie or page boy cut would look nice. It's not like it won't grow back. Speaking as someone who goes from waist length to shoulder length pretty regularly.

It is her hair, but yes, bald is not ok with most schools. I would get her a bob and see if she wants to go pixie cut after.

I know a girl who has a standard short-back-and-sides type boy's cut. She looks fabulous.

I wouldn't give a four year old a choice on this - And everyone else who has said the same -

At what age does it become 'her body - her choice' ?

Why does she want short hair? I asked my mum for short hair at a similar age because I hated having it washed. My mum told me short hair needed washing more often. I was sure she was making that up…..until I had it cut short at 12, realised she was right, and also wished I’d never had it cut.

So, I agree with going in stages rather than straight in with a short cut. Young children’s whims come and go very quickly anyway. My DS’s friend insisted he wanted his mum to cut off his shoulder length hair, and then asked for it back after a few days. Lesson learnt, I suppose, but I wouldn’t ask a young child to choose their haircut with no guidance/boundaries/input.

This, I don't get this negotiation about every single little thing. She's 4. She has a trim and that's it. She can choose hairstyles when she's much older.