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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should you leave flowers in the church after wedding ceremony!

340 replies

confuseddoesntcutit · 29/08/2022 10:41

Hi all,

So I'm getting married In 2 weeks, got the florist organised and al bouquets paid for.

We have asked for x1 pedestal arrangement and 8x little posy-jar arrangements to decorate the church. These, along with some buttonholes, bridesmaids posy's and my bridal bouquet have come to almost £900.

We had arranged for the florist to aid in moving the arrangements from the church to our reception venue after the ceremony, so we can continue to enjoy them.

I had a message from a family member today to say how hurt they are, and how rude and mean it seems to be - to 'swipe' the flowers from the church straight after the ceremony not leaving any behind.

I didn't realise that this was a thing. Maybe I'm in the wrong? Can anybody please explain?

OP posts:
mintich · 29/08/2022 10:42

We left them as they stayed up in the church for the week afterwards

QueSyrahSyrah · 29/08/2022 10:44

Didn't get married in a church so I've no idea, but how does this family member know that's your plan? The less fine details you share then the less scope there is for randoms to get het up about them.

Fayrazzled · 29/08/2022 10:45

I agree with your relative. I think the flowers should be left in the church to be enjoyed by the rest of the church community in services over the next week.
People do take them with them to the venue though- I’ve heard of it before but personally I think it’s not really the done thing.

user1471548941 · 29/08/2022 10:45

We left ours in church but that was because the church requested that we use their florist who didn’t do the main wedding.

so we paid £100 for her to put 2 x pedestals up in church, which stayed there.

then had our own florist decorate the reception venue, where pedestals weren’t needed.

TidyDancer · 29/08/2022 10:46

I think it is traditional to leave them, yes. I'm not sure why or how it started though. Is your family member older or more religious than you? They may be going on what they've seen before or known as they were growing up possibly.

elf1985 · 29/08/2022 10:46

Yep you leave them as normally they have people in the congregation who do flowers for the church, so if you take yours the church will be bare.

switswoo81 · 29/08/2022 10:47

We took ours to the reception also as there was another wedding the following day so we couldn't leave them and they were lovely at the reception venue.
If you are leaving them in the church you also should arrange for them to be removed when they are starting to wilt.

Original poster
confuseddoesntcutit · 29/08/2022 10:47

The church is very special to us it's got a lot of family history as well as having had many the celebration, but also sad memories with funerals..
i feel very guilty now. I think most of this is actually my ignorance as I had no idea the done thing was to leave the flowers!

OP posts:
imasurvivor2 · 29/08/2022 10:47

I'd take them to the reception. Not sure why relative would be hurt. Are they paying for them? If so maybe they should have a say, if not it's not got anything to do with them has it?

DisforDarkChocolate · 29/08/2022 10:48

I thought they were always left.

HappydaysArehere · 29/08/2022 10:48

We took my bouquet but the flowers decorating the church were left. It’s a kind of thank you for the church. What are you going to do with them if you take them?

ClaryFairchild · 29/08/2022 10:48

Yes, it's traditional to leave the flowers there. Although if there are several weddings in a row not sure what happens....

UndertheCedartree · 29/08/2022 10:49

I think it is usual to leave them. Could you compromise and leave the pedestal but take the jars?

Emojimovie · 29/08/2022 10:51

I also didn’t know this op and would have presumed you take them. Can you take half of them?

CraftyClara · 29/08/2022 10:51

We left our flowers, but I think the church arranged them and we paid. We went halves on the cost with a couple getting married before us.

FelicityFlops · 29/08/2022 10:53

It very much depends.
At my home church the flowers were usually left for the Sunday services.
At the church where I was married, we were asked to remove the flowers after the service as there was a big church celebration the next day and they wanted their own flowers - I would have been happy to leave them.
What is the norm, have you asked the vicar or sidesperson/church warden?

maddening · 29/08/2022 10:53

I thought it was when you paid the church to decorate that you left it and they have ladies in the community that do the flowers.

Floralnomad · 29/08/2022 10:53

I got married over 30 yrs ago and the flowers for the church were left in the church , we had different arrangements done for the reception venue . It was very much expected that the flowers stayed at the church in those days

PinkyFlamingo · 29/08/2022 10:55

We left ours but it was 1999! Someone was getting married in the church the next day and we went half's on them though. £900 seems really expensive!

Turquoise123 · 29/08/2022 10:56

I think it’s a bit mean of someone to make this comment to you. The florist must be familiar with what is the norm and if they did not say anything I would not worry, you did pay for them and I suspect you paid quite a bit to the Church as well . I hope you had a wonderful day.

HelloViroids · 29/08/2022 10:56

Ask the vicar? We took ours but it was a tiny remote church and they only had services there once a month - there were three other local churches and the community and vicar rotated between them all - so if we’d left them there the congregation might have come to 4 wek old flowers!

Bonheurdupasse · 29/08/2022 10:56

imasurvivor2 · 29/08/2022 10:47

I'd take them to the reception. Not sure why relative would be hurt. Are they paying for them? If so maybe they should have a say, if not it's not got anything to do with them has it?

This OP.

You paid for them, you can take them to enjoy for the rest of your day

NoSquirrels · 29/08/2022 10:56

Ask the church.

Traditionally you’d leave a pedestal arrangement, yes.

Think of the church less as a ‘venue’ you are decorating and more of a community you are celebrating with - let the rest of the community enjoy your celebration.

Undercoverdetective · 29/08/2022 10:56

Could you compromise and take them to decorate the venue and arrange to get them taken back to the church afterwards. It would be thoughtful for them to be there in time for the Sunday services. As pp said, if there are wedding flowers the usual people won't have prepared anything and the church will be bare. I think it's quite a nice tradition, especially if you have strong connections to the church. People who know the family but weren't involved with the wedding may enjoy going in to see your flowers.

Firty · 29/08/2022 10:57

I was told very firmly by the church lady that it’s traditional for wedding flowers to stay there. I thought it was v cheeky of them, but it cost sod all to borrow their lovely building so I spent very little on flowers since I wasn’t getting them for more than an hr 🤷‍♀️

Plus it is kinda nice that people enjoyed the flowers I did buy for a week not just a day.

You shouldn’t feel bad for moving stuff you bought though. The church being greedy about someone else’s purchase is not very Christian eh.

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