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Original poster

Should you leave flowers in the church after wedding ceremony!

340 replies

confuseddoesntcutit · 29/08/2022 10:41

Hi all,

So I'm getting married In 2 weeks, got the florist organised and al bouquets paid for.

We have asked for x1 pedestal arrangement and 8x little posy-jar arrangements to decorate the church. These, along with some buttonholes, bridesmaids posy's and my bridal bouquet have come to almost £900.

We had arranged for the florist to aid in moving the arrangements from the church to our reception venue after the ceremony, so we can continue to enjoy them.

I had a message from a family member today to say how hurt they are, and how rude and mean it seems to be - to 'swipe' the flowers from the church straight after the ceremony not leaving any behind.

I didn't realise that this was a thing. Maybe I'm in the wrong? Can anybody please explain?

OP posts:
notanothertakeaway · 29/08/2022 11:16

I imagine that, traditionally, flowers were done by ladies from the church, and therefore left for the church community to enjoy the following day

Perhaps you could check with the church. Perhaps leave some behind?

AnnaMagnani · 29/08/2022 11:20

Standard to leave them if you are using the church's florist/flower arrangers.

However given you are paying for £900 worth of flowers, I'd say they are yours to do with as you like.

I went straight to my honeymoon from my wedding so the flowers were going to be wasted. I had them taken to the local hospice (I did actually work there) but it wasn't unusual for them to have flowers donated from weddings.

I'd also strongly recommend sharing a lot less about your wedding planning with your family because, as you have found, everyone has an opinion and it becomes impossible to please everyone.

CupcakesK · 29/08/2022 11:21

I'm really confused by most previous responses here - it seems that the OP has arranged her own (non-church) florist for the flowers. Why the hell should or would she leave them behind? She has paid for them, to her specification for her wedding. Surely, a donation to the church for the use of their facilities is better, or if, as stated, the OP is a regular at the church they will be doing that anyway.

If the church had supplied (even at a subsidised cost) then yes you should leave them. But a private florist? No.

In the current cost of living crisis are churches even spending money on flowers still? Seems a bit frivolous when many of their congregation could be going without food/heating.

keeprunning55 · 29/08/2022 11:21

I took the pedestal flowers and left the others. You pay money to have you wedding in a church, I really wouldn’t worry at all. I doubt the people in the church will mind at all. I organise the flowers in my church, and we never mind who does what!

DoraSpenlow · 29/08/2022 11:23

Bbq1 · 29/08/2022 11:15

Well you have just used the church building and facilities...

Show quote history

Which they will have paid for (Vicar, Licence, choir, bellringers, etc)

jumperoozles · 29/08/2022 11:23

We got married in NI and took some of the flowers from the church to our venue - left the ones at the end of pews and the arrangement at the front but it was definitely expected that some would be taken to use at the venue. In the other weddings I’d been to there everyone did the same as us too… maybe it depends on the church if it’s the done thing or not so maybe ask the reverend?

UWhatNow · 29/08/2022 11:23

People don’t seem to understand what a church wedding means…

The church is not just a ‘special building’ hired out for events. Brides might think that but it’s a place of worship and it’s assumed that you are getting married there as you wish to have a Christian service. The church makes virtually nothing on you having your wedding there so you are not doing ‘the church’ a favour by having your wedding there - quite the opposite! The regular church goers pay to upkeep these buildings and church going volunteers usually clean and keep things going - so it’s a nice gesture to leave the flowers as a token of appreciation for the congregation.

By all means take your flowers, go through the Christian liturgy and don’t take it seriously and then never step through the church door again but why bother with a church wedding at all?

Toddlerteaplease · 29/08/2022 11:24

Depends on the agreement you've made with the church. We sometimes have them left as a gift to the church. But if they Have external florists in and want them to go to the reception then that's fine as well.
We always had stunning flowers anyway so it didn't really make much difference if they stayed or went.

UWhatNow · 29/08/2022 11:24

DoraSpenlow · 29/08/2022 11:23

Which they will have paid for (Vicar, Licence, choir, bellringers, etc)

Show quote history

Peppercorn amounts!

AnnaMagnani · 29/08/2022 11:25

Bbq1 · 29/08/2022 11:15

Well you have just used the church building and facilities...

Show quote history

And they have paid to use the church building and facilities.

KangarooKenny · 29/08/2022 11:25

Traditionally you’d leave the flowers for the church users to enjoy.

jumperoozles · 29/08/2022 11:26

Bit harsh. We are members of our church and pay the fees, take our Christian faith very seriously and still took some of the flowers 😂

Underhisi · 29/08/2022 11:26

We paid the church and they supplied and arranged them and the flowers stayed at the church. The reception venue did the same thing. I think that was how everyone did it ( 25 years ago).

Original poster
confuseddoesntcutit · 29/08/2022 11:26

We have paid £860 for the church ceremony, and didn't have the offer of a church based florist so didn't even know this was an option.
We went with a private florist for all floral bouquets and arrangements..

OP posts:
TenoringBehind · 29/08/2022 11:27

In our church we leave it up to each couple to decide, but the norm is for the small posies at the end of pews to be left but everything else to be taken away. It is very rare for everything to be left but it causes great delight if that does happen.

to be honest, it seems a waste to me if the flowers are left. They’ll only be seen for the church service the next day and then left to die (and for someone else to clear up). They’ll get more ‘use’ if taken.

hummerbird · 29/08/2022 11:27

Ask the Verger.
I think we gave some to each of our Mother's but most were left.

Pootles34 · 29/08/2022 11:30

Is relative involved with the church? If it were me, I'd take them to the venue, then ask said relative very kindly if they would mind taking them back to church the day after.

It is traditional to leave them, but that's more when you've had a lady in the church do them for £100!

54isanopendoor · 29/08/2022 11:31

We married in our Church 20 years ago.
There was no option of the church ladies doing the flowers so we used a florist.
well, we planned to but my family (paying for the flowers) let us down so in the end I just managed a bouquet & buttonholes so no flowers for the Church sadly.
When I arrived, someone had decided to leave the previous weddings flowers 'up for us'. That was thoughtful but we had week old very droopy sunflowers instead of the fresh white lilies I'd envisaged. Ah well. I am signing my Divorce this week.

OP perhaps you could take your flowers to the reception then return them to the church / a hospice? OR take some 'table arrangement' size ones (pew end decs?) and leave the pedestal / altar flowers for the Church congregation?
Don't stress too much & I hope you enjoy the Day & a long happy marriage x

TenoringBehind · 29/08/2022 11:31

@CupcakesK

the church wouldn’t pay for the cost of any flowers. There’s usually a rota of volunteers who supply and arrange the flowers.

when it’s my turn I pick stuff from my garden and arrange that. Buying flowers seems like a waste of money to me when they sit not being looked at for all but one hour of the week.

GinIronic · 29/08/2022 11:31

You paid a lot of money for them and I don’t see why you can’t take them to the reception. Your hurt relative is being a bit dramatic over a few flowers.

NotQuiteUsual · 29/08/2022 11:32

I'm another who used the Church's own florist. We were very lucky and out wedding was the day before the harvest festival so we had the most amazing display. Nothing of value to add, but thank you for reminding me such a find memory.

EL8888 · 29/08/2022 11:32

It’s none of the relatives business as she didn’t pay for them (lm assuming) and it wasn’t their wedding. I’m frequently amazed at how much people interfere and pass comments on other people’s wedding, typically in a rude and interfering way. I would ignore and not feed into it or set them straight

GettingOrganisedNow · 29/08/2022 11:32

We got married on a Saturday afternoon, and "Margaret Who Does The Flowers normally does them on Saturday morning because she goes to visit her sister in the afternoon", so we left them there, otherwise the congregation wouldn't have had any flowers for the Sunday morning. The church then distributed them to some of the people who weren't able to make it to church (elderly people and someone recently bereaved, I think), so they served a good few purposes!

I think some people leave the main bunch of flowers but take the arrangements that go on the ends of pews and use them as table centres, which seems sensible - it also saves the church having to take them all off and bin them once they start to wilt.

I don't think it's a terrible crime to take them away with you, though - just ask the church what they'd prefer.

lickenchugget · 29/08/2022 11:32

The church elder who organised our wedding said we are of course free to have the florist decorate the church, but that it would be expected that any flowers would be left.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 29/08/2022 11:33

Peppercorn amounts!

You must have a different view of money to me then!

www.churchofengland.org/life-events/your-church-wedding/just-engaged/cost-church-weddings