Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should you leave flowers in the church after wedding ceremony!

340 replies

confuseddoesntcutit · 29/08/2022 10:41

Hi all,

So I'm getting married In 2 weeks, got the florist organised and al bouquets paid for.

We have asked for x1 pedestal arrangement and 8x little posy-jar arrangements to decorate the church. These, along with some buttonholes, bridesmaids posy's and my bridal bouquet have come to almost £900.

We had arranged for the florist to aid in moving the arrangements from the church to our reception venue after the ceremony, so we can continue to enjoy them.

I had a message from a family member today to say how hurt they are, and how rude and mean it seems to be - to 'swipe' the flowers from the church straight after the ceremony not leaving any behind.

I didn't realise that this was a thing. Maybe I'm in the wrong? Can anybody please explain?

OP posts:
category12 · 29/08/2022 11:49

But who needs £900 of flowers at their home? Wouldn't it stuff the place?

18e6281o62 · 29/08/2022 11:50

I had a church wedding and took mine afterwards to the reception venue. I paid for them so don't think it's fair to not use them. Guests leaving took the centre pieces home. Just do what you want/can afford. And don't stress about the interefing relative.

nancyclancy123 · 29/08/2022 11:51

I had no idea this was a tradition and we had a church wedding.
Fortunately for us though, the church had a flower festival the weekend previous and left it all for us, so we didn’t have to buy any.

gingercat02 · 29/08/2022 11:52

confuseddoesntcutit · 29/08/2022 11:26

We have paid £860 for the church ceremony, and didn't have the offer of a church based florist so didn't even know this was an option.
We went with a private florist for all floral bouquets and arrangements..

I assume you aren't a church goer or you would know some flowers were left for the church. Flowers for the week are usually done on a rota by members of the congregation at their own cost.

Your Aunt will be a bit embarrassed when her friends wonder why there aren't wedding flowers on Sunday as they will likely know it her niece's wedding

Elphame · 29/08/2022 11:52

It is tradition to leave them

We left them but went all out with pew end flowers as well as pedestals. I expect they were enjoyed by the church goers for a week or two.

inappropriateraspberry · 29/08/2022 11:52

It's only traditional to leave the flowers if the church has done them! If you have paid a florist for them they are yours to do with as you wish.

daisychain01 · 29/08/2022 11:52

Based on your update, if you MIL is paying for the flowers and you intend to give them to her to take home afterwards and have already told her that, then it doesn't matter what other people's opinion is, they aren't paying. You'd need to meet the commitment to your MIL.

If it was you paying then you'd get to choose and in that case, you could decide to leave them in the church or take them.

people will have an opinion - doesn't mean you have to tie yourself in knots trying to appease them. It's none of their business!

Sooveritallnow · 29/08/2022 11:53

OP the only person who can answer this for you is your Minister, as different churches have different rules, requirements and expectations.

Ultimately you have paid forthe flowers though and they are yours to do as you wish with them.

Most florists will offer a transportation service for your flowers after the ceremony, so it is quite common that the majority of the flowers that decorate the Church ate repurposed for the reception.

I personally would want as little wastage as possible and would repurpose my flowers, possibly providing some to the Church the following day if they wanted a donation of flowers, but not all do.

AnnaMagnani · 29/08/2022 11:53

category12 · 29/08/2022 11:49

But who needs £900 of flowers at their home? Wouldn't it stuff the place?

Read the OP's posts - most of those flowers are going to be taken home by people wearing buttonholes or carrying posies.

All that is left is 1 pedestal and 8 jars with posies in. It's not a Kim Kardashian amount of flowers.

CupcakesK · 29/08/2022 11:53

.... because it's a nice gesture to the church to let the congregation at services in the coming week or two after the wedding enjoy the arrangement for longer.

I get this, if the church had offered their time to create the arrangements. But the OP has paid to use the church and paid a private florist for the flowers. Wouldn't it be kinder to gift the flowers on to other people (e.g. hospice) that would get more enjoyment from them? I don't understand what is so special about a church building that it needs flowers (paid for privately) from weddings as a kind gesture. It's weird.

ChateauMargaux · 29/08/2022 11:54

Ask the church warden or vicar... there may be other flowers planned... but yes, normal to leave them. Your MIL can enjoy your bouquet after the wedding if you do not plan to throw it....

Sapphire387 · 29/08/2022 11:56

Why is your relative 'hurt' though? Seems an odd reaction.

HermioneKipper · 29/08/2022 11:56

I think it’s usual to leave them but usually the church have their own “florist” or person from the church who does them who’s a lot cheaper. Eg around £100/200.

we left ours as we paid the person in the church who did them.

if I’d paid £900 to an official florist I’d want to take them too!

category12 · 29/08/2022 11:57

I think I'd say to your relative "sorry, I didn't know this was a thing, MIL is paying for the flowers and she's decided to take them home afterwards. I'll ask [fiance] to mention the tradition to her but otherwise really it's her decision."

BungleandGeorge · 29/08/2022 12:00

It’s usual to leave them for the congregation to enjoy. I think you could just leave the pedestal and take the small posies

Newusernames · 29/08/2022 12:01

We took ours with us. Wasn’t going to leave £1,000’s worth of flowers in the Church. Our Vicar suggested moving them so was no issue for her. There wasn’t regular services in the Church we used so no one would have seen them anyway.

Whatsthestoryboringglory · 29/08/2022 12:02

Another one here who thinks if the church florist did them you normally leave them, if your private florist has done them you can do what you like with them. I think it also makes a difference if you are a regular Sunday churchgoer (would probably leave them regardless) or only attend church for weddings/funerals/christenings (more likely to take them if using private florist). That’s been my experience with weddings I’ve attended.

I think the attitude of leaving them 100% of the time regardless of who does them is quite old fashioned. My friends in their 30s who aren’t churchgoers have tended to donate to care homes or hospices. I think that’s a lovely thing to do. Equally nice for your MIL to enjoy them.

If you are concerned, just check the Vicar isn’t expecting you to leave them and crack on.

Timeandtune · 29/08/2022 12:02

Just popping in to respond to those who say flowers left in church will only be enjoyed by a handful of people on a Sunday.
My church is a 7 days a week sort of place , well used by the community and congregation.

godmum56 · 29/08/2022 12:02

I'd say its between you and the church and not your family member's business.

JudgeRindersMinder · 29/08/2022 12:02

UWhatNow · 29/08/2022 11:23

People don’t seem to understand what a church wedding means…

The church is not just a ‘special building’ hired out for events. Brides might think that but it’s a place of worship and it’s assumed that you are getting married there as you wish to have a Christian service. The church makes virtually nothing on you having your wedding there so you are not doing ‘the church’ a favour by having your wedding there - quite the opposite! The regular church goers pay to upkeep these buildings and church going volunteers usually clean and keep things going - so it’s a nice gesture to leave the flowers as a token of appreciation for the congregation.

By all means take your flowers, go through the Christian liturgy and don’t take it seriously and then never step through the church door again but why bother with a church wedding at all?

This, and I’m not even a churchgoer!

skyeisthelimit · 29/08/2022 12:03

OP, YANBU to take the flowers. You are paying a huge amount to hire the church anyway, why should you have to give them all of the flowers.

It may be "tradition" in some areas to leave them, but there are a lot of wedding traditions that no longer happen, so don't beat yourself up over it.

Take the flowers and enjoy them, and just tell your family member that it is out of your control.

The most recent wedding that I went to in June, they removed all flowers from the church and took to the reception (small village church).

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 29/08/2022 12:04

I think its fine to take some of them but most churches like to at least have flowers on the alter on Sunday's. Assuming your ceremony is on a Saturday afternoon if you remove your flowers then its unlikely that there will be time for the church volunteers to notice, rush out and buy more then arrange them and get them in place for Sunday. Its not the end of the world, Sunday services will go ahead as usual. It has happened in our church where people are surprised at no flowers on Sunday and the explanation is that none have been arranged as it had been assumed that the wedding flowers from the previous day would be left so if its possible to just leave some that would be nice.

stopringingme · 29/08/2022 12:04

We left ours as we paid the church to supply and arrange them, it was a much cheaper option than employing a florist to decorate the church, we got married in a very large church and it was much appreciated but I have always thought flowers were left whoever paid for them.

Speak to the church they will tell you and I am sure they would appreciate a conversation regarding this as otherwise they will not have flowers for the services on Sunday.

Maybe if it is in your budget get the church to supply the flowers for the church and you use your ones from the florist at your reception, then everyone will be happy.

I am surprised it has not come up before as we were asked when we booked the church but I am talking 26years ago .

Have a lovely day and congratulations 🍾🥂

musicviking1 · 29/08/2022 12:04

If your aunt didn't pay for them she doesn't get a say.

Heyjoewhatdoyouknow · 29/08/2022 12:07

Our church told us we had to leave our flowers.

So we didn't have any, we just decked out the reception venue and it looked amazing. A friend of mine said the one thing she regretted spending money on at her wedding was flowers for the church as no one noticed them, she didn't notice them and they had to leave them there.

There's so much happening at the church, people arriving and saying hello, catching up, the bride arriving that flowers didn't seem to matter. I have no regrets about not having them at the church!