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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should you leave flowers in the church after wedding ceremony!

340 replies

confuseddoesntcutit · 29/08/2022 10:41

Hi all,

So I'm getting married In 2 weeks, got the florist organised and al bouquets paid for.

We have asked for x1 pedestal arrangement and 8x little posy-jar arrangements to decorate the church. These, along with some buttonholes, bridesmaids posy's and my bridal bouquet have come to almost £900.

We had arranged for the florist to aid in moving the arrangements from the church to our reception venue after the ceremony, so we can continue to enjoy them.

I had a message from a family member today to say how hurt they are, and how rude and mean it seems to be - to 'swipe' the flowers from the church straight after the ceremony not leaving any behind.

I didn't realise that this was a thing. Maybe I'm in the wrong? Can anybody please explain?

OP posts:
longtompot · 29/08/2022 12:09

The flowers we had in the church for our wedding were done by the flower arrangers of the church so stayed there. I think if we were paying for an outside florist to do them I might have wanted to take them. Maybe speak to the church and see what they say. Or you could just take a few of them and leave the rest for the church services afterwards?

Pleasecouldihavesomeadvice · 29/08/2022 12:09

Ask the church what is common practice.

I would suggest leaving a few, but also taking a few to the reception as they are expensive and you want to enjoy them as much as possible

ChicCroissant · 29/08/2022 12:13

I've never heard of anyone taking the flowers out of the church so perhaps this is a recent trend with brides, is your relative a member of the congregation there and hoping to show them off see them at the Church service the following day?

Similar to a previous poster, I got married shortly after Harvest Festival so we were told when we booked the Church that it would be decorated - and the reception venue did their own posies for the table (they did ask us about the colours first).

ThirteenLuckyForSome · 29/08/2022 12:13

We took all ours to the venue, why on earth would I spend a grand plus on flowers when we spent under an hour in there! Absolutely take them, our groomsmen sorted them out for us. We used them to decorate the venue, I wasn't going to pay twice, who does that?

blameless · 29/08/2022 12:14

I suppose leaving some/all of the flowers in the church encourages Eleanor Rigby and the rest of the regular congregation to remember the happy couple in their prayers.
If you're renting the venue for an independent gig, then taking your props with you isn't an issue.

ScarlettnotOHara · 29/08/2022 12:14

We left our flowers too .

StoppinBy · 29/08/2022 12:16

You are paying a pretty steep price for the service to be in the church already, why should you also be expected to hand over $500 worth of flowers?

Take the flowers, leave a few if you wish but it's not even reasonable to expect you to be paying for two sets of flowers.

I can understand why a previous poster chose to have no flowers at the wedding ceremony if they just had to leave them behind, maybe you could do something similar if taking what you have at the church will cause upset?

DoraSpenlow · 29/08/2022 12:19

Basilthymerosemary · 29/08/2022 11:44

Yes leave them. The church services will enjoy them.

Will there actually be any services to enjoy the flowers? We have been without a vicar for 6 months and there is currently only one service a month. Would be pointless to leave them there if no one is going to see them.

OP- if the church ladies were doing the flowers I would of course expect them to be left there unless otherwise arranged to take them.

If someone has paid £900 for a florist to come in I think you are quite justified in getting them moved to your reception and then for family members to take them home at the end of the evening.

Tanith · 29/08/2022 12:19

At our church, we usually arrange the flowers for weddings, though sometimes they might want their own flowers.

It is traditional to leave the flowers in the church and we either break up the arrangements to divide into bouquets or keep smaller arrangements intact. They go to parishioners who are ill or bereaved, or are having a bad time - not always to church attendees, either.

I'm sure, if you tell them, they will keep the flowers for you.

TheOriginalClownfish · 29/08/2022 12:19

In Ireland it's customary to bring your flowers with you to the venue - you pay for the flowers and you also pay for the church hire and the priest. The priest directed our younger guests to bring them to the venue and the staff there used them on the tables.

TheyreOnlyNoodlesMichael · 29/08/2022 12:20

Luredbyapomegranate · 29/08/2022 11:38

Yes you normally leave them for the church / congregation to enjoy.

It’s not like you paid much to get married there.

The congregation can buy their bloody own then can't they!

And OP has already stated she paid £860. Which is clearly a lot of money.

balalake · 29/08/2022 12:20

I agree, ask the church.

Rowen32 · 29/08/2022 12:22

confuseddoesntcutit · 29/08/2022 10:41

Hi all,

So I'm getting married In 2 weeks, got the florist organised and al bouquets paid for.

We have asked for x1 pedestal arrangement and 8x little posy-jar arrangements to decorate the church. These, along with some buttonholes, bridesmaids posy's and my bridal bouquet have come to almost £900.

We had arranged for the florist to aid in moving the arrangements from the church to our reception venue after the ceremony, so we can continue to enjoy them.

I had a message from a family member today to say how hurt they are, and how rude and mean it seems to be - to 'swipe' the flowers from the church straight after the ceremony not leaving any behind.

I didn't realise that this was a thing. Maybe I'm in the wrong? Can anybody please explain?

It's totally fine to take them to the venue, honestly you paid for them, they're yours. I brought mine as there was a wedding in my church a week after and they would have been thrown out! Your family member has literally to worry about if that hurts them major eye roll Enjoy having them in the venue!!

sussexman · 29/08/2022 12:24

CupcakesK · 29/08/2022 11:53

.... because it's a nice gesture to the church to let the congregation at services in the coming week or two after the wedding enjoy the arrangement for longer.

I get this, if the church had offered their time to create the arrangements. But the OP has paid to use the church and paid a private florist for the flowers. Wouldn't it be kinder to gift the flowers on to other people (e.g. hospice) that would get more enjoyment from them? I don't understand what is so special about a church building that it needs flowers (paid for privately) from weddings as a kind gesture. It's weird.

Most churches will have offered to do the flowers (for a much smaller sum) and will almost certainly have a rota to ensure that there are new flowers in place for each Sunday's services, and then for the various purposes that Church buildings get used for during the week. If all the flowers are taken the Church will look worse after the wedding than it usually does because the regular flowers will not be there.

I'd have thought that leaving the pedestal display and taking the posy arrangements would be a sensible thing to offer to do - what would you do with the pedestal arrangement anyway? Of course, you have paid for them so they are yours to do with as you like.

Matildahoney · 29/08/2022 12:24

My mother on law used to be a florist, 9 times out of 10 I'd say she used to move the flowers to the reception venue.
She also does flower arranging in a Catholic church so I know they wouldn't expect to have flowers left as they're done weekly.

PaperMonster · 29/08/2022 12:25

I work in a church. Sometimes flowers are left, sometimes they’re not. Sometimes a few flowers are left and the rest taken. Entirely up to you.

LAMPS1 · 29/08/2022 12:26

If you paid a florist £900 for flowers for the Church, of course you are entitled to remove them for the reception. They belong to you.
Why not ask if one of your relatives/guests/bridesmaids could then transport the main pedestal arrangement back to the Church after the reception so that it can be enjoyed at the next service by the local congregation too.

Aspergirl77 · 29/08/2022 12:26

For £900 I’d be taking them, if I had no choice but to leave them I’d spend a lot less!! (But I’m a tightarse!).

278Newnames · 29/08/2022 12:30

£860 for the ceremony ShockShock

Bloody hell, I know I'm out of date but is that normal/the going rate now???

RobertsRadio · 29/08/2022 12:31

I sure as hell wouldn't be leaving £900's worth of floral arrangements behind. You've presumably paid to hire the church etc, and then you've spent £900 to a florist, so those flowers are yours. Move them to your reception and enjoy them. Afterwards if the flowers are still looking good, you could then consider putting some back in the church, although I like the idea of taking them to a local hospice.

LER83 · 29/08/2022 12:31

If you are using them to decorate your venue/giving to relatives after then definitely take them. If they are all just going to MILs after I would arrange for a couple of either the jar posies or the pedestal to go back to the church (although I would check with them if they even want them, could be another wedding/funeral etc after).

LuaDipa · 29/08/2022 12:34

ClaryFairchild · 29/08/2022 10:48

Yes, it's traditional to leave the flowers there. Although if there are several weddings in a row not sure what happens....

We had this in our local church - there were two weddings on the same day. We spoke with the other couple, luckily we had similar colour schemes, and we split the cost.

Even if that wasn’t the case I wouldn’t have taken them as in my experience its usual to leave them. That being said, a colleague was recently telling me about how her daughter brought her home a lovely centrepiece from a friend’s wedding that she recently attended. I was quite surprised tbh as I would never have dreamed of asking to take home someone else’s wedding flowers but (older) colleague seemed to think it was quite commonplace now.

UWhatNow · 29/08/2022 12:36

278Newnames · 29/08/2022 12:30

£860 for the ceremony ShockShock

Bloody hell, I know I'm out of date but is that normal/the going rate now???

Compared to how many thousands for the reception venue?

Goldunicorn · 29/08/2022 12:36

Ultimately your choice - or MIL’s if you’re saying her money, her choice. But a lot of the comments do reflect a bit of a split as to spending loads of money of expensive flowers to “decorate a venue” versus “having flowers in church” because of what a church wedding means to you.

I’m not passing comment on the rights or wrongs of either ….. but perhaps there’s a middle option which appeases anyone worried about “throwing away” hundreds of pounds worth of flowers, but respects all that goes into making a church available for a wedding ?

Perhaps on the Sunday (after celebrations are finished) or Monday (after church service too), some of the floral arrangements could be donated to the church to make up their usual floral gifts to those who are ill or bereaved (which is what often happens with the Sunday service flowers).

GabriellaMontez · 29/08/2022 12:41

I think it was traditional to leave flowers.

It was NOT traditional to pay over £800 for church hire!!! Many churches don't charge. We paid £250.

The most rude thing in all this is the message your relative sent!

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