Told my ex to “go fuck herself”

[Jasong92]

I need some advice/guidance please?

Me and my partner recently split up, everything was going well but social services got involved, told her a load of lies about me and she believes them and left me (I’m awaiting CAB to phone and to take SS to court as they’ve lied about me to my ex so I can clear my name)

Anyway she had unblocked me again today after reblocking me many times and was ready to start talking at first but then each time it got to where she was having a go at me.

I’ve had so much pressure on me this week with that and being emotional and upset losing the women I had a marriage booked with who I love with all my heart, I was upset at her behaviour and told her to “go fuck herself” I instantly regretted it and apologised several times but it wasn’t going enough she said don’t ever contact me again or come to my house I’ll see you in hell and blocked me on everything, my behaviour was bang out of order and I apologised many times straight away, but she didn’t care and says she wants nothing more to do with me but she’s pregnant with our child, have I ruined it and is she gone forever do you think?😞😭

Thank you

Asking on here as women know what things like this mean, thank you all again!

Please stop getting people pregnant. Both relationships sound like car crashes. Poor kids.

How many years ago was the previous SS involvement with your daughter?

I'm going to be really honest with you because if she was a poster on here people would be asking her how far along she was and if she really wants to go ahead with a pregnancy in these circumstances. You already have children in a dysfunctional set up and this new one seems equally dysfunctional.

The odds are that she and this child are in for a really hard time and for their sake I hope she has some solid support from friends and family. You need to step up and start living a decent life, you need to do what you can to support the children you already have if she is going to have any faith in you.

everything was going well but social services got involved, told her a load of lies about me and she believes them and left me (I’m awaiting CAB to phone and to take SS to court as they’ve lied about me to my ex so I can clear my name)

You haven't cleared your name yet, so as far as anyone knows - social services, court, anyone who is told including your recent ex ...... You are not cleared, things are as they stood; you have been held responsible for injuring your child from a previous relationship , denied access to them (?) and have not officially been cleared of that.

So why are you acting like you have, (or you definitely will be) .. and expecting her to act like you have. She only knows what SS have told her, and SS have not yet investigated it or cleared you. She can only go on that. Also she may have been told that she's in danger of losing her child if she allows you - a man who's presumably been denied access to his child due to hurting them - to have access to her child.
She can't really allow you access until you've been officially cleared.

I don't really understand why you didn't see this coming.
Did you not realise SS would get involved if another woman turned up pregnant with a child of yours ... When you have not been cleared of hurting a previous child?? Why not?

Also how long have you known about the retraction from one of the 6 family members who accused you of hurting your child from a previous relationship?

Why didn't you go straight to SS and the police with that information then?

You say it's because the latest "step Dad" had weapons in the home. But presumably you could voice those concerns to the police/SS when you reported.... And they'd investigate that too. In fact if you were truly worried about your child being in that home, why wouldn't you report that anyway.

You also say you know your child is still being abuses by her mother.

If you cared about your child, I don't understand why you wouldn't have been into the police and SS instantly.

Instead you seem to be reporting everything since your ex left you .... Because you want her back. Not because of your child from the previous relationship.

Your priority seems to be yourself and your latest relationship.

If your other ex truly is abusing your child, has a "stepdad" with weapons in the home, and you're her other parent ... Only really fighting to have your name cleared and tell people about her home circumstances because you're losing your latest relationship..... I feel so incredibly sorry for your child from the previous relationship.

You should have been fighting for yourself and her long before now... From when you say you were wrongly accused. SS/the police would surely have taken into consideration that all accusers were your ex's relatives, they would surely have been interested in her latest partners habits, there are advocacy and legal groups for father's that could have helped you fight your case.

Instead it's just defeatist things from you like "there were 6 of them saying it, I couldn't do anything .... The new man has weapons in the house, it would be dangerous for me to report them" (like SS wouldn't be interested in that) ..... Until you're feeling some pain and panic losing your latest woman; then it's worth fighting to clear your name. Not for your child, but for you.

And did you tell your latest partner all about this when you got involved?

It sounds like she heard about it from social services.

What did you expect if you didn't tell her anything about the fact you're presumably banned from seeing your previous child (due to apparently hurting them) and have never actually been cleared of that to date?

You sound like you stumble around with your head in the clouds, in lala land.

How did you think you were going to get unrestricted access to any child you impregnated a new woman with, with your circumstances as they are? How did you think any new woman you impregnated wouldn't be told of your circumstances by SS? Did you think it would slip through the net? I don't get it.

Firstly, i told her everything as I have with all my previous partners, and gave her my SAR to look through so she knew what I was saying was true, secondly they never did this with my second born daughter, I could see her and have her without restrictions and I have done.

How long is it since the incident with your first daughter who you aren't allowed to see?

How regularly do you see your second daughter?

How often do you have sole care of your second daughter?

This.

Priorities are himself and whoever his latest romance is.

You'd think a parent would be climbing the fucking walls thinking he's left his little daughter with an abusive Mum who'd framed him (along with her relatives) for abusing his child, cut him out of his daughters life with no contact, has dangerous sounding men living with her as her step Dad etc etc.

You'd not be able to sleep at night, you'd be going every avenue you could to see if you could fight clear your name and see your child, and protect them from their abusive mother and potentially abusive step father .... (Long before 1 of the witnesses withdrew their statement).

Op has not done any of that, instead he seems to have focused on getting into a new relationship and not even making sure contraception was airtight until his babe was cleared. He's only on here because he's been dumped, not because of his child who lives with abusers and who he can't see.

So this is your second relationship and child since you were accused of abusing your eldest daughter and presumably banned from seeing her?

Firstly, i told her everything as I have with all my previous partners, and gave her my SAR to look through so she knew what I was saying was true

Why would she have such an extreme reaction and cut you off if she knew all about the violence etc you've been accused of - if she knew the whole story??
How would SS have told her anything she didn't already know?

secondly they never did this with my second born daughter, I could see her and have her without restrictions and I have done

Why do you think they'd do this with your third child but not your second (since both are since you were accused of assaulted your eldest, presumably banned from seeing her, and not been cleared of it to date?

*since both have been born since you were accused of assaulting your eldest, presumably banned from seeing her, and not been cleared of it to date?

I could see her and have her without restrictions and I have done

What do you mean "have done" ... Do you not see her regularly, how many nights a week or fortnight do you have her?

So either SS have insisted she not live with you or let you have access to your future (3rd) child; even though they did nothing of the sort with your second child ......

Or it's been left up to the mother (could any social workers old advise on how likely that would be?) and the previous mother stayed with you and went along with unrestricted access .... but this one is cutting you off and apparently won't allow any ...*even though you told her this whole story, she knew everything about it and previously chose to stay in a relationship with you and risk pregnancy (and continue the pregnancy when she found out she was pregnant).

None of this is making any sense mate.

Good lord. Shame she didn't throw you back in the pond and fish for another before you got her pregnant.

It sounds like your first relationship was, to put it bluntly, chaotic.

If your first daughter is being abused and nobody on your side is getting involved, well, I can see why some of these poor kids end up on the news.

To answer your main question, "women" aren't some different species who communicate in code . So we can't tell you whether your ex means it if she says she won't ever be involved with you again or won't ever let you see your child.

(Though by the sounds of it, the not letting you see your child is down your list of priorities since you've left 2 of them in your wake ("am allowed to see her without restrictions and have done" does not sound like any sort of regular, close relationship with your 2nd) to date, one of whom you say you know is being abused by her mother).

If SS have told your recent ex she might lose her child if she does stay with you and have access, she may have little choice. But that doesn't hang together with your story about your second child.

Your story also doesn't hang together re. your latest partner being this angry, extreme, cutting you off etc. if SS only told her what you'd already told her and what she'd already accepted.

Me and my partner recently split up, everything was going well but social services got involved, told her a load of lies about me and she believes them and left me ...

Firstly, i told her everything as I have with all my previous partners, and gave her my SAR to look through so she knew what I was saying was true

So what is the load of lies they told her?

You've said you told her "everything" about the accusation of assault/abuse against your eldest daughter, the mother & 5 or 6 of her relatives framing you, and you not having fought it or cleared your name to date ...... And presumably she accepted it if she continued the relationship with you, and continued the pregnancy when she found out she was pregnant...

So what's the load of lies SS told her about her that she has believed?

I have a copy of my SAR (Subject Access Request) from the police that proves I don’t have this violent background they are speaking of, she even said she did a Claire’s law and Sarah’s law on me and they both came back clear but claims they have let her down as SS have told her all of this stuff

What is "this violent background they are speaking of"?

What have SS told her that she's believed (and now thinks the 2 law related searches failed her on?

To my understanding the SAR, and law searches would only record things that you were formally accused of or charged for (any police/legal people chime in here?) ......

But SS presumably have noted examples of violence stated by the mother of your first child, perhaps the child, her relatives etc. (anything from the mother of your second child?) that were perhaps not reported to the police/charged/prosecuted in order to appear in the SAR or law searches.

So you're back to their word again at yours ... Your latest partner is clearly doing what most wise, cautious people would do; consider there may be truth in them until they are proven untrue.

You will have to fight to clear your name of both the assault/abuse against your eldest child, and the other accusations of violence that SS have relayed to your recent ex.

You'll have to seek legal advice from people qualified and experienced in this area. Someone has put a name for an organisation earlier in the thread.

I'll tell you what I think you'll do though .... The same thing you've done to date; nothing. Other than move on to another relationship.

And I suspect the reason is that you can't actually successfully win in clearing your name of all this, because it's not all lies & fabrications.

Ive just got off the phone from CAB to clear my name from SS and they are arranging for me to go in to see their in house solicitor to speak with them to see where I go from here in terms of clearing my name of the abuse towards my daughter, I understand her decisions right now but in time I’ll prove my innocence and won’t be moving on from her at all or this baby and will always put them all first all of my kids and will never make that mistake again not to.

How often do you see your second daughter?

I'd suggest contraception from now on as you have three children by three women and you don't see the first due to abuse allegations being believed by SS stopping you having access, not sure how often you see the second and now the third has been advised to stop contact with you due to previous abuse allegations and violence.

Incredibly irresponsible to keep having children with this history,

Your poor DD being left in what you say is a physically abusive environment because the fact they have weapons scared you out of pursuing help for her, when it should have been even more reason to do so.

How many children do you actually have?

it was about 9 years ago the incident but I only came into possession of the messages saying it wasn’t me recently, I am going to court for access to my second daughter but prior to having to do so I had her solely without restriction every weekend

I have two and one unborn

I know I’m way late and shouldn’t have let that put me off I’ve failed her as a father but I am seeking to take action now.

So for NINE years you haven't tried to 'clear your name' and now you're only doing it so you can get back with your ex?