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Original poster

Told my ex to “go fuck herself”

251 replies

Jasong92 · 28/08/2022 23:47

I need some advice/guidance please?

Me and my partner recently split up, everything was going well but social services got involved, told her a load of lies about me and she believes them and left me (I’m awaiting CAB to phone and to take SS to court as they’ve lied about me to my ex so I can clear my name)

Anyway she had unblocked me again today after reblocking me many times and was ready to start talking at first but then each time it got to where she was having a go at me.

I’ve had so much pressure on me this week with that and being emotional and upset losing the women I had a marriage booked with who I love with all my heart, I was upset at her behaviour and told her to “go fuck herself” I instantly regretted it and apologised several times but it wasn’t going enough she said don’t ever contact me again or come to my house I’ll see you in hell and blocked me on everything, my behaviour was bang out of order and I apologised many times straight away, but she didn’t care and says she wants nothing more to do with me but she’s pregnant with our child, have I ruined it and is she gone forever do you think?😞😭

Thank you

Asking on here as women know what things like this mean, thank you all again!

OP posts:
Original poster
Jasong92 · 30/08/2022 20:34

I only pay maintenance to one child as I don’t have any contact details for my first daughters mum and don’t know where she lives nor do I have any bank details.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jasong92 · 30/08/2022 20:36

I’ve answered questions about my
eldest? Sorry if I missed yours.

OP posts:
wellhelloitsme · 30/08/2022 20:37

Jasong92 · 30/08/2022 20:33

Not at all, I haven’t seen my daughter for around 5 months now and I haven’t stopped the maintenance so it’s not like that at all.

Why though? Why have you simply accepted not seeing your own child for five months, 150 whole days, when you apparently had her regularly at weekends before?

Original poster
Jasong92 · 30/08/2022 20:38

I’ve only been in work for the last couple of years and have had a lot of debts to pay, I get that’s no excuse but I haven’t been able to afford court until I got into the job I’m in now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jasong92 · 30/08/2022 20:39

I haven’t had the money to go to court until now, I paid for a mediator to sign the form so I could go to court then I couldn’t afford the court costs, I’ll have enough money in October to go to court for access.

OP posts:
Pixiedust1234 · 30/08/2022 21:36

Wow. You don't win a father of the year award at all. Your priority should be protecting your first child from any further abuse. Thats it. Nothing else should matter.

Quite honestly if one person out of six retracted their official statement after many years I would automatically think you had got to them. I wouldn't think they had suddenly grown a conscience.

So if I was your recent girlfriend I would see this

  1. Abused first daughter
  2. Refused access to second daughter
  3. Possibly got at a potential witness to child abuse
  4. Has violence in their past

No wonder she's done a fucking runner.

LemonDrop22 · 30/08/2022 23:14

I am.totslly puzzled at why and how SS would remove access for apparent physical abuse of op's eldest child, and warn the mother of his third child about past behaviour etc to the point where she won't continue their relationship and feels the Clare's and Sarah's Law responses failed her ..... But he got unrestricted access to his middle child.

Can any social worker or person in the know explain that to me, cause I'm lost.

LemonDrop22 · 30/08/2022 23:21

Does physical abuse of one child and removal of access (unchallenged by op until recently and still not yet challenged successfully) not cause SS to restrict access to the next child too?

Do they inform and leave it up to the mother? That seems highly risky. The mother could fail to protect them or even have abuse hidden from her etc.

MightbeMaybe · 31/08/2022 01:14

He's not fighting to make the first DD safe, he's fighting to clear his name. Fucking priorities Hmm

MightbeMaybe · 31/08/2022 01:20

The OP doesn't actually care, he just wants people to stroke his ego, tell him he's hard done by and that he's an amazing father/partner. It's all about him.

@Jasong92 You are laughably pathetic, if you are even real. I think any woman who has dealings with you would need to go outside to check if said the sky was blue tbh.

girlmom21 · 31/08/2022 06:24

Jasong92 · 30/08/2022 20:34

I only pay maintenance to one child as I don’t have any contact details for my first daughters mum and don’t know where she lives nor do I have any bank details.

And you haven't bothered to find her.
My sisters ex said he didn't know where his kids were but our cousin holidayed with them...

It's easy to say 'well she moved away'

Original poster
Jasong92 · 31/08/2022 08:23

I’ve got a solicitor looking into things to find out what’s going on from SS as I’m lost with that all so as they won’t tell me a thing nor communicate anything with me, I’ll also be asking SS to look into my daughters case where these messages suggest she is still being abused.

OP posts:
WhatNoRaisins · 31/08/2022 08:29

I think you also need to follow PPs advice on contraception. Even with the best will in the world and the highest of morals it is extremely difficult to be a good father to children in 3 separate families. The only thing more difficult is 4 or more different families. Don't father more children.

angieloumc · 31/08/2022 09:03

Jasong92 · 31/08/2022 08:23

I’ve got a solicitor looking into things to find out what’s going on from SS as I’m lost with that all so as they won’t tell me a thing nor communicate anything with me, I’ll also be asking SS to look into my daughters case where these messages suggest she is still being abused.

If these 'messages' suggest she's being abused, why can't you ask the 'messenger' where your ex lives?

LemonDrop22 · 31/08/2022 09:24

MightbeMaybe · 31/08/2022 01:20

The OP doesn't actually care, he just wants people to stroke his ego, tell him he's hard done by and that he's an amazing father/partner. It's all about him.

@Jasong92 You are laughably pathetic, if you are even real. I think any woman who has dealings with you would need to go outside to check if said the sky was blue tbh.

I think the op came on here hoping "women" (this special alien species) would tell him that his most recent ex doesn't really mean what she's saying, and most of all, given him advice on what to say to get her back.

The stories of his first two kids have only come out through posters asking question after question and trying to get to the bottom of what's been said to his ex and what his circumstances are. They were not his focus or priority at all. He's made lots of excuses that don't hold much water and paid lip service to doing something about his existing kids seemingly mostly because posters on here have repeatedly challenged him on that.
But that wasn't his focus/intention at all on posting on here.

LemonDrop22 · 31/08/2022 09:28

It's also odd that op has someone reporting to that his eldest daughter is still being abused by her mother (which I think he only really mentioned in order to say "see, it wasn't me, I was wrongly accused", not be sure he wants to do anything about it, he hadn't prioritised it for 9 yrs) and that her step father has weapons in the home.... Yet that person can't tell him where they're living.

LemonDrop22 · 31/08/2022 09:31

*It's also odd that op has someone reporting to him that his eldest daughter is still being abused by her mother (which I think he only really mentioned in order to say "see, it wasn't me, I was wrongly accused", not because he wants to do anything about it, he hasn't prioritised it for 9 yrs) and that her step father has weapons in the home.... Yet that person can't tell him where they're living

Pinkyxx · 31/08/2022 09:47

@Jasong92 you have 3 children, one unborn, only one of which you have had contact with. Lots of SS involvement with allegedly false claims made against you. SS involved again due to unborn child (not unusual when there were prior concerns). SW appears to have told your partner you have a violent background, which led her to break up with you. You dispute having any form of violent background and say you have proof of this.

I have had false accusations made against me so I have some sympathy and am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt even though I must say your story has more holes in it than swiss cheese. SS have a duty to investigate, safeguard and that is what they are doing. They have reason to believe you are a risk therefore the right thing to do is to co-operate, and let them do their job. If you are innocent and no risk, this will become clear. On the other hand if you are not being 100% honest here about your past behavior, you have no hope here I'm afraid. You should also be aware that SS do not just look at convictions / police involvement when it comes to establishing whether someone poses a risk of harm. As for your partner, if her statements are as you've posted then she has been very clear. My advice is leave her alone and focus on getting your house in order (including regards your daughter who you say is being abused yet appear to have done very little to address this). When the baby has been born, and your partner had time to recover, follow the channels available to you for contact via the family court. She knows how to reach you if she wants to, for now respect what she has said.

Original poster
Jasong92 · 31/08/2022 10:24

I am acting now simply because I can, previously to my recent ex I was in a mentally controlling relationship and was told if I do certain things I’d be kicked out onto the streets, that was one of those things I was told I couldn’t do or i’d find myself on the streets and I have little family around me where I could stay at, now I am alone I can do so. And yes before I got with my recent ex I reported it to SS who said they would investigate it but I heard nothing more, I also informed the police who also told me to report it to SS but that it was nothing to do with them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jasong92 · 31/08/2022 10:28

Hi, I’ve had to instruct a solicitor as SS are vague and won’t tell me a thing about what’s going on so they are inquiring for me and in terms of leaving my ex alone I am as she’s blocking me, unblocking me so I can see the videos she’s posted that reel me back in and cause distress thinking she wants to talk if I can use that word then blocks me again but I’ve never said nothing to her, as I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on, and get SS to investigate my first daughter to make sure she is safe and then clear my name, tried to phone SS twice so far but it’s gone to voicemail but I’ll be keeping on to them.

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 31/08/2022 10:29

Jasong92 · 31/08/2022 10:24

I am acting now simply because I can, previously to my recent ex I was in a mentally controlling relationship and was told if I do certain things I’d be kicked out onto the streets, that was one of those things I was told I couldn’t do or i’d find myself on the streets and I have little family around me where I could stay at, now I am alone I can do so. And yes before I got with my recent ex I reported it to SS who said they would investigate it but I heard nothing more, I also informed the police who also told me to report it to SS but that it was nothing to do with them.

You've been with your recent ex long enough to be planning a wedding so your previous abusive relationship isn't an excuse. You've had long enough to find your daughter.

You asked SS and they never got back to you? You think your child's being abused you chase them every single day.

The police will never tell you an abused child isn't their responsibility.

Original poster
Jasong92 · 31/08/2022 11:56

Okay I’m lying and I've phoned them four times today now and it’s gone to voicemail every time so I’m assuming they’re busy.

OP posts:
Completelyovernonsense · 31/08/2022 12:10

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at poster's request

wellhelloitsme · 31/08/2022 13:16

Jasong92 · 31/08/2022 11:56

Okay I’m lying and I've phoned them four times today now and it’s gone to voicemail every time so I’m assuming they’re busy.

You were lying when you said to us that you had spoken to the police and the said to speak to SS?

Do you understand that lying makes you the opposite of a credible witness to anything?

You lie easily and frequently, you omit important information and you frame yourself as the victim when for good reason you aren't allowed access to your two existing children or the one on the way.

You say you want a better life and to be a dad. Do you never think that being honest might be a good place to start?

Along with learning how condoms work.

nevernevermind · 31/08/2022 15:40

Some people have an excuse for absolutely everything huh..