Told my ex to “go fuck herself”

[Jasong92]

I need some advice/guidance please?

Me and my partner recently split up, everything was going well but social services got involved, told her a load of lies about me and she believes them and left me (I’m awaiting CAB to phone and to take SS to court as they’ve lied about me to my ex so I can clear my name)

Anyway she had unblocked me again today after reblocking me many times and was ready to start talking at first but then each time it got to where she was having a go at me.

I’ve had so much pressure on me this week with that and being emotional and upset losing the women I had a marriage booked with who I love with all my heart, I was upset at her behaviour and told her to “go fuck herself” I instantly regretted it and apologised several times but it wasn’t going enough she said don’t ever contact me again or come to my house I’ll see you in hell and blocked me on everything, my behaviour was bang out of order and I apologised many times straight away, but she didn’t care and says she wants nothing more to do with me but she’s pregnant with our child, have I ruined it and is she gone forever do you think?😞😭

Thank you

Asking on here as women know what things like this mean, thank you all again!

SS were involved with my first born as she sustained an injury and the 6 brothers and sisters stuck together and blamed me, me being on my own from a small family having to argue against all of them and SS. I now have evidence in my possession that proves my daughter is still being physically abused and one of those parties admitting they know it wasn’t me and admitted it was her mum who caused the injury, this will also be presented to a judge and CAB when I go to court.

You say you have evidence 'in your possession' but the formal records still show that your child was injured, six people independently blamed you for the injury and that the child has been left in the care of her mother.

So on paper nothing screams that you were innocent or desperately fought to be shared or primary carer to protect your child from someone you say is still physically abusing them.

What have you done formally between then and today to try to protect your child from their abuser?

Nicely summed up @MessyBunPersonified

There's really no point in engaging further with this OP, imo

The common thing all those people have said is to leave her alone and wait

We can't tell you whether or not she'll come back because as I said we are hearing a limited side of the story

So as far as SS are concerned, rightly or wrongly, you're aggressive and you're a danger to children.
You're currently not having contact with your existing children.

I don't necessarily disbelieve your version of events but I'd have left you too.

Even if one person has changed their previous story, another 5 haven't. What makes you think that's evidence enough to clear your name and why's it taken so many years?

I can’t fault her for cutting off the contact but I have proof that clears my name and I’m handling that at court also hopefully.

Because I only recent came into possession of this information and I don’t know if this one persons saying the truth will clear my name but I have to try right?

I get that and I am leaving her alone and waiting with hope. Thank you

Reported it to police who advised me to report to social services out of hours team as it was late which I did and then contacted them on Monday for an update and said they were still looking into it and haven’t heard anything since but I’m going to contact them again and ask what’s going on.

Why haven't you fought, through official channels, the accusations of injuring the child before now?

Why haven't you fought, through official channels, to be resident parent for your child rather than leaving them in an abusive situation?

Why can't you see that your having 'evidence' that is just one of six people retracting their original statement, doesn't outweigh the fact that the five other people who made it presumably stand by it now? You knowing something isn't true doesn't mean that it's recorded officially as being a lie.

She is protecting her unborn child by cutting off contact with you until this is sorted, regardless of the fact you're the father.

Your currently focus should be entirely on helping your existing child out of a physically abusive environment if what you say is true.

Next priority will be to work with authorities to create a safe, calm and suitable environment of your own (not with ex) so you can co-parent when the baby arrives, if your name is cleared.

It's worrying you're even thinking about stuff like 'treating her like a queen' / flowers etc when your poor daughter is somewhere being physically abused.

You need to type @ followed by someone's username in order to address them, or use the quote function, otherwise people can't tell which posts you're responding to / which questions you're answering.

So you now supposedly have evidence that your daughter was assaulted by her mother not you, and continues to be physically abused?

And your plan is to use that evidence to have a pop at SS in court for defaming your good name with your current girlfriend…

Not using it to speak to SS about protecting your abused daughter?

As a woman, my advice to your pregnant girlfriend would be to keep the fuck away from you and your priorities 🤷🏻‍♀️

Things to do with courts can take years. And it's expensive. Maybe you'll find you can't afford it. You and your ex can't put your lives on hold for years. So don't treat this as a temporary separation, treat it as a permanent break up.

If circumstances change (eg if the court case goes in your favour) and if you're both still single and you both want to get back together in the future then you can, but don't hang around waiting for it because it might never happen. After what she's been through your ex might have zero tolerance on any sort of abusive behaviour even words spoken in anger in a row. So you might have blown your chances. None of us can say because we're not her and we don't know what's in her head.

Given the circumstances your behaviour has been pretty appalling, lacking empathy and responsibility. You're coming across as selfish. You're not focusing on the children in these situations (your responsibilities as they're your children). Your focus is all on yourself and what you want. You're showing no understanding of what you've put your ex through and how this might impact her emotionally.

Fighting SS is about having contact with your children, not getting your ex back.

Have you any concept of how you've ruined her life by withholding this information of child abuse allegations against you? She thought you were one person (someone with a clean record who'd never do anything like that) and now she's found out you're someone else (someone with allegations proven sufficiently that SS have denied you access to your other child (did she even know you had another child?) and worse, you've left that child with its abusers instead of fighting for access because it was easier for you to just walk away). That's a big deal. She's wasted time building a relationship with someone she maybe would have had no interest in, had she known all the information. On top of that, she's found it all out after she's pregnant with your child, something else she may have chosen not to do had she known everything. And you wonder why she's emotional and ripping into you.

Wait for her to contact you about collecting her stuff or if you reach a point you want her stuff out of your home, whether that's now or in a year's time, contact her friend/family and arrange to drop it there/have them collect it.

And for heaven's sake work on yourself. Having children requires you to put them first. If you can't/don't want to do that then don't have children. There's women who don't want children or can't have them. Although you might also want to consider a vasectomy so there can't be accidental pregnancies, otherwise you might find yourself in this exact same situation again.

Having a solid relationship needs honesty. If your relationships are based on lies massive omissions of important truths, you can expect those relationships to fail. Truth has a way of coming out.

I haven’t as I didn’t know that was a thing? But now I do it’s an option. With respect, it’s easy for you to sit there and say you should focus on protecting your child who’s still at risk and I do appreciate and respect that but when their is talks of, machetes and weapons in the house that belong to the new partner it just worries me a tad as I don’t know who this guy is and I know you’ll now say it’s more reason to protect her and have her removed but like I say I will be looking in to what you have mentioned above. Thank you

With respect, I have informed SS previously of the still current risk to my daughter and they didn’t seem to interested and the SW who came out recently wasn’t remotely interested in the messages I had or that my daughter is still at risk, and it may seem that my priorities are just to get my ex back but if you’d seen the messages I’d asked her not to with her having our baby so I could be part of our child’s life as it’s what I wanted so badly.

I understand what you’re saying about me being selfish about not understanding how she’s feeling and putting the child first, thinking back now I’d have to agree that I think I have been selfish but didn’t see that until now and realise that, I was and have been honest with her from the start, I told her about this case with my daughter being injured and even gave her my SAR to read through as i didn’t want anything to ever get in between us and come out at a later date and her be like “well you never told me this” a relationship is built on honesty and if you don’t have that then you have nothing really do you?

With respect, it’s not that my daughter was abused that’s drove us apart it’s what SS have said as she stated in a message “I know about your violent background… that’s why I left” she didn’t leave because of the abuse stuff as she knew about that as I’d told her from day one as I have nothing to hide.

I have thought about it for years and spoken several times to my family about it to be told “just leave it son, you don’t want to get involved in that again and risk being accused again” I listened to that advice for so long and now think why did I listen to that bad advice? I didn’t think without any evidence nobody would listen to me in court to try and clear my name and have my daughter removed as bad as this sounds I thought I’d just be wasting my time without anything to prove it, I agree it shouldn’t have took so long and I shouldn’t have left my daughter there but I just didn’t think it would go back to court without evidence or anything.

I will be focusing on myself now and clearing my name and proving my innocence to see my children first and foremost and whatever happens after that in terms of relationship well if that happens we would see what happens when I clear my name.

Have you reported to the police that you believe your daughter is being abused and that you know she is currently living in a home (or staying in a home) where multiple weapons are present?

I can't imagine not reporting that.

Your poor little girl.

Just because people tell you to abandon your daughter to violent and abusive people who have weapons you do?

If it were me (woman) there's no way in fuck I would just walk away. You did because it was convenient to you and because you put your own self above that of your own child and have continued to do so.

Do you do everything your parents tell you? You realise you are not accepting any responsibility or blame here, you've just shifted the lot onto the people that told you what to do. Can you not think for yourself and do you know right from wrong?

The way you talk, all this "I accept this and understand that... but", makes it look like you are taking on board your portion of blame or responsibility at a glance, but in fact it's a way of distancing yourself from responsibility. You sweep it under the carpet as fast as you possibly can while paying lip service to what you think you should say in order to get past it. It shows.

Basically you want what you want and you'll say what you think people want to hear to get moving towards your goal.

It doesn't appear to me that you actually consider other people at all if what you say is true.

And FWIW all this "what does it meeeean?!" about her telling you to leave her alone - ridiculous! It's not exactly code is it? What you mean is "how do I completely ignore her, while making out like it's a romantic thing to do?" it's not, it's harassment. I know you say you won't contact her but frankly I don't believe you, you've repeated the "what does it mean?" too many times.

Not for being a troll but just for being... ugh!

I have they said to report to SS which I did and they haven’t gotten back to me so thinking another call will be placed.

I agree it may be that I’m shifting blame or responsibility idk but something needs to change and it will albeit a little late, I’m not contacting her at all we haven’t spoke for two days now she has me blocked on everything I had her on so I can’t physically contact her and am just giving her time to hopefully come round so I can be there for our unborn.

I also need to report back to SS to get them to look at my daughters abuse case further again as I’ve had no report back from last time I reported it.

I get what you are saying it may be that however, I was told on the phone that despite my none involvement the case was being transferred back to her local authorities investigation and the case now only involved my ex and no longer concerned me which is what I was told, if I this violent person is no longer in the picture why is their still a need to carry out an investigation with my ex?