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AIBU?

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Original poster

I have outgrown men

580 replies

Namechanged007 · 28/08/2022 22:16

Before all the namalt brigade come along I'm well aware.

Thing is it's true I have outgrown the ridiculouness and childishness of men.

I'm married but even so I feel like I'd be better off alone most of the time. Nothing wrong with dh as such but I'm more able and stronger alone.

I have just been to the pub and all the women were complimentary of each other. Going with the flow. And enjoying themselves. The men were either grumpy or showing brovado. There was an incident on our table that involved new men intimidating each other and I just went home.

The thing is this isn't a table of young men. It's professionals and grown ups. I just cant be bothered with it.

None of the women got involved but it spoilt the night.

I told dh I don't have time for such pathetic behaviour.

It never ends. It doesn't matter how old or wise we become men seem to revert back to this strange behaviour.

I deal with it day in day out at my work and I simply can't be bothered. If I never had to see another man, mansplaining, dominating conversation, throwing their weight around, bravado, dick measuring, causing a scene in my life it would be too soon.

Absolutely done with it.

OP posts:
Discovereads · 02/09/2022 17:51

Cheeseonbeans · 02/09/2022 11:47

It's not BS

It's a well studied and mostly accepted area of research

Show quote history

No it’s not. Post the peer reviewed studies then that prove that lower class people have a higher rate of sexists, misogynists and racists than middle class and upper class people. I think you forget the people that wield the power in society to make and perpetuate it being structurally and institutionally sexist and racist, are not the lower working class.

Discovereads · 02/09/2022 17:55

Cheeseonbeans · 02/09/2022 11:22

@Lunar270

You can think what you like

It's a well known phenomenon that the less educated people are the more likely they are to hold certain views. It's linked to critical thinking abilities.

"Cognitive ability—broadly defined as a set of mental skills that allow an individual to learn from experience, adapt to new situations and solve problems, understand and manipulate abstract concepts, and use knowledge to act on the environment—is widely held to have a profoundly liberalizing influence on racial attitudes"

"higher cognitive ability promotes tolerance of racial out-groups and a sincere commitment to racial equality. Indeed, several studies now provide evidence that higher cognitive ability is associated with lower anti-black prejudice, lower authoritarianism, greater tolerance of out-groups, and greater support for egalitarian values among whites (Bobo and Licari 1989; Deary et al. 2008; Hodson and Busseri 2012; Kanazawa 2010)."

Higher levels of education has also been shown to link to being more liberal in general, again this is well understood and accepted - www.pewresearch.org/politics/2016/04/26/a-wider-ideological-gap-between-more-and-less-educated-adults/

Working class adults are more likely to vote for conservative policies and parties too.

Studies were done in the US with this issue around Trump vs Hilary, working class men were more likely to vote for a man even when they had concerns about both parties. Compared to other groups

  1. Cognitive ability is a measure of raw intelligence, it’s got nothing to do with education level or class.
  2. Higher education is linked to ideological gaps and higher degree of liberalism on the political spectrum, but the idea that “liberals” are not sexist or racist compared to “conservatives” who are is not shown by this study at all.
TokidokiBarbie · 02/09/2022 18:02

The sexism and classism displayed on this thread is pretty shocking. Even worse that it's coming from people claiming to stand against oppression.

Idunnowhyibother · 02/09/2022 19:11

PainsandAches · 01/09/2022 11:30

Accurate though

40-50 are the most unhappy years for women

So might explain why those saying they're menopausal are anti men and don't care anymore

As they will most likely be in this age bracket

Show quote history

Bullshit. I'm 43 and happier in my life than ever. Because I live it how I like. I may or may not be menopausal though! 😁

PiecesofFive · 02/09/2022 23:25

5128gap · 30/08/2022 14:24

Absolutely they're men. Everytime a thread comes up where men are discussed in less than flattering terms, it's like an alarm goes off and they all trot over yelling 'misandry' (and very little else. Never any real counter argument or debate.)
I'd love to know what they think it achieves as all they do is reinforce the negative stereotypes that they're so offended by.

Show quote history

This made me laugh, the Liberty Bell going off and they all come scurrying.

Strange isn't it, I don't give a shit if men say they don't like women, I actually know they don't by many of their actions, but why won't they let us say it.

It seems some men are guinuinely scared that we're going to shout right that's it the games up, you've had your fun now let's get fair.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 03/09/2022 09:02

I’m 59.

l’ve never respected or admired men much. Most of them don’t earn it tbh.

l’ve felt this way since my early 20’s.

Players, entitled and just not nice.

millymog11 · 03/09/2022 16:07

I was fairly stupid. I went for what I thought was a nice boy who was like/liked his Mum. His mother was divorced and with a man who was 11 years older than her. His father had multiple partners.
I was initially the main driver in the relationship (I see now that was my mistake) and in the end we got married and had two children. Then he left me for his work colleague who is (wait for it) 11 years younger than him. They have now had a child and married yet I get the sense from my children that he has itchy feet. Why are men like this? I am so glad I am rid of it. I am loyal just want to feel like someone is also loyal and into me so I can shine and make a home.

Lunar270 · 04/09/2022 23:18

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

TokidokiBarbie · 04/09/2022 23:33

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

This is what a feminist looks like…..

WalkingOnTheCracks · 05/09/2022 01:45

Don't hate men particularly but really don't see the point in them apart the odd nice fuck. They certainly don't add anything to my life, career, plans or dreams for the future...

I think I’ll copy that, add ‘wo’ to the third word and post it on an Incel forum. I may get some kind of prize.

5128gap · 05/09/2022 12:27

WalkingOnTheCracks · 05/09/2022 01:45

Don't hate men particularly but really don't see the point in them apart the odd nice fuck. They certainly don't add anything to my life, career, plans or dreams for the future...

I think I’ll copy that, add ‘wo’ to the third word and post it on an Incel forum. I may get some kind of prize.

If Incel forums award prizes for the least offensive comment on there, you may be in with a shot.

AgnestaVipers · 05/09/2022 12:34

WalkingOnTheCracks · 05/09/2022 01:45

Don't hate men particularly but really don't see the point in them apart the odd nice fuck. They certainly don't add anything to my life, career, plans or dreams for the future...

I think I’ll copy that, add ‘wo’ to the third word and post it on an Incel forum. I may get some kind of prize.

It's been pointed out before, but once again: the difference is these women are choosing to avoid men, not demanding men sleep with them as their right, or going our and murdering men because they are so angry.

AutumnClearOut · 05/09/2022 12:40

YANBU

I love my DH, and I hope we stay together, but if we don't I don't want another marriage. For the past few years, after a marriage wobble, I have been putting in place a safety net around me e.g. increased my hours, save cash in an account, updated my state and co. pension to my max.

I have no room for more men in my life. My family is very male dominant and I dread the calls from them where I am expected to listen to them moan and whinge about themselves all the time. I used to work in HR for a company and the male managers used to phone me to offload. I remember being on holiday once, a year after I had left the co. and a male manager called me up and whinged for an hour down the phone about pointless crap. I just have no more headspace for them.

One of my relatives has a new BF. She is all in love, so wanted us to meet him. He is an arsehole. He has the ego the size of a small planet and is a middle age, pot bellied, flashy sports car stereotype. He was really surprised when I didn't laugh at his cheesy jokes and hang off every word of his stories. I met him once and refuse to facilitate a relationship with him. I have no more room in my life for another male ego. I am not inviting them over for dinner, going out with them, and recently declined a weekend away with them.

Sounds mean, but I just can't be bothered. I even have days where I decide that I am actively not going to make any eye contact with men today.

Abhannmor · 05/09/2022 12:45

Sounds like men will have no problem going their own way then. You'll even pay the fare!

Incel forums though . Weren't they started by a woman? Bet she regrets it now

AgnestaVipers · 05/09/2022 12:52

@AutumnClearOut , well done for having standards! Why waste time on bores?

Snoozer11 · 06/09/2022 22:11

@AutumnClearOut

He's middle age, pot bellied, flashy sports car stereotype. He was really surprised when I didn't laugh at his cheesy jokes and hang off every word of his stories. I met him once and refuse to facilitate a relationship with him.

He could be the biggest arsehole in the world. But I don't know how you can tell someone is surprised that you don't laugh at their jokes. How many actual jokes did he tell?

Also not sure what his age or weight has to do with anything.

pastypirate · 06/09/2022 22:52

The most tenuous comparison ever to incel groups is just hilarious. How on Earth can a load of women on a forum saying they no longer want to pursue men be anything like loads of men on a forum talking about hating women yet being entitled to sexual relationships with them. And inciting abuse and violence and radicalisation.

5128gap · 07/09/2022 07:57

Snoozer11 · 06/09/2022 22:11

@AutumnClearOut

He's middle age, pot bellied, flashy sports car stereotype. He was really surprised when I didn't laugh at his cheesy jokes and hang off every word of his stories. I met him once and refuse to facilitate a relationship with him.

He could be the biggest arsehole in the world. But I don't know how you can tell someone is surprised that you don't laugh at their jokes. How many actual jokes did he tell?

Also not sure what his age or weight has to do with anything.

It's fairly obvious when people expect you to laugh at their jokes. They generally give you the cue by laughing loudly at them themselves, then comment that 'you should smile more' or 'cheer up love' or some such, when you don't.
His weight and age will have a great deal to do with his level of attractiveness to women. Yet from the PPs description, he doesn't realise that, and is oblivious to his own lack of charm.
The point is, he belongs to a group of men that are deluded about their 'social value', if you will, and so inflict their attentions on (mainly) women, oblivious to the fact that they're being a nuisance and a bore.
Everyone knows such men exist, even young men. They're the middle aged manager at the works do, holding court with the younger male staff, thinking they're one of the lads, while the young men pretend to laugh at the boss's jokes, and collude with each other to be 'rescued'.
The aging nuisances who think women their daughters' age are going to be bowled over by their mid range car, 3 bed semi, mediocre job and 'life experience'.
He's a stereotype most of us are familiar with, most would avoid, and for which there is no female equivalent.

BeatriceDalle · 07/09/2022 08:25

You’ve just described David Brent.

5128gap · 07/09/2022 08:42

BeatriceDalle · 07/09/2022 08:25

You’ve just described David Brent.

Yes. The character struck a chord with a lot of people I think.

Lunar270 · 07/09/2022 08:49

BeatriceDalle · 07/09/2022 08:25

You’ve just described David Brent.

😂😂

@5128gap

I'll admit that I find you're spot on with posts but the trouble with your assessment here is that a lot of these men seem to have charm that we don't actually understand. I know a number of men that fit this description but have had multiple affairs.

One I know is married to my wife's friend and my wife feels physically sick when around him. My daughters were the same from a very young age. Creepy AF, thinks he's hilarious and is constantly puffing his chest about everything. Yet in the corporate world, he's been caught having multiple affairs, and not with women who couldn't do any better.

It's mind boggling but when you can behave like this, you must think that you can apply the same formula to every woman and bowl them over. Either that or they're playing the numbers game?

Changingnames20 · 07/09/2022 08:58

I disagree with any blanket all men are awful statements.

I just don’t think it’s OK to slag off an entire group, ever. Not black people, not white people, not poor people, not rich, not men or women. It’s never, ever OK.

But I hate the different ways we treat men and women. In my family the women put men on a pedestal. My mother is always letting my brothers off, who rarely visit her and spend time with her and she’s quite infirm now. It’s all down to me and no one in society expects them too. They call around for 5 minutes and that is them done.

I’m determined that in my own circles I don’t let men treat me like that, and I won’t prop them up.

5128gap · 07/09/2022 09:08

I think you're right @Lunar270 it is a numbers game.
If these men spend enough time indiscriminately pursuing women they may well be fortunate enough to find one who for her own reasons bites.
Sadly there are women out there whose previous experience with men has been so poor, a man with a house, job and car who offers some stability and isn't abusive may seem like an option.
There are others who for whatever reason find it hard to date, and clutch at straws.
And still other's who themselves are crass and boorish (I don't think we're perfect!) so don't have a problem with it in a man.
I'm sure there's a plaster for most wounds, as they say. Finding theirs is less to do with any charm they may have in the mainstream and more to do with their single minded quest for a woman who will tolerate them.

WalkingOnTheCracks · 07/09/2022 13:52

AgnestaVipers · 05/09/2022 12:34

It's been pointed out before, but once again: the difference is these women are choosing to avoid men, not demanding men sleep with them as their right, or going our and murdering men because they are so angry.

Show quote history

Yeah, I clouded the issue by referring to Incels.

Less obliquely, my feeling is simply that if its not acceptable to say this about either sex...

Don't hate (wo)men particularly but really don't see the point in them apart the odd nice fuck. They certainly don't add anything to my life, career, plans or dreams for the future...

AgnestaVipers · 07/09/2022 14:02

That sentiment (about women) has been writ large in the patriarchy for centuries.