To be pissed off with this Mum

[Theblacksheepandme]

My teenage daughter went to her friends house yesterday and stayed over. She came back today and said she had a fall. Both her knees were really cut up and one of her hands. Anyway accidents happen but I am cross at how her friends Mum handled it.

My daughter said both her knees were bleeding quite bad and she went to the bathroom to clean up her knees. The Mum asked if she was ok and walked off when my daughter asked if she had a first aid kit. My daughter had to ask for antiseptic wipes and if she could have plasters. It took them ages to find anything. She was handed one small antiseptic wipe and told that she couldn't have the plasters that were big enough to cover her cuts when my daughter asked but given lots of little plasters. These plasters weren't great and both knees on her tracksuit bottoms had blood on them due to this.

AIBU that I am cross that they were obviously too mean to give her two large plasters to put on and she had to ask for all of this. She went to the nearest town with her friend today and went to the chemist herself to buy two large plasters for her knees. When she came home her knees were oozing and had lots of fluff stuck on them from the inside of her tracksuit bottoms. I am not going to say anything but I am quite cross about it. I know if this happened in my house that I would have made sure her daughter would have been cared for.

I know my daughter is a teenager and I don't expect her to be babied but certainly provide suitable plasters and something to disinfect them to avoid infection. She said she kept having to ask and had to use kitchen towel in the beginning as that was all that was handed to her. Her friends Mum is a dentist and I would have thought she would surely know the importance of disinfecting and covering deep cuts.

@CJsGoldfish - the woman has bigger plasters, or I wouldn’t have made the comment
Yeah, I doubt she did. Of course, the OP is claiming she definitely did and denied her child but going by earlier posts ie My daughter had to ask for antiseptic wipes and if she could have plasters. It took them ages to find anything
I don't believe for a second this mother went rummaging around 'for ages' and came back with big plasters only to say "no you can't have one" As if.
Look, I'm sure the teen asked for one. There weren't any so she got lots of small ones. That just doesn't sound as dramatic I guess 🤷‍♀️

The teen took care of it, the 'wounds' were covered, being pissed off because she didn't get the TLC you figured she should for scraped knees, is just way OTT

This is such a bizarre thread, cleaning and covering a wound is basic first aid. Especially deep cuts that are still oozing the next day.

Are people really leaving their kids to 'scab over' ie letting the wound stick to inside of clothes or letting child rub blood over the house while it heals O_o Maybe ok for a minor graze but OP said in her first post they were deep cuts.

I'm as slovenly as it gets but have a first aid kit at home which I'm happy to use on anyone, and I don't earn as much as a dentist either.

I think you're absolutely right to be critical of your DD's friend's mum, but I wouldn't say anything (as you said yourself, your DD wouldn't like thar anyway), since it wasn't anything major, and there could be some very niche reason why this woman acted as strangely as she did, plus your DD wasn't in any immediate danger... I'd shrug it off and tell your DD that she did well to ask for things she needed, and to go and purchase them herself in the end. Good job! (And you might single-handedly have improved sales of antiseptic wipes - You should get commission :D )

Ah right. I missed that.

I’d be reluctant to allow her to stay there again OP. Fourteen is young to stay on their own which is effectively what they did with the mother’s disinterest and attitude and obvious dislike of your daughter.

I've got no antiseptic stuff in the house and never have done. I feel like a terrible parent now!

Yanbu. I do have plasters at home and would of course give one but if for some reason I didn't then I'd go straight to the shop for them.

pawkins
OP why won’t you say what she was doing when she fell?

Nothing to hide @pawkins. I immediately answered that question when asked. They are a very sporty group of girls. No drinking alcohol or doing lines of coke. It's a shame that people find it hard to believe that some teenagers have no interest in alcohol. They are a group of girls that play every type of sport, play music and love clothes shopping. They do get cuts and grazes due to all the sports but this was a little more than a minor cut or graze.

Everyone niggling about whether or not plasters and antiseptic wipes are suitable for that particular type of cut are missing the point.

It is very rude and uncaring to refuse to assist a guest in your house who needs assistance that you have available and can easily provide. Especially when it's a child, but frankly it would be rude in the extreme to do the same to an adult.

She reminds me of an aunt of mine who used to refuse to let her nieces and nephews drink any of the Coke she had in her kitchen, as it was for her own sons. (Except at least we weren't physically hurt by not drinking Coke, it just made it very clear that our aunt didn't particularly like us and viewed us as some sort of nuisance.) Very odd, selfish, rude and uncaring behaviour.

Why are you assuming "they" means the mother? It sounds like the daughter and her friend went rummaging for plasters, found some and then were told she couldn't use them.

The derailment of antiseptic wipes has cracked me up. I don't know how many times I have to say that antiseptic wipes are not a necessity. People can improvise and use what resources they have. I did explain earlier what I would have done with lack of antiseptic wipes and large plasters. The point wasn't what the Mum didn't have but how she dealt with it. Please stop with the bloody antiseptic derailment.

Her friends Mum is a dentist and I would have thought she would surely know the importance of disinfecting and covering deep cuts.

The clear liquid is plasma. It carries proteins and platelets to the surface to heal the wound. You need to take the plasters off so the plasma can do its job.

Op, maybe because she is a dentist, she knew plasters weren’t needed?

@CJsGoldfish
Ok, I get it CJsGoldfish. You think I'm lying my daughters lying and we are making up stories. You don't have to keep telling me I'm lying and you don't believe me or my daughter. Once is enough and if you think all this is an exaggerated fabrication you don't have to keep telling me this. Move on and stop being nasty. I have a sister that lies a lot and fabricates stories. I find because she does this that she questions everyone else around her. It's like because she is like this that nobody around her can simply tell the truth.

Not the point of the thread but shocked at so many that don't have a basic first aid kit in their homes. As a childminder, I have three - a big one for home and two travel ones for the car and out n about, but even before registering as a childminder, I still had one in the car and one in the house. Not suggesting anyone is a bad parent for not having one, but a basic kit is not hard to put together.
Why is it so crazy to have a stock of plasters, bandages/gauze and tape? Things happen!

phishy
Her friends Mum is a dentist and I would have thought she would surely know the importance of disinfecting and covering deep cuts.

The clear liquid is plasma. It carries proteins and platelets to the surface to heal the wound. You need to take the plasters off so the plasma can do its job.

Op, maybe because she is a dentist, she knew plasters weren’t needed?

Are the NHS guidelines wrong then?

www.nhs.uk/conditions/cuts-and-grazes/

There is nothing in a first aid kid for teens

i wouldn’t use plasters

I wouldn’t use gauze

i simply wouldn’t

I’d add pressure and clean with a tissue

if it needed more than that then it likely would need stitches so I’d be going minor injuries anyway

my kids haven’t worn a plaster since they were about 7/8! - heel blisters aside

Yep, really weird how everyone is interpreting the words "Both her knees were really cut up and one of her hands", "quite deep cuts" and "it was still oozing the next day" as "minor graze that doesn't need a plaster".

Once when I was a student I tripped in the street and fell so hard that my jeans were torn open, and I had a deep, large cut covering my entire knee. I was on my way to play in a concert with the uni orchestra so I washed it with water but didn't have time to grab any plasters or anything until the evening so it stuck to my concert trousers (staining them with blood), got infected, went all pussy and I was limping for two weeks while it healed and I've still got the scar 15 years later. But no, all knee cuts are just minor grazes that don't bleed much and just need a quick wipe🙄

Water is fine for cleaning the graze but they should be covered as will heal better in a moist environment.

This is so weird! I'm an adult an I'll use a plaster if needs be. It's got nothing to do with age, it's about the severity and positioning of the cut, whether it's still bleeding, whether it's going to get irritated by your daily activities...

The main reason you haven't used plasters on your kids since they were 7/8 is because older kids run around much less so are much less likely to badly cut themselves. But if they DO badly cut themselves there's no reason why they wouldn't need a plaster. I put a plaster on my mum's finger just last week when she cut her finger whilst chopping veg and didn't want to drip blood all over our dinner!!

Needing £6 worth of dressing is quite a lot! Hope your daughter is ok now.

TulipsTwoLips
Needing £6 worth of dressing is quite a lot! Hope your daughter is ok now.

Two plasters that would sufficiently cover both cuts cost £6. It wasn't a lot of dressing. She's still in bed (Lazy Devil) but I will have a look at them when she gets up. It is such a contrast on Mumsnet. Some saying she is a drama llama and others asking if she's ok. It is kind to be asked if she's ok. She's actually a tough nut and boxes as well. So not a meek teenager that looks for care of a bad cut just for attention.

I wouldn't have given a child kitchen towel to tape to it.

Strange your annoyed she did nothing yet if you were the adult in charge you'd do something that also is t recommended

@itsgettingweird
I wouldn't have given a child kitchen towel to tape to it.

Strange your annoyed she did nothing yet if you were the adult in charge you'd do something that also is t recommended Confused

Can you provide a link stating what I would have done is not recommended at least elaborate on why it's not recommended. It wouldn't have been the best option but I still go by cleaning, vaseline and cover. I know the kitchen towel wouldn't have been sterile but at least it would have prevented all the fluff that is now stuck in it from her tracksuit bottoms.

Anyone kind enough to ask how she is. She is now up and one knee looks clean and healing but the other knee has yellow gunk for want of a better word in it. It has lots of fluff stuck in it from the tracksuit bottoms but if she tried to get all that off would be quite sore. She is going to try to clean it up the best she can now anyway.

I agree with this, we have a loads of smaller plasters, but last time when I needed a larger one,I realised that we have non- this could be similar scenario.

All the people saying that plasters are not needed and its best to 'air it', have you not seen OPs update with link to NHS guidance on cuts? It says to put a plaster on for a few days to prevent infection

The amount of people on this thread claiming that plasters are not needed (OP stated her DDs cuts were deep, not just an average graze) or that the DD must have been drinking/up to no good/lying is just weird.

If the big plasters were £6 for two (I think that's what OP said?) maybe the mum was being stingy and not wanting to let others use them. Not a nice quality, especially as she's a dentist so they're hardly poor.

OP YANBU. I'd say its probably a good idea to take her own first aid kit next time, as she has planned to do. Maybe she should take her own food as well? Perhaps even a few bottles of water, in case the mum refuses to let her pour herself a glass from the tap, to save on the water bill?

This is so wierd, plasters are for wounds regardless of who they are on. If you cut yourself cooking do you go to minor injuries to avoid putting a 'childish' plaster on?