To be pissed off with this Mum

[Theblacksheepandme]

My teenage daughter went to her friends house yesterday and stayed over. She came back today and said she had a fall. Both her knees were really cut up and one of her hands. Anyway accidents happen but I am cross at how her friends Mum handled it.

My daughter said both her knees were bleeding quite bad and she went to the bathroom to clean up her knees. The Mum asked if she was ok and walked off when my daughter asked if she had a first aid kit. My daughter had to ask for antiseptic wipes and if she could have plasters. It took them ages to find anything. She was handed one small antiseptic wipe and told that she couldn't have the plasters that were big enough to cover her cuts when my daughter asked but given lots of little plasters. These plasters weren't great and both knees on her tracksuit bottoms had blood on them due to this.

AIBU that I am cross that they were obviously too mean to give her two large plasters to put on and she had to ask for all of this. She went to the nearest town with her friend today and went to the chemist herself to buy two large plasters for her knees. When she came home her knees were oozing and had lots of fluff stuck on them from the inside of her tracksuit bottoms. I am not going to say anything but I am quite cross about it. I know if this happened in my house that I would have made sure her daughter would have been cared for.

I know my daughter is a teenager and I don't expect her to be babied but certainly provide suitable plasters and something to disinfect them to avoid infection. She said she kept having to ask and had to use kitchen towel in the beginning as that was all that was handed to her. Her friends Mum is a dentist and I would have thought she would surely know the importance of disinfecting and covering deep cuts.

I don't have plasters, wipes or anything resembling a first aid kit in my home.

Soap and water are fine for cuts. In fact the running water makes it easier to clean away any debris that's got it.

Then allow to air dry and leave open where possible.

If they actually needed covering and the mum refused larger plasters then that seems unkind but in current circumstances I wouldn't judge someone who felt they couldn't afford to give away or buy 2 plasters for £6.

Although I'd like to know how they cost £6 as the large dressings are 30p a piece here!

At 14 the last thing I'd have wanted was to be fussed over by someone else's mum. Kitchen roll and get on with it a fine response for teenagers, she isn't babysitting.

Oh and re the lack of care.

She's 14. I wouldn't imagine many parents let alone friends parents would stand over a 14yo and clean and dress their grazed knees.

A verbal check in would be the most that was required.

Boofay
Lots of uncaring people on this thread.

OP, I'm sorry your daughter wasn't provided with more care and concern by the other parent. I would have offered a 14 (or 15, 16, 25, 45...) year old some help if they'd fallen and cut their knees so badly. I'm a childminder and attend regular first aid training, and I would have cleaned the wounds then applied appropriate plasters or gauze and tape, and then probably would have sent you a quick text to let you know what had happened and how we'd treated it. It wouldn't matter how old the child was.
I do know how expensive plasters can be, especially large sized ones that cover big cuts on knees so I'm guessing the mum was just being a bit stingy (as well as uncaring).
I hope your daughter is ok.

Thanks for completely getting my point. I attached the current NHS guidelines further up thread but people have obviously chosen to ignore them.

I can’t believe some of these comments. The inference op’s dd was probably stoned, drunk or had taken an edible thus didn’t warrant care. Had this genuinely been the case, the responsible thing to do would have been to patch her up and call her mum to collect her. I do not believe for one minute she was intoxicated in some way but I find it disgusting that some people think it is ok to ignore an intoxicated child rather than look after them.

My dd is 14. She has tried and hates alcohol and therefore has never been drunk, let alone tried other substances. She has a medical condition, which could put her in a lot of danger if she were intoxicated or similar and something like this happened. The shock from pain can cause her heart to stop beating and the cleaning herself up could do the same. I’ll be thinking very carefully about how to help her look after herself after such awful comments upthread.

My dd isn’t alone in having a medical condition. Some children have others or additional needs. Not all 14 year olds can just look after themselves in such situations and that doesn’t make them mollycoddled.

I am glad your dd was resourceful, got her own plasters and was able to look after herself.

It doesn't really matter what she does with her own kids. If another child asks for a plaster I would give them one, especially when they have deep cuts, although more likely I would have cleaned her knees and put gauze on with tape.

She seems incredibly odd and quite frankly I'd be angry. I appreciate your children are close so you won't say anything but I'd be reluctant to let my dd stay where her needs aren't met.

Surely if your child has a medical condition either you or they would be expected to let their hosts know that they needed additional care. Personally by the time mine are teenagers I'd be expecting them to mostly host their friends themselves without too much of my involvement.

There really are some weird, socially inept people out there - as ever, Mumsnet is a window into a different world.

Never owned a set of antiseptic wipes, 2 kids and we’ve got on just fine. Don’t expect every household to think they’re a miracle cure, she gave her ‘1’ which was probably enough to wipe the area.

I’d be questioning why an adult (dentist) that you presumably trust as you’ve allowed your daughter to go and stay at her house, would realistically refuse a large plaster for a cut that needs it? Is your daughter possibly exaggerating? Even still, she have her ‘lots of little plasters’.

I'm a nurse and I've never put antiseptic on a grace either. Just washed with water.

Daughter is being a massive drama llama. It's a minor cut/graze. Her leg hasn't fallen off.

I don't have a first aid kit. You must think I'm a terrible parent!

Obviously but some people don’t grasp the implications. As for children with additional needs, parents don’t seem to say anything. DD’s friend has general LD’s but I had no idea until recently that she has dyscalculia. For example I thought she’d be able to tell the time by now when she didn’t a couple of years ago at 11 (she’s a year younger). When they go out dd says she looks after her, counting her money, ordering her food and so forth as she struggles doing anything unfamiliar.

Toddlerteaplease*
Daughter is being a massive drama llama. It's a minor cut/graze. Her leg hasn't fallen off.

There's no need to be rude and resort to name calling. You also haven't seen her knees to determine how minor or not the cuts are. Would you triage an injury without looking at it? Your lack of empathy in saying her leg hasn't fallen off makes me think a change of profession is required.

What makes you think that my daughter was making a big deal of it. She came home as I described up thread and mentioned what happened and put on the plasters she bought herself in the pharmacy. She just expected the adult in the house to react better. Not being dramatic but basic things I would do while in charge of a minor.

France98
I don't have a first aid kit. You must think I'm a terrible parent!

I said already that I don't think anyone that doesn't have a first aid kit is terrible. It was her disinterest that a minor had an accident in her house that pissed me off. My daughter felt the same. I would have brought a kitchen towel as well as a bowel of warm soapy water. If I didn't have plasters then I would have told her to dry it with the kitchen towel after cleaning it. I would have given her vaseline to put on it and told her to create a plaster with the kitchen towel and put tape on to secure it. What would you have done?

@Mummyoflittledragon
My child doesn't have additional needs or any medical requirements.

In that case I'd have expected her and her friend to have managed the situation between them maybe asking her mum where things are. I would only have expected mum to step in if she needed to go to A&E or be picked up.

WhatNoRaisins
In that case I'd have expected her and her friend to have managed the situation between them maybe asking her mum where things are. I would only have expected mum to step in if she needed to go to A&E or be picked up

Her friend takes after her Mother in the lacking of social skills. Her friend hadn't a clue what to do. That is why my daughter took care of the situation and asked for what she thought was required. Clean, dry and cover as per NHS guidelines.

It's funny how Mumsnet can go sometimes on threads. One minute a 14 year old needs supervision and the other minute they don't.

I'd agree that's pretty shitty of the friend. It's never to soon to learn how to be a good host. If I was cross with mum it would be for not teaching her that. I just think by the time your child's a teenager you're past the point of looking after their friends on playdates.

When i was at primary school unless you needed stitches you were handed a piece of wet paper towel and sent back to class to get on with it.

OP why won’t you say what she was doing when she fell?

She has said. Her daughter was playing basketball and fell hard onto tarmac.

OP, I'd have been a bit hacked off too. If they didn't have appropriate plasters, fair enough. But to have them and just not want to use them when they would have made a difference. Pretty shit.