To be pissed off with this Mum

[Theblacksheepandme]

My teenage daughter went to her friends house yesterday and stayed over. She came back today and said she had a fall. Both her knees were really cut up and one of her hands. Anyway accidents happen but I am cross at how her friends Mum handled it.

My daughter said both her knees were bleeding quite bad and she went to the bathroom to clean up her knees. The Mum asked if she was ok and walked off when my daughter asked if she had a first aid kit. My daughter had to ask for antiseptic wipes and if she could have plasters. It took them ages to find anything. She was handed one small antiseptic wipe and told that she couldn't have the plasters that were big enough to cover her cuts when my daughter asked but given lots of little plasters. These plasters weren't great and both knees on her tracksuit bottoms had blood on them due to this.

AIBU that I am cross that they were obviously too mean to give her two large plasters to put on and she had to ask for all of this. She went to the nearest town with her friend today and went to the chemist herself to buy two large plasters for her knees. When she came home her knees were oozing and had lots of fluff stuck on them from the inside of her tracksuit bottoms. I am not going to say anything but I am quite cross about it. I know if this happened in my house that I would have made sure her daughter would have been cared for.

I know my daughter is a teenager and I don't expect her to be babied but certainly provide suitable plasters and something to disinfect them to avoid infection. She said she kept having to ask and had to use kitchen towel in the beginning as that was all that was handed to her. Her friends Mum is a dentist and I would have thought she would surely know the importance of disinfecting and covering deep cuts.

Anyway hope it cleans up ok OP, yanbu.

PinkStarAtNight
All the people saying that plasters are not needed and its best to 'air it', have you not seen OPs update with link to NHS guidance on cuts? It says to put a plaster on for a few days to prevent infection

The amount of people on this thread claiming that plasters are not needed (OP stated her DDs cuts were deep, not just an average graze) or that the DD must have been drinking/up to no good/lying is just weird.

If the big plasters were £6 for two (I think that's what OP said?) maybe the mum was being stingy and not wanting to let others use them. Not a nice quality, especially as she's a dentist so they're hardly poor.

OP YANBU. I'd say its probably a good idea to take her own first aid kit next time, as she has planned to do. Maybe she should take her own food as well? Perhaps even a few bottles of water, in case the mum refuses to let her pour herself a glass from the tap, to save on the water bill?

Funny you say that as she is not great to provide food either. She came back starving one day after spending the day at her house. I had a friend of my daughters over the other day and gave them lunch, did a big fruit salad for a snack and she had shepherds pie before she was dropped home. That's just me and I don't molly coddle or hover over them. I just prep the food and let them at it.

You can get them in packs of 3 at boots for £3.20. Guess I'll just have to get them there. Even though there expensive I still wouldn't refuse someone who obviously needed one. Especially a child. Gave some to our gardener once and some steristrips. Always handy to have in to avoid a trip to hospital.

Somethingneedstochange
You can get them in packs of 3 at boots for £3.20. Guess I'll just have to get them there. Even though there expensive I still wouldn't refuse someone who obviously needed one. Especially a child. Gave some to our gardener once and some steristrips. Always handy to have in to avoid a trip to hospital.*

Would you do a link to see if they are the plasters my daughter bought?

Yet your daughter is happy to continue to go and stay at this house. 🤷‍♀️

Brokenandstressed
Yet your daughter is happy to continue to go and stay at this house.🤷‍♀️*

Do you not think it would be mean to judge someone based on the parent? She has a lovely group of friends and far be it from me or her to judge them based on the parents.

But im not saying judge the child based on the parent. It is you who is judging the parent because she doesn't do what you believe she should be yet you continue to allow your child to go and stay there.

Your daughter could easily see her friend at her own home or in public or at a mutual friends house if the situation was really as awful as you imply.

Instead the fact of the matter is you dont like the friends mother and thats the end of the story. She provided your kid with water and paper towels then found plasters but thats not good enough apparently because they weren't the right type.

Its really bad form to allow your child to constantly go to someones house and then critisise that person.

Brokenandstressed
But im not saying judge the child based on the parent. It is you who is judging the parent because she doesn't do what you believe she should be yet you continue to allow your child to go and stay there.

Your daughter could easily see her friend at her own home or in public or at a mutual friends house if the situation was really as awful as you imply.

Instead the fact of the matter is you dont like the friends mother and thats the end of the story. She provided your kid with water and paper towels then found plasters but thats not good enough apparently because they weren't the right type.

Its really bad form to allow your child to constantly go to someones house and then critisise that person.

I don't spend any time with this Mother to form a decision on whether I like or dislike her. I think she lacks social skills and is a bad host based on information my daughter tells me.

In relation to my daughter having her in our home, meeting up at mutual friends homes and meeting up in public, she does all of these things also. When her friend is having the friend group over, my daughter wants to go. She enjoys spending time with these girls regardless of where it is.

You are right though in relation to letting her go again. I will be letting her go but from now on she can bring our mini first aid kit and my expectations will be low.

The amount of people on here boasting about not having plasters in the house is so weird.
Almost as if plasters are toys for children under the age of 5.

There's nothing in a first aid kit for teens eh? What is this nonsense! Are you confusing a children's toy doctor's set for a first aid kit?

It's basic common sense to treat minor injuries at home and prevent infection as best you can by cleaning and covering a wound whatever your age.

Clearly this mother wasn't part of the anti plaster brigade as her daughter found some plasters in the house for her mate. It's disappointing the mother didn't want to provide them.

I remember as a teen visiting some friend's homes where the parents were so unwelcoming and begrudged providing anything. We were made to feel like a nuisance. It was usually possible to keep out of the parent's way but woe beside if we had to ask them for anything.
I remember once having to ask to use a parent's landline to call home (pre mobiles!) I practically had to beg and the dad was tutting and muttering under his breath about it.

SmileyClare
I remember as a teen visiting some friend's homes where the parents were so unwelcoming and begrudged providing anything. We were made to feel like a nuisance. It was usually possible to keep out of the parent's way but woe beside if we had to ask them for anything.

That's exactly how my daughter describes being in this house.

It’s more weird that you think anyone saying they don’t have plasters in the house is “boasting”. We genuinely don’t have a need for plasters here, my toddler DD has never ever had an injury that requires a plaster (she’s not particularly clumsy or falls very much), nor DH and I ever injure ourselves with minor cuts etc requiring a plaster.

i mentioned upthread that we had an old box of plasters that had been around for so long they were useless. It isn’t boasting, some people just don’t have a need for them. Doesn’t make us better or worse people or parents for it!

Was she drunk

@SeptimusWarrenSmith
The Mum could possibly have been drunk. My daughter wasn't around her enough to notice.

This thread is bizarre. I would fuss and mother any child around me who hurt themselves, it's called having compassion.

We were on a cycling holiday once and came across a women who came off her bike. She was quite cut up and we stopped to help. We had saline solution in our first aid travel kit and rinsed all the gravel from her cuts and called for help. We stayed with her until help came. Was that making a fuss? Should we have just cycled past her. @NotAHouse is right, it really is about having compassion.

YABU she tried her best. Not to your standard but still provided assistance. Maybe your daughter could have called you to retrieve the huge plasters? I recently fell over huge graze on my knee and hands. Just water to wash off the grit/dirt and left to air dry. Was fine but god it stung for weeks on my knee.

I8toys
YABU she tried her best. Not to your standard but still provided assistance. Maybe your daughter could have called you to retrieve the huge plasters? I recently fell over huge graze on my knee and hands. Just water to wash off the grit/dirt and left to air dry. Was fine but god it stung for weeks on my knee.

Wow, huge plasters. There is a difference between a graze and a cut though.

Exactly there's a risk of sepsis. Anyone can have an accident. My daughter had a siezure in the kitchen. She knocked a breakfast bowl off the side which broke then she fell on the broken bowl. It tore into her layers of flesh was awful. In my panic I couldn't find the dressings where I usually have them. Had to dress it in kitchen roll and stick with plasters to get her in a taxi to A and E.

They didn't want to stress her by stitching so they used steri strips and bandaged the bottom half of her leg. Had to take her back every 3 days for dressing changes. Even then it started to go septic. Said if it never looked any better next time she will need antibiotics. Luckily it was much better a few days later. Most of the time I can patch her up myself and avoid a trip to A and E.

People seem to keep mixing these up. A cut is when the skin is fully broken, and a graze is when only the top layers of skin are scraped off.

@Wetblanket78
That must have been so scary.

I don't think yabu. The amount of people who seem to think brazening out is the best way. No-one cares if you once had to walk 25 miles to get nurofen with a chunk of your head missing the fact is the parents should have tried to HELP in any way possible.

I spent half my teenage years on sleepovers at my best friend's house. Used to go home to eat and shower most the time she came with us. There was never much food in her house so I didn't like to eat there. My mum was happy to feed her as well as her sister's. Was the only time she had fresh fruit and veg.

I was telling my daughter today that my Mum believed really old wives tales and thought getting a dog to lick a wound or cut promoted healing. She was horrified that I had this done to me. I was telling her this while our dog kept trying to lick her knees and she was shooing the dog away. Her face was a picture.

Wetblanket78
I spent half my teenage years on sleepovers at my best friend's house. Used to go home to eat and shower most the time she came with us. There was never much food in her house so I didn't like to eat there. My mum was happy to feed her as well as her sister's. Was the only time she had fresh fruit and veg.

That family sounds like they were financially struggling. It was very kind of your Mum to look after them.

It was more because of her dad drinking most they're money away. If she had friends there though her dad was ok.

But her and her sisters are the hardest working people I know. She went on holiday to France for deprived children and wanted a better life for herself than bringing children up on benifits. She wanted to be able to take her daughter on family holidays abroad. She split with her partner and bought him out of the house they bought together.

These are the boots ones.

www.boots.com/boots-pharmaceuticals-adhesive-wound-dressings-3-dressings-16-x-12cm-10203746?cm_mmc=bmm-buk-google-ppc--PLAs--Health_Pharmacy-_-UK_Smart_Shopping_Health_Pharmacy_Google&gclid=CjwKCAjwx7GYBhB7EiwA0d8oeyra5KyWb__TFVVBJFb9vOq7TneokVbhquj_wq7WYXTgP9eovo2UIhoCG4EQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

There's some smaller ones as well from Tesco which are cheaper. I have to keep a variety of sizes in.