Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with this Mum

291 replies

Theblacksheepandme · 28/08/2022 20:36

My teenage daughter went to her friends house yesterday and stayed over. She came back today and said she had a fall. Both her knees were really cut up and one of her hands. Anyway accidents happen but I am cross at how her friends Mum handled it.

My daughter said both her knees were bleeding quite bad and she went to the bathroom to clean up her knees. The Mum asked if she was ok and walked off when my daughter asked if she had a first aid kit. My daughter had to ask for antiseptic wipes and if she could have plasters. It took them ages to find anything. She was handed one small antiseptic wipe and told that she couldn't have the plasters that were big enough to cover her cuts when my daughter asked but given lots of little plasters. These plasters weren't great and both knees on her tracksuit bottoms had blood on them due to this.

AIBU that I am cross that they were obviously too mean to give her two large plasters to put on and she had to ask for all of this. She went to the nearest town with her friend today and went to the chemist herself to buy two large plasters for her knees. When she came home her knees were oozing and had lots of fluff stuck on them from the inside of her tracksuit bottoms. I am not going to say anything but I am quite cross about it. I know if this happened in my house that I would have made sure her daughter would have been cared for.

I know my daughter is a teenager and I don't expect her to be babied but certainly provide suitable plasters and something to disinfect them to avoid infection. She said she kept having to ask and had to use kitchen towel in the beginning as that was all that was handed to her. Her friends Mum is a dentist and I would have thought she would surely know the importance of disinfecting and covering deep cuts.

OP posts:
Meatshake · 29/08/2022 00:45

CJsGoldfish · 29/08/2022 00:10

This is the weirdest, coldest and uncaring thread I've seen on here
You don't get around much, do you? 😂

As for the "we don't have plasters" brigade. I literally don't believe you
I'm sure they're devastated.
I had plenty of plasters when my children were little. When a plaster, preferably with a character on it, and a kiss for the boo boo went a long way to making it 'all better' Now, with teens, last time I looked for one there weren't any. Had to go buy some 🤷‍♀️

She was given a kitchen towel and then her Mother just fucked off. Is this how you would deal with a guest in your house?
Kitchen towel was all she really needed tbf. And yes, this is how my teens and friends would prefer to be treated. Supplied with something to clean it and left to it. Because they are teens. They'd be uncomfortable to have someone's mum fussing over them when they only have grazed knees.

You ok hun?

UWhatNow · 29/08/2022 00:55

Ignore the mad comments @CJsGoldfish - these people molly coddle their teenagers then panic when they demonstrate no resilience to cope in life when far more difficult things inevitably crop up…🙄

been and done it. · 29/08/2022 01:05

Holidaydreamingagain · 28/08/2022 21:45

But they could have been up to all sorts of things they weren’t meant to be doing which don’t involve alcohol. E.g playing outside in the dark making tik toks, climbing on things they shouldn’t have been etc etc

What does it matter what they were doing? She had a bad fall and cut her knees badly and they were bleeding. She needed to clean the area and to protect her clothes cover up the wounds otherwise when she took her trackies off again she'd rip the area all over again..super painful ..some of these replies are nuts..

CJsGoldfish · 29/08/2022 01:12

CJsGoldfish · Today 00:10

This is the weirdest, coldest and uncaring thread I've seen on here
You don't get around much, do you? 😂

As for the "we don't have plasters" brigade. I literally don't believe you
I'm sure they're devastated
I had plenty of plasters when my children were little. When a plaster, preferably with a character on it, and a kiss for the boo boo went a long way to making it 'all better' Now, with teens, last time I looked for one there weren't any. Had to go buy some 🤷‍♀️

She was given a kitchen towel and then her Mother just fucked off. Is this how you would deal with a guest in your house?
Kitchen towel was all she really needed tbf. And yes, this is how my teens and friends would prefer to be treated. Supplied with something to clean it and left to it. Because they are teens. They'd be uncomfortable to have someone's mum fussing over them when they only have grazed knees

You’re a nasty piece of work
Please feel free to explain how exactly the above led you to that conclusion @AussieMozzieMagnet What, exactly is it that is nasty? I'll wait 😝

You ok hun?
Peachy. But thanks for asking. Sorry I disagree with you, it seems to have bothered you. Are YOU ok @Meatshake ? Need a plaster?

5zeds · 29/08/2022 01:13

We just wash and go. No wipes or plasters.

CJsGoldfish · 29/08/2022 01:13

UWhatNow · 29/08/2022 00:55

Ignore the mad comments @CJsGoldfish - these people molly coddle their teenagers then panic when they demonstrate no resilience to cope in life when far more difficult things inevitably crop up…🙄

IKR?
It's pretty funny that such a non event evokes such outrage.

mathanxiety · 29/08/2022 01:30

YANBU

The mum should have helped your DD and should have given her adequate plasters. It's just weird and unfriendly to hog them.

Sorry your DD had a bad experience, and how mortifying for the friend.

HoppingPavlova · 29/08/2022 01:40

@AussieMozzieMagnet As a guest in my house, I would have ensured large plasters would have been provided along with antiseptic or saline and I would personally have attended to the wounds myself if need be. That’s the mark of a proper, caring mother and host.

In the main, it sounds like the mark of someone who doesn’t know best practice. It would be incredibly rare that any antiseptic would be required and if the wound is such that it is then I’d question if what someone would have rattling around a bathroom would be appropriate. Saline is not required and indeed unless you have a mechanism to flush a larger area properly then likely even sub-par to giving a good flush with tap water to wash out any debris. I have ocular saline flushes but no way I would waste these on abrasions that just don’t require them. Plasters are very rarely required and then suitable gauze and tape is the go, due to every second person seemingly having some sort of adhesive allergy these days.

I think the mum was remiss for not giving direction on how to flush the knees correctly and giving an antiseptic wipe instead (that’s just going to drag bits and pieces around in the abrasion if there are bits and pieces present). Apart from that I don’t see they really did anything wrong. Likely it didn’t require anything more and she wouldn’t have received anything more in a professional setting.

Original poster
Theblacksheepandme · 29/08/2022 01:42

mathanxiety
YANBU
The mum should have helped your DD and should have given her adequate plasters. It's just weird and unfriendly to hog them.

Sorry your DD had a bad experience, and how mortifying for the friend.

To be honest she was more pissed off than upset. She said she just knows that I would have been more caring if this happened her friend at our house. I wouldn't have made a fuss but certainly she wouldn't have had to be asking me for stuff. There was blood all over the bedding as well due to the inadequate plasters. When she woke up the blanket was stuck to both her knees.

OP posts:
Iced · 29/08/2022 01:45

TiredzzZZ · 28/08/2022 23:06

Why am I the only one that doesn't get the big deal here?

She's 14!!!!! Not 4.

In two years time she'll be legally old enough to have her own children!

She's not 5.

It's a cut on her knee.

Surely at 14 she can cope with a cut on her knee????

Spot on!

CoolerThanIceCream · 29/08/2022 01:47

Do the ‘cuts just need fresh air’ (which I don’t disagree with) people not think that a large plaster just might - in this particular instance - be appropriate…?

The cuts are bloody and oozing, the child has full-length, fluffy track-pants on, and has to get home?

Once home, she can ‘air’ to her heart’s content.

But until then - maybe a bit of a practical approach might be needed. 🤷🏻‍♀️

CoolerThanIceCream · 29/08/2022 01:51

Iced · 29/08/2022 01:45

Spot on!

Show quote history

Well, yeah, but the one person stopping this was the other mother.

If she’d just handed over the damn large plaster, as asked, the girl could have been on her merry way.

CJsGoldfish · 29/08/2022 02:29

If she’d just handed over the damn large plaster, as asked, the girl could have been on her merry way

My daughter had to ask for antiseptic wipes and if she could have plasters. It took them ages to find anything. She was handed one small antiseptic wipe and told that she couldn't have the plasters that were big enough to cover her cuts when my daughter asked but given lots of little plasters
So the mother went off to dig around and find some plasters. OPs daughter wanted bigger ones. They couldn't 'do' bigger ones. Probably because they didn't have any. 🤷‍♀️
As if she went off and brought back plasters that they were not going to give the teen 😂

BloodyCamping · 29/08/2022 02:45

I’d assume mum was about to use them. I’m in the school of improvising however, for myself I’d have used a sanitary towel taped on to each knee.

Mamai90 · 29/08/2022 02:51

I think you're being a bit OTT.

Yes, it was shit of her mum not to give ber the big plasters, but if your daughter was so bad she'd have come home and wouldn't be concerned about FOMO if she was truly hurt.

All the rest of the stuff doesn't sound odd to me, friends mum asked of she was OK and got her plasters. Also she's not a young child, it all seems a bit dramatic for a 14 year old who has a phone to ring home if wanted to.

I'm a mother myself so I get you're annoyed because she's your child, but objectively speaking I think you should just let it go.

transformandriseup · 29/08/2022 03:08

I think if a guest asked me for a plaster I would have given them the biggest one I had even if it meant I then needed to buy more.

I am not sure I would have asked a friends mum for a plaster at that age and probably would have poured water on a kitchen towel and sat with that on my knees. However I appreciate not wanting to get blood everywhere so if the bleeding wasn't stopping fast enough and the teen didn't want to be applying pressure for ages I can see their point in needing a plaster.

CoolerThanIceCream · 29/08/2022 03:27

Theblacksheepandme · 28/08/2022 21:03

FlissyPaps
YANBU
Did the mum have larger plasters but just didn’t want to give them to DD? Because if so, that’s awful.

Yes the Mum had larger plasters but didn't want to give them to her.

@CJsGoldfish - the woman has bigger plasters, or I wouldn’t have made the comment.

Boofay · 29/08/2022 04:10

Lots of uncaring people on this thread.

OP, I'm sorry your daughter wasn't provided with more care and concern by the other parent. I would have offered a 14 (or 15, 16, 25, 45...) year old some help if they'd fallen and cut their knees so badly. I'm a childminder and attend regular first aid training, and I would have cleaned the wounds then applied appropriate plasters or gauze and tape, and then probably would have sent you a quick text to let you know what had happened and how we'd treated it. It wouldn't matter how old the child was.
I do know how expensive plasters can be, especially large sized ones that cover big cuts on knees so I'm guessing the mum was just being a bit stingy (as well as uncaring).
I hope your daughter is ok.

W0tnow · 29/08/2022 04:24

Of course a 14 year old can cope with cut knees. She did cope. If she was my daughters friend I wouldn’t have made a fuss but I’d have helped her so she didn’t have to ‘cope’. Are you monsters? 😂

FWIW I don’t have plasters either. But I’d have popped to the shops and bought some.

And the ‘leave it to air’ method has been shown to increase chances of infection.

miraveile · 29/08/2022 05:03

OP I think with all stories there are 2 sides and you're only getting one, there could be all kinds of nuance missing. I'm not one of those suggesting drunk or drugs, but there's a whole other world of possibilities including simple misunderstandings.
Whether wounds need plasters or not for healing, I tend to think of them as a comfort measure, it's like getting your skin back and makes it less painful. So I'm with you, if what happened happened, mum should have made sure she had plasters and gone and got some

WoodlandMummy · 29/08/2022 06:32

UWhatNow · 29/08/2022 00:33

We don’t have antiseptic wipes or knee-size plasters either. You would’ve been lucky if I’d have even looked up from my phone to ask if she was ok in my house. Teenagers should be able to sort themselves out for a minor injury like this and they really don’t need fancy kit like your dd was expecting to be provided with. Bit entitled really…

You would’ve been lucky if I’d have even looked up from my phone to ask if she was ok in my house

You’re hard 🙄

WoodlandMummy · 29/08/2022 06:35

Kerrrmieee · 28/08/2022 23:21

Have the first aid kit rules changed again?

Was told on inspection once not to have plasters in a first aid kit in case of allergies.

Gauze, tape etc go for it.

But no, if an emergency, kitchen roll and tape perfectly fine until sorted.

Grazes do need to dry out.

Current NHS advice, found v easily after a quick Google.

How to treat a cut or graze yourself

You can treat a cut or graze yourself by stopping any bleeding, cleaning the wound, and covering it with a plaster or dressing. This will help stop it getting infected.

Nursemumma92 · 29/08/2022 06:50

@starfishmummy kitchen roll is not as hood as a dressing 🤦‍♀️ it will just stick straight to the wound nd leave fibres in the wounds.

Nursemumma92 · 29/08/2022 06:54

*and

redfairy · 29/08/2022 07:00

TBH I'm probably the sort of mum that would offer kitchen towel and let them get on with it so I don't think the other parent is being unreasonable. Perhaps the only part that doesn't ring true is the deliberate withholding of larger plasters. What would be the motivation for that? Anyway I hope your daughter is on the mend and I'm sure she appreciates more than ever the level of care and attention she gets from you. You sound like a lovely mum.