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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH has no time for our dog

379 replies

PokeInTheBum · 28/08/2022 09:39

A few years ago DH said he wanted a dog, a German shepherd. I said no as I didn’t want the hair or a large animal to have to look after. He kept on about wanting a dog and assured me that he’d be 100% responsible for it. I said if he was that desperate for a dog he could get a little one like a French bulldog. He reluctantly agreed and we got a frenchie puppy. At first he adored him and was with him all the time. He took him to a basic obedience 6 week course and would come home frustrated saying the dog wouldn’t do anything and he was a laughing stock at the class. He was working on stuff with him inbetween classes (daily) but would always come back furious from the class saying it was pointless. I started going with him for support but to be fair it was embarrassing, ours was the only dog that wasn’t progressing and we couldn’t get him to do anything other than “sit” and even that was only 50/50. Didn’t help that the instructor made jokes about it and drew everyone’s attention to it. At the end of the course everyone was presented with their certificates whilst we were “gently told” to book onto a repeat course.

DH decided against it and whilst he continued walking the dog etc it was obvious that he was losing interest. We couldn’t get him house trained, he was incredibly destructive and wrecked everything in sight. We had a behaviourist in as well as a trainer but neither have been any help.

Then 3 years ago DH told me he needed a proper dog and was buying a German shepherd puppy. I agreed because I saw how much it was getting him down not having this dog. He was going to all sorts of shows, displays and meet ups etc for 2 years prior.

we got the German shepherd. DH finally has the dog he wanted. It excelled at the basic obedience class and then went on to pass the advanced obedience class and all the kennel club awards. DH’s office is full of certificates and rosettes from him activities with the dog and to be fair he does 100% of the work with her.

Trouble is his tolerance for the frenchie is now rock bottom, he gets annoyed just hearing him wander around the house. He refuses to clean up its piss and shit saying he’s not “doing it anymore” with a 6 year old dog. To be honest I think he actively dislikes the dog.

I have taken on responsibility of the frenchie but the way DH makes it so obvious he doesn’t want him around upsets me. He’ll literally make the frenchie move off the sofa so the German shepherd can sit there.

We ended up arguing about it last night and he said it’s my fault as I pressured him to get a dog he didn’t want and if I’d just agreed to the shepherd in the first place none of this would have happened.

So, is it all my fault??

OP posts:
Valid8me · 28/08/2022 09:43

Yes, I think it is, sorry.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 28/08/2022 09:43

i dont see how anyone can take the blame for getting one dog then another.
all seems very strange with the certificates on the wall.
and upsetting. poor frenchie

MrsLargeEmbodied · 28/08/2022 09:44

they are different types of dogs, german shepherds need training and respond well.
no idea about the frenchie

Original poster
PokeInTheBum · 28/08/2022 09:45

MrsLargeEmbodied · 28/08/2022 09:43

i dont see how anyone can take the blame for getting one dog then another.
all seems very strange with the certificates on the wall.
and upsetting. poor frenchie

His office is full of the German shepherd stuff. Certificates and rosettes on the wall, framed photos on his wall, his phone screen is the shepherd, his computer wallpaper is the shepherd, he’s literally obsessed with her.

OP posts:
PuttingDownRoots · 28/08/2022 09:46

If the GS develops a behavioural or medical problem will he abandon that too?

ToFindNewWays · 28/08/2022 09:46

No of course it’s not your fault. He agreed to the Frenchie. It’s equal responsibility.

Yubgftr · 28/08/2022 09:47

I feel really sorry for the poor Frenchie. Blame game aside, it's not the dogs fault and your DH is cruel for treating him like this

Yubgftr · 28/08/2022 09:47

I feel really sorry for the poor Frenchie. Blame game aside, it's not the dogs fault and your DH is cruel for treating him like this

Soubriquet · 28/08/2022 09:48

Well yes it kinda is. He wanted a GS, which are easily trained and very biddable. You made him get a French bulldog which are notorious for not training well or being house trained. They are stubborn little dogs.

However, the frenchie is still a family pet and he needs to see that.

You need to take over cleaning up the mess though.

londonlass71 · 28/08/2022 09:49

No you're husband is a prick. The poor 6 year old Frenchie was probably so under pressure and stressed from the off which is what contributed to the lack of response to training.
Poor Frenchie.
I think your husband sounds very childish. I work with dogs and the attitude your husband has is a massive part of the problem in the dog community.
What If the GSD had not done well in training? Your DH would likely have the same attitude, then you would have 2 dogs he doesn't like.
As for the training school - any trainer worth their salt would say any kind of jokes and calling to attention what a dog can't do in any type of setting goes against their ethos. I wouldn't have gone back to classes there
I really don't know what to suggest other than you take full responsibility for the Frenchie as you have and be extra kind, loving and patient.
I would find it very hard to be with a man like your husband.

GeekyThings · 28/08/2022 09:50

You're both at fault - him for getting a dog at all when he's clearly entirely unsuited to keeping them and only thinks of them as accessories; and you for saying it was a good idea for him to get a second dog after seeing that he was so awful with the first dog.

I feel really sorry for both your dogs, he's a terrible pet owner, and anyone who can be that mean to a member of the family after 6 years is a disgusting person.

Thereisnolight · 28/08/2022 09:50

Your fault I think. Sorry!
As long as he’s not cruel to the Frenchie I don’t think the dog will notice that much. Up to you to compensate for any lack of affection.

girlmom21 · 28/08/2022 09:50

You shouldn't have insisted on the Frenchie without doing your research. German Shepherds are much easier to train and better companions which was what he wanted.

Original poster
PokeInTheBum · 28/08/2022 09:53

Soubriquet · 28/08/2022 09:48

Well yes it kinda is. He wanted a GS, which are easily trained and very biddable. You made him get a French bulldog which are notorious for not training well or being house trained. They are stubborn little dogs.

However, the frenchie is still a family pet and he needs to see that.

You need to take over cleaning up the mess though.

I do clean up all the mess but he’s urinated so much on the dining room floor that it has ruined the flooring and it all needs replacing. DH will have to do that and so it just adds to the tension. He’s refusing to replace the floor until we no longer have the frenchie.

OP posts:
Quincythequince · 28/08/2022 09:53

I’ve never had a Frenchie. But I have had multiple bulldogs. Not clever it’s true, stubborn absolutely. But at three years, you’re telling me your dog isn’t housetrained and can only respond to sit (and only then sometimes).

I am seriously struggling to understand this and I am lifelong dog owner of multiple breeds.

Mumspair1 · 28/08/2022 09:54

Yubgftr · 28/08/2022 09:47

I feel really sorry for the poor Frenchie. Blame game aside, it's not the dogs fault and your DH is cruel for treating him like this

This. do you have kids by any chance. I would honestly be put off in the very first place before getting any of the dogs over your dh obsession and petulant childish behaviour of getting a dog. A bit embarrassing too.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 28/08/2022 09:54

Don't have children with him (if you were planning to), he clearly choses favourites and doesn't hide his displeasure if they fail to achieve what he expects.

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 28/08/2022 09:55

OP wasn’t keen on getting a dog. She knew she’d be doing most of the heavy lifting. GS make a lot of work hair wise etc. She said get a smaller Frenchie sized dog. It was still up to him to research etc. He chose Frenchie. He’s a twat for sulking and stropping when this living creature with its own personality fails to meet his expectations. I really would have put my foot down at a second dog! Any chance you could find a home worthy of your little Frenchie where it could get all the love and attention it needs?

londonlass71 · 28/08/2022 09:55

Poor dog is massively stressed I think. In a way it doesn't matter whose fault it is, the poor dog is there now and I feel so sorry for him. To be cruel like your husband is being is really very unnecessary. I would leave him and take the Frenchie with me!

Ponoka7 · 28/08/2022 09:56

Frenchies are nightmares. I had GS, they are amazing dogs. I tolerate my DD'S Frenchie. A jack Russell would have been better. Why go from a working breed to a overbred, nutcase of a breed? Re-home the Frenchie.

Gaveitall · 28/08/2022 09:56

Frenchy is stressed.
There’s someone out there who will adore him.
Get another home for him.

londonlass71 · 28/08/2022 09:56

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 28/08/2022 09:54

Don't have children with him (if you were planning to), he clearly choses favourites and doesn't hide his displeasure if they fail to achieve what he expects.

^This^

Tumbleweed101 · 28/08/2022 09:56

The first dog was a compromise dog neither of you really wanted. You didn't want a dog and he didn't want that breed. They are so different from a German Shephard in size and trainability. He obviously wanted a bright, active dog and instead the first dog sounds like it was neither.

I can kind of understand how he feels, I got left with my ex partners dog. He chose the breed and made the bond. I have always found her annoying and resented being left with her (his reasoning is it was for the children). I got a dog of my choosing a few years ago and I have a much stronger bond with him. They are very different breeds and personalities. Obviously I care for them both but my feelings are different. The children adore both dogs so it isn't a problem.

You were both in the wrong for making a compromise neither of you wanted.

Original poster
PokeInTheBum · 28/08/2022 09:57

londonlass71 · 28/08/2022 09:49

No you're husband is a prick. The poor 6 year old Frenchie was probably so under pressure and stressed from the off which is what contributed to the lack of response to training.
Poor Frenchie.
I think your husband sounds very childish. I work with dogs and the attitude your husband has is a massive part of the problem in the dog community.
What If the GSD had not done well in training? Your DH would likely have the same attitude, then you would have 2 dogs he doesn't like.
As for the training school - any trainer worth their salt would say any kind of jokes and calling to attention what a dog can't do in any type of setting goes against their ethos. I wouldn't have gone back to classes there
I really don't know what to suggest other than you take full responsibility for the Frenchie as you have and be extra kind, loving and patient.
I would find it very hard to be with a man like your husband.

When you say we was under too much pressure and stress from the off, do you mean being put into training classes or DH’s constant attempts to train him (it was daily, we never did get past “sit”, even now at 6 years old “sit” is the only command the frenchie will do and even then it’s not every time).

I don’t know what to do, I’ve tried training him myself to get DH to back off but I just can’t get through to the dog, it’s like he has no understanding at all. He’s lovely temperament wise, affectionate and great with kids but everything else is just such hard work.

OP posts:
Immaterialatthispoint · 28/08/2022 09:57

I’m not sure. I’d struggle to actively like a dog that was still not house trained at 6. It will be officially a veteran next year for god’s sake! The dog he wanted and now has, and a Frenchie are worlds apart.

french bulldogs are notoriously awful for house training in particular. I wouldn’t go as far as to say it’s your fault, he should have researched and realised how far off what he was looking for a frenchie would be. Neither, however, can I blame his dislike of the dog. As long as he isn’t cruel I would probably just compensate the frenchie and recognise this is unlikely to be a hugely long lived issue since the avg life expectancy of a frenchie is less than 5.

www.newscientist.com/article/2318084-french-bulldogs-are-the-shortest-lived-dog-breed-in-the-uk/

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