DH has no time for our dog

[PokeInTheBum]

A few years ago DH said he wanted a dog, a German shepherd. I said no as I didn’t want the hair or a large animal to have to look after. He kept on about wanting a dog and assured me that he’d be 100% responsible for it. I said if he was that desperate for a dog he could get a little one like a French bulldog. He reluctantly agreed and we got a frenchie puppy. At first he adored him and was with him all the time. He took him to a basic obedience 6 week course and would come home frustrated saying the dog wouldn’t do anything and he was a laughing stock at the class. He was working on stuff with him inbetween classes (daily) but would always come back furious from the class saying it was pointless. I started going with him for support but to be fair it was embarrassing, ours was the only dog that wasn’t progressing and we couldn’t get him to do anything other than “sit” and even that was only 50/50. Didn’t help that the instructor made jokes about it and drew everyone’s attention to it. At the end of the course everyone was presented with their certificates whilst we were “gently told” to book onto a repeat course.

DH decided against it and whilst he continued walking the dog etc it was obvious that he was losing interest. We couldn’t get him house trained, he was incredibly destructive and wrecked everything in sight. We had a behaviourist in as well as a trainer but neither have been any help.

Then 3 years ago DH told me he needed a proper dog and was buying a German shepherd puppy. I agreed because I saw how much it was getting him down not having this dog. He was going to all sorts of shows, displays and meet ups etc for 2 years prior.

we got the German shepherd. DH finally has the dog he wanted. It excelled at the basic obedience class and then went on to pass the advanced obedience class and all the kennel club awards. DH’s office is full of certificates and rosettes from him activities with the dog and to be fair he does 100% of the work with her.

Trouble is his tolerance for the frenchie is now rock bottom, he gets annoyed just hearing him wander around the house. He refuses to clean up its piss and shit saying he’s not “doing it anymore” with a 6 year old dog. To be honest I think he actively dislikes the dog.

I have taken on responsibility of the frenchie but the way DH makes it so obvious he doesn’t want him around upsets me. He’ll literally make the frenchie move off the sofa so the German shepherd can sit there.

We ended up arguing about it last night and he said it’s my fault as I pressured him to get a dog he didn’t want and if I’d just agreed to the shepherd in the first place none of this would have happened.

So, is it all my fault??

whats wrong with that?

@Quincythequince because a good breeder will always take the dog they bred back if their home is no longer suitable.

It's in our contract that the breeder gets first refusal if we ever need to rehome.

YABU - sorry! You didn't want a dog, he did, you agreed but only if you got a breed that you wanted (except you didn't want a dog at all ). So actually neither of you wanted the French Bulldog, but you got one anyway - a breed that's know for being a PITA to train. And it's still not house trained at six years old?? I wouldn't want that either. An incontinent dog that won't do what it's told is the worst of all worlds. I don't blame him for favouring the dog he wanted all along and now has. If you'd just agreed to the GS in the first place you wouldn't have this issue. You insisted on the Frenchie, so it's your problem.

What’s wrong with that?

I think it was a stupid compromise - he wanted a dog and you didn’t so the compromise was you got a dog completely different in every way to the one he wanted. For me, I don’t think a dog should be brought into a home unless everyone in the home wants a dog. Too many people end up with dogs they don’t really want. I think that was daft.

However, I’d be losing respect for him now. Stuff like moving the little dog so his dog can sit on the couch is just weird and spiteful and I’d see him as petty and small.

Nothing is wrong with me but thanks for your concern.

I thought it was funny that the dog didn’t notice the treat that bounced off it’s head (we’re talking about a tiny little biscuit, not a cow’s leg) - because I find humour in the little dogs daft personality. So shoot me if I don’t feel the need to see dogs as military robotic machines.

Your husband sounds like an idiot frankly

but you’re BOTH at fault for getting the Frenchy 1. Without properly researching and 2. Without both of you being 100% committed

@Qwerkie they both know the dog isn't ever going to catch the treat, or attempt to catch the treat, so they choose to make a mockery of it.

Do you have children with him op?

if you don’t and you want to id have a think about whether thst would work

the way that people treat dogs tells you who they are

I have a GSD and I am obsessed with him. Its a strange thing, I never thought I would be that into a dog. He is clever, very engaging and loyal so feels like I am getting something back from him all the time. I am the centre of his world. Very difficult in the beginning but now great. We also have a whippet...oh my. Pretty vacant, untrainable but still a lovely dog, Id never get the feedback I get from GSD so I dont look for it. There was a Frenchie at last obedience class I did. Sounds like yours- just an absolute dolt, unable to learn despite best efforts, I think just accept the stupidity of the Frenchie and get on with it.

I have chihuahuas too.

They are mostly house trained though occasionally we still have accidents. They are 5 and 4 now.

No matter how we try. It’s just part of their nature to be stubborn and difficult to train.

But we were prepared for that

Actually he has managed to catch treats in the past. It’s rare but it has happened.

YABU - that poor Frenchie sounds quite difficult and you chose it.

It sounds as though your DH did really try with the frenchie - taking it to classes, throwing it treats etc. Of course he can’t now include it with the GSD in training sessions - clearly the little dog is not up to it.

DH wanted a GSD and finally got one and - surprise - that’s the dog he prefers. You are going to have to decide what to do but I wouldn’t try to force it back on DH.

If the Frenchie has lots of love and attention from you then I doubt it is pining to be out there being trained (it's untrainable remember) by your dh. I think you are projecting.

Personally I wouldn't live with a permanently incontinent dog but I did, it would be in nappies whilst running loose in the house, not pissing and shitting everywhere

Can’t vote as you’re both BU.

I think you are both in the wrong here - he for giving up on a PUPPY for christs sake and you for and i mean this as kindly as possible, clearly doing no more research than putting 'french bulldog breeders near me' into google on the breed... however i can see why he's frustrated that the dog isnt remotely trained after 6 years.
Whats your current toilet training approach/what is your current trainers approach? Maybe if you share here people can help, there's loads of people on here who have had tricky dogs and they might have some suggestions you've not tried.
Also i dont think you're cruel for laughing at a biscuit bouncing off the frenchies face but i think its fairly obvious that the reason your partner was so annoyed is that he might feel like this is an example of you not taking the fact the dog has zero training seriously - not saying you domt take it seriously, just saying that might be his thought process.

DH put a belly belt thing on the dog to stop him weeing in the house, he continued weeing but it just went all over his belly and caused a skin infection. DH took him to vets and told him he’d put a belly belt on him, the vet asked why and DH told him we can’t housetrain him. Vet said “That’s frenchies for you, but you can’t keep using the belt as it will cause constant infections”.

So of course DH came home fuming that the vet had told him we just have to accept the piss and shit everywhere. We’ve tried putting puppy pads down but the dog always manages to miss them (or pisses up the dining room table which is now also ruined and needing replaced).

To whoever asked how the shepherd is with the frenchie - she largely ignores him. She will occasionally take a tug toy to him in an invite to play but he just stands there looking at her bless him.

Of course it's not. You didn't have a crystal ball. Personally the Frenchie needs to go. It is unacceptable to have a dog messing in the house all the time.

I doubt the dog even noticed them laughing. I started training my dog to catch by dropping treats into its open mouth but somehow they still bounced off its face - I hope my dog hasn’t been scarred for life when I laughed at it for missing

The situation just sounds like a mess, though I do sympathise as we managed to get ourselves into a mess with a dog that we were wrong for.

I think you have 2 realistic choices; either you suck it up and give the bulldog all the attention you can while accepting your dh is never going to love the dog he didn't want, or have the bulldog put to sleep. I think either choice is probably going to affect your relationship.

You need to take the Frenchie put every 2 hours to toilet and praise dog and give little treat if it toilets. You need to clean floor with something to break down urine enzymes as dog will smell urine and just go in same place. The German shepherd is your DH dog and to he Frenchie is your dog. The dogs will learn who their owner is. I have a dog and DH has a dog and although we are both kind to both dogs my dog knows I am her owner as I walk her and DH walks his dog mostly together but sometimes separately. You wanted the Frenchie now you will have to deal with it but you really need to house train it at the very least. I know a person with 3 Frenchies and they are all house trained, sit, lie down and come when name called so this breed can be trained. Use bits of food to help you train and don't over feed or they won't be motivated to learn. My dog is motivated to learn and a placid dog she can sit, lie down, shake a paw, roll over, come when called, fetch a ball/stick and drop at my feet and her favourite trick is to climb up into bay window and wave her paw to me when I go out. DH dog is same breed as mine but far more excitable and harder to train. His dog sits, fetches a thrown ball or stick but won't drop it, he has to take it from her, she dances on hind legs to beg for bits of treats, she runs off if off the lead and so he has to keep her on lead, sometimes she refuses to walk and sits her bottom down. DH loves her just the way she is though and carries her home. Even though our dogs are same breed and from same litter there is a difference in their ability to learn obedience and tricks. Both were house trained by 4 months though because we took them out every 1.5 hours to learn to toilet outside. That is really a minimum requirement and I can understand your DH being cross if you have not house trained this Frenchie. You should do this as your dog.

Within the context of this dogs life, no, it’s really not funny at all.

Who bounces treats off a dogs head and thinks it’s funny. It’s a living creature - it is not to be ridiculed and poked fun at.

You can either make a commitment to look after the Frenchie yourself or rehome the dog.

I'd worry the new owner would be frustrated with the lack of toilet training, Frenchie would be abandoned twice.

Are the dogs friendly together? Do they interact and play?

Stop being obtuse.
Dogs know when they’re being laughed at and this dog has a crappy life already.
It’s unkind.

they threw a treat for the dog to catch and it was too dim to open its mouth - that is quite amusing. Do you always overreact like that?