DH has no time for our dog

[PokeInTheBum]

A few years ago DH said he wanted a dog, a German shepherd. I said no as I didn’t want the hair or a large animal to have to look after. He kept on about wanting a dog and assured me that he’d be 100% responsible for it. I said if he was that desperate for a dog he could get a little one like a French bulldog. He reluctantly agreed and we got a frenchie puppy. At first he adored him and was with him all the time. He took him to a basic obedience 6 week course and would come home frustrated saying the dog wouldn’t do anything and he was a laughing stock at the class. He was working on stuff with him inbetween classes (daily) but would always come back furious from the class saying it was pointless. I started going with him for support but to be fair it was embarrassing, ours was the only dog that wasn’t progressing and we couldn’t get him to do anything other than “sit” and even that was only 50/50. Didn’t help that the instructor made jokes about it and drew everyone’s attention to it. At the end of the course everyone was presented with their certificates whilst we were “gently told” to book onto a repeat course.

DH decided against it and whilst he continued walking the dog etc it was obvious that he was losing interest. We couldn’t get him house trained, he was incredibly destructive and wrecked everything in sight. We had a behaviourist in as well as a trainer but neither have been any help.

Then 3 years ago DH told me he needed a proper dog and was buying a German shepherd puppy. I agreed because I saw how much it was getting him down not having this dog. He was going to all sorts of shows, displays and meet ups etc for 2 years prior.

we got the German shepherd. DH finally has the dog he wanted. It excelled at the basic obedience class and then went on to pass the advanced obedience class and all the kennel club awards. DH’s office is full of certificates and rosettes from him activities with the dog and to be fair he does 100% of the work with her.

Trouble is his tolerance for the frenchie is now rock bottom, he gets annoyed just hearing him wander around the house. He refuses to clean up its piss and shit saying he’s not “doing it anymore” with a 6 year old dog. To be honest I think he actively dislikes the dog.

I have taken on responsibility of the frenchie but the way DH makes it so obvious he doesn’t want him around upsets me. He’ll literally make the frenchie move off the sofa so the German shepherd can sit there.

We ended up arguing about it last night and he said it’s my fault as I pressured him to get a dog he didn’t want and if I’d just agreed to the shepherd in the first place none of this would have happened.

So, is it all my fault??

Is the dog a penis extension

Yep it’s your fault you talked him out of the breed he wanted.

Did you even research bulldogs before getting one? They’re notoriously difficult to train. My English one is to the letter of all the personality traits you read about but he was still toilet trained and able to do basic commands before 5 months old.

This.
rehome him to a home that will love him.
call the rescues around you and explain the situation honestly.

Think you're both idiots to be honest. Probably shouldn't get another dog after the gsd does, they aren't all intelligent so what if the next one is thick? Is he going to abandon that one too and just get another? Not a good enough reason to have a dog.

You shouldn't have opted to get a dog that has known breathing problems. Plus it wasn't a breed your husband wanted and was very different. Not even a cute breed, dunno how people think they are cute when their noses are so squashed they can barely breathe. That's not cute, that's cruel.

You're stuck with both. Can't re-home the old one, it's not got long left really. I wouldn't get another dog at all though after both go, and certainly no children. Not sure how your husband would behave if the kid wasn't up to his expectations. Bit worrying really.

Why do so many people say ‘just get the Frenchie rehomed’ like it’s so easy.
Do any of you have any idea just how over run rescue homes are right now? There are over a 1000 in the U.K. and they are to breaking point, this will only get worse over the next few months.
And all because people are lining the pockets of unscrupulous breeders who are feeding this unhealthy desire for ‘designer’ breeds which all have major health and behaviour issues.
Poor little dog (and the 1000’s like him).

Why is a dog pissing all over the floor?
Has he got an infection or something?

He can’t be THAT “Dim”, surely? if he is only peeing in one room, it shows he sees that room as his “Toilet”, so can learn to see the garden as a loo instead.
A dog will be drawn to the same place by smell.
The flooring needs to be scrubbed of all aroma or he will keep doing the same thing, over and over.

So you both have no time for the small dog. He needs to go to a home that respects him. And you don't want hairs every where so you let him get a German Shepard a dog that drops fur when he moves. All dogs can be stubborn regards training. It sounds like the small dog gets ignored most of the time, unless its to tell him off, or bounce stuff off his head. Do you take both dogs for walks? Take both dogs for a walk let the small dog sniff where the other has been, and then he should toilet the same. And its no good yelling or dragging him he is not a robot. And I just see another lame guy who must have a big scary dog.

@Quincythequince I did think the same when I typed about a good breeder, to be fair. They can't be that good

I'm not sure I agree with all the commenters saying to re-home the Frenchie. I think the op does love him and where I am the dog rescue homes are overfull post pandemic and with the cost of living increase. I don't think many people will take on a 6+ Frenchie who is un-houstrained. Yes her DH is a problem for this dog but he she says he is not cruel to him. I wish you the best in house training Frenchie op and in spending as much time as you can with him making him feel loved and safe. I would try a different training class the other one sounds too intense.

i think you need bicarbonate to clean the room - do some research on preventing toileting indoors

Start house training him. Feed him on a schedule and take him out 30minutes after he eats and drinks. Also take him out a lot and if goes potty praise him a lot, always lots of praise. I suggest keeping him on a leash with you no matter where you are in the house, at all times. If you see he is squatting whisk him outside. Read some books.
good luck. Your husband can’t be nice to two dogs at once? What a weirdo. Don’t let him be mean to it.

How is the dog a penis extension? You don't get certificates and rosettes for penises!

Absurd!

So, is it all my fault??

It's both of your fault, equally.

Your husband is a disgrace who only wants a dog that will serve his ego. He's a revolting pot-hunter who is happy with his rosettes & trophies but won't clean up after one of the dogs.

You nagged him until he accepted getting a breed he did not want, & worse, you chose a Frenchie - ie a dog that has been so overbred that it suffers lifelong breathing & other health difficulties.

The pair of you attended training, hired in a behavioural trainer, & STILL could not manage to get a small dog to listen to you well enough to even perform a basic sit, & not mess in your home.

Neither of you have any business owning a dog.
If you can find a loving home for the Frenchie maybe that dog can get a happy ending with a human who is prepared to keep communicating until Frenchie is able to learn basic skills. That would be a much better home for her/him.

I doubt your H will allow you to rehome the GSD, so you're stuck with that.
Just like you stuck him with a Frenchie he didn't want.
I can't see how you are confused about who's at fault here. You might be lovely people in real life - but you're a pair of irresponsible twats, dogwise.

For me having a dog is having a commitment for the next 10-15 years. I grew up around labradors so when it came to considering a dog my dh wanted a French bulldog I said no. We discussed at length which type of dog would best suit our family life. DH mentioned a german shepherd however after much research we ended up with a lab x cocker spaniel. She has completely become part of the family and we are working well with her training. I would consider rehoming the frenchie if you feel the animal isn't getting adequate care but in future I wouldn't get another dog they are a big commitment and deserve the love and attention.

To answer some points

Im not rehoming him, I love him and try my best with him.

I don’t walk the shepherd, DH won’t let me incase I ruin her training.

The breeder has done a runner.

I grew up with labs too

The mistake was making him or anyone get a breed of dog which isn’t the one they have researched and see as the one that fits. A dog isn’t just a dog each breed has different good and bad points, clearly him wanting a gsd was the right dog the right fit.

so yes you did mess up by saying not your dog but any small dog. he shouldn’t be mean to it though but after six years of an untrainable dog pissing on my floors I’d be raging inside at least and likely not want to spend much time with the dog.

what did you try for training or at least house training? Did you restrict access to rooms or crate train? As well as the obvious outside 30 minutes after every meal and drink and staying out till they went. If you used puppy pads did you move some soiled ones outside to show that’s where the toilet is?

the dog does sound rather overly stupid even for its breed have you had it vet checked for issues further than Utis like it may have some kind of brain issues.

I don’t want to rehome the shepherd either, she’s an amazing dog.

I am never one for saying "Rehome" , I think with animals you are in it for the long haul , you should Man The Fuck Up .

But this phrase he gets annoyed just hearing him wander around the house poor little dog . He's incurring your DH wrath just ny walking around .

It was never going to work , your DH wanted a GS , you convinced him to get a FB.
I always say on threads where someone wants a dog/cat but cannot and people suggest "Get a guinea-pig" ...... NO guinea-pigs are amazing animals in their own right and they are not substitutes for a dog or rabbit .
If you try that you will hate the guinea-pigs

DD and I got all our piggies from Rescue and I thanked every day that their owners relinquished them because we got these amazing little animals to give a new life to. (We have no pigs now)
Same with our cats , they were from rescue

You will be doing your dog a favour taking him out of this environment .

@PokeInTheBum

My friend had a Frenchie it was the most annoying dog ever didn't do anything all the classes were a total right off they rehomed it in the end it was a total nuisance!!

He wanted a German Shepherd, you talked him out of it and got a dog he didn't want and now he's got what he wants your cross at him???

If the frenchie isn't really wanted the best thing to do is to rehome it or you take ownership of it as your dog

The OPs DH behaviour around a pet is bizarre. It’s like the over-zealous, competitive parent around their broadly average kid.

It does sound odd.

Don't be ridiculous. It's very common among people that put a lot of work into competing with animals to be proud of the work that the animal does.

Op i have a frenchie ( foisted on me by a relative who couldn't keep him) and he is an absolute pain in the arse! Completely ignores any instructions unless he wants to do it, marks all over the place and is a complete nightmare. I wouldn't allow any of my family to treat him badly, your husband needs to grow up.

Absolutely true.

I had our female Whippet spayed recently
People suggested breeding , but I couldn’t bear a pup to end up in a home where he or she wouldn’t be properly cared for for life.

Greeders are coining it in breeding terribly unhealthy stock with poor socialisation
Lots were coming in via Eastern Europe and Elsewhere- They are seen as a crop, not as living, sentient beings.

A Frenchie who isn’t housetrained is not going to get a new home easily.

Rescue centres are full to bursting.

Are people aware of the Dog rehoming crisis here in the UK

Its insane to do this. Just be better with the dog. Be kinder. Accept that it’s not clever and live it for what it will give yo it’s a pet, rathe than what it can’t.

And the dog clearly has been toilet trained to an extent. Enough at least to know the dining room is his place. Retrain him. Work very closely with him and reward, reward, reward.