DH has no time for our dog

[PokeInTheBum]

A few years ago DH said he wanted a dog, a German shepherd. I said no as I didn’t want the hair or a large animal to have to look after. He kept on about wanting a dog and assured me that he’d be 100% responsible for it. I said if he was that desperate for a dog he could get a little one like a French bulldog. He reluctantly agreed and we got a frenchie puppy. At first he adored him and was with him all the time. He took him to a basic obedience 6 week course and would come home frustrated saying the dog wouldn’t do anything and he was a laughing stock at the class. He was working on stuff with him inbetween classes (daily) but would always come back furious from the class saying it was pointless. I started going with him for support but to be fair it was embarrassing, ours was the only dog that wasn’t progressing and we couldn’t get him to do anything other than “sit” and even that was only 50/50. Didn’t help that the instructor made jokes about it and drew everyone’s attention to it. At the end of the course everyone was presented with their certificates whilst we were “gently told” to book onto a repeat course.

DH decided against it and whilst he continued walking the dog etc it was obvious that he was losing interest. We couldn’t get him house trained, he was incredibly destructive and wrecked everything in sight. We had a behaviourist in as well as a trainer but neither have been any help.

Then 3 years ago DH told me he needed a proper dog and was buying a German shepherd puppy. I agreed because I saw how much it was getting him down not having this dog. He was going to all sorts of shows, displays and meet ups etc for 2 years prior.

we got the German shepherd. DH finally has the dog he wanted. It excelled at the basic obedience class and then went on to pass the advanced obedience class and all the kennel club awards. DH’s office is full of certificates and rosettes from him activities with the dog and to be fair he does 100% of the work with her.

Trouble is his tolerance for the frenchie is now rock bottom, he gets annoyed just hearing him wander around the house. He refuses to clean up its piss and shit saying he’s not “doing it anymore” with a 6 year old dog. To be honest I think he actively dislikes the dog.

I have taken on responsibility of the frenchie but the way DH makes it so obvious he doesn’t want him around upsets me. He’ll literally make the frenchie move off the sofa so the German shepherd can sit there.

We ended up arguing about it last night and he said it’s my fault as I pressured him to get a dog he didn’t want and if I’d just agreed to the shepherd in the first place none of this would have happened.

So, is it all my fault??

DO NOT have children with this man. If he is like this with a dog, what will happen with a tantruming toddler and stroppy team. What an apology for a decent human being.

Love it for what it can give you as a pet, rathe than hate it for what it can’t

(last post should’ve said)

Petulent.
You need to re home the dog.
Having volunteered for a rescue for years, it’s tiresome seeing owners purchase new dogs as though they are toys and display such frustration when said dog doesn’t live up to expectations.
What happens if the GS ‘embarrasses’ him or gets poorly etc.
Let someone with the appropriate experience, time, patience and love take on the frenchie.
The Frenchie sounds nervous.

Get a professional dog trainer in - you're in a toxic canine world on your own.

His dog is also no more a penis extension than that of a horse owner who competes in competitions either. To his gsd he sounds like an amazing owner and trainer who’s proud of his dog and actually actively works it in competitions to its abilities which is good for dogs to be challenging mentally and physically not just be potatoes walked twice a day.

@KettrickenSmiled what a bunch of bullshit. Both dogs are well cared for and loved by at least one of their owners, so what's the problem here? Frenchies are overbred to the point where many are as thick as mince and basically incapable of learning. Why anyone would want to encourage that by owning one is a mystery but the OP is doing her best by it.

Me and DH have this disagreement.

He wants a lab, collie or alsation (I do love those breeds but have had them before and know we dont have time to care for their energetic needs, also most died due to hip issues which are common).

I did a test a rescue put together that pairs suitible breeds with the correct family enviroment and it said a british bulldog would fit out lifestyle, I never even considered one before but having met a few now it seems correct (low energy, easy going, usually good with kids dog that doesnt require constant stimulation).

DH HATES the idea of a lazy drooling bulldog, only wants the pretty big dogs like his friends have... so in the end we compromised and got a cat lol.

Your DH's behaviour is not helping the little dog and will make him stressed and unhappy. For that reason get in touch with a breed group and try to find him a home.
French bulldogs should never be bred in my opinion. Their poor little bodies have so many physical problems because of the way they are bred. I know rather a lot of them and suspect that it's also affected them mentally. Seem to get a lot of eye problems too, maybe that's just the ones I know. Maybe this little soul can't even see the treats being thrown at it.
Whatever - do the right thing by this dog. If you really love him get him out of this toxic environment.
I could not live with a person who treated an animal like this, but I would certainly remove the animal from the situation.

Not the way the OP has described it.

This man is not an animal lover and shouldn’t have a pet.

The issue here is that the DH is clearly not treating the dog well. He gets annoyed just hearing it walking. That isn’t someone I would trust with this dog. Or any dog to be honest.

What happens if the GS gets sick? Or doesn’t win a rosette? Does it get discarded and neglected just like the Frenchie?

I would think in this situation, trying to find a safe loving home for the Frenchie is better than leaving it with the OP and her DH.

As the methods you've been using for years have not worked for you or Frenchie, stop doing what you are doing & start getting smart.

Spend time reading about & fully understanding Tom & Lauren's psychology.
absolute-dogs.com/pages/about
www.facebook.com/absolutedogs

In your case, it would even be worthwhile to book a week's leave & travel to their location for an intensive course. Costly - but less so than replacing whole floors & dining tables ...

Yea we tried all that.

We initially tried training him the way we’ve always housetrained and that didn’t work so we tried crate training - he would rip up his bed and then piss and shit on it and would quite happily lay in it. We had to bath him constantly. We tried the puppy pads and he’d just rip them up and then pee on the floor. When he did manage to pee on a pad we moved it outside to try and make the connection but he’d just try and rip it up. We tried restraining him to the kitchen when we were not in but he managed to jump up onto the kitchen side and couldn’t get down and would be stuck there until we got home (I had a camera on him and would often have to leave work and rush home to rescue him), he’d rip the bin to pieces and even ate a hole into the kitchen door.

We not restrain him to the dining room where there isn’t any danger for him to get into. Just need to wash his bed daily as he pisses on it and then sleeps on it.

Why a Frenchie? I'm sorry but it is a bit like ordering a GSD off Wish.

When did you take over responsibility for the Frenchie? It sounds like until recently he has tried to hold up his end of the deal, he was the one to take the dog to obedience classes, he's been the one to take it to the vets etc. Tbh a dog passing and shitting in the house for 6 years would test anybody's patience, especially if the dog was a compromise in the first place.

I agree and understand the points about rescue centres being full but (rightly or wrongly), this breed is very much sought after.

A dog is a commitment and frankly it doesn’t sound like the Frenchie is being treat kindly.

@CG1991 I think most people have an expectation that their dog will be housetrained at some point and will respond to basic commands, that's pretty standard. You think rehoning this dog will solve everything but it has a pretty good home and it's quite possible that it's IQ is so low it will never be trainable. This does happen.

op have you tried crate training the frenchie.

Why have you not tried another course or a behaviour specialist? Six years is a long time to have issues and not tried to change them.

@Porcupineintherough
House training is a standard expectation but I’d bet my bottom dollar that the Frenchie would come on leaps and bounds in a settled home where he/she isn’t expected to move for the GS and is met with love.
Predominantly, I have experience with spaniels but I think most dogs change significantly in the right home environment and this has been going on for years so I don’t agree.

Yes it was a disaster. He’d just rip up his bed, piss and shit on the pieces and then sleep in it. We had to constantly bath him.

sorry just seen u did try the crate. missed that comment

Ever thought of getting a proper dog trainer/behaviour specialist to help?

Or is it just going to have a miserable existence? (Dogs know when someone doesn't like them)

I'm so surprised people are blaming the OP. Then again MN is full of women who are used to putting up with crap from men.

She didn't want any dogs, her DP did! She's well within her rights to say they could only get one if it was a short haired breed. That was actually a very kind comprise of her. As the dog lover the DP should have figured out what type of dog would suit or better yet not bullied the OP into getting a dog at all.

DP then messed up on the training and has proceeded to blame the dog or the OP for his failing. He then pushed the OP into agreeing to a GS knowing the OP didn't want one. He seems very entitled. Now to top it all off he's stopped looking after his Frenchie and is expecting the OP to clear up after his dog.

He sounds like a brat.

In your place OP I'd refuse to look after frenchie. Just stop cold turkey. Tell him you've had enough of his bullshit he either needs to train the dog or rehome it. Then I'd tell him he's an embarrassment for abdicating his responsibility and for blaming you for his fuck up. I'd tell him I'm ashamed to talk about his behaviour to my friends because I can't believe I've ended up in a long term relationship with a spoilt teenager and who the hell does he think he is treating you like a skivvy. Every time he tries to interject Id reinforce "you aren't a prince, own your mistakes. Your behavior is disgusting. Your parents raised you badly. How can you not see how pathetic your behavior is." Etc etc etc.

Good luck anyway. He sounds dreadful.

@Quincythequince
i agree with you, I hate people mocking animals, it’s bullying in a way

I have a 9 month old frenchie and he’s absolutely adorable. He sits on command, give you his paw when asked, I can put some fresh chicken in front of him in his bowl and he will sit until I tell him it’s ok to eat it. I can leave him alone in the lounge and kitchen and he’s never chewed or destroyed anything and he’s never been to training classes. Maybe I’ve been lucky but not all frenchies are hard to train and they make lovely little pets.

We spent thousands on 2 trainers (one was a specialist at the other side of the country) and a behaviourist. All 3 said i was fighting a losing battle, he was never going to grasp commands and the house training would possibly improve but would always be hit and miss. I can’t afford to throw more money at him.