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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I've absolutely gone and ruined my chances?

319 replies

arrghhh · 28/08/2022 06:09

I met this guy at my 30th night out a few months back, I added him on Facebook and we'd been speaking periodically - nothing heavy. He had asked me if I wanted to go and grab a drink with him sometime which I replied yes.

Anyways last night I'm child free so crack open the wine, he messages and turns out he is near me visiting his mum so naturally (after a few glasses of wine I invite him round).

He came round, I was very attracted to him, he's six years younger but I was quite shocked with how mature he came across and how intelligent and well spoken he was. He asked questions about me and showed an interest.

However I hadn't eaten all day yesterday. We ended up kissing - a lot and at one point I think I remember my tits in his face however this is speculative as I was far too drunk at this point.

Next thing I know I'm waking up on the sofa with a message from him, "Hey you kinda passed out so I just popped your blanket over you and bolted for the train didnt want you thinking I legged it tried to wake you for 5-10 but no luck 😂😂" and a missed call from him about 30 minutes after that message.

I am absolutely mortified. I wish I'd never even invited him over, I knew I shouldn't be drinking on an empty stomach. The worst thing is I liked him and thought he had some potential but now I don't even want to reply this morning.

So mortified. Should I just block and pretend it never happened? Should I acknowledge it?

OP posts:
Dalaidramailama · 28/08/2022 10:05

Yes you sound a bit stand offish!

i would ask him if he wanted to meet up for a drink, balls in his court then!!

Original poster
arrghhh · 28/08/2022 10:05

TakeYourFinalPosition · 28/08/2022 09:58

You didn’t really leave him much to come back with! Your message could easily be read as a disinterested brush off.

Really? I don't think I sounded like I brushed him off, I apologised for getting so drunk. If I was brushing him off I wouldn't of replied.

OP posts:
Original poster
arrghhh · 28/08/2022 10:06

Dalaidramailama · 28/08/2022 10:05

Yes you sound a bit stand offish!

i would ask him if he wanted to meet up for a drink, balls in his court then!!

Oh god do I really? I never realised but reading it back maybe it does seem a bit cold.

OP posts:
Dalaidramailama · 28/08/2022 10:10

Yes I would have apologised for being a drunken mess, added in some light humour and asked him out again. What’s the worst thing that could happen? He might reject you but onwards and upwards. Sounded like there was a connection and I’m sure you’ll get over your embarrassment at some point 😂.

mtld · 28/08/2022 10:11

It’s not too late, you just need to make it clear you’re interested now - tell him it would be nice to meet up again!

SunnyD44 · 28/08/2022 10:16

Bit worrying that you invited a man you don't really know to your home then got so drunk you passed out.

I agree!

He sounds like a good egg OP so I’d be messaging and apologising and asking him out again as your treat to make it up to him.

I think the more you play it cool or are too embarrassed then he’s going to think you’re not interested.

At least the ice has been broken now so your next date should run much more smoothly. Just don’t drink too much 😁

girlmom21 · 28/08/2022 10:17

You do seem cold. Text back "same time next week? I promise to stay awake 😂" or something so he knows you're not giving him the brush off

ReginaPerrin · 28/08/2022 10:22

girlmom21 · 28/08/2022 10:17

You do seem cold. Text back "same time next week? I promise to stay awake 😂" or something so he knows you're not giving him the brush off

Yeah, I’d do something similar to this. It’s lighthearted and shows you’re still interested.

You won’t know if you don’t try!

WimbyAce · 28/08/2022 10:26

I don't think you have ruined your chances. The fact that he has text and phoned is nice. Just you got a bit out of hand lastnight that's all. I wouldn't beat yourself up and just suggest you meet up again another time for a proper date. No harm done.

lollipoprainbow · 28/08/2022 10:26

I don't think the OP sounds cold at all, I'd wait for him to get back in touch I think and if he's definitely interested he will.

Blizzardbeach · 28/08/2022 10:27

Lol, don't invite him out for a drink!
Make a bit of a joke about, fancy doing x/y/z... I think it might be best for me to avoid drinking next time 🤣

Whatwouldscullydo · 28/08/2022 10:35

Wow you got pretty lucky tbh. Id not he texting or calling someone who did that. I mean that was me in my late teens/early twenties. No wonder I never ended up with anyone half decent.

This is a rare shot. A nice guy and someone who appears to not be scared off by irresponsible behaviour. Your message sounded a little like " no thanks " tbh. If you like him text back with something that can be considered a conversation.

Honest opinion, you sound like how I used to be and that you don't know what to do when something moves beyond a drunken one night stand. Id work on that. It's a lonely awkward road

Original poster
arrghhh · 28/08/2022 10:40

Whatwouldscullydo · 28/08/2022 10:35

Wow you got pretty lucky tbh. Id not he texting or calling someone who did that. I mean that was me in my late teens/early twenties. No wonder I never ended up with anyone half decent.

This is a rare shot. A nice guy and someone who appears to not be scared off by irresponsible behaviour. Your message sounded a little like " no thanks " tbh. If you like him text back with something that can be considered a conversation.

Honest opinion, you sound like how I used to be and that you don't know what to do when something moves beyond a drunken one night stand. Id work on that. It's a lonely awkward road

I do have commitment issues to be honest so I always keep men at arms length and never allow myself to get attached. It's not something I've ever looked into but I am aware of it and recognise it but it just seems to be who I am. My friends have always described me as 'a man' (sexist and stereotypical as that is) in terms of relationships and sex.

OP posts:
Whatwouldscullydo · 28/08/2022 10:46

I get protecting your feelings. I'm the same. There's parts of me ill never give to anyone. But before you know it you will be fat 40 and invisible to anyone besides the odd old dirty old man who feels like taking his chances when his wife on holiday.

That does very little for your self esteem I can assure you. Uts a kinda a funny story now I guess. Dont let it be the only thing you have to tell anyone in.20 years time.

JacquelineCarlyle · 28/08/2022 10:49

Glad you're ok Op. Agree with those saying he sounds nice - hopefully you'll get a reply & take it from there. Hope the hangover clears up soon.

Original poster
arrghhh · 28/08/2022 10:52

Whatwouldscullydo · 28/08/2022 10:46

I get protecting your feelings. I'm the same. There's parts of me ill never give to anyone. But before you know it you will be fat 40 and invisible to anyone besides the odd old dirty old man who feels like taking his chances when his wife on holiday.

That does very little for your self esteem I can assure you. Uts a kinda a funny story now I guess. Dont let it be the only thing you have to tell anyone in.20 years time.

I understand what you're saying but being in a relationship isn't high on my priority list or agenda. I will be completely fine if I never meet someone, I love my life single, I love my own company, I have my daughter, a great career, lovely home, family, friends etc. I wouldn't give that up unless it was someone amazing. When I think about my future I envision myself single and I am totally okay with that.

OP posts:
stayinghometoday · 28/08/2022 10:55

He sounds nice. I second suggesting another date next week, maybe dinner this time?

JacquelineCarlyle · 28/08/2022 10:56

Good for you @arrghhh - I hate the pressure on women to be in relationships & sounds like you've a pretty perfect life.

Whatwouldscullydo · 28/08/2022 11:02

arrghhh · 28/08/2022 10:52

I understand what you're saying but being in a relationship isn't high on my priority list or agenda. I will be completely fine if I never meet someone, I love my life single, I love my own company, I have my daughter, a great career, lovely home, family, friends etc. I wouldn't give that up unless it was someone amazing. When I think about my future I envision myself single and I am totally okay with that.

Show quote history

Well its good you are happy. There are certainly perks to being single. Especially if you seem to attract people with " issues" im a bit of a weirdo magnet tbh 😳

I've learnt to laugh about it.

Its Probably best all round if I stay single too. I seem to scare people i don't know how 🤣

I would just say though. Be honest. And of they think they can be the one to " break you" and change your mind, make sure its you leaving them Passed out on the sofa 😉

Beefcurtains79 · 28/08/2022 11:03

What if he was a murderer? Who invites strange men into their home with a kid?

Original poster
arrghhh · 28/08/2022 11:04

Beefcurtains79 · 28/08/2022 11:03

What if he was a murderer? Who invites strange men into their home with a kid?

Well I'd be dead. And my daughter wasn't here, she is at her dads for the weekend.

OP posts:
SteveHarringtonsChestHair · 28/08/2022 11:08

arrghhh · 28/08/2022 08:49

Unfortunately I just can't message him today. I'm too embarrassed and hungover and just can't deal with it.

Well if anything is going to ruin it, it’s that attitude! So he’s done the decent thing, tucked you up in a blanket, left you to sleep, messaged to check on you. And your response to that is ignore him?! He’ll think you didn’t like him and regret what happened.

Get up. Sober up. Grow up. Put your big girl pants on and message him back Ffs. You’re not the first person in the world to get a bit drunk on a first date/meeting. Make a joke of it and promise to be sober next time you see him.

Original poster
arrghhh · 28/08/2022 11:15

@SteveHarringtonsChestHair I don't think he wants there to be a next time. I responded to his last message and he just replied saying, 'I'm not surprised you're rough, you absolutely tanked those wines' so not really much to say to that. All good, was a harmless bit of fun, just very embarrassing 😳

OP posts:
pensionconfusion · 28/08/2022 11:20

Why not offer a walk and a coffee for next date. No alcohol at all. See what he says. Good luck 🤞🏻

Mammyloveswine · 28/08/2022 11:23

arrghhh · 28/08/2022 11:15

@SteveHarringtonsChestHair I don't think he wants there to be a next time. I responded to his last message and he just replied saying, 'I'm not surprised you're rough, you absolutely tanked those wines' so not really much to say to that. All good, was a harmless bit of fun, just very embarrassing 😳

Ah wine is awful for being easily drinkable, one minute you feel fine the next you black out!

Op id reply and say you don't normally drink so much, you are mortified and if he has no plans does he fancy a nice walk and coffee today? Then suggest maybe next time you go bowling/crazy golf/cinema?

Ignore the melodramatic posters saying you are clearly a raging alcoholic.

It's not big, it's not clever but we've all been there op! Hope you've had a maccies breakfast to sort you out?

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