Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I've absolutely gone and ruined my chances?

319 replies

arrghhh · 28/08/2022 06:09

I met this guy at my 30th night out a few months back, I added him on Facebook and we'd been speaking periodically - nothing heavy. He had asked me if I wanted to go and grab a drink with him sometime which I replied yes.

Anyways last night I'm child free so crack open the wine, he messages and turns out he is near me visiting his mum so naturally (after a few glasses of wine I invite him round).

He came round, I was very attracted to him, he's six years younger but I was quite shocked with how mature he came across and how intelligent and well spoken he was. He asked questions about me and showed an interest.

However I hadn't eaten all day yesterday. We ended up kissing - a lot and at one point I think I remember my tits in his face however this is speculative as I was far too drunk at this point.

Next thing I know I'm waking up on the sofa with a message from him, "Hey you kinda passed out so I just popped your blanket over you and bolted for the train didnt want you thinking I legged it tried to wake you for 5-10 but no luck 😂😂" and a missed call from him about 30 minutes after that message.

I am absolutely mortified. I wish I'd never even invited him over, I knew I shouldn't be drinking on an empty stomach. The worst thing is I liked him and thought he had some potential but now I don't even want to reply this morning.

So mortified. Should I just block and pretend it never happened? Should I acknowledge it?

OP posts:
Original poster
arrghhh · 30/08/2022 21:19

Whatwouldscullydo · 30/08/2022 21:16

Honestky this all now just sounds like he's deliberately making out that he fought off multiple opportunities to shag so that you think he's some upstanding and decent honest guy.

I reckon none of that actually happened and he's almost seeking sex now as some reward for doing the right thing

That's how I feel. Also if I was 'begging' him to fuck me in the back garden why would I have been pulling my leggings up and not letting him do it in the living room. He's now grilling me about what size of dick I reply and telling me I have set the bar too high. Wow Blush why ask?

OP posts:
Original poster
arrghhh · 30/08/2022 21:24

BloodAndFire · 30/08/2022 21:19

OP - I can hear your vulnerability and fear and uncertainty through your posts. Don't pursue this.

I understand your fear about eating in front of people. I really do. I can't even eat in front of my children or husband. But this is someone taking advantage of your drunkenness and confusion and weakness. You can't start a relationship from this place.

For your sake, and your child's sake, take a step back. xx

Thank you, yeah it's very hard. I can only eat in front of a small select few people. It's embarrassing but something I have tried and failed to change. Yeah I am going to leave the chat here. Didn't turn out the way I thought. Think we both dodged a bullet tbh.

OP posts:
jennakong · 30/08/2022 21:25

OP, I know a few people have suggested this in earlier posts, but are you absolutely sure he didn't have a chance to interfere with your drink in any way? He's almost enjoying describing how disinhibited you were, and you have no memory of any of it. It all sounds a bit odd.

JacquelineCarlyle · 30/08/2022 21:41

At this point, I'd now block him.

NumptiesIncorporated · 30/08/2022 22:02

Oh yikes.

Block and move on.

Creepymanonagoatfarm · 30/08/2022 22:12

Vile messages op.
If any of it is true be thankful you pulled those leggings up.
Time to block op.
Once in the very early days now dh asked for a pic when I said I was going in the bath.
I sent one of the taps.
He sent a laughing emoji and never has asked for anything like that again.
The man you mention has no respect for you at all op.
Time to ditch.

eastegg · 30/08/2022 22:38

arrghhh · 30/08/2022 20:14

So he text me. Just sent me a picture of the football stadium that he's at as we support the same team saying 'some view'. So maybe didn't put him off completely.

Going off at a tangent but is it Palace? We support them in this house. Think there was only one other premiership match tonight and think that was at Fulham. Not relevant I know! Might not be English premier league anyway I suppose…

SwissRole123 · 30/08/2022 22:42

Disrespectful twat

eastegg · 30/08/2022 22:57

Whatwouldscullydo · 30/08/2022 21:16

Honestky this all now just sounds like he's deliberately making out that he fought off multiple opportunities to shag so that you think he's some upstanding and decent honest guy.

I reckon none of that actually happened and he's almost seeking sex now as some reward for doing the right thing

No it doesn’t. He’s admitting to wanting to fuck her on the sofa and pulling her leggings down. Hardly painting himself as fighting her off.

hop321 · 30/08/2022 23:01

He's now saying that he pulled my leggings down but I pulled them back up and he's gutted as he wanted to fuck me on the sofa and that he made the effort to shave and everything just in case.

I'm with you, he sounded quite nice until that comment and I'm not surprised you feel uncomfortable.

Don't mind a bit of piss-taking but this comment and the one about the size of his manhood don't quite sit right. I think you can do better and probably best to draw a line and move on.

sleepwbutterflies · 30/08/2022 23:56

I take back what I said before as I do not care for these texts.

Turv · 31/08/2022 00:16

Oh heck. I’m sorry he is now showing his age with his messages. Completely uncalled for and a little disturbing. Maybe don't engage anymore. There is a real risk of him seeing this as a bootie call and if you saw him again he would definitely want sex. Don’t fall into that trap. I dated a guy 10 years my junior. It took me months to realise that’s exactly what I was and provided great stories for his mates. I now look back and see how much fun I had but I was very embarrassed at the time.
don’t punish yourself over this. We all get drunk and do ridiculous stuff. I promise you will look back and laugh about it.

girlmom21 · 31/08/2022 06:28

Wow he's shown his true colours hasnt he?! What a creep.

Jack80 · 31/08/2022 07:28

Message him, life is too short. I would always be wondering how it would go with him.

JacquelineCarlyle · 31/08/2022 09:03

Read the Ops posts @Jack80 - he's turned into a complete creep!

Vikinga · 31/08/2022 10:08

Yuck he sounds like a right creep. I think he's bulls hitting.

Butterdishtea · 31/08/2022 10:34

Hope this thread is an education for anyone who thinks some random guy is fine to invite over on the drunken spur of the moment because he's harmless. He was so nearly not harmless. Glad you're ok op.

WimbyAce · 31/08/2022 13:10

Wow he actually sounds really seedy! Glad things didn't go any further, he sounds awful.

Whatwouldscullydo · 31/08/2022 13:50

Butterdishtea · 31/08/2022 10:34

Hope this thread is an education for anyone who thinks some random guy is fine to invite over on the drunken spur of the moment because he's harmless. He was so nearly not harmless. Glad you're ok op.

I've had the worst outcomes from people I've attempted to get to know.

Posts like this merely sound superior tbh. There is no way to know for certain whether u just met or whether you talked to for six months prior.

Look how many women marry the " man of their dreams" only to wake up the next day to a complete stranger.

If it makes you feel better amd makes you feel you can do something to prevent situations like this some how then crack on. I get its probably easier to think we have some control over things . But ultimately we all have to take a chance sometimes. And there is no precaution. No screening process that changes anything

Scepticalwotsits · 31/08/2022 15:50

okay the initial view was dont block him, he sounds half decent, based ont he latest updates its a block and move on. It seems as though he did the right thing and now seems entitled to the whole deal because he did the 'right thing'

not very good vibes with this now

Decidualcast · 31/08/2022 16:20

Absolutely terrifying that you had no recollection of the events he purports happened….
Stay safe.

eastegg · 31/08/2022 16:37

Whatwouldscullydo · 31/08/2022 13:50

I've had the worst outcomes from people I've attempted to get to know.

Posts like this merely sound superior tbh. There is no way to know for certain whether u just met or whether you talked to for six months prior.

Look how many women marry the " man of their dreams" only to wake up the next day to a complete stranger.

If it makes you feel better amd makes you feel you can do something to prevent situations like this some how then crack on. I get its probably easier to think we have some control over things . But ultimately we all have to take a chance sometimes. And there is no precaution. No screening process that changes anything

Show quote history

None of what you say changes the fact that the danger is much greater with a stranger.

Butterdishtea · 31/08/2022 16:40

Whatwouldscullydo

I find your post ridiculous. No, no you can never be sure of what someone you think you know well will do. It is still overwhelmingly more likely that they can be accurately assessed as harmless relative to someone that you don't know at all. To a foolish person, good sense might sound unwelcome but ultimately many people on this thread think bringing a guy you hardly know over when you're drunk is taking a big risk... because it is. And no it's not a risk you have to take. Take it if you want but don't pretend it's a rational thing to do, given what we know of how men can be.

eastegg · 31/08/2022 16:43

And there’s a big difference between ‘try to avoid risky situations like inviting near strangers into your home and getting blind drunk’ and ‘avoid x,y and z and you will always be fine’. The first is sensible, the second is plain wrong and tantamount to victim blaming. Some people on this thread have said the first, I don’t think anyone has said the second.

Whatwouldscullydo · 31/08/2022 22:59

Butterdishtea · 31/08/2022 16:40

Whatwouldscullydo

I find your post ridiculous. No, no you can never be sure of what someone you think you know well will do. It is still overwhelmingly more likely that they can be accurately assessed as harmless relative to someone that you don't know at all. To a foolish person, good sense might sound unwelcome but ultimately many people on this thread think bringing a guy you hardly know over when you're drunk is taking a big risk... because it is. And no it's not a risk you have to take. Take it if you want but don't pretend it's a rational thing to do, given what we know of how men can be.

Thing is actually statistically its more likely to be someone you know and trust. Ex partners. Family members etc

That's not to say things don't ever happen with strangers obviously they do. But over all its more likely to happen with someone known to you.

Anyway he's turned out to be a creep I dont think op is gonna meet with him again.

Swipe left for the next trending thread