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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I've absolutely gone and ruined my chances?

319 replies

arrghhh · 28/08/2022 06:09

I met this guy at my 30th night out a few months back, I added him on Facebook and we'd been speaking periodically - nothing heavy. He had asked me if I wanted to go and grab a drink with him sometime which I replied yes.

Anyways last night I'm child free so crack open the wine, he messages and turns out he is near me visiting his mum so naturally (after a few glasses of wine I invite him round).

He came round, I was very attracted to him, he's six years younger but I was quite shocked with how mature he came across and how intelligent and well spoken he was. He asked questions about me and showed an interest.

However I hadn't eaten all day yesterday. We ended up kissing - a lot and at one point I think I remember my tits in his face however this is speculative as I was far too drunk at this point.

Next thing I know I'm waking up on the sofa with a message from him, "Hey you kinda passed out so I just popped your blanket over you and bolted for the train didnt want you thinking I legged it tried to wake you for 5-10 but no luck 😂😂" and a missed call from him about 30 minutes after that message.

I am absolutely mortified. I wish I'd never even invited him over, I knew I shouldn't be drinking on an empty stomach. The worst thing is I liked him and thought he had some potential but now I don't even want to reply this morning.

So mortified. Should I just block and pretend it never happened? Should I acknowledge it?

OP posts:
Slightlystressedbride · 29/08/2022 21:34

Oh OP! You're letting embarrassment get the better of you!
So the morning after text convo goes like this does it?

Him: Hey you kinda passed out so I just popped your blanket over you and bolted for the train didnt want you thinking I legged it tried to wake you for 5-10 but no luck 😂😂
You: Thanks for that! So sorry I got in to that state 😬 should not drink on an empty stomach. Hope you got home alright.
Him: I'm not surprised you're rough, you absolutely tanked those wines

Is that right?

I mean this is just a bit of banter, he sounds like a decent guy! I think you need to brazen it out, loved the reply from @JenNtonic or something like - "I know!! I'm absolutely paying for it today! Let me know if you're up for a slightly more sophisticated evening sometime, I promise to eat before drinking (if I ever touch alcohol again)! 🤣"

Original poster
arrghhh · 29/08/2022 21:40

Slightlystressedbride · 29/08/2022 21:34

Oh OP! You're letting embarrassment get the better of you!
So the morning after text convo goes like this does it?

Him: Hey you kinda passed out so I just popped your blanket over you and bolted for the train didnt want you thinking I legged it tried to wake you for 5-10 but no luck 😂😂
You: Thanks for that! So sorry I got in to that state 😬 should not drink on an empty stomach. Hope you got home alright.
Him: I'm not surprised you're rough, you absolutely tanked those wines

Is that right?

I mean this is just a bit of banter, he sounds like a decent guy! I think you need to brazen it out, loved the reply from @JenNtonic or something like - "I know!! I'm absolutely paying for it today! Let me know if you're up for a slightly more sophisticated evening sometime, I promise to eat before drinking (if I ever touch alcohol again)! 🤣"

So it goes -

Him: Hey you kinda passed out so I just popped your blanket over you and bolted for the train didnt want you thinking I legged it tried to wake you for 5-10 but no luck 😂😂

You: Thanks for that! So sorry I got in to that state 😬 should not drink on an empty stomach. Hope you got home alright.

Him: Don't worry about it, glad to know you're alright though!

You: Absolutely hanging but alive at least 😅

Him: I'm not surprised you're rough, you absolutely tanked those wines.

Aww I know I am letting embarrassment get the better of me and I could text him now but wouldn't it be a bit strange now messaging days after the event? I think I'm just over thinking this one

OP posts:
oviraptor21 · 29/08/2022 21:43

Well you could go for
"Back in the land of the living at last. Can I apologise by [insert your idea of a decent 'date' that doesn't involve you getting rat-arsed again]?

Original poster
arrghhh · 29/08/2022 21:44

oviraptor21 · 29/08/2022 21:43

Well you could go for
"Back in the land of the living at last. Can I apologise by [insert your idea of a decent 'date' that doesn't involve you getting rat-arsed again]?

Great idea!

OP posts:
Decidualcast · 29/08/2022 21:45

I’d give it one more shot. Write a warmer and more engaging reply. If he doesn’t reply or fobs you off, you’ll know for sure. I think at this point, it definitely isn’t obvious.

NumptiesIncorporated · 29/08/2022 21:51

What have you got to lose by texting? If you get knocked back, you are no worse off than you are at the moment.

Jewel7 · 29/08/2022 22:21

Message him he did the right thing. Doesn’t sound like he ran away screaming. Laugh it off! Plus also hope you knew him before inviting him round!

fionaapple · 29/08/2022 22:47

You should message him 'I really enjoyed the time we spent together and would love to do it again, perhaps more soberly next time, if I haven't scared you off ;) x'. I wouldn't be surprised if he think it's your turn to text!!! If he doesn't reply, there's plenty more fish!!

Teenagehorrorbag · 29/08/2022 23:13

Firty · 28/08/2022 08:26

He sounds lovely.

I’m worried about you though. Not eating all day, then drinking alone, and getting so drunk that you pass out and can’t be woken, isn’t normal or healthy. (And obviously inviting a stranger to your home was unsafe - he turned out lovely but that was pure luck.) I don’t want to offend you but either you have a drinking problem or some other issue you need to look at.

As for the guy - you’re 30, he’s 24, have fun if you like but I don’t see it going anywhere as by the time he’s ready to settle down and have kids you’ll be nearly 40.

Blocking a nice person, without first messaging to explain why you’re ending contact, is pretty immature too.

I met DH when I was 34 and he was 28. Never expected it to last (told my boss he wasn't Mr Right but good fun for Mr right now.....) but somehow it did and we've now been married 19 years and have 2 DCs. So everything else aside - you can't rule anything out!

OP - just apologise and explain you hadn't eaten. Onwards and upwards....

Frazzledstar1 · 29/08/2022 23:52

I would just send another message along the lines of “still feeling bad that I passed out on you the other night, let me know if you fancy meeting up again, I promise I’ll go easy on the wine this time 😉”. If he says yes winner, if he says no at least you know and can move on.

Foronenightonly22 · 29/08/2022 23:54

Hmmm… maybe Im just too world weary but am I the only person who thought date rape drugs when reading the OPs post???

JacquelineCarlyle · 30/08/2022 00:01

I didn't think that at all @Foronenightonly22 & I'm glad I don't have that mindset. I've done many a stupid thing in my youth but never came across any rapists or murderers so have happily survived!

CatsnCoffee · 30/08/2022 03:24

Just as well he’s a mature 24 year old as you’ve behaved like an immature 30 year old.
It’s unsettling to see all but a few people on here treating this like a bit of harmless fun when the consequences of your behaviour could have been anything but.
You’re lucky he seems to be a good person, who left without taking advantage of the situation, but what if he hadn’t been? I really don’t want to spell it out here, but feeling mortified might have been the least of your worries.
Grow up.

Vikinga · 30/08/2022 05:19

I would just continue messaging as normal and seeing how it goes. You've already apologised, you're not the first nor the last to drink too much and on and empty stomach

RedHelenB · 30/08/2022 07:09

Foronenightonly22 · 29/08/2022 23:54

Hmmm… maybe Im just too world weary but am I the only person who thought date rape drugs when reading the OPs post???

Yes you were the only persob. She said she'd been drinking, plus no mention of any sexual assault.

georgarina · 30/08/2022 07:15

Omg OP please text him! I used to be like this, down to not replying to an invitation for a holiday because 'he doesn't really mean it'
That guy was lovely and is now married to a friend!
Seriously, you can't expect to not reply back and reply with short messages and him know you're still interested.

PoshHorseyBird · 30/08/2022 07:52

No definitely don't block him! Maybe text or ring him with something along the lines of " oh dear well that was embarrassing! Didn't eat all day mustn't drink on an empty stomach! So sorry! Shall we try again?? Would you like to go out for a drink/something to eat? 😁"

eastegg · 30/08/2022 08:19

EarringsandLipstick · 28/08/2022 08:59

I'm with the posters having concerns about your decision-making here.

You invited a guy you hardly know to your home, got ridiculously drunk & passed out. I'm really glad he was decent & respectful but you put yourself in a really unsafe position.

Whatever you do with the guy, please think about this.

There's nothing wrong with drinking / getting drunk or casual hook-ups but please make sure you are safe.

Agree totally. To get that level of drunk alone in your home with a man you met once before was not a wise move and you should reflect on that.

But, it sounds like you got lucky and you should definitely not block him. It sounds like your gut instincts from when you first met him have maybe been borne out.

Yogalola · 30/08/2022 09:22

Just remember if he’s the one, the story will be told as part of his marriage speech. Don’t dwell on what happened, just look forward to hopefully the next date …

jennakong · 30/08/2022 11:35

Foronenightonly22 · 29/08/2022 23:54

Hmmm… maybe Im just too world weary but am I the only person who thought date rape drugs when reading the OPs post???

I thought that too, but perhaps she was just absolutely tanked on wine. It must have been quite a lot to pass out, although I have heard of bad interactions with anti-anxiety drugs etc. But yeah, I'd say the sheer prevalence of spiking drugs should make people wary about inviting others they barely know to their home for drinks. Sad state of affairs but it's where we are.

jennakong · 30/08/2022 11:40

JacquelineCarlyle · 30/08/2022 00:01

I didn't think that at all @Foronenightonly22 & I'm glad I don't have that mindset. I've done many a stupid thing in my youth but never came across any rapists or murderers so have happily survived!

'I did silly things when I was young and nothing happened to me', and yet we're told most women have been victims of sexual assault and a high % of women have actually been raped? I really don't understand how we can hold both these mindsets at the same time, it seems very dissonant to me, and yes, I was really stupid and reckless when I was young too. Maybe we were just lucky.

April506 · 30/08/2022 12:48

Lucky you. Reply . He likes you plus he didn’t rape you when you were out of it. Sounds like a keeper to me

JacquelineCarlyle · 30/08/2022 12:55

@jennakong sadly I've been the victim of sexual assaults but that was nothing to do with me having been young and doing stupid things. The men who did those things to me were no one I knew and had nothing to do with my stupidity.

BloodAndFire · 30/08/2022 13:05

JacquelineCarlyle · 30/08/2022 12:55

@jennakong sadly I've been the victim of sexual assaults but that was nothing to do with me having been young and doing stupid things. The men who did those things to me were no one I knew and had nothing to do with my stupidity.

I'm sorry that you (like me and I suspect most others on this thread) have been the victim of sexual assault.

Do you, as a victim of sexual assault, think that drinking to the point of oblivion while on your own in your home with a near-stranger is a good, or bad, idea?

Original poster
arrghhh · 30/08/2022 13:11

@BloodAndFire I don't think anyone on this thread has claimed what I did was a good idea. Of course it wasn't a good idea! But it wasn't intentionally done, won't happen again and thankfully nothing happened. It wasn't as if I planned for him to come round and I to get so drunk I pass out, of course it's a stupid and bad decision but it's done now so what purpose does scolding me for it serve?

OP posts:
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