To think I've absolutely gone and ruined my chances?

[arrghhh]

I met this guy at my 30th night out a few months back, I added him on Facebook and we'd been speaking periodically - nothing heavy. He had asked me if I wanted to go and grab a drink with him sometime which I replied yes.

Anyways last night I'm child free so crack open the wine, he messages and turns out he is near me visiting his mum so naturally (after a few glasses of wine I invite him round).

He came round, I was very attracted to him, he's six years younger but I was quite shocked with how mature he came across and how intelligent and well spoken he was. He asked questions about me and showed an interest.

However I hadn't eaten all day yesterday. We ended up kissing - a lot and at one point I think I remember my tits in his face however this is speculative as I was far too drunk at this point.

Next thing I know I'm waking up on the sofa with a message from him, "Hey you kinda passed out so I just popped your blanket over you and bolted for the train didnt want you thinking I legged it tried to wake you for 5-10 but no luck 😂😂" and a missed call from him about 30 minutes after that message.

I am absolutely mortified. I wish I'd never even invited him over, I knew I shouldn't be drinking on an empty stomach. The worst thing is I liked him and thought he had some potential but now I don't even want to reply this morning.

So mortified. Should I just block and pretend it never happened? Should I acknowledge it?

I'm not 'scolding' you, I'm not your mother. I'm taking issue with all the 'lol what a hilarious story and I never got raped so I don't know why people make such a fuss lol' posters. I wonder what they are hoping to achieve.

It's not a funny story, it's not the start of a romance novel, it's a horrifically risky and dangerous situation for both you and him and I am sickened by all the light hearted responses.

Your thread title is "oh no I've ruined my chances with him" not "oh no I have such poor boundaries and such a lack of control over my eating and drinking that I've placed myself in appalling danger".

I imagine it’s because she’s said time and time again that she knows it was a stupid idea and it won’t happen again?
People have shared their similar experiences to help the OP feel less embarrassed/upset regarding the situation, she is a grown adult who is well aware that what she did is potentially dangerous in more than one way, so what is the point in driving it home that she acted stupidly for what must be the tenth time when (if you’ve read the thread) she’s already heard it from various posters? I’m assuming it’s can only be to ‘shame’ the OP and all those who have done likewise/empathise with her?

I don't think he's uninterested in his texts. I'd just reply saying you had a great time before you passed out and ask if he wants to go out for coffee next time he's around. You're already embarrassed, got nothing to lose. Plus, he sounds like a decent guy! He put a blanket over you, left and tried to contact you after to make sure you were ok. Unfortunately, not many guys I would trust in that kind of situation. cz

No, I'm not remotely interested in 'shaming' her. As I said above, I've done a lot of stupid and risky things myself.

But I think all of those posting "hahaha the first time I met my husband I threw up all over his granny" stories should be ashamed of themselves. They are normalising and trivialising an extremely dangerous situation.

The OP didn't post that she was embarrassed and upset because she had placed herself in great danger, but just because she'd made a tit of herself and potentially blown it with a love interest. It's far more serious than that. She could easily have left her child without a mother. No one should be making light of it

They’re sharing them to make her feel better about the situation and assure her she’s not the only person in the world who has messed up, not to trivialise it, I’m not sure if you’re purposefully ignoring that?
It’s not like they’re saying “LOL I DO THIS ALL THE TIME, DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT HUN!” as yes, that would be trivialising it and making it seem like no big deal.
As you say, we’ve all done stupid and risky stuff and have learnt from it, as she has too, especially after having the potential dangers of her behaviour brought to her attention within the first 20 responses, so what did you think you were bringing to the table?

But look at Bloodandfire’s point in the post directly above yours. The gist of the OP was definitely not ‘I know I’ve done something dangerous’, it was ‘doh, cringe, I’ve embarrassed myself and ruined my chances’. So why shouldn’t pps come on and point out the dangers?

And I haven’t seen lots of pps criticising her for things that she had already accepted or for things that had already been well-established. On the contrary, the first posters to point out the dangers and express concern were surprised that, a few hours into the thread, no-one had yet said anything similar.

So you’re basically saying don’t post something, no matter how relevant, if a certain minimum of pps have already said it? That would cut most AIBU threads down to about 4 posts.

And if you scroll through the first 20 replies at least 3 are saying she acting rashly and that she could have been assaulted/died, my point is why parrot the same thing just with a little added venom toward people trying to help the OP somewhat feel better by sharing they’re been stupid before too? Nobody has said that it’s no big deal from what I’ve seen, they’ve answered the AIBU.
I understand her point, I just feel like it’s been addressed multiple times, and she’s replied too, so what was the point?

@BloodAndFire I don't think what the Op did was a good idea and I've not seen anyone else on the thread say it was a good idea either.

However I have empathised & acknowledged that I've done stupid things in the past and have been fine as thankfully I've not been in the company of rapists or murderers.

I also don't subscribe to the notion that all men are predators. That's not to say there aren't a lot of predatory men out there, but thankfully in my experience, they're a very small minority.

I don't see the point in berating the Op, as she's said many times over that it was a stupid thing to do and she's embarrassed by it.

Anyway, back to the Op. @arrghhh Good luck how ever it turns out & really don't beat yourself up - we all do / have done stupid and / or embarrassing things, just look after yourself.

Probably! And I imagine people would feel a little less shit about themselves too.

I think I'd just apologise and see if you can take him out for a nice meal - food included!

Text him. Tell him your hangover has finally gone and you want to treat him to a meal (he deserves it for being such a caring bloke). If he declines just move on.

I think the jokey message he left you suggests he is still interested!

So he text me. Just sent me a picture of the football stadium that he's at as we support the same team saying 'some view'. So maybe didn't put him off completely.

Oh my god he is now telling me how I was trying to get him to fuck me in the back garden! He said 'what you mortified about? Just the tits in my face cause that wasn't bad at all mrs fuck me in the back garden' fucking hell

Are you sure that actually happened?

We've all been drunk but we all know how we talk drunk and how we'd talk sober and we all know our if all the things we'd ever say and I'd say alot, I'm.bad enough sober 🤣 but I could be 100 percent sure id never say that. Are you sure you'd actually say that?

I think he just lost all credibility now if you didn't.

He likes you, he covered you up, messaged you and rang you? He really likes you?! Message he back!!!

This is embarrassing, if true. I don’t think you can recover from this as you’d feel obliged to be on best behaviour or somehow in debt to him and this will make interactions between you strained or less natural. I think it’s one to learn from and move on.

Honestly I wouldn't put it past me. Just to clarify though we DID NOT fuck in the back garden thank the lord.

He's just said: 'Well someone had to be the sober one, and don’t blame the drink could read you like a book from when I arrived. You started drinking more and more the more in the mood you got getting closer every time until you hit enough you said f it and then you went wild. Absolute 10/10'.

He's now saying that he pulled my leggings down but I pulled them back up and he's gutted as he wanted to fuck me on the sofa and that he made the effort to shave and everything just incase. I'm throwing this one back in I think. Feeling uncomfortable with the chat tonight.

You’re doing the right thing, OP. It’s not salvageable.

Yep - not so decent after all.

Honestky this all now just sounds like he's deliberately making out that he fought off multiple opportunities to shag so that you think he's some upstanding and decent honest guy.

I reckon none of that actually happened and he's almost seeking sex now as some reward for doing the right thing

OP - I can hear your vulnerability and fear and uncertainty through your posts. Don't pursue this.

I understand your fear about eating in front of people. I really do. I can't even eat in front of my children or husband. But this is someone taking advantage of your drunkenness and confusion and weakness. You can't start a relationship from this place.

For your sake, and your child's sake, take a step back. xx