Boyfriend bought me a £12 necklace for my 30th birthday

[Fairylights246]

I've been with my boyfriend for only 9 months, so not a long time I know. But I feel disappointed and sad by the lack of effort my boyfriend has shown for my birthday.

He got me a random joke card that had no relevance to us, and seemed like something he already had lying around. He got me a necklace that literally broke after 10 minutes of wearing it, it looked really cheap, and he told me it was from amazon...I found it and it was £12. Like what?? I don't understand why he has been so cheap?! He is very caring and affectionate, tells me everyday he loves me, but this has just felt so disappointing. We went out for a birthday meal and he suggested we pay half each.

He is not struggling financially, he has thousands in his savings, and often treats himself to new clothes, other expenses ect.

I don't know what to say to him, I don't want to upset him, but I don't feel very special and I feel crappy about the lack of effort, romance, and just general desire to make a fuss of me on my 30th x

Get rid. A man who is mean with money will be mean with everything including his love.

Agreed this sounds very cheap and going Dutch is the cherry on top BUT…

I also grew up in a family where this sort of birthday present/going Dutch is the norm. I literally got 6 bottles of hand soap and one £25 Amazon voucher for my 30th - we didn’t do a family meet up at all this year, but if a meal had been organised I would have been expected to pay my share of the bill. Most of them are average-high earners and at least 10years older than me, so it’s not that they can’t afford it.

Before getting too annoyed, bare in mind this is maybe just how his family have taught him to handle birthdays? It’s taken 13years of Christmas/birthdays with my in laws to realise my family aren’t really the norm…

Sorry OP, being oblivious is no excuse for going Dutch on a birthday meal. I hate to say it but I don’t think he will get better in terms of thoughtfulness and you might be in for a few more disappointments like this if you continue seeing him.

OP be thankful that you have found out now and you can start to look for someone who will appreciate you and who will want to demonstrate his love.
At this stage in life your BF will not evolve a generosity of spirit a day desire to make his loved ones feel special and happy.
If you read this thread you will see that many posters have encountered such men and it hasn’t ended well. (Fancy an ironing board for your birthday when the only garments needed to be regularly ironed are his shirts?
Ihope your next birthday brings happier memories

Sorry this is a red flag to me.

30 is an important milestone, crap pressie and going Dutch meal = deep pockets and short arms. I would run a mile...

Been married for three years. Together with OH since 2017. He’s never given me a present (other than 1/2 of the engagement ring). And a box of dark chocolate on our first date (I hate dark chocolate).

I’m not bothered. Presents are overrated. But then I’ve not ever given him anything either (other than the other 1/2 of the engagement ring).

But then this is the understanding between the two of us. No gifts.

i haven’t read the whole thread, but it’s interesting that you know that your bf has thousands in savings. I still don’t know how much hubby earns. We work for the same firm so I have a vague idea, but it’s just something we don’t talk about (he doesn’t know my salary either).

Before anyone asks, we have separate bank accounts and each transfer a set amount into a joint account to cover bills. It’s based on trust and the fact that we each want to give the other party independence.

He's mean and it ain't going to change.
Get rid 😒

Stingy man. Avoid like the plague.

I was in a similar position for my 21st birthday. We’d been together about 6 months and he got me…….a cheese grater. Yep. 18 years later that cheese grater is great and still going strong. The relationship ended soon after!

A cheese grater!

He doesn’t think much of your future together- sorry.

He's a cheerless Scrooge. Get rid!

my husband is rubbish at presents and just isn’t romantic or thoughtful at all. Not thoughtless, just not thoughtful. There’s a massive difference.

not everyone can be an amazing present buyer. They make up for it elsewhere. My husband for example is excellent at DIY etc while none of my friend’s partners know one end of a spanner from the other. appreciate this about him.

im sure your boyfriend has redeeming qualities. He’s Justin good at making someone feel special on their birthday!

happy birthday though x

Do you like the necklace? Your relationship is still fairly new, it seems OK to me.

It sounds cheap, but maybe he doesn't think birthdays are all that important. A lot of men need education on this point, so he is not alone. They don't realize that it's important to women, and a sign that one's mate is valued.

Be patient but firm with him. Is he always stingy, or does he give you gifts at other times throughout the year? If the latter, then he is certainly worth making an effort to re-education on this point. If he is always stingy, then it's time to make a fuss and leave.

Dip into savings? Why not? Some people seem to have this idea that once money has been deemed to be ‘savings’ then it is ring fenced and untouchable. Unless it’s in a limited access account/bond then no, it’s not untouchable - you just chose to squirrel it away instead of showing love to your girlfriend. There’s a difference between being careful with money and a miser.

He's a liar liar pants on fire

Ask your friends if he got in touch, bet he didn't.
Agree with PP that doesn't explain the necklace or the halves on the birthday meal. What did he say when it broke btw?

He made you feel bad on purpose for his lack of care, all wounded puppy I expect. Then you didn't bring up the necklace so you modified your behaviour because he looked sad.

The stuff brought home from the shops and a dinner at home is another manipulation. It's not the thoughtful gesture it would be from someone who actually cared about you, that's why it doesn't feel right - it didn't feel right did it?

He played you like a fiddle! Get rid, and know your worth because it's a fuck tonne more than that

@Trying20 Usually I don't notice peoples usernames, your comments have caught my eye a few times now.

I was going to agree with you (holy mother of whatsit, mark it up on the calandar!) about the not dipping into savings... but then I see that you are the one that mentioned dipping into savings to make someone feel special not the OP the op has been absolutely clear that it wasn't the cost of the event and has never mentioned that she would want her BF to dip into savings.

Seriously in the few different threads I've seen you in, I see you backing dubious men or some other oddness. It's making you look like you have 0 life experience or that you have a bit of MRA/TRA leanings. Some of your posts have been particularly... interesting

Sorry to say he doesn’t fancy you. Dump the dodo and move on! It’s not about the money but about the complete lack of effort, thought, and care.

The issue is that he will 'forget' every year. Surely you don't want to have to remind him every year? You want someone who is thoughtful.

@Trying20 I'm glad you decided to reply to me here rather than PM me again, I appreciate that. We've had one discussion about one particular subject. And yes we have managed to be cordial to one another which is lovely, I certainly don't expect to agree on everything.

You are the one who mentioned dipping into savings though. The Op has said repeatedly that it is not the financial side of things but has included it because it all goes toward the total picture of what has happened. I think that's clear to most people, even if it hadn't been for her assertions, that it wasn't about the cost of the necklace in and of itself.

You can't put words in peoples mouths, it's not really cricket. So talking about dipping into savings, making it look as though the Op has suggested it is quite misleading.

I do stand by what I said about which posts I've noticed your comments on, and how they come across to me.

And I'm sorry to be a pedant @Trying20 I have Autism/ADHD and these things bug me, but IIRC you said something to the effect of: even if I'm proved wrong(presented evidence showing I was wrong? I can't remember the exact wording), I wouldn't change my position", you presented that stance as something of a credo for yourself I remember. So I've yet to see you admit you've got something wrong.. but then I've only noticed you a couple of times