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Original poster

Boyfriend bought me a £12 necklace for my 30th birthday

356 replies

Fairylights246 · 28/08/2022 00:49

I've been with my boyfriend for only 9 months, so not a long time I know. But I feel disappointed and sad by the lack of effort my boyfriend has shown for my birthday.

He got me a random joke card that had no relevance to us, and seemed like something he already had lying around. He got me a necklace that literally broke after 10 minutes of wearing it, it looked really cheap, and he told me it was from amazon...I found it and it was £12. Like what?? I don't understand why he has been so cheap?! He is very caring and affectionate, tells me everyday he loves me, but this has just felt so disappointing. We went out for a birthday meal and he suggested we pay half each.

He is not struggling financially, he has thousands in his savings, and often treats himself to new clothes, other expenses ect.

I don't know what to say to him, I don't want to upset him, but I don't feel very special and I feel crappy about the lack of effort, romance, and just general desire to make a fuss of me on my 30th x

OP posts:
Beautiful3 · 29/08/2022 19:00

He didn't even pay for your meal?! Thats awful. I would have expected a meal and bunch of flowers. He's a tight arse, it's never going to get better.

CantFindMyMarbles · 29/08/2022 19:01

You sound immensely entitled.

There is no way I would dip in to savings to buy anyone a gift. That’s not the purpose of savings IMO.

Scrumpy10 · 29/08/2022 19:07

You are worth more than this. If you have only been together 9 months and this is how he is treating you in what should be the honeymoon phase it does not bode well.

wafflesandeggs · 29/08/2022 19:07

Walk away. I had a bf who gave me cheap used (by him) gifts wrapped in newspaper, despite me being more than generous with him the month before. The year after he made up a lame excuse not to even spend my birthday with me and then told me how much fun he had had with his friend instead, forgetting that he had said he had to work.

On Valentine’s Day not long before I dumped him, I didn’t get him a gift as I didn’t know what to get (he was very critical about everything) but said I would take him shopping that day to pick something he actually wanted. He had the gaul to throw a huge tantrum about it, despite having given me a completely useless last minute gift himself.

What hurts most isn’t the gifts themselves but that my self worth was so low that I would accept this treatment. I remember opening the newspaper wrapped gifts in front of others and feeling so ashamed, yet somehow I didn’t think I deserved better.

OP, your bf thought that a cheap necklace and self paid meal were fine and wasn’t apologetic about it. While you did the right thing and told him you didn’t feel valued, I think you should throw him back as his values clearly don’t align with yours.

Lizzy53 · 29/08/2022 19:09

Some men aren't romantic and hopeless with presents.if he's a decent man otherwise is it worth chucking him for that?

AHG1234 · 29/08/2022 19:12

You need to tell him how it made you feel. It will help you understand each other better. It may be you aren’t right for each other.

Sarbears28 · 29/08/2022 19:20

I was going to say yabu by the title as if it you liked the present it doesnt matter the cost but then I read your post, YANBU at all. I couldn't have a future with someone like that with money. It's not the present that bothers me, it's the meal that's the issue. It states a lot about his character.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/08/2022 19:25

As he was contrite, I would give him the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps he can redeem himself come Christmas? Maybe you could agree presents etc instead of surprises.

Pliudev · 29/08/2022 19:26

Unless you want to spend your birthdays and special occasions for years ahead feeling disappointed and undervalued I would end this ASAP. Find someone who cares enough about your feeling to make an effort. Believe me, if you don't, it will be all one way especially if he's like this so early in the relationship. And to the poster who called you 'entitled' sure, you are entitled to be treated with love.

Morgysmum · 29/08/2022 19:32

If he's got money, he is probably making sure you aren't a gold digger.
You have only been going out a short time. As a man, he doesn't know what you like, so decided to go for some jewellery.
At least he has made an effort, if you are only with him for expensive gifts and meals, what would do if, he lost his job and money?

If you love him, it shouldn't matter how much he spends.
He might have been, hurt a woman who was only after his cash, so he is not flashing the cash, to see if you love him or just his money. I don't blame him.

MrsPetty · 29/08/2022 19:42

You need to get your coat OP…

mscampbelle · 29/08/2022 19:43

He's such a cheap arse.

If you can't or won't spend money on your bf or gf but you have a job (even if you are 14 and it's a paperound) then you haven't been brought up properly.

I was brought up in a skint household, but we always made the effort for each other's birthdays, it's very important in British culture (not just British - but that's where we are).

I wouldn't waste another day with this loser.

AllyCatTown · 29/08/2022 19:44

Not paying for your meal is worse than the gift. Before you said that I was thinking you were unreasonable as it’s hard to give someone a card with some deep meaning behind it. Likewise the gift, some people just don’t know what to buy and might not think of the price. However you say he spends a lot on himself and has money so not treating you on your 30th to a meal isn’t good.

HarryBlaster · 29/08/2022 19:52

Unless he’s bloody fantastic every other way then dump the mean tight wad. It will only get worse. You’ll get a set of flannels for your birthday and screwdriver set for your Christmas present. It’s either that or absolutely rip him to shreds about it so he knows it’s not ok and unacceptable thoughtless behaviour in a relationship

wentworthinmate · 29/08/2022 20:05

He is allowed to be careful with his money but £12 for a girlfriend on her 30th is downright mean.

Kazibar · 29/08/2022 20:07

Stingy and unthoughtful. Wouldn’t mind the cheap if it was carefully chosen and spot on…

neighboursmustliveon · 29/08/2022 20:07

My now DH but then BF of about 7 weeks spent more than that on me 21 years ago for my 23rd birthday! I'm not money grabbing but getting a thoughtful gift and paying for a meal on your birthday isn't too much to ask.

sassyclassyandsmartassy · 29/08/2022 20:12

I learned, very late in life, that the man you marry is the man that puts you ABOVE EVERYTHING (except his son, understandably).

These men exist, accept nothing less until you find it, but don’t ever exploit it. Be in a relationship where you both shine.

Insanelysilver · 29/08/2022 20:13

Omg he’s as tight as a holes !
id be really upset. I’d take this under advisement and if he’s not any different, I’d dump him
x

Watchamocauli · 29/08/2022 20:17

Forget gifting etiquettes, the fact that he spilt the Birthday dinner bill is a big flag and there is no coming back from that.

Are you sure you are exclusive? Or he isn’t sure of the relationship.

I mean teenage boyfriends would know how to treat a their gfs on birthday outings, whatever they can afford. Who goes dutch... Just cheap

NannaKaren · 29/08/2022 20:20

He is NOT a keeper - it was your Birthday and a milestone one - he’s a miser!

TowerRavenSeven · 29/08/2022 20:22

The cheap necklace wouldn’t bother me as much as paying for your own meal since he’s not going through financial difficulties. Speak to him and give him an opportunity to make it up to you. If he doesn’t bin him!!

LittleMissTwix · 29/08/2022 20:23

The 15% of people saying you are being unreasonable are either miserable tightarses themselves or have zero sense of self-worth.

I'd be absolutely fuming if I were you. It's been 9 months, and he won't even treat you to a meal on your birthday. He's a cretin - Get rid!

Stilsmiling · 29/08/2022 20:24

I think it’s ok to have had the conversation you did. Some people don’t know how to treat others and different partners have different priorities.

However, now that you have spelled out to him that you appreciate some thought and effort as it shows that a partner cares he should not need that conversation again. Next time there’s a lack of effort the conversation should maybe be about how you aren’t compatible 🤷🏼‍♀️

BluebelllsRosesDaffodills · 29/08/2022 20:28

Have you ever had to get him a gift for any occasion?

If so, what did you get him?

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