That partner is fucking selfish?

[stressedandupset22]

I asked him to call me for 5/10 mins of his lunch break at work today just to talk over some things that I need to sort today (just life admin stuff) and could do with his input. I'm at home looking after our toddler all day from 7.30am-9.15pm. I just asked for 5/10 mins.

He sent me an message, so I responded. I had no reply. So half an hour or so later when I know it's roughly his lunch break, I called his office number to see if he was free to talk through the stuff from the messages. He spoke to be briefly but was obvious he couldn't talk, then he said I'll call you later. I said great, when's your lunch break? He replied no not on my lunch break as I'm going to the gym. He gets an hour for his lunch, I'm asking for 5/10 mins. He refused and hung up on me.

He's now in the gym out of contact having a lovely little time refusing to give me 5 mins on the phone. So I now have to sort out the issues by myself.

AIBU or is he being a selfish knob?

Are you dependent on him-did you quit employment to raise his kid? Being legally single, you have put yourself in a stupidly precarious situation, unless of course you own your own home and are contributing to your pension?

@THisbackwithavengeance he’s just a boyfriend

I am still not getting why this five minute chat couldn’t be done via text. You were clearly messaging each other anyway, just ask what you need to ask?

I don’t understand ‘we need to chat about it’ people. Just write it down and hit ‘send’!

I DID

He did NOT reply.

I've said this a few times

Is there anything you want people to say?

This. If there are bigger issues by all means leave but your post smacks of frustration and resentment. If he works and you are SAHM then surely this is just part of your "job"? I don't really get it but maybe thats because you can't explain what it is that needed to be done and why his input was so necessary.

Fair enough. I must have missed that.

I’d be more annoyed by that than him not wanting to chat on the phone, tbh. Do what you want, then. When he gets home, ask him why he didn’t respond.

So what needs doing for you and your little one.

Stop doing any admin/life management for him. He clearly doesn't respect you for it or appreciate it.

any reason it couldn’t have wait till he was at home?

So you wanted him to sort this 5 minute thing on Wednesday and it’s now Saturday and you are spitting feathers that he can’t give you time. What happened on Thursday and Friday? Where you not together for 5 minutes then that you could have discussed it?

They were already messaging. So, he wasn’t too busy to message, he was just ‘too busy’ to answer that specific question? I’d certainly ask why.

I am not surprised that this is the tip of the iceberg :( - it so often is. Posts like yours tend to be using MN as either a sounding board (am I going mad?) or a pressure valve (aarghh!). Yours is a pressure valve post, IMO. You know he's in the wrong, and you just need to say it out loud (OK, type it, but you know what I mean).

It's shit when your life partner stops treating you as their life partner and starts treating you as staff. He has delegated the mental load of family life to you, his PA. It's shit. If you seriously want out, then maybe it's time to start getting your ducks in a row. :(

Agree

You would throw an entire relationship away because he didn't call you when you demanded he do so? Bloody hell. No wonder marriages don't last these days! This new 'perfection expectation' is utterly ridiculous

So he's just called me "manipulative" and been awful to me on the phone. I'm done.

I'm getting a hotel for me and toddler tonight, I can't be around him.

I don't know how to link to it because I've name changed but the thread from the other day "huge row with partner, want to leave" is also mine.

He's pushed me too far now.

My mental health is rock bottom

I've just been on the phone to crisis team as the "manipulative" comment has made me so, so low on top of everything else I'm dealing with.

I'm out. Done.

What thread was this about?

I think in this case it's all drama for nothing. Why could you both organized this together any evening that he was home?

This thread? www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4618993-huge-row-with-partner-want-to-leave?page=1

If so, my apologies, OP. LTB. He’s utter trash.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4618993-huge-row-with-partner-want-to-leave

That one?

I think you’re doing the right thing, OP.

You’ve too much resentment now to salvage this relationship. Hope it all works out.

OP never said anywhere she was a sahm

I'm not a sahp, I work almost FT myself in a highly stressful job. So no, this is not my "job".

I'm torn about whether or not to spend £100 on a hotel tonight for me and DD. I can't bear to breathe the same air as that man anymore. So being home when he arrives isn't an option. I feel so alone and scared 😓

Go to the hotel tonight. Do you have any family or friends nearby that you can stay with for a few days while you get yourself sorted?

FWIW you're absolutely doing the right thing. I read your previous thread and really felt for you, and this just confirms you're better off without him.