That partner is fucking selfish?

[stressedandupset22]

I asked him to call me for 5/10 mins of his lunch break at work today just to talk over some things that I need to sort today (just life admin stuff) and could do with his input. I'm at home looking after our toddler all day from 7.30am-9.15pm. I just asked for 5/10 mins.

He sent me an message, so I responded. I had no reply. So half an hour or so later when I know it's roughly his lunch break, I called his office number to see if he was free to talk through the stuff from the messages. He spoke to be briefly but was obvious he couldn't talk, then he said I'll call you later. I said great, when's your lunch break? He replied no not on my lunch break as I'm going to the gym. He gets an hour for his lunch, I'm asking for 5/10 mins. He refused and hung up on me.

He's now in the gym out of contact having a lovely little time refusing to give me 5 mins on the phone. So I now have to sort out the issues by myself.

AIBU or is he being a selfish knob?

Sending you hugs. Op please don’t give up, you have a little one who needs you. Try and get through today, one foot after the other, get your little one to bed, then do something that relaxes you. Try and forget about your partner today, he clearly has no idea about mental health issues or how to deal with them. Some may think this is no big deal, but when you are struggling mentally, the smallest thing can hit you badly. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but this will pass, I have been where you are mentally, it slowly gets better. You will feel like you again.

I'd be annoyed at being called at work when the issue could have been discussed/settled outside working hours.

OP please call someone for help.
Friends, family, even if you think they are not that close or won't want to help, they will, honestly they will. Xx

OP did you get some help from the crisis team? It does sound like you need some urgent help.

I’d get a good nights sleep and head to your family tomorrow. can they put you up for a week or two and you call in sick? You need a break. And you need to talk to GP/Crisis team about ongoing support.

I’m not sure what is going on in this relationship. The issue today sounded tiny to me, but clearly there is a lot more going on.

Argh wrong thread - have asked for it to be removed.

@OnAWobblyFence

What on earth are you on about?!

@Luredbyapomegranate

No the crisis team are no help, they threaten to send the police if I'm suicidal. Clearly the police aren't going to help me. So I'm basically alone.

Not quite sure how I'll get through the night tbh. Can't see anything except shit in my life. The tears will not stop.

Keep posting. People are here for you.

But, yes, emergency services CAN help you.

It's taken a long time of awful behaviour from your "partner" to get you this low, so it will take just as long to get into a better place but it will happen, hang on in there.

I found
giveusashout.org/
really helpful to text when at the end of my tether. Good luck OP x

Would by baby even remember me?

Your baby would know you disappeared from her life and it would impact. It's what happens with DC removed from the parents to go into the foster system.

How old is your baby OP, tell us about her, what does she like doing?

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website
or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real-life help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Some further support links:

NHS: Where to get urgent help for mental health
NHS: Looking after your mental health
MIND: Coping with mental health problems during coronavirus

CALM: The Campaign Against Living Miserably
NHS: Help for suicidal thoughts

Very best wishes from MNHQ.

call a family member or friend op if u can..u should not feel like this alone..they will want to help you.. u deserve to be happy and this feeling will go..hope ur ok

Of course your baby isn’t better off without you. Stay strong, OP, make your plan to get out. You can do this. You’ll be happier without him and feel so much lighter. Please look after yourself.

You would leave a gaping hole forever. And leave her to be raised by a man you can’t even bear to be in the same room as. You are fine, baby is fine, buy food, buy warm pyjamas, go to a hotel and love your baby. The rest of the world can just go away you have each other that’s all that matters xx

I read your post the other day OP, please please know it’s not you, it is him.

you are exhausted, worn down, and not in the best place mentally. But none of these things are permanent. I know it feels so awful right now, but you will get through it. One breath at a time, moment by moment if that’s what it takes right now. If you still haven’t eaten - get something right now. Even if it’s just some bread, or a banana. You need food. Drink some water. And if you can sleep, do. If not, at least rest, or call someone you can confide in about how you’re feeling. Your problems with your partner can be dealt with tomorrow, or when you’re feeling stronger. right now, you just need to keep going.

you are your little girls world. I promise you. You can and you will get through this.

Your partner is a selfish arse who has worn you down. You can change this. And you will.

Sending you so much love and strength this evening ❤️

Manipulative partners are the absolute worst. Honestly your baby needs you more than you will ever know. Seperate your frustration from the knob, park it for another day when you have headrace for it. Get a hotel and enjoy a bath or something whilst little one sleeps. You're their safe place and needs you to be ok. You're stronger than you think right now. Rest, even if it's not sleep. Plan to go to your parents and take a little time off work. Work will replace you tomorrow, your little one can't. When you've had a couple of days with your folks, call him and ask him to meet you.
You Don't need to make huge life decisions today, you need to breathe and take a step back. Just focus on your baby. I'll say it again, your baby needs you more than you will ever understand. Chin up, I hope you're ok

Please take the time to read all the other posts the op really doesn’t need this right now.

He's either in the gym or he's with someone. Either way, he does sound selfish, yeah. If he was a gem who really needed that hour to get to the gym, work out, and shower, because he really doesn't get any other time to keep fit or get some headspace, then maybe not. He's not a gem at all though is he, I'll bet?

@stressedandupset22

Hey here to give you a big hand hold

Once you e got baby settled try and slow your thoughts down

Lots of things and emotions rushing around in your head

We are all here to chat with you.

Have you got the baby settled now?

It all depends what you were asking about

Dear girl, how you are feeling is perfectly normal for someone who has experienced what you have experienced. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

You are the most important person in the world to your baby. They began to love you unconditionally when inside you. They will forgive you anything if only you love them with a mother's love.

Eat. Sleep. Shower. And speak to someone. Isolation is the tool of the abuser so smash it, talk to someone in real life. You started here, now call the Samaritans, then call someone you know.

You are not wrong. The situation is wrong.