That partner is fucking selfish?

[stressedandupset22]

I asked him to call me for 5/10 mins of his lunch break at work today just to talk over some things that I need to sort today (just life admin stuff) and could do with his input. I'm at home looking after our toddler all day from 7.30am-9.15pm. I just asked for 5/10 mins.

He sent me an message, so I responded. I had no reply. So half an hour or so later when I know it's roughly his lunch break, I called his office number to see if he was free to talk through the stuff from the messages. He spoke to be briefly but was obvious he couldn't talk, then he said I'll call you later. I said great, when's your lunch break? He replied no not on my lunch break as I'm going to the gym. He gets an hour for his lunch, I'm asking for 5/10 mins. He refused and hung up on me.

He's now in the gym out of contact having a lovely little time refusing to give me 5 mins on the phone. So I now have to sort out the issues by myself.

AIBU or is he being a selfish knob?

OP please don't leave your baby alone with that man.
Being so nice to you now is an abusive technique, to make you question yourself.

Your baby needs you, she can't grow up alone with him, he'll do the same to her. You have to do everything you can to make sure you're there for her.

Be strong, he's out the house. Tell him he's not welcome back.

How are you doing OP? Have you got something to eat? Did you get hold of the crisis team?

Mate, you are expressing suicidal thoughts, and you have a small child in your care. Please please Ring up either your parents/ family or the Samaritan and tell them NOW.

Hold on so you can speak to the GP about this as maybe a change in medication will help you. Or 111 and go out of GP hours. If you or your family have the means pay for talking therapy/ counselling rather than wait for NHS. Do this without delay. Xx

You ANBU at all.

Is his job so important he can't spend 5mins on a call with you?

I honestly wonder how the human population keeps growing with so many DH men about. Us women are obviously mugs....!

Your baby needs you. She loves you, in fact you are her whole world! Do what you need to do to get through tonight. Take it minute by minute if you need to. But I want you to know I’ve been where you are, and I’m so glad I held on and got better and raised my wonderful children as a single parent. I am happy! And you will be too. Women's aid were amazing, they helped with housing, benefits, accessing mental health support, rebuilding self esteem.
Keep updating the thread if you need to. There are ladies here from all different time zones, so I’m sure there will be a handhold available no matter what time it is. Hang in there

Hi, I hope you’re hanging in there! Please know that today can be just awful but other days will be much better. You are supported and cared about and you can do this, please be strong!

Yes, your baby needs you. Never doubt that! You're the one she'll count on most in her life, especially with such a selfish, immature father.

((Hugs)). Everything is always worse at night, especially when you are hungry and dehydrated.

Eat, drink, sleep. Tomorrow is a new day.

Your daughter needs you around so you can protect her from him. Dont leave her please. You can do this

You can't breathe the same air because he opted to go to the gym rather than discuss something on the phone? Really? It seems just a tad OTT.

Why couldn't you discuss it face to face at night?

What are you scared of?

@Faseeshes
FFS read the updates

You sound just like me 3 years ago.

Life got immeasurably better for me, please believe it can for you too.

Your baby will remember you, you leaving her life will cause her such heartbreak that she would carry with her all of her life.

Please call the samaritans, just for a chat, as I know the crisis team are shit.

Get yourself home if you're not already, lock that prick out and get some rest. Tomorrow is a new day and you can start making plans to rid yourself of that waste of space.

OP, another hand hold x
Another poster agreeing that it is not you, it’s him. You’re too good for him, please recognise that. Your DD needs her mummy and she loves you unconditionally even though from your posts you sound like the most amazing and caring mum to her. I’m so sorry you’re going through this but it’s not permanent, you and your dd deserve a long life of happiness.
I am sending you so much love and wishing you happiness ahead. If you leave, your dd will have to grow up with that man, the one who puts work as a priority and will likely make sure she knows that while growing up. She needs her decent parent, that’s you.

I know things are going to be so hard, but you have more strength than you realise. You’ve lived with a gaslighting vermin for too long, how you’ve managed for so long is just testament to your strength. I know you don’t feel this right now, but one day you will look back and be in awe of your strength right now, how you’ve managed to get through day by day, working, being a great mother all while living with a soul sucking creature who can’t give you five mins of his lunch break. How amazing you are to just keep going when you feel you’re not able to. To me it shows just how strong you are. Please don’t give up. You deserve better.

Samaritains don't have anyone to physically send out so they refer to police if they believe you are vulnerable. It's not a threat as such and Police deffinatley will try to help you. They won't be there to put any blame on you or send social services (although they probably will have to make a referral, but this wont be syaing you are a bad mother but simply in a difficult sutuation and in need of support, not necessarily from SS, they are obliged to make a referal and often Ss come back saying it does not meet the threshold) but they will be very aware of any local support available to you and be able to make referrals, including referrals to womens aid and be able yo get you refuge if needed or wanted. They will make sure you and your baby are safe before they leave you, even if that just means helping you find a friend or family to come and stay with you.

I'm a police officer, and it's not that I like going to calls where people are in crisis but I know myself and colleagues are in a privileged position in that we can offer support and a hand to hold when others can't.

I obviously can't speak for all police and everyone handle what is put infront of them differently but please don't veiw it as something negative.

Sending you strength xxx

Are you really that vile? Or just stupid?
OP please ignore this snake.

Darling your baby NEEDS you. Only you.

Yes OP your baby would miss you. It would ruin their life if you left the earth. They love you so very much

You sound like me 8 years ago.. its not you, its him. You need to get rid of him and build a life for you & your baby. I also considered suicide 8 years ago and when I look at my dd now I can't imagine how her life would be or how she would feel knowing that i left her. I always am so grateful i was not successful at my attempt. It will always have a massive impact on our children when we choose to leave this world. Suicide and leaving your baby is not the answer. Leaving him, is the answer. How you feel, is because of him (I seen your last post) and when you get rid of him you will not feel this way. There's always another way, always. (And your way is looking out the root of the problem and from the sounds of it the root of your problems is him) Please take care and get some help. There's some wonderful support services out there. Start looking at a plan of how you can get yourself out of the problem. Does it stem down to him? Will it be better without him? How will you manage financially, childcare and where will yous live - this is all things to start putting into a plan of action in order to create a better, happier future for you and you little one ❤️

OP from reading your previous thread you sound absolutely at end of your tether, you poor thing. It sounds like you are completely worn out and probably exhausted with stress of new baby, ptsd, working, a long commute, doing all drop offs / pick ups, it’s no wonder your feeling like you’re not coping. It’s too much and your partner needs to recognise that you’re doing such a lot and struggling and needs to help you more or look for alternative job arrangements that are more manageable so he can share the drop off / pick up load. Please please go see your GP so that you can get some help. Anti depressents can really work wonders and make life seem manageable. I promise it does get easier and its worth doing whatever you can to make these pre school years as least strsssfuk as possible.
Sounds to me like to me like you need some time off work, you could get signed off sick by your GP to give you a break to think things through, whether you want to stay with your partner and either way what practical steps you can make to make life easier on you.

What is your housing situation OP?

You can’t go on like this realistically can you?

@SkyK could you link the other thread please?

OP, you deserve and can achieve a better life than the one you are currently living. Can you stay with someone tonight, even if it’s a long drive, and stay there for as long as necessary? You need support, time to breathe, space to cry, a safe space and I hope your family can rally round to provide this. You can do this, for your baby, and for you. A better life is waiting for you… just take that first step and don’t look back 🤍

@stressedandupset22 I was you over a decade ago. A gaslighting, abusive, selfish, manipulative and eventually violent prick drove me to where you are now. Like you I worked FT in a stressful job, I had to work, pander to his every need sexually, produce the meals he wanted, ensure his clothes were clean & pressed, manage every aspect of our life and care for our child (who was acutely unwell for the first years of their life - he never came to one hospital appointment...). His contribution to 'our family'? His very IMPORTANT job, hobbies, gym addiction, naps and gaming. I should fuck off if I didn't like it, as who the fuck did I think I was to try and control what he did or how he spent his time. IF I failed to manage my time as effectively as he did so that I could sleep/wash do hobbies, that was my problem.

Please listen to me: what you are feeling right now are the effects of being abused. This is what domestic abuse looks like and the net effect - you lose your fucking mind. You start to believe you are the problem, that your child will be better off without you. Suicide is not the answer, the answer is to get rid of what is poisoning you: your husband.

Please make a plan to leave, I promise you will never look back. Your DD needs her Mummy, even more so if she has a Father like this, and you deserve so much better. Sending you hugs x

PM me anytime if you want to talk.

Another hand hold. There's lots of us thinking of you and wanting you to get through this. Nothing is worth taking your own life for and nothing and nobody is worth leaving your baby without a mother. Things can get better. There is always a different side of life to experience. Take one step at a time. You will feel better if you eat something even if you don't feel like it.

Another hand hold. OP, you and your baby will be fine just the two of you. Hold on and get through the night, please speak to Samaritans if you’re still feeling like you can’t go on, they will listen to you and help you through this.

OP I've been there and my life is immeasurably better now I'm without him. Your baby needs you, don't ever think they would be better without you, you sound like a loving caring mother who is exhausted.

Please just rest, eat and make sure you drink water. Also, call the samaritans or your family or even the friends that you aren't close to - if any one of my friends called me and said they were so low I'd be there in a shot, it doesn't matter how close we were or how long I hadn't seen them for.

You are loved, you are worthy and you will get through this.