That partner is fucking selfish?

[stressedandupset22]

I asked him to call me for 5/10 mins of his lunch break at work today just to talk over some things that I need to sort today (just life admin stuff) and could do with his input. I'm at home looking after our toddler all day from 7.30am-9.15pm. I just asked for 5/10 mins.

He sent me an message, so I responded. I had no reply. So half an hour or so later when I know it's roughly his lunch break, I called his office number to see if he was free to talk through the stuff from the messages. He spoke to be briefly but was obvious he couldn't talk, then he said I'll call you later. I said great, when's your lunch break? He replied no not on my lunch break as I'm going to the gym. He gets an hour for his lunch, I'm asking for 5/10 mins. He refused and hung up on me.

He's now in the gym out of contact having a lovely little time refusing to give me 5 mins on the phone. So I now have to sort out the issues by myself.

AIBU or is he being a selfish knob?

What was the issue,

I mean if it was something like "will we have a roast on Sunday" then YABU
If it was "should I arrange a burial or a cremation for your mother who passed on Tuesday" then YANBU

Family are a significant drive away, I don't feel up to the drive in all honesty as I haven't eaten a think today and just feel shaky and unwell. Friends yes but no one close enough to impose on them with all this shit.

I'm out in the local town walking with the pram like a zombie just not with it, just feel so detached. Tears down my face. What must people think of me🙈

"I've wanted out for a long time".

This is crucial. Basically, this latest incident is just the straw that broke the camel's back.

You know your own mind. Now start taking steps to act on it. Let your (soon-to-be ex) sort his own life admin out.

It doesn't matter what random strangers think of you. Maybe the hotel isn't a bad idea? It will give you some breathing (and thinking) space at least.

To me, its irrelevant what job any of you do.

You asked him for 5mins of his free time and he couldn't make you his priority. I find that sad and he should be ashamed of himself.

Ask him why he doesnt see that as an issue, dont cloud it with involving your caring for your child its simple

• You needed him, in his spare time, and he wasnt there, why is that ok?

Honestly OP I'd be taking steps to leave. He sounds like a complete arse. You need some time to make an escape plan - you may actually feel better by doing this.

Who owns the house? Do you have local friends you can stay with?

And yes, i would book the dingiest hotel. Possibly have him a bag packed amd tell him hes out for the night (but not sure of thats great advice just what i would do,) others will know better than me.

Give yourself some space and try to plan how he leaves your home.

He said: "it's my time to do with what I want, stop trying to control MY time".

That's what he said.

He said: "it's my time to do with what I want, stop trying to control MY time"

That's what he said

Wow, thats horrible.
Its 5 minutes, but its bigger than that, it shows you he wont priortise you and, sorry, but i do think it shows a massive amount of disrespect and not what you want from the person who is supposed to love you.

I hope you can sort something out, you sound like you deserve so so much better, as does you child.

I've just spoken to him and he's being all nice as if he didn't just call me manipulative a few hours ago?!? Wtf??! My head is all over I don't understand what's happening. I told him I think it's best I go to a hotel tonight he said "I'll go elsewhere so you don't have to if that would help".

Why the fuck is being nice and normal as if nothing happened? Did I imagine the whole scenario earlier

Feel huge relief he's not coming home tonight though. Huge.

That's good at least you'll get some space to figure things out. Did he say where he'll go?

His mother's

Dont go anywhere, let the anger go, and focus. When you see him, sit down together and calmly explain its over. Discuss the practicalities, the financial aspect, child care etc. Once you decide to leave, it becomes easier, you just have to get through it.

I think it's too early for op to do that.

She needs to take some time out and if affordability isn't an issue take some legal advice so she can move forward knowing the options.

Classic gaslighting and manipulation. Trust yourself. He’ll keep doing this.

Don’t let him gaslight you into thinking he didn’t just treat you badly (and the other day , as you mentioned you posted not long ago).
Is he gaslighting you because he wants to “fix” things or did he treat you bad before so that it would be you that makes the decision to leave him and therefore he can still keep his image of “good guy”?
i think sometimes woman underestimate how often men use the latter

Absolutely gaslighting you and will feed his mother some sob story.

I would ask him to not come back tomorrow.

I feel so low
I'm having strong suicidal thoughts and keep thinking my baby will be better without me. I'm lost

Please call Samaritans, or have you family that would be supportive? If my DD called I would be there like a shot for her.

You must know how dreadful your suicide would be for your toddler. Get on to the Samaritans. Prioritise self care. Call family or friends - people will want to be able to help

Please get some help

www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-urgent-mental-health-helpline

This will get better. You need to be there on the other side for your baby. They need there to be another side to get to. So do you. You can get there. It will happen, it won’t be easy, but you’ll get there.

Why haven’t you eaten? You need to eat so that you have the energy to be a decent parent