That partner is fucking selfish?

[stressedandupset22]

I asked him to call me for 5/10 mins of his lunch break at work today just to talk over some things that I need to sort today (just life admin stuff) and could do with his input. I'm at home looking after our toddler all day from 7.30am-9.15pm. I just asked for 5/10 mins.

He sent me an message, so I responded. I had no reply. So half an hour or so later when I know it's roughly his lunch break, I called his office number to see if he was free to talk through the stuff from the messages. He spoke to be briefly but was obvious he couldn't talk, then he said I'll call you later. I said great, when's your lunch break? He replied no not on my lunch break as I'm going to the gym. He gets an hour for his lunch, I'm asking for 5/10 mins. He refused and hung up on me.

He's now in the gym out of contact having a lovely little time refusing to give me 5 mins on the phone. So I now have to sort out the issues by myself.

AIBU or is he being a selfish knob?

He is lazy and utterly selfish.

Offload here if it helps. He is very lazy and selfish and also ducking out of parenting duties. Literally, it sounds like he doesn’t actually contribute absolutely anything to your life to make your life easier. Big hug, you’re a bloody legend, no wonder you’re so exhausted x

If he isn't in your life you may find far less resentful. I wonder if he will even step up and parent EOW though.

For those who don't know he's a cop, ex military - and clearly has developed an attitude that thinks he comes first - but no doubt wants the nicer lifestyle that having a reasonably high earning partner brings to the table.

By far the better solution OP would have been for you to find a good job but lesser hours and partly home working to allow way more flexibility - the arrangement you have isn't going to work once you have primary school hours and holidays.

However that's presuming the only issue was these crack of dawn starts- reading more from your updates- I don't think there is much love list here anymore- either way. I just don't think you are compatible any more. It's no one's fault- it happens, especially once kids come into the mix along with high pressure jobs. With a lot of love and a true pull together attitude it can work- but I think you are past that and would be better to split and co parent amicably. Get a new place for you and then look at maybe as I've said above, less hours, more flexibility and I think your mental health will massively improve

When I read your previous thread I thought you need to get someone from your family such as your mother or sister to come as you are under severe stress and you desperately need some close real life support around you, even if it is only for a couple of days initially.

Now that it is clear you are going through a crisis, it is even more important, indeed now urgent, that you call on that family to come to you.
This would be better than leaving your home at this point to go to a hotel or elsewhere. I say stay put, stand your ground, keep your place and gather the support you need there. They will be there for you, now and in the future.

I'm really glad you're still with us, OP.

Do what you need to stay safe. I agree that having people around you who love you and whom you trust is a good thing. So is taking a week off from work if you need it. It'll be there when you get back, and you can concentrate on yourself.

In the meantime, don't drink (it'll dehydrate you more) and have tons of water. If you can't eat, then you need to drink a premade protein shake. You'll be amazed how much better you feel when you have nutrients in your stomach, water in your veins, and a decent night's sleep under your belt. The shit will be there, but your body will be ready to meet it.

I hope you had a nice time with your friend, OP

Op I reckon if you start making plans for your life without him you will find your purpose again. And you can craft your new life in a way that suits you more - moving closer to work/friends/family for example could change your life up - think about what would work for you, what is possible and start making your plans.

I think you will feel a whole lot better once you are no longer in a relationship with an abusive, manupulative, horrible man. I think you have a bright and happy future ahead of you.

Please DO talk to a friend about it all. She would rather you offloaded onto her than have to grieve your suicide and wonder why you didn't talk to her about your feelings. Trust me on this, I've lost several friends to suicide.

Your child needs their mum. Even if she's too young to remember it all, it's a horrible thing for a child to have to go through life without her mum.

God, I'm sorry, but that would do my head in during my lunch break.

Me too but in the context of OPs other post he sounds like a dickhead.

It would do your head in to give five minutes of your time on the phone to your partner who is trying to sort out important family issues at home by themselves whilst looking your joint child, in the context of you being absent for a 14 hour shift that day. When you get an hour for your lunch in total, and your partner is asking for FIVE minutes?

You sound just as unreasonable as my partner then.

I did thank you, it was lovely.

I'm sorry if I've missed it but what was the life admin please?

Because if really was doing a 14 hour shift then he really did need that lunch break and I could forgive him if your call was about something trivial or easily sorted yourself.

If it was very important and couldn't wait for him to come home, then I think it is fair enough that you were cross with him.

I think it also depends how you asked and how often you ring him at work.

@justfiveminutes have you rtft? Because really, it doesn’t matter what the task was. The OP has explained enough context and given plenty of details about how unsupportive her partner is, so much so she was having suicidal thoughts last night. This incident is one of many many many which has lead to her feeling unsupported and worn out with it all. Five minutes out of her partners lunch break is nothing, and any loving, caring, empathetic person would happily give it if their partner asked. Never mind this is a task HE AGREED TO DO HIMSELF earlier this week and then couldn’t be arsed to do.

im glad you had a good meet up with your friend today op, I hope you’re doing okay ❤️

Thank you so much. Everyone loved my brother so much. He was very popular and handsome.

I believe he had undiagnosed mental health and unfortunately smoked weed young so that didn't help. He was only early 20s poor love.

@stressedandupset22 just wondering how you are today?

Foot down time. Either he steps in 50/50 or you'd be happier alone.