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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

That partner is fucking selfish?

168 replies

stressedandupset22 · 27/08/2022 12:38

I asked him to call me for 5/10 mins of his lunch break at work today just to talk over some things that I need to sort today (just life admin stuff) and could do with his input. I'm at home looking after our toddler all day from 7.30am-9.15pm. I just asked for 5/10 mins.

He sent me an message, so I responded. I had no reply. So half an hour or so later when I know it's roughly his lunch break, I called his office number to see if he was free to talk through the stuff from the messages. He spoke to be briefly but was obvious he couldn't talk, then he said I'll call you later. I said great, when's your lunch break? He replied no not on my lunch break as I'm going to the gym. He gets an hour for his lunch, I'm asking for 5/10 mins. He refused and hung up on me.

He's now in the gym out of contact having a lovely little time refusing to give me 5 mins on the phone. So I now have to sort out the issues by myself.

AIBU or is he being a selfish knob?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 27/08/2022 12:40

Why are you with him? What's the point?

Original poster
stressedandupset22 · 27/08/2022 12:46

@Aquamarine1029

Good question. No idea anymore

OP posts:
GoneWithTheWine1 · 27/08/2022 12:47

I'd be gone.

Original poster
stressedandupset22 · 27/08/2022 12:47

You know what he said as well?
"I only get an hour so no I won't have time".

ONLY an hour!!

I get precisely 0 minutes for my lunch "break" from our toddler, and I'm also sorting out our life admin. But yeah, you crack on the gym you selfish man.

OP posts:
Original poster
stressedandupset22 · 27/08/2022 12:49

The best part? He was supposed to sort out the issue in referring to on Wednesday this week when he was off work but he "didn't get chance" apparently as he was looking after our toddler. Right. But I have chance when I'm looking after her, do I??!

I'm fuming. He's so selfish

OP posts:
AhNowTed · 27/08/2022 12:51

OP you seem to have forgotten all about his BIG IMPORTANT JOB.

Original poster
stressedandupset22 · 27/08/2022 12:53

@AhNowTed

He's not even fucking doing it right now - in he's in the gym!!

Honestly I asked for FIVE minutes of a phone call. That's it.

Please someone tell me I'm not unreasonable here? Surely not!??

OP posts:
chilliesandspices · 27/08/2022 12:56

Is there a reason you couldn't do it by text or in the evening? Did it have to be a phonecall during lunch?

AhNowTed · 27/08/2022 12:58

OP know your place. You're his PA.

He's doing man's work.

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/08/2022 12:58

"some things that I need to sort today (just life admin stuff) and could do with his input."
When you say you could do with his input, do you mean that you need information from him to get it done at all, or that you're giving him a chance to express a preference? Also, if it is not sorted today, will it impact both of you or just him?

What I'm trying to say is - if it not being sorted today impacts him and him only, stop chasing him for input and let him take the consequences. If it impacts you too and his input is just preferences, sort it today but to suit yourself only. If it impacts you too and he needs to supply information for it to be done, then he is beyond selfish and I'd be letting rip at him.

TigerRag · 27/08/2022 12:59

Does it absolutely have to be by call and is there any reason why it can't wait?

I see your point though - if it's only going to take 5 minutes, he should be able to find 5 minutes on his lunch break.

orangeisthenewpuce · 27/08/2022 13:00

Why didn't you just text him and ask him that way. I'd be annoyed too if I were him.

Mosso · 27/08/2022 13:00

Couldn't you do it last night?

Original poster
stressedandupset22 · 27/08/2022 13:01

@WhereYouLeftIt

He doesn't necessarily need to supply information, I'm giving him opportunity to express a preference. But yes it affects us both. And he said he would sort it Wednesday, too. Now I'm sorting it because he hasn't, and I'm also doing it without his input because spending an hour in the gym is more of a priority to him.

The whole, entire hour. Can't spare 5 mins.

OP posts:
Original poster
stressedandupset22 · 27/08/2022 13:02

orangeisthenewpuce · 27/08/2022 13:00

Why didn't you just text him and ask him that way. I'd be annoyed too if I were him.

I did.

I in fact replied to his text to me. Thinking this must be a good time to talk as he's messaged me. He didn't reply. Then didn't talk to me properly when I called either. Then said he couldn't spare 5 mins on his lunch.

OP posts:
OnTheBrinkOfChange · 27/08/2022 13:05

If he just has to express a preference, can you make a decision without him, one that only benefits you?

Original poster
stressedandupset22 · 27/08/2022 13:06

@OnTheBrinkOfChange

Yep. That's what I'm doing now. He's had his chance.

OP posts:
AhNowTed · 27/08/2022 13:08

stressedandupset22 · 27/08/2022 13:01

@WhereYouLeftIt

He doesn't necessarily need to supply information, I'm giving him opportunity to express a preference. But yes it affects us both. And he said he would sort it Wednesday, too. Now I'm sorting it because he hasn't, and I'm also doing it without his input because spending an hour in the gym is more of a priority to him.

The whole, entire hour. Can't spare 5 mins.

That 5 minutes is blue sky thinking big important strategy time OP.

Sorry I jest. He's a tool.

Original poster
stressedandupset22 · 27/08/2022 13:09

Also it's not an optional fun extra. It's an important thing that needs to be done, for the entire family. Either way it needs doing, and it benefits us all. It's just that he can't be arsed carrying any of the mental load for it (not even 5 minutes worth), so he's just left it all to me. Knowing it will be sorted by the time he's home this evening.

Selfish lazy man.

It's the tip of the iceberg in all honestly. I've wanted out for a while.

OP posts:
AhNowTed · 27/08/2022 13:11

That's a common thing here OP. By the time you post it's the tip of the iceberg.

Firefly86 · 27/08/2022 13:12

It's the tip of the iceberg in all honestly. I've wanted out for a while.

Just do it...

Aquamarine1029 · 27/08/2022 13:13

The only thing keeping you in that shit relationship is you.

Tiani4 · 27/08/2022 13:17

Ugh, you've forgotten your place OP as his personal assistant
If he expresses an opinion how will he be able to complain when the staff make the wrong choice ?

I think you choose the option you want, as he missed his chance. And you stop doing extra jobs for him

And be sure to go to the gym (pub) yourself when he's relying on you

THisbackwithavengeance · 27/08/2022 13:21

Did you really need his input? If he felt that his input was genuinely required or he had strong opinions on the subject, then I'm sure he would've made his opinions known. He didn't so there was no reason for you not to crack on and not wind yourself into a fury about his selfishness.

The problem with posts like this is that a lot of posters really want other people's marriages to fail and will inflame the situation, advocating LTB about the tiniest of issues.

Why would you get upset by this issue? Your DH trusts you to do the life admin and make the necessary decisions; presumably that was your agreement when you gave up work? I wouldn't have even asked his opinion.

Charlieiscool · 27/08/2022 13:28

Couldn’t you have had this crucial five minute conversation last night? I don’t think he’s done anything terrible. You are looking after one toddler and he’s working. Going to the gym at lunchtime instead of after work is surely helpful for you and hardly taking much time for himself. This evening when he gets in why don’t you rush off to the gym while he looks after your toddler? Or ask him if he’d like to stay home with one toddler while you go out to work.