Is it possible as a state school parent to emulate a private school education & how would a motivated one start?

[Superspender]

This thread is triggered from all the recent press about the Cambridges & Lambrook press.. Basically the press are harping on about the time spent outdoors etc, surely parents can do this for free etc.. Out of interest how can a motivated parent who can't afford private school emulate a private school education? Please be kind!

I’ve always found it hilarious if someone asked where I went to school (local selective private) and they’d replied with the name of theirs which I’d never heard of as if it was something exciting. How sad and embarrassing!

Yep, I remember the constant "what school did you go to" conversations when I started at Cambridge, and the nonplussed faces when I told them that I had gone to a state comprehensive that they probably wouldn't have heard of. The irony was, they clearly expected me to have heard of their illustrious schools, but for the most part, I had never heard of them either!!

when I was in my early 20s I had a very posh boyfriend whose sisters were friends with aristos & were just awful to me. The first question they asked me when they met me was "where did you go to school"? They never heard of my state comp & always ensured I felt out of my depth with their little in jokes & little things... I never want my daughters to feel inferior like I did..
then don’t teach them to think this way of being is superior. Honestly it’s highly likely your bfs sisters friends were not particularly “posh” or upper class. They wouldn’t have been given the time of day by most people. Asking people where they went to school isn’t really a thing unless they’ve indicated they’d like you to. It’s a bit like “Where are you from?”.
Teach them to know and value who they are and to feel they have a right to a seat at the table.

And frankly why do you want to emulate : integrate with them?! Be your own family / class and be proud of that rather than aping others ! If your kids are likeable driven and talented they will succeed and frankly if they’re not as long as they are happy why do you care?!

@MsTSwift I like to think of myself as likeable, driven and talented .

However my own road has, I know for a fact, been a lot harder than that of my private school peers. I attribute this to less self confidence, less knowledge of the how the world and workplace works, fewer (read none) useful/helpful/influential connections, inability to mention standout experiences in uni and job applications.

😁There are all sorts of advantages twists and turns and luck in life. Don’t think state / private makes a massive difference personally - as long as the state option is decent. I was state educated but massively privileged by having loving supportive knowledgeable parents who could guide us and shouldn’t say it but was quite good looking and charming when younger (not now ha) so got every job I interviewed for. Those advantages probably counter balanced not being a public schoolgirl!

What would be more likely to be the very best for girls, mixed or single sex?

They won’t though, they’ll have continued to socialise and exist within that world alongside like minded individuals, in all likelihood 🤷🏻‍♀️

‘where did you go’ to school is shorthand for gauging level of shared experience. It’s tribalistic, but not exclusive to private schools. It’s like asking someone where they came from and finding out you’re from the same area of the same city. Definitely more common to encounter it in fields that attract a high number of private school graduates.

Pros and cons to both and highly dependent upon the individual, but girls fare better statistically in single sex schools.

I know what you mean but it’s a bit more than that. There’s an undertone of status to it too. A boy once told me he went to oundle (?) and I could tell I was meant to be impressed by the way he said it but I didn’t know what he was talking about at all. I’ve always lived in a big northern city so it isn’t something I’ve encountered here much but I imagine in Surrey etc you come across that kind of conversation more.

That I'm aware of, there's no really robust empirical evidence on this question which really conclusively nails this question down, properly controlling for all the relevant variables. If it was a properly real thing then the proportion of single sex schools would be both large and increasing, rather than small and decreasing.

e.g. just eyeballing this table here, it's clear that fee levels and especially entrance requirements are overwhelmingly better predictors of results than whether a school is single or mixed etc sex.

www.best-schools.co.uk/uk-school-league-tables/list-of-league-tables/top-100-schools-by-a-level

@puffyisgood Lambrook isn't high on the list?

@Anothernamechangeplease what would you class as a super curricular activity? Tks

Anything that helps your child to get a deeper understanding of the subjects that they are studying in the curriculum.

So, for a young child who is learning about the ancient Egyptians in school, a trip to see the mummies at the British museum would help to enrich that learning. Or more broadly, doing stuff like Mad Science summer camps or after school clubs.

It doesn't have to cost much. It might include watching a documentary on TV or reading books that relate to a particular subject. Doing home experiments with e.g. vinegar and bicarb. Visiting museums etc.

Basically, just encouraging them in various ways to explore their academic interests beyond what they are learning in the school curriculum. The nature of what they do will obviously need to change and evolve as they get older.

Activities like rowing / horse riding / skiing that are quite hard for a regular person to do without cash and /or time investment?

Also encouraging them to participate in e.g. essay writing competitions, maths olympiads and that kind of thing.

Great advice on the thread, our state school hasn't offered any after school clubs yet.. My niece in a private school does yoga club, athletics & baking after school, my dc would love those especially the yoga..

To be fair there were lots of clubs at both my dds primary and secondary state schools. Sadly if the schools in a more deprived area there may be fewer of them as lower uptake. Round here state parents lap up and are happy to pay for yoga/french/street dance/synchronised swimming etc so small businesses spring up to meet that demand.

For me what I would love a holistic approach, loads of extracurriculars & sports finishing up in Oxbridge😁

Great post.
We are motivated parents but just can't justify the cost of private school for two children, it would mean missing out on big holidays so are keen to help our children reach their potential in other ways that the state school cannot help with.

@snoodles this thread makes it sound doable to close the gap at least. There's no point in complaining about the inequality, look at Liz Truss & the bankers.. It's only going to get worse. I'm trying my upmost for my own dc now & I won't apologise. I would pay for private school if I could no doubt about it...

Actually my previous answer about super curricular is wrong! Dd1 (state) had really good GCSEs so has literally just been to a Cambridge college introduction event.

We were told Cambridge don’t care about flute /sport /d of e / travel - super curricular is showing an interest in the particular subject you want to read. Entering essay competitions/attending lectures at your local university/ going to court / in depth reading on that subject/going to see authors speak etc. Dd planning English or law so biased towards that. Start doing this at the beginning of 6th form. We looked at the individual college websites and all the previous entrants to these things from the public schools 🙄. So get on it!

@MsTSwift thank you! That's really insightful, any other bits of advice? My dc are still primary age. Hope your dd loves Cambridge 🥰

How do you get them to mix with the private education class of children, though?

To chill out! The activities at primary school are basically irrelevant to this so just do stuff they enjoy. If the admissions people see a lot of travel / skiing etc what does that say but rich parents?! They want top stellar grades teachable enthusiastic students who demonstrate genuine interest in the subject they are applying for

We have very enthusiastic mixing of state and private school pupils in our small city outside Macdonalds 🙄 not to be encouraged actually we have just banned dd2 from doing this - why do you want them to mix with private school pupils particularly!? Be careful what you wish for it’s not a good thing necessarily the behaviour is wilder….I will say no more