Is it possible as a state school parent to emulate a private school education & how would a motivated one start?

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This thread is triggered from all the recent press about the Cambridges & Lambrook press.. Basically the press are harping on about the time spent outdoors etc, surely parents can do this for free etc.. Out of interest how can a motivated parent who can't afford private school emulate a private school education? Please be kind!

I found the main advantage of private education was the small class sizes and the streaming according to subject, with the lowest set having a 1: 6 teacher to pupil ration in dc's school. There is also more interest taken by parents resulting in pressure on the school to deliver parental expectations. At parents evening, there were queues for every teacher.
On the sports/activities front, competition was considered a healthy prelude to what would happen in adult working life. Pupils were encouraged to do their best and to be resilient when experiencing failure.
DC is dyslexic but achieved results leading to a place at a top uni. DC was also a British champion in a sport. I do not think as much would have achieved at our under-performing, local comprehensive. It is the confident mindset, the drive to succeed and the breadth of education that might be difficult to replicate on your own. Bar one child, all my DC's contemporaries are in successful careers - law, army, medicine, engineering, business etc.
Pay for tutors, activities, sports and travel and have regular discussions on current affairs where you encourage your dc to articulate his/her opinions. You cannot encourage intellectual curiosity enough.

Help them to feel familiar with society's establishments: if you go to a hospital appointment take them; take them to the public gallery in court, the Old Bailey if you can get to London; go and have tea in a fancy restaurant/hotel; make an appointment with your MP to visit Parliament when it's sitting; find cheap seats for a well-known opera, preferably at Covent Garden (not very cheap!); go to the theatre, again, look for cheap offers; also museums, art galleries etc and any talks offered. All this is age specific - don't take a 6 year old to the Old Bailey! And make sure they can behave appropriately.

Another free opportunity is a child-friendly church. At ours children are reading the lesson and leading prayers, with plenty of help if necessary, from a young age. If they learn a musical instrument they are encouraged to join the band, even if it's just a matter of strumming or playing a chord when they get the nod, at first. They see their peers doing it and develop confidence in reading, performing and speaking in public. They have a much better chance of a big part in the Nativity play with fewer children available. If they attend regularly the adults get to know them and show an interest so give them confidence in interacting with adults they don't know very well. Also take them to any funeral or wedding (church or secular) you can, so that they know how those events go.

Don't protect them from things that make them nervous but help them through. I've seen teachers take as long as it takes (really!) for a child to cross a wobbly bridge or say a line etc and when they've succeeded they look about a foot taller! In fact, better to push them outside their comfort zone from time to time, age appropriate of course.

Have tutors lined up who know the specs. (Neighbours child has 3 tutors a week in year 9 for maths, science and languages)

join local rowing/rugby/hockey club

book onto school ski trips etc

Read and encourage lots of discussion at home on a range of topics

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Make sure you read to them even in yr6
encourage them to read
talk to them about current affairs
do science/ nature study with them
take them to galleries, exhibitions, theatre if you can
encourage them to have enquiring minds

what they miss out on is being in an environment where everyone is bright and working hard. DS thrived on the competition.
the one thing that private education does buy is self confidence. DS also came away with a group of friends , literally, for life.

I would, if you can, encourage public speaking or drama. It does give kids confidence.

You are asking the wrong question. It should be how do I give my children the best possible education. Just because you pay for private schooling doesn't necessarily make it better than the state version, it just means it's more socially exclusive. My son's state secondary is very like the private school I went to and the selective grammar DH went to. Bigger class sizes yes, and architecturally the building is less attractive, but that's about the only obvious difference. There are some great state schools and there are some crap private schools, and school suits all children even if it does great for most of them. Offer enrichment at home definitely, but don't do it in a wierd attempt to copy a private school education.

No school suits all children!

Honestly as PPs. But you’re buying the people. Living in an affluent area I see great State schools but the Private schools still have a different ‘class’ of people. Although I’d say in our area it’s a lot about choices as well.

i think main issue is at secondary school. Move to a good secondary school area is your best bet and do music and sport outside of school. Vary the people you mix with too from all levels of society if possible .

The different "class" of people is exactly why we chose state over private in the end. DD has learned so much more as a result of not being in that very narrow socio-economic bubble that tends to dominate in private schools.

Not a stealth boast but we could afford to go private but don't because we don't agree with it.

We live in a diverse part of London, the children have gone to a state primary. They have outside learning all the time, at least twice a week, there is compulsory chess, huge range of clubs, and a focus on cooking alongside the academics.
Both children swim, do drama, play a musical instrument and do Brownies / Guides out of school.

But critically, we both have interesting jobs so the children are exposed to lots of different experiences.

I don't really think of trying to emulate private school experience, but I do think about raising confident happy children who have the opportunity to follow their interests

LAMDA is good for public confidence, and achieving a distinction at Gold level adds nearly as many UCAS points as a good fourth A level grade.

The real bonuses of private education is @mdh2020 point that there is a competitive element so pupils work to be among the high flyers, and there's no tolerance of disruption.

Absolutely agree @Anothernamechangeplease -

Do you think most state schools tolerate disruption? Or do we do our best to be inclusive of all students whatever their personal, social and educational issues?

Private schools are very different from each other so you have to identify what you think you want - in the town where I grew up we had three ; one was for sporty not- that - bright kids (as we would have thought at the time!) one was academic but pretentious (and my god did that school fuck up the young men who went there - bitter experience) and one was for the ‘arrivistes’ as it were and it was pointlessly exclusive. My state college got more into Oxbridge than those combined.

I think it’s worth asking what you want out of your children a education overall, ie. Do you want confidence and resilience, in which case sport/drama/dance etc could extend that or do you think the option of going to Oxbridge would be the best outcome in which case read and keep reading. Or do you want them to have a more holistic education, outdoors, various non- academic options and be happy in school above all? This seems to be the Lambrook selling point. Tbh I think the last one of the one you are least able to replicate in a state school, sadly. Average performing, bit hippyish but conservatively so, outdoorsy schools seem to only exist in the private sector these days ☹️ I guess take up as many outdoor pursuits as you can afford if that’s what you want.

The real benefit of state education for my dd has been that she has learned to define her successes not in terms of how she has performed in comparison to other people, but rather in terms of whether she has fulfilled her own potential. And she has also learned that there might be many reasons why kids may be disruptive, and to have a little empathy for people who might not have had the same advantages that she has.

Ultimately, it boils down to values at the end of the day, and what you consider to be most important.

My child attended both state and private schools. The education received at the two state schools was mainly social, because the academic standards were woeful. The social ease acquired from meeting all sorts of people, across the whole spectrum, is of immense life-long value.

Where do you live? Harder to do in Middlesbrough than London or Winchester 😟

Not sure the buying access to suitable families works for teens - those pesky kids all socialise together state and private in our small city 😁. They are entirely interchangeable to the naked eye!

Anything that helps with confidence and develops a love of learning. Agree that hobbies that can be competitive or require speaking/debating/performing can be useful. Experience of as wide range of things as possible.

Also I always come across like a doom monger about private schools on threads like these - so with the caveat that I have already said they are very diverse - the lack of pastoral care my friends experienced in one private school was absolutely shocking. It was a while ago now but locally there is not reason to think it’s changed much and it all seems to get hidden under the ‘competitive spirit’ banner. It was way, way beyond the level of bullying I have seen tolerated in the state sector. Also SEND provision is just as patchy as in the state sector 🤷🏻‍♀️

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Tbh, I think parents are misguided if they go private with the intention of buying a "better" peer group. I remember being horrified at 18 when my gap year friend told me about all that they had got up to at her big name boarding school, it made my state comprehensive friends seem very tame indeed! And two of our local private schools are well known for having significant problems with drugs, while another got a lot of negative publicity for racist bullying. There will be good and bad kids in any school, and you're better off giving your kids the values to stay away from them than trying to buy them a problem-free peer group.

Also I think the contacts thing is a bit overrated unless you are literally at Bedales, Harrow, Eton etc. you’re not moving with the big shakers in a rural market town 6th form 😂

Me too. Houseful of books and the bloody kid hasn’t voluntarily opened one for years. AND her bloody teachers praise her reading level and wide range of knowledge. I think it’s because we travel and generally do things (or did, until she hit 11 and practically refused to be seen with me!).

In my area there is quite a lot out there if you look hard. I'm on my way to fetch my daughter from songwriting camp (free for some reason) and theatre camp (£100 for a week which paid for with childcare vouchers). This summer they have also done woodcraft camp (£100 a year) and tennis (free) and watersports (£100 a year) all subsidised by the council. They're not well advertised though - I do quite a bit of internet research and share everything I find on the class WhatsApp group and others do too. We've also done the free museums. It's not the same as private school but then I think their state school education brings a lot to the table as well.

I would say yes a lot of it is cultural capital and the people they mix with.

So pay for private Latin lessons

Get boys into cricket or rugby not football. Girls find a hockey or lacrosse. Also horse riding

Get them skiing.

Visit lots of culturally rich places.

Holiday every year even if it's camping in France.

Debate clubs and lectures is a great idea.

It's a language you want to teach them to speak.