Is it possible as a state school parent to emulate a private school education & how would a motivated one start?

[Superspender]

This thread is triggered from all the recent press about the Cambridges & Lambrook press.. Basically the press are harping on about the time spent outdoors etc, surely parents can do this for free etc.. Out of interest how can a motivated parent who can't afford private school emulate a private school education? Please be kind!

You could start by posting in this forum @Superspender

www.mumsnet.com/talk/secondary

you might get better responses than “private school is a waste as unis select from state schools” or loads of other irrelevance

I honestly am wondering if aibu in wondering what I can do as a parent to try & emulate the private schools myself.. Therefore trying to close the gap & doing the best for my child rather than grumbling about the privilidge other kids get..
The time spent outdoors in Lambrook struck a chord with me, anyone can do this with their kids if the have some spare time..

I think it is possible but you still need money and (crucially) time - which also has a financial cost. For example DH and I work full time, can’t afford private, but also don’t have time either to cover the full range of extra curricular things and engaging in a few extra interesting things at home. It’s really depressing. I think private education is hugely harmful to society.

DD got into a selective secondary but unfortunately we could not afford to take up the place.
The biggest benefit on children from going to private school is the smaller class sizes which you can do nothing about in the state sector.

Other things that are different to most state schools are the music and sport provision so things you can do include music lessons, youth orchestra, drama lessons, sports clubs at a competitive level, although all of those things can be pricey cheaper things like scouts and girl guides, watching documentaries, museums. Going to age appropriate lectures, our city has a science festival which did some brilliant family lectures that DD really enjoyed.

Go to a grammar school

On the time spent outdoors thing, I think one of the differences is that children tend to be more compliant and engaged at school than with parents. I would love for mine to do more outdoors but whenever we do stuff or National trusts etc it’s met with a huge amount of moaning that their legs are tired, they’re bored etc. neither of mine would do either of those things at school, so I think in some ways parental relationships are also a barrier.

I have the time sahm & could put a little bit of money towards it but I don't know what to do... It's like a secret code!
No grammars in our area.

What parts of a private school education do you want to emulate?

If it's sport -they can join out of school sports clubs (including ones for non-mainstream sports)
If it's music - does your local area have a music service (our does - offering a wider range of opportunities, than any private school)
It it's being outdoors, then take up hill walking as a family
If it's broadening their education - you can probably do this yourself at primary school level; consider a tutor when older.

Join the library and encourage your child to read widely. Discuss topical issues. Go to museums. Spend weekends going to places of interest.
Look out for summer schools in subjects of interest.

I don't think you will be able to emulate a private school education for free, but you can certainly try for lower cost (bearing in mind that some children are not interested in the sports, music, outdoor activities ... anyway).

Use the money saved for extra curricular (whatever your DC interested in).

Pay for tutors.

Live in a naice area with sought after secondaries/expensive housing 🙄

No big magic. And you don’t always want to emulate private. There are the odd excellent state schools you know…

Of course you can’t emulate it. Half the perceived benefit of these schools is to make connections with other private school kids. The other half is small class sizes, fewer disruptive children, better facilities, more sports tours, orchestras etc. Social and cultural capital. Sure, you can give your child sports opportunities on the weekends, join Scouts, spend time outdoors, tutors etc and that may achieve very similar benefits for a lot of children but that’s not really emulating a private school.

That said I could afford private school if I wanted to - I don’t think the benefits are worth it and I don’t want my children to exist in a little bubble of privilege.

The Cambridges aren’t choosing Lambrook so the kids spend time outside. They’re ensuring privacy and buying a social network for their children of children from “suitable” families.

This, DS went to a Kent Superselective, he did ; games twice a week and on Saturdays until Yr 11. School trips to France, Italy, Germany, Belgium as well as "activity week" in July. Clubs on offer included : chess, badminton, climbing, fencing, LAMDA, cookery, gardening. As well as football, rugby, athletics and cricket.

In primary yrs 3-6 he did ;
Chess club, 11+ classes, judo, football, horse riding, swimming, drama club. On the few nights there was no clubs he was taken to the park/ beach/ library for a couple of hours after school.

I would say that is a reasonable semblance of the opportunities in a,private school.

It's confidence, knowing your place and there's a term that I can't remember around information at museums/science places/etc that goes into your head.

So socialise your dc well so they can walk into a room and say hello to adults in a nice way not a precocious or shy way.
Put them in a drama or martial arts class so they can learn to speak loudly and in front of others.
Get a NT pass and go out to a museum, a historical walk, get a science museum pass or a zoo pass rather than a merlin pass for theme parks.
If you have a girl get them riding so they love their horse and would rather ride their horse then boys when they're teens 😂
And books are important.

Brilliant advice, thanks for taking the time to reply. I don't want to complain about the inequalities that I can't change, I just want to do all I can within my circumstances to close the gap both socially & culturally..

Make sure your children read, help with homework, play games/puzzles with them, limit screen time, get them into one or two sports and stick with them - join a footie or basket ball or netball team, cricket, swim lesson, tennis lesson etc.
have them learn an instrument. Guitar is a good one with transferable learning to keyboard or piano. And have them do the gradings.
mid they find a key subject tricky - maths, English, sciences - consider a tutor or grp tuition.

At a private school you are paying a business to get your child good grades - doesn’t mean you’ll get a good, well-rounded education though.

So I was a teacher at a private school and have also taught in state schools. Now a SAHM! How old is your DC?

The main advantages I would say: Small class sizes (more 1:1 help), so much extra curricular stuff, such a wide range of experiences, making connections with other kids at the private school (it’s who you know etc 🙄)

There were also disadvantages too: The fast pace meant some kids couldn’t absorb everything, everything felt a rush, obviously the pressure too I would say wasn’t pleasant.

I would say the best thing you could do as a sahm is to spend lots of quality time with your DC and pursue a wide range of activities. For example, I taught in Prep school, the children as young as 5 would do 6 short lessons a day. These would range from swimming to mandarin to drama to music to math. There was dedicated time every week for students to pursue an ‘activity’ - this could be knitting, making pop up books, Bollywood dancing, public speaking etc. you get the idea, a real variety. In state schools there was much less variety and a big big focus on the basics.

I guess just build their confidence by exposing them to different activities, people, places.

My BiL went to private school and as an adult I would say would stands outside about him is his confidence to pursue exactly what he wants and his ability to talk to people and ‘fit in’.

Reading, reading, reading! It’s so important. Talk to your children, discuss things with them. Read to them and with them.
a good vocabulary is important for every subject, reading shows how to write in paragraphs, how grammar works, how to structure a story, how to spell and provides a basis for language when your children start to use specialist language in other subjects.

any teacher will tell you that THE most influential thing you can do with younger children is to read.

@Anewdayanewdawn dc are 7 & 9 thanks

Plenty of support at home academically and with extra curricular activities. Realistically it either takes time or money or both to begin to replicate the opportunities. I'm not sure the experience can be replicated though.

I would also say I’ve taught lots of intelligent children in every school I’ve worked at, but IMO what sets apart gifted children is their ability to take mistakes in their stride and think creatively.

As another poster said , private schools are good at getting the grades but what’s imperative for lifelong success is developing the whole child, not just their intelligence.

Time and attention. Lots of conversations about a range of topics. Lots of extracurricular opportunities. Lots of supercurricular opportunities. Lots of opportunities to talk to people they don't know. And lots of opportunities that push them outside their comfort zone. Plenty of opportunities to gain social & cultural capital. Work experience. Tutoring if they need it...but they might not.

My dd has been through the state system, and I don't think she has been in the slightest bit disadvantaged - quite the contrary, in fact, I feel that she has positively benefitted from not being in that bubble. We could have afforded private but having considered all of the options, we just didn't feel it was worth the investment. I didn't feel that there was anything offered by private schools that I actually valued that we couldn't replicate in some way ourselves. I have lots of friends with privately educated dc, and dd has quite a few privately educated friends too. I have yet to see any evidence of dd having lost out in any way. So no regrets here.

We’ve switched between sectors and found state good and private offering a lot but it doesn’t have to be a huge gap

Include dc in learning environment at home so read, discuss stuff, watch online videos in topics they are interested in, if there is the money extra clubs but if not lower £ like tennis together or outdoor exercise

@Anewdayanewdawn I agree reading is important, I have 2 dc who are good readers for their ages but simply not interested, it actually pains me as i was and still am a keen reader. It’s not screens either - they’re restricted and I’d say have a healthy relationship with them, they’d both literally rather roll around saying their bored than reading a book!

For confidence and outdoors, join scouting! My children have had so many opportunities to do a wide range of activities and their groups are made up of children from many different schools - thus widening their experience and social group.

Great to hear this, I think it can be done too if one has know how & can finance it to a degree.

Cultural capital.
Take them to museums, art galleries, concerts, bird sanctuaries, sculpture parks.
Limit screen time and actively converse.
Play board games. Do puzzles.
Go for long walks together.
Get a tutor for subjects as necessary.