Is it possible as a state school parent to emulate a private school education & how would a motivated one start?

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This thread is triggered from all the recent press about the Cambridges & Lambrook press.. Basically the press are harping on about the time spent outdoors etc, surely parents can do this for free etc.. Out of interest how can a motivated parent who can't afford private school emulate a private school education? Please be kind!

My mother was privately educated but as a teacher was against private education. That said I think she replicated the extra curricular aspect of private school fairly well for me so I was able to get a job post university where 90% of the intake was privately educated, I also married someone who was privately educated.

Things I did as a child:
Ballet (exams)
Rainbows, Brownies, Guides
Swimming (exams)
Music (theory, exams, various instruments, junior orchestra)
Travel (UK and abroad)
French lessons (primary school)
Tutors (GCSE)
Sports clubs (school holidays)
Regular theatre trips, mostly Ballet
Took me to relevant museums/historical places of interest eg.learning about the tudors took me to Hever Castle
Took me to expensive restaurants, behavioural expectations were set out in advance.
Corrected my language, everyone I went to school with had a local accent I was good at mimicking it but it wasn’t really tolerated at home.
Paid for me to go on extracurricular school trips abroad.
Never said no to buying me books. I read a lot and it was always encouraged.
University discussed from an early age.
Talked a lot to me about my future, (professional) jobs I could do and what I would need to achieve at school to get there
Incentivised me to work hard at school ( especially secondary school where working hard was not “cool”).
Generally very supportive, eg. Buying art materials/books when I was really interested in drawing/painting

An organisation that I’ve found that helps to give children confidence is Young Farmers. It mixes across social groups as you get everybody from the local estate owners children to the farm labourers children. You don’t need to know anything about farming really!

They do a huge variety of activities, some obviously farming based but also things like public speaking training and competitions, drama performances, rural crafts, ski trips, cultural exchange trips and balls.

I think some state schools are outstanding. My old primary in london taught French at 9 , had trips abroad chess club and lots of sport..my sons secondary school had sport every day ., trips skiing and USA, and my son loved it .and thrived had a tutor .went to rg uni and did well

Sports

Music

Reading

Private schools achieve excellent academic results because:

• they are often either actively selecting for brighter than average intake; or taking the offspring of the extremely wealthy, a decent of chunk got that way by being more than average intelligent & probably have bright kids.
• they have small class sizes. You can emulate this at home by giving your child one on one support with homework/extra work
• they have highly educated/intelligent teachers - they will tend to cream off the oxbridge and russell group end of the teaching profession who have the capacity to stretch the most able 18 year olds. Those teachers will have a timetable that provides them enough time for planning and professional development.
• they will stream, set etc to their hearts content, such that an already small class has a relatively narrow ability range and the work can be really effectively targeted. You can emulate this to an extent with one on one work at home.

They will then have a confident polished attitude. This comes from being encouraged to have high aspirations, praised for effort & achievement, having extra curricular activities that provided opportunities for sustained learning and skill development over many years, and a family lifestyle that includes broad ranging interests etc

People have always assumed I was privately educated, but I wasn’t. Part of that, is that I speak well - my mum nagged us into pronouncing our “Ts” and making more neutral vowel sounds. It’s wrong that how you speak plays a part, but it does.

the other part, is that my mum was really engaged in our education- encouraged lots of reading and took us to the library regularly, museum and art gallery trips, trips to the theatre and the ballet. Sports and drama camps in the school holidays, musical instrument lessons and using the city music service for orchestra and choir. She speaks a couple of languages so she coached us in those. And generally looked for our strengths and supported us pursuing them. But I’m NO WAY was she a helicopter mum - quite a lot of benign neglect in between times, which you need to develop your imagination!

Basically, I benefited from having an educated and engaged mum with a budget for extra-curricula activities. And when you read the research, the best indicator of a child success is the education level of their mum. But the studies also say, the most important thing a child can do to support their education is reading for pleasure.

Join a well organised hard core sports club with Saturday matches. Be confident in yourself in general, was so sad to see some state school children with a “not for the likes of us” attitude when I used to help at my dc primary 😔.

Theatre/galleries/lots of books and talking about books.

read, read, read
Music - learn an instrument
swimming lessons
speech and drama
Good manners at home (I’m not saying this is confined to private school only)
limit screen time - audio books ok
languages - learn a second language
museums , cultural trips etc (v important)
even have certain Books lying around at home - -always have a dictionary and thesaurus to hand, books on art, history etc
chess , puzzles

Yeah everyone assumes Dh and I were privately educated which has led to some utterly cringe scenarios when people assume they are “amongst friends” and slag off state schools!

Oh and when we are on holiday we do a bit of cultural stuff. We went interrailing this year around European cities, went up ski lifts in Switzerland etc (free outside of ski season), and in the lake District we tried sailing and horse riding. I'm not pretending this is the same but hopefully it's exposure that means those upper middle class lifestyles aren't so unimaginably alien when she's older.

Our university friends are all pretty posh for some reason - last night fun pub conversation with local friends about how rough our own secondary schools were 😁. All professionals now schools irrelevant just doesn’t seem to matter at all - everyone has ended up in basically the same place!

Visit local museums, galleries, expose to a variety of music, see if your local theatre has under 25s free/reduced tickets to performances, encourage a variety of reading, make sure they know the classics (use local libraries, they need the support) Focus on manners, not in an old fashioned way, but making sure that Dcs show interest in the people they talk to, stand up when people enter/leave rooms, shake hands with confidence (DNs are at PS and this is really noticeable) Languages tuition, French, Spanish, Mandarin, German. Play a musical instrument esp. piano, cultivate a love of sports and the outdoors especially walking, tennis, hockey, rugby, netball and football.

If you can afford it, take DCs to expensive hotels, restaurants, for afternoon teas, lunches and dinners so that they feel comfortable in 'posh' surroundings, not nervous or over awed

Encourage DCs to dress appropriately/classically with natural hair, make up, teeth clean, braces if needed. encourage a love of varied food

The difference is the confidence in public speaking and leadership opportunities. This is done through delivering assemblies, presentations, being sports captains, fundraising for charity, head girl/boy, taking part in debating, performing arts, mentoring younger students, taking on science projects and competitions. In private schools this is done regularly from as young as primary school level so it is second nature by the time they leave secondary school.
Find out what the state schools offer in terms of this and get them participating in as much as possible.
Out of school get them involved in cadets, volunteering, a choir or swimming club - whatever they are interested in.

Discourage use of slang, accent does not matter, but clear and universally comprehensible speech does.

Have proper conversations as a family about important issues. Have a house full of books, and more importantly, encourage them to read books you've read and discuss them together. Take them to foreign cities and use public transport, instead of package holidays. Watch and play sport together. Go out into the countryside and learn how to use maps.

I went to a grammar school, my kids go to a private school. Not because I think it's better academically but for the sport (in my kids' case).

I don't think you can easily emulate the extra sport. My kids play club and county sports as well as school sport, so it's on top of, not a substitute for out of school sport. It's the facilities, the number of fixtures, the extra S&C training.

But I think you can get a lot of the same benefits independently. I've done a fair amount of work with my kids, so for example, doing some more advanced maths papers or creative writing. My friends at state schools pay for tutors, although I think you can do much of this yourself (certainly for primary and some of the less technical GCSEs).

Agree with the visiting different places - museums, the Old Bailey (free), walking around cities, places abroad etc. For older kids, getting them to seek interesting work experience opportunities.

But overall, I think a lot is down to aspiration and expectation, which isn't exclusive to private schools. I'd say setting high standards and working hard are the key differentiators whether you're in a state or private school.

^^This, OP. We had a Debating Society and ample drama opportunities and theatre trips.Also, arrange a Latin taster, along with, perhaps extra science clubs. My local comp shoves Biology, Chemistry and Physics into one superficial subject. Also, foreign languages.

Look at the sports offered by mid-price private schools near you and see if there’s anything interesting. Look at the clubs on offer - Chess, astronomy, etc - and see if you can replicate a few.

Encourage your DC to read widely, including the classics, modern lit, poetry, foreign lit translated into English.

I think automatically assuming that a private school education is better is your first mistake - many state schools offer excellent educations. Where private does tend to beat out state schools, especially at primary level, is in the variety of extracurricular and other opportunities. And I notice at our state school, the divide between families is often along these lines - there are families who have the time and resources to do these things for their children and the ones that don't and it my biggest frustration with some of our local state schools.

So, sign them up for sports teams and encourage long-term playing - it's a skill but also about relationships with a variety of other people, experience in matches etc etc. If they are interested in other things, where possible let them explore those - join a theatre school, visit museums, attend specialist holiday camps, visit new places etc.

Absolutely talk to them about what's going on the world and don't try to hide it from them - I think a lot of families are so busy keeping their children "children" that if the school isn't engaging outside of the core curriculum, the children miss out.

Oh ,and on the more cynical side - if you want them to mingle with private school types to build connections etc, sign them up for sports like rugby and cricket and maybe hockey rather than football and martial arts.

As someone who works with a lot of privately schooled individuals, the only real benefit is the network. The sports etc are only beneficial because the person on their rugby team is on the board of a FTSE 250, or a friend of a friend has a connection they can introduce you to.

You can’t emulate that.

You can build cultural capital for your kids though, which might have other benefits, but I wouldn’t really say that’s why the true benefit of private schools.

they have highly educated/intelligent teachers - they will tend to cream off the oxbridge and russell group end of the teaching profession who have the capacity to stretch the most able 18 year olds.

I disagree with this. Going to a top university doesn't make you a good teacher, and I say that as a teacher with an Oxbridge degree! I've taught in state and private schools and I wouldn't say private school teachers are better. They often have a much easier job (because students are generally more motivated), which can make them seem better than they are. Some of the most academically well-qualified teachers I've met have been the worst teachers and vice versa.

Hmm though lots of firms / big companies are working really hard to stamp that out. At Dh law firm for example it’s all about diversity etc hiring an old mates son would be 😲. Just wouldn’t happen now.

My dc are state and I went to private myself. Both are motivated, high achievers and work hard. Ds did dancing out of school but dd nothing really- not interested. If you’re talking about the extra curricular stuff, their school offers plenty and did a wonderful play at the end of the year. There’s just less money floating about and less of a sheen like you get at private. I have to admit I showed dd around my old school for 6th form to help her think through her options and for her to see she could if she wanted. I was properly dazzled myself by the new buildings, the presentations, the gift bag (depicting lots of drawings of girls’ faces which were sadly not diverse unlike the girls actually at the school). The fact that some lessons had only 3 or 4 in at a level, the field trips… she felt a bit like it wasn’t her though and decided to stay on in her state and she’ll achieve just as well I’m sure of it. Her gcse results show very high marks in all subjects.

Both dc were pretty academic to start with which is a big part of it to be honest. I’m a teacher and have always valued education and supported them with work when they’ve asked (the science and maths is beyond me now though!!) I’ve always taught them to aim high and to believe they can achieve just as well as their private school friends/family. I think it’s mainly down to raw materials, postcode, peer group, parental attitude and support and their intrinsic motivation to succeed. Ds struggled in lockdown and their school was lacking compared to private but he’s excelled in a levels and loves them.