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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Really don't want to go on this hen do

734 replies

AngelicaSchuyler1 · 26/08/2022 11:37

Hen do woes...

My best friend is getting married in November.

She has booked a hen weekend for Oct in a city 2 hours from where we live, we are staying in a big house and there's a spa and swimming pool, hot tub, nice restaurant on site etc.

We've all had to pay £189 each to stay in this house for two nights, plus costs of driving there etc.

My friend was originally in the group on FB messenger but has since left so we can organise surprises etc for her. One of the other hens has decided to take charge and Im actually dreading going because she's turning it into a total tacky chav fest.

She has already bought us penis whistles, feather boas, t -shirts with "funny" names on them (e.g. Juicy Jenny, Hannah the Whore, Slaggy Sam) and is insisting we wear them when we eat at the restaurant on the first night. This is a NICE restaurant and not cheap. She has also bought a penis costume and is insisting the bride can wear it to the restaurant and it will be "such a laugh". She bought all of this tat without asking us first and now wants us all to send her the money for it.

A couple of us have piped up and said we want to wear nice outfits to the restaurant but this hen is insisting that we do all of the above to make the bride laugh, and that we can wear the t-shirts over our outfits. And she's not going to be returning any of the items and we need to each pay a share for what she's bought.

Added to that, this hen is also insisting we all chip in for a male stripper, which will cost £40 each and his performance will be maximum 20 minutes! I have flat out refused to pay for this and the group chat got a bit tense as the hen was insisting we do it.

I know my best friend and yeah she might find the above funny when we're all in the house together but I also think she will be embarrassed arriving to the restaurant dressed as a cock and got the impression from her she wanted a more classy weekend enjoying the facilities on site and having a nice meal together.

I've never met this other hen before but I already dislike her and she is really putting me off going to the hen weekend. She is really bossy and all of her ideas are tacky and hideous.

Do I tell my best friend what the other hen is planning and potentially ruin the surprise for her but give her fair warning? Or do I keep my mouth shut and just try to enjoy the weekend as best I can?

OP posts:
Largethighsbadeyes · 28/08/2022 12:38

OP isn't coming back folks...

I'm with pp, this is following a standard "fake" format. Not believing it anymore

Baoing · 28/08/2022 12:45

I think I was believing it until the hen wanted to dress up the bride in a cock costume to attend a nice restaurant

Same. Exactly that bit for me too.

I'm with pp, this is following a standard "fake" format. Not believing it anymore

Yup. Fun while it lasted though. There may a flustered..."SO sorry for the late update guys"...followed by a flurry of reasons/reel 'em back in anecdotes, etc. but I'm out.

See you all at the next one Grin

Pigwig10 · 28/08/2022 13:17

Please keep us updated as to what Bride l’s response is…I’m invested now!!

MrsR87 · 28/08/2022 13:18

I was so invested in this! Gutted there hasn’t been an update!

LicoricePizza · 28/08/2022 13:48

Mmm #cowhen sounds made up after all

Cheeseandcrackers86 · 28/08/2022 13:54

tbh mumsnet is getting really boring for this reason. 90% of the posts are journalists faking a 'story' for their next article or trolls. Everybody is so busy overinvesting in obviously bullshit stories that they don't bother looking away from AIBU to the advice sections to give genuine parenting help. A bit of fun and drama is fine but this is just becoming a circus

Cowhen · 28/08/2022 13:55

I think you're all being VVVV unreasonable! This lovely wedding guest has done a lot of planning for the event. It takes time to research the right kind of penis straws and to come up with the hilarious names for the T-shirts. And do you know how hard it is to find a stripper? And at a great price, too. I often pay twice or even three times that amount!

OP's request to hand the reins over was clearly her RSVP that she didn't plan to attend the event at all. And why is everyone so shocked by the penis costume? I thought they came standard when you buy a wedding dress these days.

Cheeseandcrackers86 · 28/08/2022 13:56

Oh gosh sorry for the underlining! Phone fail

whumpthereitis · 28/08/2022 13:59

Bride leaving the cowhen planned hen night, and me leaving the thread upon realising there’s no update.

Really don't want to go on this hen do
sunglassesonthetable · 28/08/2022 14:20

tbh mumsnet is getting really boring for this reason. 90% of the posts are journalists faking a 'story' for their next article or trolls. Everybody is so busy overinvesting in obviously bullshit stories that they don't bother looking away from AIBU to the advice sections to give genuine parenting help. A bit of fun and drama is fine but this is just becoming a circus

sunglassesonthetable · 28/08/2022 14:21

tbh mumsnet is getting really boring for this reason. 90% of the posts are journalists faking a 'story' for their next article or trolls. Everybody is so busy overinvesting in obviously bullshit stories that they don't bother looking away from AIBU to the advice sections to give genuine parenting help. A bit of fun and drama is fine but this is just becoming a circus

Please get off your high horse.

Cheeseandcrackers86 · 28/08/2022 14:29

sunglassesonthetable · 28/08/2022 14:21

tbh mumsnet is getting really boring for this reason. 90% of the posts are journalists faking a 'story' for their next article or trolls. Everybody is so busy overinvesting in obviously bullshit stories that they don't bother looking away from AIBU to the advice sections to give genuine parenting help. A bit of fun and drama is fine but this is just becoming a circus

Please get off your high horse.

So are you saying you actually like being totally spun a yarn then the author of this 'dramatic novel' not even having the decency to complete it? This would make even George RR Martin blush 🤣

sunglassesonthetable · 28/08/2022 14:35

So are you saying you actually like being totally spun a yarn then the author of this 'dramatic novel' not even having the decency to complete it? This would make even George RR Martin blush 🤣

No.

Was really enjoying this thread.

But I'm not "so busy overinvesting in obviously bullshit stories that they don't bother looking away from AIBU.....blah. blah etc etc"

Meh. You win some you lose some.

I

sunglassesonthetable · 28/08/2022 14:36

So are you saying you actually like being totally spun a yarn then the author of this 'dramatic novel' not even having the decency to complete it? This would make even George RR Martin blush 🤣

No.

Was really enjoying this thread.

But I'm not "so busy overinvesting in obviously bullshit stories that they don't bother looking away from AIBU.....blah. blah etc etc"

Meh. You win some you lose some.

I

felineweird · 28/08/2022 15:09

Yeah the lack of update for this long is now making me think it's not true

YouOKHun · 28/08/2022 16:42

OP has probably spoken to the bride who has said, “I really like the the whole penis theme and I really want her to carry on with pulling together my giant dick costume. I definitely want to wear a veil and L Plates too and then spend the latter part of the evening vomiting copiously while non-Bridesmaid Hen holds my veil out of the way”.

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 28/08/2022 16:47

I would only agree to wear the t-shirt for a group photo at the accommodation. Definitely wouldn't be wearing to a nice restaurant
Tell henzilla that you're all paying for the accommodation and travel and you need to be able to agree on what you're doing and you don't like the idea. What could be a bit easier if you don't like the idea of confronting her is call the restaurant and ask them what their policy is for hens and you will likely be told its to be tasteful decorations and dress only.

ArchieStar · 28/08/2022 17:47

Good Lord OP, I am glad you’ve put bride in the loop because honestly if I had made the original plans then one of my hens tried to change it all this much I would cry, and actually either go home or ask DH to come and get me because it sounds like hell. Well done!

Heavymetaldetector · 28/08/2022 18:06

And the Daily Express have already copied and pasted this to make an article, exceptional British journalism.

KelvingrovesBest · 28/08/2022 19:00

Tell the bride it’s getting tacky, no need to be specific. Ask her if she’s ok with tat. It may surprise you.

SiobhanSharpe · 28/08/2022 19:02

In the absence of an update today I think we can only conclude that, sadly, the conversation between the OP and bride-to-be didn't go the way the OP hoped.

IrisVersicolor · 28/08/2022 19:04

I’ve concluded it was an Express journalist.

IndiaRose22 · 28/08/2022 19:04

Lunabun · 26/08/2022 15:52

OP I don't want to be rude/insensitive as I know this must be stressful for you, but I have to tell you that I'm very invested in this 🤣 I will be counting down the hours until the bride clocks off

I'm the same, sorry! Although now she clocked off 48 hours ago and no update!

SiobhanSharpe · 28/08/2022 19:09

Or bccause it's the other T-thing, of course.

OrangeVelour · 28/08/2022 20:02

sunglassesonthetable · 28/08/2022 14:20

tbh mumsnet is getting really boring for this reason. 90% of the posts are journalists faking a 'story' for their next article or trolls. Everybody is so busy overinvesting in obviously bullshit stories that they don't bother looking away from AIBU to the advice sections to give genuine parenting help. A bit of fun and drama is fine but this is just becoming a circus

I agree. I felt from the start that this was going to be one of those threads. They have a certain style.