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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Really don't want to go on this hen do

734 replies

AngelicaSchuyler1 · 26/08/2022 11:37

Hen do woes...

My best friend is getting married in November.

She has booked a hen weekend for Oct in a city 2 hours from where we live, we are staying in a big house and there's a spa and swimming pool, hot tub, nice restaurant on site etc.

We've all had to pay £189 each to stay in this house for two nights, plus costs of driving there etc.

My friend was originally in the group on FB messenger but has since left so we can organise surprises etc for her. One of the other hens has decided to take charge and Im actually dreading going because she's turning it into a total tacky chav fest.

She has already bought us penis whistles, feather boas, t -shirts with "funny" names on them (e.g. Juicy Jenny, Hannah the Whore, Slaggy Sam) and is insisting we wear them when we eat at the restaurant on the first night. This is a NICE restaurant and not cheap. She has also bought a penis costume and is insisting the bride can wear it to the restaurant and it will be "such a laugh". She bought all of this tat without asking us first and now wants us all to send her the money for it.

A couple of us have piped up and said we want to wear nice outfits to the restaurant but this hen is insisting that we do all of the above to make the bride laugh, and that we can wear the t-shirts over our outfits. And she's not going to be returning any of the items and we need to each pay a share for what she's bought.

Added to that, this hen is also insisting we all chip in for a male stripper, which will cost £40 each and his performance will be maximum 20 minutes! I have flat out refused to pay for this and the group chat got a bit tense as the hen was insisting we do it.

I know my best friend and yeah she might find the above funny when we're all in the house together but I also think she will be embarrassed arriving to the restaurant dressed as a cock and got the impression from her she wanted a more classy weekend enjoying the facilities on site and having a nice meal together.

I've never met this other hen before but I already dislike her and she is really putting me off going to the hen weekend. She is really bossy and all of her ideas are tacky and hideous.

Do I tell my best friend what the other hen is planning and potentially ruin the surprise for her but give her fair warning? Or do I keep my mouth shut and just try to enjoy the weekend as best I can?

OP posts:
Itsbritneybitch22 · 28/08/2022 10:06

OP have you been sacked as bridesmaid?

Emsinmonaco2022 · 28/08/2022 10:09

Maybe the bride or cow hen is on Mumsnet and has read all of this? 🥴

KettrickenSmiled · 28/08/2022 10:09

I did this for my friends hen do, not to this extreme tho. I wasn’t in the wedding party but I suggested a veil, shot glass necklace, Willy straws etc. The Maid of Honour asked me not to. I did it anyway and it was fine!

It wasn't fine.
You deliberately went against the MoH's request, because YOU wanted tat on display.
The others weren't fine with it @flannelbritches. You are confusing "fine" with "embarrassed & pissed off, but the whole thing will go away more quickly if we don't make a fuss about it."

SpongebobHotpants · 28/08/2022 10:09

I'm guessing so!
The Bride probably doesn't realise that the C*wHen is probably going to plaster her wedding reception with photos of her dressed as a giant cock too 😔

Confusion101 · 28/08/2022 10:27

flannelbritches · 28/08/2022 10:05

I did this for my friends hen do, not to this extreme tho. I wasn’t in the wedding party but I suggested a veil, shot glass necklace, Willy straws etc. The Maid of Honour asked me not to. I did it anyway and it was fine! It’s just a bit of fun and the bride could say no if she didn’t fancy it. I only spent about £20 and I didn’t ask anyone to contribute. THAT SAID! I would NEVER have suggested a penis costume or those t-shirts, horrendous!!!! Plus I would not have asked people to chip in as it was my idea and hen parties are expensive enough as it is.

If the person who the bride has chosen as maid of honour asked you not to do these things, why on earth did you think it was OK to just plough on and do them? So rude, interfering and overbearing

Steviecfc · 28/08/2022 10:28

Is there an update on this? I'm well intrigued as to what bride has said and if CowHen has done anything else over the weekend

OchonAgusOchonOh · 28/08/2022 10:33

flannelbritches · 28/08/2022 10:05

I did this for my friends hen do, not to this extreme tho. I wasn’t in the wedding party but I suggested a veil, shot glass necklace, Willy straws etc. The Maid of Honour asked me not to. I did it anyway and it was fine! It’s just a bit of fun and the bride could say no if she didn’t fancy it. I only spent about £20 and I didn’t ask anyone to contribute. THAT SAID! I would NEVER have suggested a penis costume or those t-shirts, horrendous!!!! Plus I would not have asked people to chip in as it was my idea and hen parties are expensive enough as it is.

Why would you put the bride in the position of having to say no though? Presumably the MOH knew what the bride wanted and it obviously wasn't that sort of tacky nonsense. The bride presumably didn't want to create a fuss so went along with it. Very arrogant of you and if you did that to me I would certainly think a lot less of you.

inappropriateraspberry · 28/08/2022 10:48

flannelbritches · 28/08/2022 10:05

I did this for my friends hen do, not to this extreme tho. I wasn’t in the wedding party but I suggested a veil, shot glass necklace, Willy straws etc. The Maid of Honour asked me not to. I did it anyway and it was fine! It’s just a bit of fun and the bride could say no if she didn’t fancy it. I only spent about £20 and I didn’t ask anyone to contribute. THAT SAID! I would NEVER have suggested a penis costume or those t-shirts, horrendous!!!! Plus I would not have asked people to chip in as it was my idea and hen parties are expensive enough as it is.

And have you been invited to many hen dos since? Because I'm sure many of those that were out with you have made a mental note not to invite you to their's!

inappropriateraspberry · 28/08/2022 10:49

flannelbritches · 28/08/2022 10:05

I did this for my friends hen do, not to this extreme tho. I wasn’t in the wedding party but I suggested a veil, shot glass necklace, Willy straws etc. The Maid of Honour asked me not to. I did it anyway and it was fine! It’s just a bit of fun and the bride could say no if she didn’t fancy it. I only spent about £20 and I didn’t ask anyone to contribute. THAT SAID! I would NEVER have suggested a penis costume or those t-shirts, horrendous!!!! Plus I would not have asked people to chip in as it was my idea and hen parties are expensive enough as it is.

And have you been invited to many hen dos since? Because I'm sure many of those that were out with you have made a mental note not to invite you to their's!

mam0918 · 28/08/2022 10:53

flannelbritches · 28/08/2022 10:05

I did this for my friends hen do, not to this extreme tho. I wasn’t in the wedding party but I suggested a veil, shot glass necklace, Willy straws etc. The Maid of Honour asked me not to. I did it anyway and it was fine! It’s just a bit of fun and the bride could say no if she didn’t fancy it. I only spent about £20 and I didn’t ask anyone to contribute. THAT SAID! I would NEVER have suggested a penis costume or those t-shirts, horrendous!!!! Plus I would not have asked people to chip in as it was my idea and hen parties are expensive enough as it is.

It wasnt fine you where a boundry stomping cowhen and the bride was likely just being a people pleaser (I bet its not the only time your rude, it takes a people pleaser to be friends with the kind of self involved person who shameless thinks this is ok).

I wouldnt mind a 'classy' veil and if it was just in the house etc... I would ignore a willy staw if someone bought them but Im not wandering round with a tacky shot glass necklace and would be irratated to be put in that position because brides feel they have to be 'nice' given you paid to be there even if your being rude.

Brides usual choose what they want to do, if the bridesmaid/hen is helping the bride 90% of the time tell them what they want... why on earth do you think you know better than the person with the infomation who was tasked with organising it.

flannelbritches · 28/08/2022 10:59

Wow lots of responses! Yes they were fine, she had the option to say no, I didn’t force it anyone. The bride loved it & wore the stuff, the MOH got involved & ended up having the similar stuff for own hen party. Why would I lie on an anonymous messaging board saying that they loved it when they didn’t??? & yes I’m invited to loads of hen parties thanks!

Roxy69 · 28/08/2022 11:00

Vonniee7 · 26/08/2022 11:45

Sounds like my idea of hell. If you honestly think your friend would not enjoy this then I'd tell her. If she chose the venue then it sounds like she was planning something a bit more sedate than what this hen is planning.

Yep, hell indeed, not even funny in Benidorm. I don't think I would have any of this it would make me sick so would definitely forfeit the money. I would tell her as she may want to have a say in what goes on and the level of this so-called hilarity. The hotel may also disapprove not to mention the other guests. No way to start marriage with a remembrance of this.

Nanny0gg · 28/08/2022 11:07

flannelbritches · 28/08/2022 10:05

I did this for my friends hen do, not to this extreme tho. I wasn’t in the wedding party but I suggested a veil, shot glass necklace, Willy straws etc. The Maid of Honour asked me not to. I did it anyway and it was fine! It’s just a bit of fun and the bride could say no if she didn’t fancy it. I only spent about £20 and I didn’t ask anyone to contribute. THAT SAID! I would NEVER have suggested a penis costume or those t-shirts, horrendous!!!! Plus I would not have asked people to chip in as it was my idea and hen parties are expensive enough as it is.

Wow! So you weren't really involved but decided that what you thought was funny was ok to impose?

Raizin · 28/08/2022 11:11

I need to know the latest installment of this saga!

Annieisalright · 28/08/2022 11:14

@MNHQ need to start fines for people who start a thread like this and don't return Grin

Annieisalright · 28/08/2022 11:14

@MNHQ need to start fines for people who start a thread like this and don't return Grin

Bangolads · 28/08/2022 11:18

Just tell her no sorry that’s not happening, bride will hate it and I’m not up for it. Job done- that’s the joy of texts etc Be okie and nice and use smiley emoji’s 👌🏻

Bretonbear · 28/08/2022 11:22

I'm beginning to think this whole thing isn't real. I think I was believing it until the hen wanted to dress up the bride in a cock costume to attend a nice restaurant. No one is that stupid. Really. No one does that. Unless they are imagined for the purpose of a troll post. Then, yes, an imaginary person might.

sunglassesonthetable · 28/08/2022 11:24

Wow lots of responses! Yes they were fine, she had the option to say no, I didn’t force it anyone. The bride loved it & wore the stuff, the MOH got involved & ended up having the similar stuff for own hen party. Why would I lie on an anonymous messaging board saying that they loved it when they didn’t??? & yes I’m invited to loads of hen parties thanks!

I think you might have become a bit of a stand in for CowHen and the crowd are raging.

mam0918 · 28/08/2022 11:26

flannelbritches · 28/08/2022 10:59

Wow lots of responses! Yes they were fine, she had the option to say no, I didn’t force it anyone. The bride loved it & wore the stuff, the MOH got involved & ended up having the similar stuff for own hen party. Why would I lie on an anonymous messaging board saying that they loved it when they didn’t??? & yes I’m invited to loads of hen parties thanks!

You can't KNOW the bride loved it.

I have to be polite to guest who attended my wedding and praise it but it was so bad for me I have cried over it. Everything went wrong (2 years of covid delays, suppliers dropping out last minute, half the guest dropping out over the 2 year delay, suppliers who forgot what they where suppose to do and did random stuff) and it basically wasnt what I booked or paid for at all.

Just because someones polite and has to go along with it does NOT mean they loved it.

The MOH having similar stuff is irrelivant... my friend might love tacky penis costumes, I dont so if my friend was organising it for ME I would expect her to respect me not what she likes.

Even after every poster telling you how rude you where you still cant accept what you did was wrong - its backing up the previous assumption that your self involved and shameless.

mam0918 · 28/08/2022 11:29

Bretonbear · 28/08/2022 11:22

I'm beginning to think this whole thing isn't real. I think I was believing it until the hen wanted to dress up the bride in a cock costume to attend a nice restaurant. No one is that stupid. Really. No one does that. Unless they are imagined for the purpose of a troll post. Then, yes, an imaginary person might.

Except the several people on this thread that think that would be fine and funny.

There are people that ignorant of social rules and tacky out there.

Confusion101 · 28/08/2022 11:32

@flannelbritches I find it odd that you thought of doing those things in the first place (usually bridesmaid job to get these bits for a hen party, so I would find someone else doing this when they haven't been asked as rude and comes across a bit like "I shouldve been in the bridal party because I am better than you") and also find it odd that you proceeded to get them after you had been asked not to? Maybe MOH was going to get her own bits or something different? So rude!

LuftBalloons · 28/08/2022 11:52

I’d tell your friend (the bride) because these really vulgar horrible “fun” things are just embarrassing bad taste. Your friend should have some sort of warning

I’d refuse to reimburse the other hen for things she bought on the grounds that she spent this money without asking you.

And a stripper is just supporting the sec industry. It’s plain nasty.

I can see why you don’t want to go.

ItsJustLittleOldMe · 28/08/2022 12:35

What’s the update OP…. I’ve just sat and read 27 pages of this thread, you can’t leave us hanging! 😅 or has CowHen abducted you??

JaiD · 28/08/2022 12:38

OP - any updates? I think we’re all very curious as to the outcome!

I hope the bride has taken control and sorted this mess out - even though she should’ve been able to relax and enjoy the fuss. What a shame the way this is turning out.