Really don't want to go on this hen do

[AngelicaSchuyler1]

Hen do woes...

My best friend is getting married in November.

She has booked a hen weekend for Oct in a city 2 hours from where we live, we are staying in a big house and there's a spa and swimming pool, hot tub, nice restaurant on site etc.

We've all had to pay £189 each to stay in this house for two nights, plus costs of driving there etc.

My friend was originally in the group on FB messenger but has since left so we can organise surprises etc for her. One of the other hens has decided to take charge and Im actually dreading going because she's turning it into a total tacky chav fest.

She has already bought us penis whistles, feather boas, t -shirts with "funny" names on them (e.g. Juicy Jenny, Hannah the Whore, Slaggy Sam) and is insisting we wear them when we eat at the restaurant on the first night. This is a NICE restaurant and not cheap. She has also bought a penis costume and is insisting the bride can wear it to the restaurant and it will be "such a laugh". She bought all of this tat without asking us first and now wants us all to send her the money for it.

A couple of us have piped up and said we want to wear nice outfits to the restaurant but this hen is insisting that we do all of the above to make the bride laugh, and that we can wear the t-shirts over our outfits. And she's not going to be returning any of the items and we need to each pay a share for what she's bought.

Added to that, this hen is also insisting we all chip in for a male stripper, which will cost £40 each and his performance will be maximum 20 minutes! I have flat out refused to pay for this and the group chat got a bit tense as the hen was insisting we do it.

I know my best friend and yeah she might find the above funny when we're all in the house together but I also think she will be embarrassed arriving to the restaurant dressed as a cock and got the impression from her she wanted a more classy weekend enjoying the facilities on site and having a nice meal together.

I've never met this other hen before but I already dislike her and she is really putting me off going to the hen weekend. She is really bossy and all of her ideas are tacky and hideous.

Do I tell my best friend what the other hen is planning and potentially ruin the surprise for her but give her fair warning? Or do I keep my mouth shut and just try to enjoy the weekend as best I can?

Are the other hens compliant with this ? You will need to grow a pair and let this guest know that you and the other bridesmaid know the bride well and she would hate the exhibitionism; otherwise this guest is going to take total control and throw a hen party that she would enjoy. You and the other bridesmaid would need to get a good excuse not to go. I have seen hoards of drunk woman in Vegas, Spain, UK and Toronto walking around with willy straws, feather boas ,minimal clothing with the ubiquitous veil for the bride; the hens had given the bride tasks e.g. get a man to buy you a cocktail in exchange for a kiss; kiss the first guy with a moustache etc., my toes curled. I 100% agree with your reluctance; as you are a bridesmaid then I get the impression you know the bride better than the ‘chief hen’, although I can see the difficulty in discussing it with the bride to be.I would rather say I have chickenpox/monkey pox/covid and therefore can’t go to the hen do, but , I would pay a contribution towards her party, Tough titties if it didn’t cover the cost of the tat the ‘guest’ bought without consultation; it would be worth it not to go on such a cringe worthy trip. Lovely locations, dinners and great company more than make up for the vulgar exhibitionism which, also make the customers of the chosen hen venue roll their eyes. I sound like an old faggot and if truth be told I’m not a kick in the arse off it, but I’d rather have organised fun without a plastic willy in site! The more adult games can be organised at their accommodation especially if there is a pool. My daughters hen do is coming up in a few weeks and the BM’s have made it a trip that is special to her…… not a cock in sight!

I didn’t go to my best friends hen night… was going but then they decided to make one night a onesie night (out drinking in a onesie?!… the next night was themed too and we all had to wear moulin Rouge costumes so basically have our tits and arse on display…. Wasn’t really my scene so I declined and didn’t go!
I think I would mention to you best friend (the bride) that someone had taken over arrangements and you weren’t happy and as a result was considering dropping out … I would say in the group to this person that quite frankly you find the whole thing tacky and that you won’t be paying her a penny towards anything that she purchased or arranged without consulting or asking you! Say without being rude this is already costing a lot and you think she’s doing what she thinks is funny rather than what the bride will actually want!! You never know, if you speak out others might too!
Id tell her to send all the shite back!! There is literally NO situation that I’d put on a cock suit and wear it into a restaurant… and I’d be mortified to wear a wear a t-shirt that says shaggy Sam or trashy Tracey!!…. I wouldn’t be surprised if the restaurant refused you entry and ruined the whole night!!! If I was a restaurant owner I wouldn’t let a human dick walk through my doors or T-shirts with trash written on… particularly if families were welcome.. they’d get so many complaints from parents with children!
it sounds like your friend was hoping for her ‘surprise’ to be a massage, cocktails, nails being done etc…. A classy event! Not this trash!!
my friends hen night was a nightmare and she was so upset after. She booked a lovely meal which we all paid for… but she went round her friends during the day expecting a craft day or hair and nails or something.. instead she was plied with alcohol.. by the time we reached the restaurant she was hammered… puked in her starter and went home! ….. we all finished meals as paid for them and went home…. She was devastated next day… not because she’d got drunk but because her friends who
arranhednit clearly did what they wanted rather than what she would’ve actually enjoyed x if you genuinely think your friend will hate it I’d tell her you’re worried she’s gonna hate what being arranged!!
This is the exact reason I arranged my own hen party.. left nothing to chance and did what I wanted to do and knew I’d enjoy

What’s happened?? Did the bride get back to you? I hope it’s all sorted and cowhen drops out as I’m sure if she attends she will ruin the the whole weekend now!

You need to watch Bridesmaids lol might cheer you up too

Tell her. Take select screenshots, editing out any of the real suprises and explain you're not going to be able to come if this continues and that it's getting awkward. She should be uninvited imo.

You're the brides bff and hee bridesmaid so of course you get to tell this other woman- who isn't even in the wedding party nor organising the hen do that "yea it is all about the bride and she isn't to take over brides hen do with what she wants to do but what the bride would want. And the bride would hate this "

"That you appreciate her enthusiasm but what she has arranged or bought wasn't discussed with nor agreed with anyone else and isn't suitable for this bride's hen plans made. "

This hen interloper can save what she's bought for someone else's hen do, who might appreciate it.

No way

I would have refused to go if my hens had insisted I wore a penis outfit

I just wanted a nice evening out with my friends
Penis straws I could have coped with

• but not a stripper, nor the T-shirts as would have been a bit embarrassing as very few mates would find them "hilarious " and absolutely zero chance I would wear a penis outfit. I picked out a lovely outfit to wear to my hen evening and I'd be gutted if anyone asked me to wear anything other than a B2B sash or fake veil !

A stripper would have made me cry and think no one knew me at all...

Luckily none of my friends ordered strippers or anything dodgy and we had a wonderful evening of cocktails, a meal at a restaurant, then a comedy club show and nightclub boogie. No need for the "jenny the whore" t shirts 😱

I would have refused to go if my hens had insisted I wore a penis outfit

I just wanted a nice evening out with my friends
Penis straws I could have coped with

• but not a stripper, nor the T-shirts as would have been a bit embarrassing as very few mates would find them "hilarious " and absolutely zero chance I would wear a penis outfit. I picked out a lovely outfit to wear to my hen evening and I'd be gutted if anyone asked me to wear anything other than a B2B sash or fake veil !

A stripper would have made me cry and think no one knew me at all...

Luckily none of my friends ordered strippers or anything dodgy and we had a wonderful evening of cocktails, a meal at a restaurant, then a comedy club show and nightclub boogie. No need for the "jenny the whore" t shirts 😱

Oh the more recent posts hasn't downloaded on my phone when I read this thread

So OP you've done as much as you can

Now Bride can tell you what she wants

I'd be glad you stood up for me and the Hen so I wanted for ME if I were the Bride

It's now up to bride but I wouldn't be paying an extra £75 for tat I didn't agree to

Hope to hear an update after you've heard back from Bride
What a nightmare Cowhen is turning out to be

Tell the bride.

Honestly don’t know what I’ll do if there’s no update to this story.

I’m changing my vote to YABU not to have updated us after two days 😉I’m on holiday and keep coming back to check. Come on OP! I hope you are ok though and that it hasn’t caused you distress. Agree with most PP that yanbu obviously.

OP have things been sorted out? i really wanted to see you win so please update. 😛😄And I hope you are not upset and things are good a bit worried for you

Sounds like you might be a bit beyond compromise but can't cowhen do her stuff on Friday night at the accommodation and then you can do a classy night on the Saturday?

Same 😭

You’re an adult with a voice loud enough to say NO.
why are people afraid to speak their mind?

its not your thing, just say it.

if you offend anyone it says more about them.

ive refused 2 hen do invitations (dick straws etc). Im 48 not 18. Not my scene. Did i offend? Well yes. Do i give a fuck? NO

Seriously?

Hello good morning I think you should ring the restaurant yourself ahead of the hen weekend and ask if they will accept people dressed up as if not this won’t be a good start to your friends hen party, also if it’s not allowed this is where I would tell your friend what she’s planning else it will ruin the whole weekend because it’s not just a veil and a sash it’s abit over the top and very tacky, hope you sort something before it’s to late.

I would have cried if my hens had organised this for me. I specifically told them my limits and I didn’t want a veil or penises or tiaras….. the idea of walking around dressed as a penis makes me want to cringe… and it’s not even my hen you’re describing!

my suggestion is the ask your hen if she would want to know if you thought she wasn’t going to enjoy the hen and if there was stuff that you thought wasn’t appropriate or other people weren’t comfortable with…. Or if she trusted the hen who was organising it. Then if she doesn’t want to know, bow out politely. Don’t make it an ultimatum but just say ‘I’ll take you out some other time…. I just don’t really want to partake. You go and have fun’

Wonder what happened to OP to not have updated when her friend finished work?

Out of curiosity, why are people reporting this thread, based on what?

Shouldn’t it be what the bride will want? Not a hen who OP as best friend hadn’t met before? I think OP should contact friend and indicate nature of suggestions. It may become clear the exact relationship bossy hen has with bride. Also make clear no one can simply buy stuff then tell group to pay up without previous agreement. Refuse to pay for said items. I agree all sounds really childish “ooooh silly Willy” tee hee.

I assume the lack of update means the bride wants to be a giant cock and and loves the tack and as such OP feels let down and a bit embarrassed and doesn't know how to say it

I did this for my friends hen do, not to this extreme tho. I wasn’t in the wedding party but I suggested a veil, shot glass necklace, Willy straws etc. The Maid of Honour asked me not to. I did it anyway and it was fine! It’s just a bit of fun and the bride could say no if she didn’t fancy it. I only spent about £20 and I didn’t ask anyone to contribute. THAT SAID! I would NEVER have suggested a penis costume or those t-shirts, horrendous!!!! Plus I would not have asked people to chip in as it was my idea and hen parties are expensive enough as it is.

Just checking in AGAIN, desperate for an update...
Will Cockerella be attending the posh ball or not???