DH accepted a new job offer 100 quid less per week but says it will eventually advance his career...

[Cruella78]

DH went back to college & studied a field related to his career... He recieved a job in his new field but the salary is 100 quid less per week that we can't afford!! He says that the salary will increase & also that he will have greater earning potential I the future... Aibu to feel uneasy about this? It feels risky.. His old salary was 80k per year & I am a sahm as I don't want to pay a fortune in childcare & we have no family support...

Started looking at jobs online in our locality... I don't know where to start even with a cv but agree with everyone I need to get out there again & try & do something to earn cash.

If you want to stay home you could register as a childminder? Run a breakfast and drop off service for the local primary? Set up a laundry or ironing business, dog walking, enabling, home help, carer?

Go to college yourself and train to take minutes or so books/accounts? There's always jobs going as clerk to the parish council/school governors round here.

Get a job in a school, cleaner or mealtime assistant.

If you really lack confidence and skills then start by volunteering and take it from there

No way should you be quibbling over your partner dropping £100/week when you could make up that difference v easily.

He gets family health insurance with new job with 5% salary going into a pension plan..

Both of these are worth their weight in good and certainly a lot more than £100 per week especially if you need to use the health insurance. I did, and am alive because of it. On the NHS I'd be dead. I'm sure you can cut back on your holiday spending for 18 months which will cover the amount you're talking about.

So what did you do between 18 and 32 when you oldest was born??

You just sound like you don't want to get a job at all!

Your DC are aged 7 and 10. What do you do all day? Even with a part time minimum wage job you will earn more than enough to pay for wrap around childcare (childminder or breakfast/after school club) for the days you’re at work with some on top. Full time minimum wage even more to contribute to the household budget. Summer holidays you’ll both have to use annual leave and look at holiday clubs etc or any relatives who can take them for a week etc. Many working parents have to do this.

Your DH believes this small dip in earnings will only be temporary. But regardless why leave it all to him. I’d not like to be in his situation with all that pressure to provide for 3 people.

What work were you doing until you were 32, OP? Is it something you could return to? Like others I assumed your kids were under 3 and that was why you not working made financial sense for the family but at the age they are now it seems mad not to be working at all, especially if you are worried about the family finances. Is it you who looks after all the bills etc - does your OHs current salary drop actually put you in the red as you have big outgoings, or is it just a more general concern?

Yes I was in retail until my early 30s.

The fear is the only thing holding you back.

Plenty of people go into work after a sustained period out of it, for all sorts of reasons. If your husband died tomorrow you'd probably have to find work. You might not be Karren Brady but no way are you incapable of earning a few hundred a month.

Go to your local library, if it's not been shut down by austerity, as they often have courses and groups to help people get into work. Also visit your local job centre.

You never know, you might even find you enjoy bringing in some money.

And yet many SINGLE parents manage to work full time and manage that alongside children, a home etc. It is not necessary for two children that age to have a parent at home full time, it just isn't. And one of my closest friends has a husband who has always worked shifs yet has worked full time since her youngest turned two.

Oh well, there you go!

Tons of jobs everywhere, I am sure you can learn to stack shelves, be a TA, serve coffees, clean…

What makes you "sure" OP could be a TA? Sorry to de-rail the thread but TA is not a job just anyone can do. It's a skilled role that often involves working with DC with multiple, complex needs. TA's are expected to take on more responsibility than many people realise and the job often involves dealing with emotionally challenging situations. Every time there's a thread on here from someone who's been a SAHM for donkeys years, has no qualifications or job experience and doesn't particularly want to work someone trots out "be a TA!" like it's taking the easy road.

Would you consider working in a school? Locally they seem to always be advertising and then childcare wouldn’t be an issue. You have over 20 years to retirement age - try to find something you want to do. Or maybe start with a college course to give you some confidence and a qualification and reference.

Or if you really like being a homemaker then just accept this cut - presumably your DH thinks you can afford it and try to make a few savings.

Trying to imagine what it's like to have an income of 70k and still be worried about your financial future...

Yes I am scared, I'm 42 & worry I'm unemployable

My DH is on a similar wage in a similar job, and I'm a bit older than you. I haven't been able to work for the last 15 years as our daughter has a medical condition that means I had to get up in the night 3 or 4 times (plus other stuff). I've just got a job in a hospitality for about 10-12 hours weeks. I thought nobody would employ me as I haven't worked for so long but here I am. If I can do it, you can too.

On the plus side, as someone said, there's a shortage of engineers at the minute. DH and his colleagues can literally walk out of a job one day, and into another the next. They can basically pick and choose where they want to work, so barring illness and other stuff, your DH is now much better off, despite the drop in wages.

Agree it's time for you to work also.
I thought you were going to say your kids are babies.

Can't you go back into retail? I really don't think you are in a position to make demands on his job when you're not actually contributing yourself.

What are you planning to do for the rest of your life? Live off his salary, is that why you're worried about, that there isn't enough for you to do nothing for the next 40 years?

I meant per week not month. If you have a background in retail I don't see why you couldn't get another job. Lots of employers would give you a chance after a gap

Lunch time supervisor would be perfect for you - I know quite a few SAHM's who are doing this now their kids are in school.

More than one as gone on to be supported to become a TA, and one is in teacher training now!

Your children are 7 and 10, what on earth are you doing all day? Either look for a job in a shop etc or go and train as something yourself. If your husband has such a healthy salary I fail to understand what you are on about, you'd only need wrap around care in term time and holiday clubs in school hols. Are you work shy and just expect your husband to maintain your lifestyle?

I got a bar job on a sat and sun evening that should get you the short fall

I cant feel bad when hes still earning 70k Sorry, you should be able to live well with that. you dont need the extra £60ish a week. Im surviving okay on 17k a year with a husband and 2 toddlers so im sure you wont live in poverty.

It sounds like you have lost your confidence. Is there anything at the back of your mind that you wanted to do career wise? You can access so many resources for help with cvs.

There are so many solutions for working around school age kids, school jobs are in short supply but more casual job contracts would allow you to work when the kids are at school. My friend works in boots on a school hour contract and it's given her so much confidence in herself after 5 years at home and a really tough time with her mental health. Another friend is going back after 5 years and has taken as assistant job to the one she's qualified because she has no confidence in herself to do the job she trained so hard for.

I personally work 1 weeknight and 1 weekend night a week and it means I can do every drop off and pickup and always be there for the kids.

My friend has a similar situation but with younger children. She got a job in a hotel as they had sporadic working hours she could fit in without having to pay too much in childcare.

Are you in London? There seems to be huge demand for babysitters and nannies and you could offer ad hoc babysitting for up to £20 an hour.