DH accepted a new job offer 100 quid less per week but says it will eventually advance his career...

[Cruella78]

DH went back to college & studied a field related to his career... He recieved a job in his new field but the salary is 100 quid less per week that we can't afford!! He says that the salary will increase & also that he will have greater earning potential I the future... Aibu to feel uneasy about this? It feels risky.. His old salary was 80k per year & I am a sahm as I don't want to pay a fortune in childcare & we have no family support...

There will be people who took pay cuts with the hope of a better medium/long term future (I have personally done approx £40k -> £30k -> £60k + more benefits worth in excess of £6-£15k/year). If the cut in salary is unworkable there are a few solutions -

he stays where he is and doesn't get the same career and salary progression opportunities (madness for £100/week which is a tiny % on a high £70k+ salary)

you make up the difference working evenings/weekends (my inexperienced/unqualified son earns £100/week as a PT delivery driver, supermarket/hospitality would be able to give you similar)

you both cut back your outgoings for a while until his salary increases again

It is about pulling together as a team to find a solution the best suits your family medium/long term rather than thinking he alone is doing something to your finances today.

He is a high earner. I am finding it difficult to sympathise with you when others are so much worse off.
Get a job and pay childcare like most of us have had to do.

Your kids are in school and you can’t get a PT job? Are you having a laugh?

also after school clubs don’t cost the world. I thought you were going to say you have 2 under the age of 3 and can’t afford nursery.

Are you scared to enter the job market? Not surprising after so long, I sympathise. But it seems now would be the perfect time to start with something or even training to do something. I was in a similar position and only wish I'd started earlier!
If you're upset because DH didn't talk to you properly about it, I can understand - but I think it's best you look at this as an opportunity to work together for both of you to have rich and fulfilled lives once the kids are grown.

I feel sad for you that you don't feel you have any qualifications and that you feel you can't get a job. Aside from the (not huge) money issue, it seems you arw really limiting your own life which is a great pity IMO.

How come you are OK with your husband bettering himself and his prospects but not want anything for yourself?

You'll be amazed how quickly the kids stop needing you around - they already don't need you during the school day, and soon will even more independent, and in the meantime you could easily study and/or work from home and still be present for them out of school hours.

YABVU for those reasons. Get a job, I am sure you will find something that earns you £100 pw

Sorry OP but you do really need to get a job. There is always adverts for cleaners and carers in my area and all say they don't require experience as training will be given. You could make the shortfall doing 2 hrs a day Mon-Fri 10-12 and be home in time for lunch.

But quite frankly you need to get yourself back into the workplace because you're incredibly financially vulnerable at the moment and you need to start thinking about your pension. Did you never expect to rejoin the workforce?

A risk of doing what? Even if he stays on the slightly lower salary for the rest of his life, so what? The biggest risk to the families finances in your household is you, you don't contribute anything

Oh poor you lol , your dc are old enough you don't need to stay at home anymore get a job ffs

Yes I am scared, I'm 42 & worry I'm unemployable.

SAHM with a 7 & 10yo?? Get to work!!! Give yourself a purpose and earn a bit of cash on the side. Bloody hell!!

@Cruella78 is he on shift? If he's on shift she's basically running the home. I work in a similar field on shift and DH works 37 hrs. People telling op to get a job, if her DH is on shift like 2 days 2 nights then she can't as his hours changes every week. Yes there are ways to work around it but it can be exhausting as most engineers I know have stay at home wives and their wives run the show as they don't do much at home. I say to DH if our roles were reversed he would do next to nothing!

The best way to challenge a fear is to do it anyway. Apply for some jobs, see what happens.

Tons of jobs everywhere, I am sure you can learn to stack shelves, be a TA, serve coffees, clean…

42, presumably healthy and you think you are unemployable? Get out of the ivory tower and look around you. Lots of jobs everywhere

Time to strap the big girl boots on. Start doing free online courses for skills. Look at college courses. Get your cv out there. Hospitality, retail etc are all crying out for staff. You might have to work weekends or evenings but you won’t be the first or the last.

That's understandable, OP, after such a long time out of the workplace, but all the more reason to get back in there as soon as possible. It will only get harder as more time passes.

No this is not designed to trigger, I'm a genuine poster & afraid he's taking a large risk...

So you're not working at all and have no intention of doing so by the sound of it, but you think he's putting your household in a financially precarious position by accepting a job for £70k? I'm afraid you don't have a leg to stand on, OP.
If you are genuinely worried about money then you either need to cut back on luxuries to the tune of £100 pw or get a job to make up the shortfall. If you're not willing to do either of those things then YABU.

I'm sorry but is this for real? Your kids are 7 and 10...they are at school? You can get a job to fit around school hours if needs be. Your husband will still be on a way decent salary compared to what most people have to live on.

I realise it's a drop on what you are used to but £70K is still a lot more than many families of 4 have, who manage to live perfectly well on it. I can only assume that you have an extravagant lifestyle, which means you can easily make cuts;

You could easily pick up £100 per month in a supermarket on very part time hours. You don't seem willing to try

You're definitely not unemployable. You have raised kids, run a home. These are transferable skills. There's something for everyone, you just need to take that first step only if you want to.

Yes he's on shift & the hours change regularly. The new job is also shift but the hours are slightly more sociable but the nights are hard. He's no flexibility on the shift times.

You should’ve got a job as soon as the dc were school age. Either working in a school term time only or something part time and during the day whilst at school.
You need to take a leaf out of your dhs book and get on some sort of course.

You're 42 and your eldest is 7.

Did you work in your 20s?

What hours does your husband work? I used to work 3 days per week and we had a bulky childcare bill, I went to working nights in a supermarket, I work 2 12hr night shifts, earn more than I was doing and don't have to pay for any childcare - it worked around my husbands job, we are now getting our 30hrs funded childcare so I could move back into the kid of job I was doing before, but I don't think I want to at the moment, it works well for us. I will likely be able to pick up extra hours around Christmas too which will bring in extra money for January.

There are lots of jobs for you that would work around your husbands hours that would make up that shortfall - at £100 per week, you wouldn't need to work many hours a week.