DH accepted a new job offer 100 quid less per week but says it will eventually advance his career...

[Cruella78]

DH went back to college & studied a field related to his career... He recieved a job in his new field but the salary is 100 quid less per week that we can't afford!! He says that the salary will increase & also that he will have greater earning potential I the future... Aibu to feel uneasy about this? It feels risky.. His old salary was 80k per year & I am a sahm as I don't want to pay a fortune in childcare & we have no family support...

That’s not very nice. Have you even read OP’s responses, she’s taken advice on board with enormous grace.

I think he hasmade a wise decision and is thinking of the future. I agree that if you are worried in the short term you need to look for evening or weekend work. Or cut back on expenses.

I find this view absolutely baffling. I don’t currently work, and the idea that I spend the time I’m not working just doing menial chores and staring a blank wall seems bizarre and utterly illogical. During the hours I’m not working I can do anything I like. Anything anyone else can do in their evenings and weekends (but more of it). Do you describe your free time as ‘a bit dull’. Do those who work just become worthless, boring, unfulfilled non-people after 5pm or something? Most people I know who work have far fewer hobbies, interests and learning opportunities than I do because they have far fewer hours and a great deal less energy to spend on them. The idea people who don’t work are bored and boring and people who do work are fulfilled and interesting is the opposite to what I experience. I imagine it can be the case, but I also know many people who need to work to live but don’t like their jobs, are exhausted by their jobs and watch telly, shop/cook/clean and go back to work next day knackered. And I know many people who don’t work who do all kinds of interesting, valuable, improving and worthwhile things with their spare time. Largely because they are not knackered from selling their time.

OP, can your budget really not sustain this drop? I can envisage situations where it can’t, if there has been debt, or ill health, perhaps. But unless you have been living way beyond your means and incurring debt to live a lifestyle that includes a mahoosive mortgage, flash cars on PCP, flamboyant private schooling, lavish holidays and expensive food and wine, you must either have income that is being spent on things you can temporarily cut back on, or have things you can sell off or stop paying for to weather this drop. You simply must have. I’m living on 15k a year. I had a year on 60k and we lived really well. Other than long haul holidays, we wanted for nothing.

Yes, DP is a bit of an idiot for taking a drop without planning for it, and you should have been part of the decision. But you can certainly earn it yourself, even at minimum wage if you are prepared to put the time and effort in. Skill, experience or qualifications are not required for many jobs. They just aren’t very exciting. How much do you need the money?

Try applying for dinner duties at a local school. Trust me, if you're good with children they'll soon be asking you to cover as a support here and there. Lunchtime duties won't interfere with your sahm duties at all. You may even find you would like to retrain.

YABU he's made a huge step to improve himself. Get onto the job boards, get yourself out there...you'll love working!

You need a job. You're crazy not to have got back on the career ladder once your kids started school.

I'm a genuine poster & afraid he's taking a large risk...

In marrying someone that had no intention of working ever?
Are you planning to be a SAHM until the children are at university?

I'm sorry. I committed the dreadful crime of posting before reading the whole thread. Remote customer service would be great. It would really boost your confidence and you have absolutely the right skills and experience.

Good luck

This sounds so much like a reverse

Kids are old, in school. You have loads of time to make £100 extra a week!

Once more the men do the heavy lifting, he is the breadwinner you should do as he says, if you are that worried find an on line job

This is a different world! £70 K!! What I wouldn't give to have that kind of money coming into the house!!

You'd better get a job of your own, then. Develop your own career.

He will pay less tax so the real loss is less than that . Can’t you not do overtime to help more ? It seems like w good opportunity

Many would kill for a salary of £40,000!
If your partner is still pulling in around £75,000 just tighten your belts until the money improves.
Drop media packages you don’t use, one less holiday a year, spend less on meals out/clothes/food shopping/mobile phone contracts/gym memberships, etc, etc until things improve. It is what everyone else does.
As a disabled single parent if I didn’t get what I get in child maintenance we would be homeless as I’d have about £15,000 a year coming in & that wouldn’t cover our living costs let alone let us do anything fun ever.
We do not live extravagantly at all (lucky if we do anything other than go to the park, beach during half terms & summer holidays) as I buy the majority of our things 2nd hand & shop as frugally as I can.
We are both gluten intolerant & I have a dairy intolerance, my dietary issues are thanks to traumatic childbirth that also left me disabled, which means we can’t buy cheap foods in shops.

Go through your finances with a fine tooth comb & tighten your belts for now.

What can I do? I have no career or qualifications as such.

You know about child care, running a home , cleaning, laundry and making meals. That's five potential careers for starters.

Exactly!
As they are in a higher wage bracket they will probs have a bigger house, newer cars, buy nice things, have a couple of holidays a year etc etc but anyone can tighten their belt if they really start to think about what they spend their money on.
If you are looking around for better mobile phone deals, car insurance, better credit card deals, loans etc you generally have more choice available to you when you have money.
Honestly losing £100 a week when you earn over £6,000 a month is really a drop in the ocean!!
Losing £100 a week when you already have very little & struggle is massive & literally the difference between life & death for many these days.

I'd be pretty worried if we lost £400 per month. It's tricky because you want to support your partners growth but at the same time that's quite a bit. I'd want to know about the plan for progression offered by the employer or the general prospects for the industry.

not my experience at all! when my engineer DH worked shifts, I also worked, can’t think of any of his colleagues whose partners were stay at home parents. This is what childcare is for. Also OP has 7 & 10 year old kids - so will be at school during the day, plus possibility to arrange wraparound childcare - I am fairly sure £70k+ plus whatever OP earned could more than cover that.

Really? I don’t know anyone in my immediate circle who earns anywhere near that, surely it’s only 8/10% of his take home pay. In context that is very little if he’s working towards a career he’ll enjoy long term. I could survive on £100 less a week on half that salary.

The age of your DCs are no barrier for you to work. If you think £100 less/week will be noticeable, try and aim for a little part time job to make up the difference. You might easily find something bringing in a lot more than £400/month on a part time basis.
If you'd rather not work, and the drop will be an issue, you could be creative and look at ways of reducing outgoings by £400/month.
Medical/dental insurance is not to be sniffed at, trust me.
I don't see any issue with your DH's career path. It sounds like a good plan to me.

DH did similar 12 months ago and went from one wage to 10k less as better company and career prospects, and about 15 hours a week less out of the home. Already back up to his old wage. We discussed it, I work too (DC14,11 and almost 1), and we agreed.

Since you don't work, and he's the only one going out of the home to earn, he needs to be happy in his job and if this means cutting back a bit then so be it. It's not like you're an actual SAHM, you're not actually mumming for 6.5 hours of the day are you and could easily get a job to cover that £100 per week loss, even part time, even term time in a school if it genuinely is a loss you cannot afford.

Off topic I know but I’d like to know how you met your husband OP and how you agreed to this set up? Or how anyone in this position does it.

I earn similar but less than your husband. I and everyone I work with who have husbands/partners all work. Who are these men wanting SAH partners? How they do they meet them , what attracts them and why?

Rubbish!!! My DH is an engineer, used to work shifts when my older DC were in nursery and primary school (hasn't for a couple of years but they're at secondary now). I have ALWAYS worked in a job around my DC's school hours/childcare so it didn't matter what shift my DH was on as I was always there. So many peoples DH work shifts not just engineering. Police, fire, supermarket staff, and many more. Don't make up ridiculous excuses for the OP not working.